A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:HiSo I posted a few weeks ago about breaking up with my boyfriend. He was acting distant, not making much effort then decided to ignore me when i tried to talk to him about it so i ended it. Unfortunately we have to work together and he is making it incredibly difficult. He's basically not replying to emails or sending replies a day later when he knows i need a response that day. Then he's gone and done a load of work without telling me, that my team had already done and he knows full well we would have already done. His response to this was that he hadnt seen it so he did it himself, but he didnt ask if we had done it. I just dont get him, we ended because i felt like he wasnt making any effort. He made plans and 'forgot', i was paying for everything and i just felt like he wasnt that bothered. We had an argument then the next day i tried to talk and he ignored me, then the next day i asked again and he ignored me so i ended it over text. Granted that wasnt the best way, but he wouldnt talk to me! Anyway, that was two weeks ago and he hasnt responded to that text or tried to talk to me about any of it. Ive had some family illness that has been stressful and upsetting to deal with, so i text him and asked to talk and said look, lifes too short and told him about my family situation. He replied hours later saying ok, lets talk and he was sorry to hear what was going on with my family. We arranged a day to talk, then guess what, he didnt get in touch. I just dont get his behaviour, he pushed me to end things with him, but now hes acting like the scorned girl in all of this. As ive already asked him to talk once, im not sure what to do about it all and im just confused, is he hurt or just being immature and pathetic, or all 3 ha!?Just to add, i really cared about him, didnt want to end it but he wasnt meeting my needs and every time i tried to talk to him about it he would react by distancing himself. Just confusing, the whole thing!Thanks
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female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (24 November 2013):
 I agree with Cindy, I don't think he gives a damn if he speaks to you or not and really you should not ask him to, if it's personal...cos it wasn't working out and you dumped him.
As for work, just remain business like, if he messes up then he's going to have to answer to his boss and not to you.
Let it go.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2013): You broke up with him, stick with it. He is engaging you in emotional warfare, and taking it on the job.Don't involve him in emotional issues concerning your family-life. You have enough stress to deal with without inviting more from him. At this point, he doesn't really care. He's more concerned about his own feelings. That, to some degree, is understandable. He is upset.If he is being a dick on the job, alert your immediate supervisor or HR. One of the dangers of dating people on the job is they bring personal junk to work. Don't let him rule you through intimidation. Don't let him jeopardize your employment by directly confronting him. Stay above his head. Go to his boss. By no means should you have any sort of negative exchange through work e-mail. Highly unadvised. He can site you for harassment.He IS the scorned lover; all the more reason to steer clear and go no-contact. Don't expose your feelings to his barbs and manipulations. I know you still feel attached; but you are now inviting him to spar with you by trying to get him to talk. He is using it as a mind-game; because he knows it upsets you. Be the adult and stay calm.No contact accept for professional reasons, and don't use office e-mail for "personal" exchanges. Avoid confrontation on the job. Keep your personal-life private.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (23 November 2013):
 It figures. If he was not that bothered and he would not do effort to stay in touch timely before, when he was getting sex and money from you , imagine now. He could not care less.
That spills over in the work area too. You say that if he had asked you you would have told him that the work was already done, but for asking- he should have made the effort of asking you. He thinks that , if there is something that you want him to know, or you care for him to know- then it's up to you to pick up the phone and do it, - he can survive, and somehow perform his job, anyway.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (23 November 2013):
 He is acting like a scorned girl because he couldn't have the relationship his way, which is less intense than your version. I think any woman's version would be a dedicated daily relationship with no freedom to distance away, or making effort even when you don't feel like it.
He didn't want to talk about your family because it is of no benefit to him. You ended the relationship with him and not everybody has interest staying friends with exes.
I don't know if it's immaturity, being hurt or pathetic. A lot of women respond to men's coldness by working extra hard, become more loving to gain approval. He was taken aback that you actually demand more from him and have a high standard for yourself. He will be prompted to respond to you only if it serves him. Otherwise he wouldn't care less.
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