A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I'm a 51 year old woman who is currently single (been divorced 10 years now). I had a relationship with another man two years younger than me straight after I got divorced - a rebound I guess - but this ended up with me finding out he had gone back on dating websites (which was how we had met). By that stage I was living with him so my confidence took a massive hit again. I moved out and 6 months after he got seriously ill with cancer so I showed kindness and visited regularly to care and help him through recovery as his family are not that close. Fast forward to now and we are both still single, living separately and have (I thought) managed to retain a respectful friendship because we are adults and have been through a lot in life why make more turmoil - we speak once a week on the phone to catch up on life and meet up for something to eat once every couple of months or so. I have zero interest in him sexually now and he respects that and doesn't try anything. I am content with this - until today. I offered for him to come over to my house for supper and a film as it is his birthday and asked him to suggest something to watch - which he did... and then he said "I guess that'll fill time" as if I am offering some sub-standard evening. This guy doesn't drive and I was offering to drive to his house and pick him up and drop him back - which is quite a lot of miles and petrol costs on top. I can't afford a big night out or something flashy. I can find it difficult to 'see' or accept that someone is taking me for granted because I am kind and have low self esteem. Although I questioned him about his comment (which isn't the first of its nature from him by the way) he laughed it off as if it was a joke. It's upset me. He didn't do anything for my birthday (just a card) which I didn't have an issue with but this feels really bad. Am I mis-reading this or should I just end this friendship for my own sake.
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confidence, divorce, moved out, self esteem Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2023): I am in you age range and I agree with other posters who believe that you should end this.
Recently I talked with my close friend about leaving my husband. Her frist reaction was - but at our age you'll never find anybody else! She has never married and has been single forever, counting in decades.
My point is, that many poeple think like that, many men included. So they act the way they never would have with a younger woman.
Unfortunately, I have seen this myself.
Please don't let this frighten you.
If acts this way NOW over NOTHING and you accept this, he'll know that he can manipulate and emotionally blackmail you.
Another thing. Please do not make up romantic stories about WHY he acs this way. He could have some emotiona issues or whatever. Again, of he thinks that he can acts this way, deal with his problems and his emotions, he'll keep dumping them on you.
I know what I am talking about.
So, focus on yourself and deal with your own emotions.
A
female
reader, mystiquek  +, writes (19 July 2023):
 He sounds like a smart aleck. Maybe he's trying to be funny but whatever he doesn't seem all that grateful for you being there when he needed someone. I wouldn't continue on with the friendship. He does not appreciate you.
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (19 July 2023):
 All sounds more like a convenience thing to me as neither of you have met anyone new yet.
You have been good to him, you have looked after him, and even now your willing to have a night at yours with him being picked up and dropped off as well. Most people would be really appreciative of this, and all he gives you is a sarcastic comment.
I'm with Honeypie on this one, wish him well, block and delete.
Once you meet someone new who respects you you will forget all about him anyway.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (19 July 2023):
 Look at it this way, OP
You two dated, he was STILL on dating sites so you broke up. However, you felt bad for him when he got cancer that you offered friendship and support.
You offered to have a movie night with him for his birthday and his response was ""I guess that'll fill time" as if I am offering some sub-standard evening. "
Yeah, I'd wish him well, block and delete.
What are YOU getting out of this friendship?
No offense, but he sounds more like a "charity case" than an ACTUAL friend.
And that right there might be holding YOU back from really moving on and finding someone who will be a good fit for you long term.
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