A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I don't know what to make of this situation so hoping someone can give me some advice.My partner and I have been together for 3 years. We've had a great relationship and friendship. This morning I found a lipstick in his car. I have no reason to distrust him but something about his reaction when I found it set alarm bells ringing.We were out in his car this morning when I dropped something down the side of the passenger seat, when I reached down to get it, I also found this lipstick. He looked at it and immediately looked away. I asked who's it was and he said 'its yours isn't it, it has to be yours, it can't be anyone else's, I haven't had anyone in the car' but said it very rushed and panicky. I replied saying no it's definitely not mine, I don't wear bright red! He then, for about 10 minutes, tried telling me it was mine, and was getting more and more agitated, to the point that it angered me that he just wouldn't accept that it wasn't mine. We drove to our destination in silence and then he said it must be his friends fiance, as he'd taken them into town the previous night. Now I know this girl well and I've never ever seen her wear anything in the form of bright coloured lipstick, in fact I don't think I've ever seen her wear lipstick! This probably sounds ridiculous but there was something about his reaction that didn't add up. Also I knew he'd seen his friends the night before and he told me a lot about their evening, but up until that point hadnt mentioned that he'd dropped them into town. My gut feeling is telling me there's more to this. What do I do?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (2 December 2013):
 you are correct...
finding the lipstick means nothing.. what matters is his reaction which you are correct is suspicious.
proceed accordingly.
A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (2 December 2013):
 There is another woman, its a question of how long and also , you need to get hold of his old telephone records to see who he has been phoning.
If he was innocent, he would not have behaved in the manner he did. Don't bother to ask the friend as I am sure he will cover. Time to be on the watch but you are not to bring this topic up again until you have further proof.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (2 December 2013):
 Absolutely. There must be something else going on.
As if any woman could be dumb enough to not know if a lipstick is from a brand she never bought, or in a shade she never used ! He was buying time until he could come up with some other acceptable version
Although, I don't think it necessarily means he had some steamy sexual encounter with a red lipstick wearing femme fatale right in his car. He might have given a lift to some female aquaintance and having forgotten to mention it, or having omitted it on purpose fearing you'd give him grief about it- and , on the spot, he realized that even if there is an innocent explanation, the simple fact you never heard about his passenger makes it look not innocent. Ergo, the panic and fumbling for explanations.
Anyway, since there is surely more to the story, although it does not have to be a story of cheating and deception... you are right, keep your eyes very very open from now on.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 December 2013):
 I will also say go with your gut, there is MORE to this them he is letting on. His reaction was WAY strange if he was innocent. Specially the whole it's YOURS argument. I don't know ANY women who wouldn't recognize their OWN lipstick/make up. We are rather finicky when it comes to colors and brands.
Did he let a friend use his car? Did you? Or is he the only one driving it?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2013): Thank you for the replies.
He's not given me any reason to distrust him in any other way. I wouldn't say he's secretive with his phone but its always by his side. As far as I can tell he's not changed in any other way but I'm quite trusting so maybe I just haven't noticed?
There was just something about his reaction, if he'd have said oh well if its not yours it must be so and so's as I took her into town last night, then there wouldn't have been a problem at all. It's the fact he was so insistent it had to be mine and started getting very panicky. It was almost like he spent 10 mins arguing with me about it before he finally thought of someone else's that it could be. Think I will have to keep a very careful eye on him for a while!
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A
female
reader, like I see it +, writes (2 December 2013):
 You're not being ridiculous... his bizarre reaction is suspicious to say the least.
I respectfully disagree with the suggestion to start going through his personal documents over something that (so far) is not conclusive, but that's just me. If he catches you at that and he's NOT cheating you will have a lot of explaining to do, and some guys would find that a deal-breaker. Heck, I as a woman would probably not continue a relationship with a guy I caught reading through my stuff. I have nothing to hide, but would resent the "guilty until proven innocent" mentality that sort of thing reflects.
I would, however, be alert for other changes in his personal habits - unexplained late nights at work, sudden protectiveness of his phone and passwords, changes in clothing style or personal grooming, etc.
Has he given you any other reason to question his fidelity?
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (2 December 2013):
 Interestingly enough, I was oblivious to other signs of cheating and found a lipstick in my husband's suitcase .... put there deliberately
The lipstick planter had got the husband she was cheating on to break up with his first wife by leaving a lipstick in the glove compartment of his car .....
Go with your gut!
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (2 December 2013):
I think you should go with your gut feeling on this one.
It may not be proof but it's definitely evidence that there's something else going on he's not telling you. Some might be against this, but I'd "research" a little more--you know, like phone log, email...that sort of stuff. He's given you a reason to be suspicious.
If he won't fess up, then I'd consider dumping him. I think you finding that lipstick and knowing that his reaction was a little "off" is enough to not believe he's being honest.
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