Like what
she writes?
... Add *indyCares to your favourite agony aunts
Want to get in touch?
... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
|
| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
|
I lent my online bf money for the trip to meet me...am I being used?
Q. I've been in an on-line relationship for 2 months. My bf and I decided to meet, so we went ahead and made plans. But a few days before he realised he doesn't have enough money for the trip. I have agreed to lend him but I keep wondering if I am ...
A. 17 February 2014: I am a bit confused . " ... he had to buy a new ticket , which ate up all the money he had got ".
So, do you mean that : 1 ) he had bought his first ticket 2) he missed his flight 3 ) he had to buy a second ticket 4 ) which ate up all HIS mone... (read in full...)
I lent my online bf money for the trip to meet me...am I being used?
Q. I've been in an on-line relationship for 2 months. My bf and I decided to meet, so we went ahead and made plans. But a few days before he realised he doesn't have enough money for the trip. I have agreed to lend him but I keep wondering if I am ...
A. 18 January 2014: Did you send money ti an in line guy that you haven't ever met ?... I would not be surprised if he never showed up, let alone giving you your money back.... (read in full...)
I can't deal with the poop streaks he leaves on the bed!
Q. This is a gross question but I really need advice. Sorry to be graphic. Basically Ive been seeing this guy for 3 months and on 3 occasions when he has stayed over at mine he has left poop streaks in my bed. He did it lastnight and I felt sick. He is ...
A. 18 January 2014: Have a bidet installed in your bathroom. With a spray nozzle.
Too much trouble and expense for just a casual bf ?...
I guess so.. But I was not thinking of the Bf, I was thinking of you. If you are the type that regularly finds herself short of... (read in full...)
No contact from boyfriend for 8 days...
Q. I haven't heard from my boyfriend, of 3 years, since the 9th (8 days). No text, call, message, absolutely nothing. The last time I heard from him he told me he loved me and I'm pretty sure his phone ran out of time the next day which makes it a ...
A. 18 January 2014: OP, I am tryng to be nice, but I am confused. Isn't this the same boyfrend you posted about recently, the one who was not making any effort in the relationship, and was stingy with texts and calls after a past of blowing up your phone ? Didn't you ... (read in full...)
Should my sister be fasting now that she is pregnant?
Q. Hi My sister is pregnant- she is only about 7 weeks and is eating so much. She says she is hungry all the time. Is this a sign of anything? Sign of more than one baby?? Also, she does fasting days when she does not eat anything for 2 out of 5...
A. 17 January 2014: @EWO and Honeypie : You talkin' to me? ... You talkin' to me ?!...
I don't even know what you talkin' about.
My vocabulary is juss the same as any otha New Yawk goil. :)... (read in full...)
Should my sister be fasting now that she is pregnant?
Q. Hi My sister is pregnant- she is only about 7 weeks and is eating so much. She says she is hungry all the time. Is this a sign of anything? Sign of more than one baby?? Also, she does fasting days when she does not eat anything for 2 out of 5...
A. 17 January 2014: No, it's just a sign that she is pregnant :). Some women develop a huge appetite, some don't;that's all .
Anyway, she'll know it soon, at 8 weeks the doctor can definitely distinguish if there are two different heartbeats. And ,isn't she havi... (read in full...)
My girlfriend wants to break up because she has no independence!
Q. Hi, I will try to start from the begging, 8 month ago I started a new relationship with toni who is love of my life. Before that I was in a relationship for 5 years with my ex Claire. It was a violent relationship on her part, she use to punch, k...
A. 17 January 2014: I don't get that- SHE gets in trouble with the police and gets her licence withdrawn, SHE needs a ride everyday which you kindly provide with personal sacrifice, and she complains she has lost independence ? And whose fault is it, I wonder. If ... (read in full...)
Self esteem in women:is it biological, is it cultural, is it our upbringing, ,... is it a jinx ?!
Q. DC community, please help me out in figuring this : why is it that lack of self esteem , at least in relationships, is such a pervasive FEMALE problem ? I mean, just look at the posts on DC and a huuuge quantity of them basically says ...
A. 17 January 2014: Thanks Tisha and the other ladies too.
yeah...the " skirts "... I think ONE big problem women are facing in building self esteem is the myriad of subtle , subliminal mesages they get which basically say " you aren't good enough, whole enough " ( ... (read in full...)
He never wanted us to travel there, but now he's going to a conference??
Q. Hello everyone, my boyfriend´s told me he applied for one work conference that´s held in New York and I really got mad at him. Why? Because my all-time dream is going to NYC and everytime I asked him if we´d go there, all he ever said was "hell no, ...
A. 17 January 2014: I think you are over reacting.
It's not that he wants to go to NY in vacation without you, he wants to go to a work conference which happens to be held in New York. Can't you see the difference ?
A few years ago, I was sent to a work conventi... (read in full...)
Self esteem in women:is it biological, is it cultural, is it our upbringing, ,... is it a jinx ?!
Q. DC community, please help me out in figuring this : why is it that lack of self esteem , at least in relationships, is such a pervasive FEMALE problem ? I mean, just look at the posts on DC and a huuuge quantity of them basically says ...
A. 16 January 2014: Thanks to the other responders too, I appreciate you taking the time to post well thought,in depth answers. I am going to go on a food-for-thought binge !
The observations about low self esteem as people problem, not just a women's prob... (read in full...)
Self esteem in women:is it biological, is it cultural, is it our upbringing, ,... is it a jinx ?!
Q. DC community, please help me out in figuring this : why is it that lack of self esteem , at least in relationships, is such a pervasive FEMALE problem ? I mean, just look at the posts on DC and a huuuge quantity of them basically says ...
A. 16 January 2014: Thank you very much Sage, Person and female reader.
Oh I knew that mine was a "meaty " question with no simple ,short answer, I just counted on some Dear Cupider to come up with possibly interesting insights , and I was not disappointed ,I'v... (read in full...)
First it was just a break,now its an 'open' break, so what does my GF really want?
Q. So my girlfriend and i are taking a break from our relationship because she want to figure out what she wants to do in life and i agreed to it. I understand because im in that position too. Then later on we confirmed if it was ok to just talk to the ...
A. 16 January 2014: I'd say it means she wants to hook up.
If an open relationship is a relationship where people are together yet are allowed to experience other sexual partners, it figures that an open break would be a break where people are free to have sex ... (read in full...)
Potential boyfriend is demanding to know my past, and then comments negatively!
Q. I've been talking to a guy that I met through a dating website for almost 3 months now. We live across the country so we haven't met yet but we text all day and skype pretty regularly. For the most part, things are pretty good with him and I feel ...
A. 16 January 2014: Controlling ? I think it's bordering with insane. You haven't even met yet, he is a perfect stranger whom you met on a website 3 months ago, .. and he is asking to know the minute details of your private life and criticizes them ?
Anyway, I gues... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has a problem with me tanning
Q. Recently I arranged a tanning session at the pool with a few friends. But my boyfriend doesn't like it when I tan because he says that other guys would be staring at me. While I get where he's coming from and his unhappiness. I can't help but feel ...
A. 16 January 2014: Don't reason with him, his level of jealousy is irrational so there's nothing you can say that will convince him.
So other guys could stare at you. But they could stare at you even if you don't tan, in fact it probably it happens anyway , just... (read in full...)
Caught my Girlfriend answering ad on craigslist.
Q. I know it was deceitful but I created a fake ad on craigslist to see if my girlfriend would answer and she did. I did this once before and she answered and this was the second time. I replied back and pretended to this other guy and she flirted and ...
A. 15 January 2014: And of what opinion are YOU ?
Do you think too that an engaged girl can do whatever she wants and is entitled to hit on strangers and send them her naked pics ? Are you perfectly OK with that ? Do you believe that it's not real cheating unti... (read in full...)
What did this comment mean?
Q. Ok so I was talking to this girl for a month (we liked each other) and then she said she just wanted to be friends. One month later she sent me a text saying "hey :)" and I replied "sup" and got off without giving her a chance to reply. (I haven't ...
A. 15 January 2014: Oh good- you are a quick study :), you got it exactly.
The girl who said " he got played "- well, that's her opinion, her personal interpretation of the facts, it does not mean that actually things went that way , and your crush actually set ... (read in full...)
Lately I haven't felt connected to anyone or anything
Q. I am a 24 year old woman living in my state capital working as an AmeriCorps*VISTA. I have no health insurance, no money, and no close family except an aging set of grandparents who live in my hometown, about an hour away. In October (3 months ago), ...
A. 15 January 2014: Anhedonia.
What you have described is called anhedonia in psychiatry.
The inability to experience pleasure from activities usually found pleasurable ,like sexual relationships, social/affective interactions and recreati... (read in full...)
Do you say goodnight to each other or do you sometimes forget?
Q. My fiancé got upset that I didn't say goodnight to him. He wanted me to work on my project which I did late into the night. He was still up and in another area of the house when I decided I was really tired and I went to bed. He woke me up and s...
A. 15 January 2014: My, you've got yourself a regular Miss Manners over there.
Yes, you should have wished him good night, yes, it's the nice thing to do. But, some times, people forget stuff , and they also forget to be nice. They forget because they are tire... (read in full...)
I've been advised to get a mortgage on my own, and I feel guilty for in essence changing my mind about putting him on the mortgage!
Q. Hi I could do with some advice please. I have been with my boyfriend for over 2 years but we recently broke up and got back together. The reason for this break was because he has 2 kids from a previous relationship who I love to bits,...
A. 15 January 2014: Why should he be protected if you happen to break up ?
He is dating you because he likes you, I suppose, not to have a roof on his head.
Yes, if you break up he would have to pack his bags and leave. Same as YOU should do if you had gone to ... (read in full...)
What did this comment mean?
Q. Ok so I was talking to this girl for a month (we liked each other) and then she said she just wanted to be friends. One month later she sent me a text saying "hey :)" and I replied "sup" and got off without giving her a chance to reply. (I haven't ...
A. 15 January 2014: Glad to hear that you are fine, and have moved on almost definitely. But I still would not advise you, as a passtime for when you are bored, to indulge in recalls of an unpleasant past episode, and brood over it , dissecting all the hows and ... (read in full...)
Caught my Girlfriend answering ad on craigslist.
Q. I know it was deceitful but I created a fake ad on craigslist to see if my girlfriend would answer and she did. I did this once before and she answered and this was the second time. I replied back and pretended to this other guy and she flirted and ...
A. 15 January 2014: If you have had the idea to create a fake profile to catch your gf red handed, it must mean that you had yours suspicions about her devotion... that she was doing or saying something which rang alarm bells... I don't think that anybody could be so ... (read in full...)
What did this comment mean?
Q. Ok so I was talking to this girl for a month (we liked each other) and then she said she just wanted to be friends. One month later she sent me a text saying "hey :)" and I replied "sup" and got off without giving her a chance to reply. (I haven't ...
A. 14 January 2014: No OP, the huge issue is not your pride, it's your OCD.
The anon person is probably not aware that this is not recent histoty. All this went on quite a while ago- at least in terms of puppy love gone sour stories. It was well over one year ago,... (read in full...)
I want to satisfy all his needs but not with a threesome!
Q. Ok so i know this is a probably a typical silly question to ask but i want to know your opinions on having a threesome based in a relationship!! Small bit of background Im with my partner just over 6 months now we are both similar people and even ...
A. 14 January 2014: And that's probably your typical silly answer, but : if you don't want to do a threesome, then don't do a threesome.
He may be a nice guy, but that's HIS fantasy ,not yours. If you had always secretly fantasized about the same thing... and hope... (read in full...)
Stumbled across a message of my fiance questioning whether or not she should marry me!
Q. Hello agony aunts! I need some help with my fiancé and our upcoming marriage. This morning when I was getting ready or work I noticed her phone light up because she received a message I glanced at it and saw that it was her close friend who had ...
A. 14 January 2014: Yes, these are just normal routine prenuptial jutters from her...
Yet, frankly, I don't think as of now you should marry at all.
Your previous post said that you felt , after very few months, like the honeymoon was already over , that you... (read in full...)
Missing condoms have raised my suspicions
Q. Dating a great man for about one year and he is not ready to commit. He has been divorced for 5 years and is not ready for a serious relationship ( I know I know I'm stupid for staying loyal to him ) He is 34 and I am 31 I went to his house on Sat...
A. 13 January 2014: If you are not in a relationship and he does not agree to being exclusive, then it's not cheating . Promising each other to not sleep with anybody else IS a committment , at least a committment to sexual exclusivity, so it does not make much ... (read in full...)
I like this new guy I am talking to but my guy friend might be jealous
Q. Hello, I have a situation and I need some advice. I have been talking to this guy on and offline. He texts me everyday and we talk on the phone also. He is the nicest guy that I have spoken to in a long time. He does live far away and wants to come ...
A. 13 January 2014: You stand exactly how he has told you, i.e. that he does not want an exclusive relationship with you while I suppose you want one, and that for what he is concerned you are JUST friends.
I think you are overthinking this. It's a no go.
May... (read in full...)
I want a baby but my boyfriend isn't ready
Q. My partner and I are 25 and have been together for 6 years. We moved in together about 6 months ago. We have a good relationship and have always discussed marriage and kids which we both want. I told my boyfriend a few months ago that I wanted to ...
A. 13 January 2014: In this I am old school too, better marriage first then babies after.
Yes I know that lots of marriages end up in divorce anyway, but at least if someone wants to marry shows good faith and committment, he is saying : I firmly BELIEVE that you ... (read in full...)
Rejected Too Many Times
Q. Hi. Lately it just feels like I'm a reject. Nobody wants me. I'm not too bad looking either. I have light brown/ blonde-ish shoulder length hair and I'm sort of skinny. It feels like I'm just completely undesirable and worthless. Why has every guy ...
A. 13 January 2014: Ok you are a teenager and all, yet I can't believe you would count as romantic failures your love stories in kindergarten and elementary school ?! Come on. I got proposed when I was in second or third grade, he told me that when we grew up he was ... (read in full...)
Should I contribute more than my boyfriend's room mate?
Q. I am going to move in with my bf in a few months. We decided this long before he started having financial issues (furlough, medical bills, car accident), but now they have surfaced and I don't know what to do. He currently owns his home and ren...
A. 13 January 2014: Oh yes: silly me . I had not considered that ( probably, at least ) you are not getting a private room of your own, you are sharing your bf's room. Then it's even more absurd if you pay more than the roomate, because with his 450 the rooommmate ... (read in full...)
What are the subtle signs of a controlling person?
Q. What are some small signs that a person, any person, may be a control freak? Any person, friend, potential date, work colleague, family member, friend of friend, someone you have just met, and/or maybe looking to maybe be friends with. It could ...
A. 13 January 2014: Just from the one example you give us, I would not say that lady is controlling. Maybe blint, perhaps even rude, but why controlling ?. There's always two sides to every story, maybe she would have liked better ( and it would have been better ) ... (read in full...)
Should I contribute more than my boyfriend's room mate?
Q. I am going to move in with my bf in a few months. We decided this long before he started having financial issues (furlough, medical bills, car accident), but now they have surfaced and I don't know what to do. He currently owns his home and ren...
A. 13 January 2014: I don't see why you'd have to pay more than his roommate is paying, for legal and financial purposes you are simply another roommate. If the room rents out for 450 $ , that's what you have got to pay. I never heard of a room that changes price ... (read in full...)
I thought it was a sensual thing to do, but maybe I'm wrong?
Q. The other day I was on a date with a friend of mine who I'm kind of seeing casually at the moment. Everything with that is going just fine, but something she said to me really puzzled me. Now I'm not really great at being able to read body language ...
A. 12 January 2014: She did not say that she did not like it, she said you are sendig her mixed signals.
Caressing someone?s face IS also sensual, but it is widely seen as a loving, tender gesture, one which conveys feelings of affection and emotional clos... (read in full...)
My boyfriend called me a 'beached whale'.
Q. My fiance referred to me as a "beached whale" during sex (in the context of a conversation while not having sex). I'm usually on bottom for a few reasons. He can barely stay hard when I'm on top (not sure why), neither of us can really reach orgasm ...
A. 12 January 2014: No, but to be honest I don't think he means anything flattering either.
I have a few times heard the expression " beached whale " in reference not so much to the size of a person, as to their ability / capacity of moving graciosly and easi... (read in full...)
Is my friend over-reacting?
Q. Hello there everyone :) I have this wonderful best friend that i will be referring to as X. X an i have been best friends for over 4 years now. now what happened recently is that we were supposed to go out a couple of days ago on an outing with t...
A. 11 January 2014: Yeah well, you were supposed to CALL and apologize for the sudden change of plans, not just to cancel by text.
Although, in a world that by now uses texting for anything : cultivating friendships, arguing, dating, courting, flirting, having sex-... (read in full...)
We absolutely have the money for a wedding but I'm not sure its a good investment!
Q. Dear Cupid, I have a wedding question. My fiance and I have waited almost three years to get engaged as I wanted to be able to afford the wedding I want as all little girls dream about their wedding. I am just not sure I can spend six thousand...
A. 11 January 2014: If your fiance's family is wealthy and judgemental and like their weddings to be " just so " ... well, who prevents them from signing a big fat cheque for the big fancy wedding of their liking ? They aren't prepared to do that ? too bad. Then ... (read in full...)
I know I shouldn't do this but I compare my current boyfriend to my ex!
Q. Hi, Okay so here goes .. I was in a relationship with a guy I met online for about 1.5 years which was very rocky to say the least. In those 1.5 years he broke up with several times because of his religious issues (he's a Muslim you see and I'm ...
A. 11 January 2014: Wait a minute, your ex said you should wait till marriage ?.. What marriage ??
Under the Hindu Marriage Act you can't marry a Muslim. And a Muslim can't marry you because he can only marry another Muslim, or at most " people from the book " : a ... (read in full...)
One of my husband's New Year's resolutions is to go a month without having sex?
Q. This seems a little ridiculous to me but here it goes. My husband decided on his new year resolution to quit drinking and smoking which I am proud of him for doing so. The third one is the one that is ridiculous to me. He wants to go a month with ...
A. 11 January 2014: I think FA may be right.
There's an old saying here : Bacco, tabacco e Venere riducon l'uomo in cenere . Translation : Bacchus ( wine ) , tobacco and Venus ( sex ) will turn a man into ashes . ( If consumed in excess of course ).
I find it ... (read in full...)
What do you expect from your husband and his side of the family when getting married?
Q. This question isn't just directed at women, men feel free to give your thoughts and experiences. What do you expect from your husband and his side of the family when getting married? -- Whilst growing up my parents spoiled me, I would put th...
A. 11 January 2014: Well, different cultures, locations and social groups have different expectations.
In my country too, Italy, which is still more about family than about independence, it is not unusual for the groom's family OR the bride's family OR both fami... (read in full...)
Girlfriend's family is disrespectful of me and I'm not sure how to deal with it
Q. I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for a year and a half now, and this has largely been a very happy period of my life. I was conscious when entering into a same-sex relationship that difficulties may arise, and was both surprised and ...
A. 10 January 2014: Well maybe they don't have a good perception of you, but also your perception of them is not that stellar . You may be right, but still is not your place to decide how they should treat their children in their own house , in which you are a ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend acts like she doesn't even care about something that is important to me!
Q. So Sunday will be me and my gf's one year together. We talked about it in advance and agreed we wanted to do something special on that day to celebrate. I requested off of work and everything. Well tonight, I mention that it feels like forev...
A. 10 January 2014: Your feelings are not unjust- they are just different from hers.
You think that celebrating a one year anniversary right on the appointed day is a big deal. She does not think it is such a big deal. It's not unimportant, not irrelevant - seen... (read in full...)
I don't wish to lose my wife nor my friend!
Q. Hey everyone, I know this is going to sound bad but I really need some help. I have been married for 4 years with two lovely children, and although I love my wife and kids to bits I can't stop thinking about a friend of mine. We get on really well ...
A. 10 January 2014: If you really care about your wife and kids as much as you say, you should accept to lose your friend, or at least to freeze the friendship until you get over your crush.
You are not falling for this woman because she is such a good friend, but ... (read in full...)
The show is over before it even begins! Any tips on handling this problem?
Q. We are both virgins, happy relationship, ready to have sex. Care about each other a lot, he's lovely. Everything else - oral, manual, foreplay - is great. But when we go to have sex, he cums immediately. Like, within a split second of going to ...
A. 10 January 2014: Bummer. If it KEEPS happening, you can't just chalk it up to nerves or performance anxiety or inexperience or overeagerness, or at least maye it is but he won't overcome it just by taking a wait and see attitude.. It sounds more like a case of PE ... (read in full...)
| *indyCares's friends
These are mutual friends, so *indyCares has
added them and they have added *indyCares!
|
![[?]BitterSweetFinale;[?] agony aunt](/avatars/7bb1e9ea-6c2f-43b8-a4f7-0635b7eff08c.png){kind=small}
