A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'd like the idea of someone being sexually obsessed with me... My ex boyfriend was a porn addict who told me I couldn't be a model as I'm just an ordinary person. These words haunt me, he's made me believe I'm a lesser. It's let to me having a preoccupation with getting someone who is sexually obsessed with me. He told me he thought it was like I was obsessed with him, this hurt because he was a big porn user it made me feel like if I looked like them he would of been happy with me being obsessed.Is this possible in this day and age for a guy to concentrate on one woman and be sexually obsessed? Has anyone else ever had this? Do you have to be really good looking?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2013): It's just him, he was a porn addict so I obviously feel terrible about what he said. I want someone who thinks I'm on parr with pornstars looks.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (29 November 2013):
 OP your problem is not your ex.. .but rather the fact that you continue to give him power.
Why do you CARE so much what an EX boyfriend thinks? So he thinks you are not glamorous.. who cares what he thinks? So he never was verbal about how attractive you were.. .WHY do you need to have a man validate what you clearly already know?
OR is it that you don't believe you are attractive and need a man to tell you that you are before you will believe it?
Guess what... NOT all men will find you attractive... My husband thinks that blondes in any shape or form are ugly. He hates blondes... does not mean they are not attractive.. just that they are NOT attractive to HIM. My son's GF has gorgeous very long very curly hair... my husband finds curly hair distasteful on women.. my son thinks she's very beautiful... NOT every man finds you attractive... and that's ok... once you learn that you are attractive.. and you find yourself that way it will mean a lot to you... what an EX thinks does not matter... and someone else finding you attractive will NOT change his opinion.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2013): He never hardly said anything sexual either or told me how attractive I was. :(
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A
male
reader, anonymus2012  +, writes (27 November 2013):
Hi there, I really don't know what you are trying to say with obession, but letme explain something may answer your question. Im in a commited relationship for 18 months so far. I watch porn often and I enjoy it. However I find my girlfriend the most sexy girl on the planet and I fantasize with her a lot. I mean a lot. I don't want to be graphic here but the tought of her turns me so much on, big enought to start "having fun myself" I have steamy pictures of her and a sexy video of us together. I'm not even watch porn that often anymore. I like to see her with me and enjoy her pictures when I can't be with her. Obsession? I don't know if it is but to me she is the most beautiful girl on the planet and I love her to bits. I prefer her pictures 1000 times than any other kind of porn.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2013): This is the op whenever I've had a boyfriend I've never had a full on sexual fantasy about someone else I just want the same thing that's all. I want to find this person and prove to my ex he was wrong and that people do think I'm glamorous.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2013): This is the op I also have genital herpes type 1 which I believe will cut my chances :( my ex accepted it but I feel like he wasn't a sexual person so it didn't bother him.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 November 2013):
Since we are invoking presidents how about presidential wives
Eleanor Roosevelt said "no one can make you feel inferior without your consent"
OP he did not make you feel lesser with his stupid comment YOU are feeling lesser about yourself.
VERY FEW of us could be models.... even many models can't be models now... google photoshopped images and see what they look like without retouching and stop feeling so inferior.
HIS comment was stupid and it should have been shrugged off with "wow are you THAT stupid?" but then that's me and at your age I would have taken it personally too.
It's possible for men to be one woman one man... it depends on the man. Some men look at porn, some don't.
I can tell you my dad had a drawer full of playboys and penthouse mags.... in his night table next to his bed... the one he shared for over 40 years with his wife... the love of his life.... yeah men can easily be one man one woman even if they look at porn.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2013): As the others have stated obsession is not a good thing. It's not healthy but it is possible, you really don't want to find out how bad a situation that is.
You see OP most healthy minded men and women fantasize and it's not always going to be about our partner.
The only woman I ever want to have sex with for the rest of my life is my wife and I know for certain she feels the same. But we both have a healthy imagination too and like to fantasize about other realities, other people sometimes too. It's healthy and normal, we don't suddenly stop finding other people attractive or wondering what they look like naked just because we're 100% committed and completely in love with a person.
Where it went wrong for you is you saw a physical representation of that fantasy and you somehow let it affect your confidence negatively.
OP it's on you to gain more self belief, only insecure people "need" a person to be 100% only focused on them to the point of obsession and then get devastated when they find out that's not the case.
Just find a guy that doesn't use porn perhaps. But don't think for one second they'll only ever think about sex with you or only for the rest of their lives find you attractive and no one else. You don't only find one person sexually appealing do you? Why do you think being in a relationship will change that? It doesn't.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (27 November 2013):
 definitely not a good thing.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (27 November 2013):
 Ronald Reagan?... Oops. Memory lapse.
Still goes to show ,anyway, that being obsessed is not a good thing.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (27 November 2013):
 Its podsible, and you dont need to look like anything in particular. Diffferent men like different things. Your ex sounds like an idiot, but not all men are. All men Ive come across prefered me, a real woman, over porn. Ive had men be sexually obsessed with me and it is NOT fun unless the.feeling is mutual. It was quite embarrassing to recieve texts like "you lit up a fire in me only you can put out" and "I want to feel your orgasm and for you to feel mine" etc. I had sex with him once, then he started obsessing and I cut the contact.
Rather than looking for someone obsessed with you, look for someone with a healthy and positive relationship to sex. Someone with whom your sexlife can grow, and where you make each other feel good. Someone with whom sex will nourish the relationship, as opposed to being a scene for power struggle.
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A
male
reader, activeplay +, writes (27 November 2013):
 I certainly believe in one mate, and one mate only. I believe in the "old" time marriage, and keeping yourself to your partner. Does it always happen that way? No. That is frustrating to me. I am a good looking man, and I have found one thing out about good looking women. They are high maintenance, and they think they can do anything. If you want a faithful person, you have to show sincere care, and love towards them. Do that, and it will fall in to place. I know it is hard these days, but stick with it. You'll find it,
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2013): This is the OP, he had never had a girlfriend before so he wasn't used to someone being interested in him, i was more obsessed with his porn habit. It just seems like everyone's too busy with 2d images.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (27 November 2013):
Um Cindy, the Jodie Foster guy shot Ronald Reagan.
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female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (27 November 2013):
No that he would not have been happy with you being obseesed, even if you had looked like a model !
Being obsessed is a mental / behavioural disturbance, it does not pertain to the sphere of an healthy, happy, mutually fulfilling relationship, and , after the first, what, 2 days ? of being flattering for the object of desire, it ends up fast with being annoying, suffocating and - downright scary .
That guy who was obsessed with Jodie Foster, how did he end up ?... Shooting John Lennon.
Obsession is not good- neither feeling it, nor being the object of it.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (27 November 2013):
obsession [?b's???n]
n
1. (Psychiatry) Psychiatry a persistent idea or impulse that continually forces its way into consciousness, often associated with anxiety and mental illness
2. a persistent preoccupation, idea, or feeling
3. the act of obsessing or the state of being obsessed
obsessional adj
Doesn't sound like this would be a good thing to me.
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