A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I am the youngest in a family if four. My sister's are 10 years older than me and brother is 5 years older. All I heard growing up was that my brother wanted a brother and a bike for his birthday. Well I was born on his birthday, but was a sister. He did get a bike though. Also my sister's would say that we moved to another house, because of me. They would go on about, how the lost all of their friends. The new house was less than 20 minutes, from the new house. The old house was small had three bedrooms, no basket and only one bathroom. I am sure even if, I wasn't joining the family, with two almost teen females, one bathroom would be a challenge. You can see, who was born the black sheep/scapegoat, if the family. I am literally the only brunette in the family. I have always lived in the shadows of my twin sisters.My Mom would always tell me to be nice, don't be katty always use your manners etc. My brother tended not to always show up at family events. I think it was my sister's. They would gang up on him. They also would gang up on my Mom for what they didn't do for them, which was mostly petty things. My brother even a few years ago mentioned that he didn't get the Bike he wanted. He wanted a better, more expensive bike. My parents just moved into a new home and we're having another baby, so probably did the best they could do. I felt like suggesting that, he could buy the bike now.I remember my Mom even mentioning, that when my sister's were little, he got a second job so they would have a nice Christmas. My Mom, was a stay at home Mom and my Dad didn't get into management and make good money until, I was in Junior High. I have been close at times, with my siblings on and off through my life, probably the most close, when I was age 11-18. That was when my nephews and nieces were born. They lived close and I babysat a lot. We rarely call each other than to set up Holiday gatherings. My Mom would always tell me what was going on with everyone. I think also the she difference, is also another reason. When I got divorced, they would tell me that I would find someone, but really never sat down with me or gave me any support. I have always felt judged by my sister's. You know the feeling of them looking you over, like you aren't good enough. I have even had other people tell me that, they are different from me, and not in a good way. My youngest has even told me, how did I come out so different from my siblings. I am a people person, friendly, open and have friends. They don't, may be a twin thing. I always thought, I was more like my brother, we are both great and sociable people. My opinion if him changed, when my Dad passed away. The fallowing night my brother called me and blamed me for my Dad's death. My Dad was an alcoholic and died from chirosis if the liver. My brother blamed my one divorce for his drinking. He was on his fourth marriage, st the time. He went on to not tell my Mom any issues/problems I have, because she worries. I totally don't really care if, I ever see him again. Then when my Mom moved to assisted living, I had issues with one of my sister's. I was working a stressful job, with a busy teenager, still at home. I am the head of household and also have to take care of my home etc. I would visit my Mom, as much as I could. T could not make up for my brother, who rarely visited and my other sister, who moved out of state. I have spoked to some of my friends they say my sister's are jealous. I am single, don't have a big house, it a lot of money etc. Don't get me wrong, I love my house and don't need a big house. I have two great kids, that are doing well. We had a get together before Christmas. I was really not lot forward to seeing my brother, the last time I saw him, he referred to my neighborhood, as a ghetto, which it is not! I live in the same area, where we grew up. I just think of my parents rolling in their graves, if they heard it, so ungrateful. He was hung over for on a party,they hosted and there was football on so he was preoccupied. My sister's kept on harping on why my oldest lives in Europe and when is she getting married. Don't you ask her etc. I then tried to tell them about my other child, who is doing really well in college, but they didn't seem to care. I have tried to limit my exposure to them. I leave feeling like I am a loser and they are so mean. It one thing attacking me, but now my kids. When they aren't putting me, my kids, my life choices etc.down, they are complimenting each other and if course never me. I have reacted to their behavior towards me, in the past and all they say is, that I am over sensitive. My question is am I being over sensitive or is it a good idea, to limit my exposure, to them in order to protect my mental health.
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alcoholic, christmas, divorce, jealous, money, moved in, moved out, my ex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (29 January 2024):
 Yes you should absolutely put your mental wellbeing first and dont feel badly about it! The members of your family sound toxic. Why deal with people that make you unhappy. Just because they are family doesnt mean they are nice!
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (28 January 2024):
 Yes, of COURSE you should limit your exposure to toxic people, even if they ARE family.
The fact that they (your siblings) blame you for "being born" basically, should tell you that they are a bunch of ignoramuses! I mean HOW can a newborn be responsible for all that?
Your PARENTS made the choice to move.
Your dad's contribution to your existence determined your sex.
etc. etc. etc.
NONE of that was/is your fault. But if that is what you heard from you were old enough to understand, then of course you carried that "guilt" - I hope you LET that go.
Then there is your brother blaming YOU (the divorce) for your father's alcoholism. Again, no. If he died of cirrhosis of the liver, he had been drinking for a long long time. And HE (your dad) made the choice to "medicate" with alcohol. Alcohol dependence (alcoholism), the most severe alcohol use disorder, is a complex genetic disease.
My dad, both granddads' were high functioning alcoholics. My husband's father and granddad were also alcoholics. My husband and I don't drink at all. Thankfully, our kids also do not drink. They know alcoholism run the gens. Some people are mindful of this, others are not.
YOU didn't "drive him to drink" because you got divorced.
I think your brother probably feels some guilt, but it was easier to BLAME you than to look at his own behavior.
He will probably also blame YOU for his alcoholism...
Let the weight of your shoulders and limit contact with them.
You don't OWE your sister to loop her into your kids lives either. SCREW what your siblings think of your kids! Sounds like jealousy and envy to me.
I, for one, think it's cool that one of your kids are living overseas! and the other is doing GREAT in college! That is awesome! You did good raising them!
Focus on what's important to YOU. You and your kids, friends and those family members who bring positivity and support.
Chin up and cut the dead weight. JUST be less and less available. It's easy enough to be "too busy" for get-togethers and phone calls.
PS. I wanted to add this. Your sibling has done this since you were born. It's learned behavior. To make themselves feel better they ALL pile on your and put you down. Don't accept that treatment. Perhaps get some counseling so IF you at some point want to stand up for yourself and set some boundaries OR totally cut them off you can get the "tools" to do so.
HUGS, live YOUR life.
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