A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I’m 40 and for just over a year I’ve been seeing a man who is 66.We are both divorced. I have no children (and not planning or wanting any). He has 2 grown up children and a 14 month old grandchild.We have kept our relationship quiet as we know that it will cause some friction between our families as they are both very judgmental. We are very much in love but it’s going to look like I’m some sort of gold digger and like he is some kind of cradle snatcher. Neither of us are those things. He is wealthy and has a great career. I have a decent enough paying job and my own home and pay my own bills. He has had the upmost respect since we started dating. There is nothing unhealthy or disrespectful about our relationship but we know others will see it differently.We want to live together and build a life together but are both worried about how our family will react. We also don’t want to risk his kids not talking to him if they disagree with our relationship.Anyone been through something similar? Any advice? I know we are both adults and can make our own decisions and shouldn’t care what our families will think but unfortunately we do care and need to deal with this as painlessly as possible.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2023): Everyone should be happy. It sounds like you both make each other happy. his kids are adults and should be mature enough to deal with the situation. You shouldn't have to be hiding. You should not have to keep your relationship quiet. It should not cause friction between our families and they should be happy for you both. they should not be judgmental. Being very much in love can be good for both of you. If you are in love it will not look like a gold digger or cradle snatcher. It is important that he has had the upmost respect since we started dating and that there is nothing unhealthy or disrespectful about the relationship. others should be happy for you. Yes, you both are both adults and can make your own decisions. You both can make your own decisions regarding who and how you show your love to each other. If you both are in love there may be a time when you would like to show your love for each other through sex. And that is a decision that you both can make on your own without worrying about your families. If and when sex feels right you should not bring thoughts of your families to bed with you both. It should be about showing your love for each other in a more physical way and enjoy it together. your families should be happy for you whatever you decide.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2023): His kids would be less upset if he reassured them that you are not a threat to their inheritance. I am not kidding. Why shouldn't they be happy for their dad otherwise?
But what I said is extremely important. I speaking from experience.
My father neglected me because of a younger woman and even before his death made sure to give over to her an apartment and a house my mom and he had bought together. She had no problem with that.
When I started dating my now husband who had two kids - young adults at the time, I made sure that they knew that I was no threat to them whatsoever. I had a better financial situation than him and had no wish to take away his kids inheritance. It made a huge difference to be open about it and clear the air, so that we can really start to get to k ow each other.
That's the best I can offer.
People will think whatever suits them
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A
female
reader, mystiquek  +, writes (2 October 2023):
 Life is short. Everyone deserves to be happy. The kids are adults and should be mature enough to deal with the situation. You shouldn't have to be hiding. Tell people and if they don't like it or can't accept things..well that's on them, isnt it?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 October 2023):
 Well, I think HE should sit his kids down and let them know he has found someone he really cares about and he has been seeing her (aka YOU) for a year now.
Then meet them if they are willing.
I would say the "kids" need to know asap. Because your partner WILL choose them over you - if it comes down to it. Won't he?
Keep finances separate as you are not married. Be willing to a prenup if you do consider marriage at some point.
As for your family, tell them that YOU have met someone you really love and want to be with. If they can't accept him, isn't that a "them issue"?
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