A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My friend is living with me temporarily until her apartment is ready. She went through a break up last year so had to sell her house and needed somewhere to stay until her new living place is ready.She’s been with me 2 weeks and it will possibly be another 2/3 weeks before she moves out. She’s a bit short on cash so she is staying with me, not paying anything - I agreed as I felt bad for her. The problem I have is that she isn’t very conscious of how much she is costing me- she has a bath every night and a shower every morning. She leaves lights on all the time. She leaves the tv on downstairs whilst she is upstairs. She has copious teas and coffees and isn’t replacing anything she is using- not even with food. She buys herself only snack items but not proper food. I’m continually telling her to switch things off- Ive and asked her to limit her baths as I keep being left with no hot water for me.She apologizes-then 2 days later continues as normal and claims she “forgets”She also feels the cold a lot (even when it’s warm out she gets cold) so my heating is constantly on plus she is continually putting the kettle on not just for hot drinks but for hot water bottles too! Obviously I don’t want her to be cold and I told her to put more layers on but she doesn’t! I’m trying to be understanding as I know she is really upset by her break up but I’m getting increasingly annoyed. The other day I asked her if she could put something towards the household cost as I didn’t think I could manage to cover everything and she reluctantly transferred me over £15 saying it was all she could spare. That doesn’t cover much. I don’t want us falling out or making it uncomfortable but how do I sort this mess out? She doesn’t listen when I ask her to switch things off, she has little money to pay her way - I feel taken advantage of. If I’d have know this is how she would be, I’d never have agreed to let her stay!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2024): She must have been paying something where she lived before so why can't she contribute? Don't feel guilty asking her this just because her relationship ended. If she can't afford more than £15 then you can't afford your bills. You're being kind letting her stay so she should be more considerate.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2024): It's only for two or three more weeks. If you want to continue with her friendship after she moves out, then stop asking her to turn things off etc., she obviously doesn't listen to you. When you see the lights or television on, turn them off. When you go out to shop, get something to eat before you return home and return with only very basic items. You will already be full. Can you turn the immersion heater off at certain times after you have used it and then tell HER there's not enough hot water, rather than the other way around?
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A
female
reader, mystiquek  +, writes (4 March 2024):
 The only thing probably worse than this is loaning money to a friend or family. Yuk...icky sticky situation! Its going to be an uncomfortable situation but you are going to have to sit down with her and explain that you really just can't afford to take on her added expenses. The little bit she offered wasn't enough. Be prepared for the conversation to be uncomfortable at best and horrible at worst. She is taking advantage of you perhaps not realizing it lets give her the benefit of the doubt but come on...she should know she's being inconsiderate! I wish you well...it could mean the end of your friendship but you need to take care of yourself! You were trying to be kind and helpful and its not right for you to wind up feeling bad because she doesn't want to pay her own way.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2024): I know it's hard but in the end it's you or her. Show your previous bills and you can't spare any more money into bills either.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2024): Most people regret movingn
friends or relatives in bc of your experiences. Few things ruin relationships more quickly.
You need to sit her down and tell her, "I'm really sorry we didn't get anything on paper before because I should have set boundaries"
Come prepared with bills before and after she moved in (heat, food, water etc). Review your lease if you're renting, there may actually be rules/laws against you having anyone live there over a certain period without being on the lease putting YOU at risk of eviction!
Let her know that from this moment forward, either she owes you the excess on your bills or she moves out. If she doesn't, you probably are going to lose the friendship bc you need to take her to court
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