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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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I lent my online bf money for the trip to meet me...am I being used?
Q. I've been in an on-line relationship for 2 months. My bf and I decided to meet, so we went ahead and made plans. But a few days before he realised he doesn't have enough money for the trip. I have agreed to lend him but I keep wondering if I am ...
A. 17 February 2014: I am a bit confused . " ... he had to buy a new ticket , which ate up all the money he had got ".
So, do you mean that : 1 ) he had bought his first ticket 2) he missed his flight 3 ) he had to buy a second ticket 4 ) which ate up all HIS mone... (read in full...)
Is she just too independent? She doesn't seem to care about me!
Q. Is it Ok to want to be alone all the time? I have a friend (a friendship only) who loves her own company, which us fine, we all do at times.. (she lives alone as do I) but its to the point now where she really geniunely likes being al...
A. 30 January 2014: The theatre ticket thing is just RUDE. Not socially awkward - just plain bad manners, and I understand that you are annoyed .You have the right to be - and to call her out on her behaviour.
Well, I understand, personally, what she means. It I... (read in full...)
I want a baby but I'm not sure my BF really does
Q. I want a baby and need to have one soon! I'm 36. I have a boyfriend of a year. He knows of my desire to have a baby and marriage. He says he's "open to it" when I brought up the baby but no real concrete plans. When I brought up marriage , he said ...
A. 30 January 2014: I don't know, personally if I had got this kind of reaction- getting stressed out, being evasive and prompyly changing subject- I'd take it as a clear indication that he is definitely not ready yet . That's surely not the reaction of an ... (read in full...)
I read my boyfriend's journal didn't like what I read but now I want to read it again!
Q. I'm usually not a snoop, I trusted my boyfriend when we were together, but I did something I'm ashamed of. I read his journal, and I didn't like what I read. It basically said his was unhappy with our relationship among other things, but nothing ...
A. 30 January 2014: And if you are afraid you won't be able to get over him having been with other people now that it is just a vague notion, do you think it will be better once you know all the gory details ?? How would reading your bf's journal help you to ... (read in full...)
I'm happy to be practical but I don't want to insult him
Q. Should I offer to let him use the diamond from my previous marriage? I know my boyfriend plans to propose, probably sometime this year. Neither of us make a lot of money. I still have my wedding/engagement rings from my first marriage (only b...
A. 30 January 2014: Bad idea. Well, if it is a just a matter of being practical ,- then why even bother resetting the diamond ? You could even save that money ! You happen to have an engagement ring available , - just agree to re- baptize it as HIS engagement ring, ... (read in full...)
Taken advantage of in business with friend
Q. Hi all, I have a problem with a friend that I have known since I was 12 yrs old. Recently she opened a shop and as I have a manufacturing business she asked me if I had any excess stock that she could put in her store on consignment. For those w...
A. 30 January 2014: Business is business. Do exactly what you'd do with other business clients. What's your policy, to allow some fexibility to customers who may go through a commercial slump ?. Then do it and sit tight for your usual "grace period " before ... (read in full...)
I want a baby but I'm not sure my BF really does
Q. I want a baby and need to have one soon! I'm 36. I have a boyfriend of a year. He knows of my desire to have a baby and marriage. He says he's "open to it" when I brought up the baby but no real concrete plans. When I brought up marriage , he said ...
A. 30 January 2014: Best case scenario, it means that he is a happy go lucky type who just takes things as they come . If it happens it happens, fine. If it does not happen, fine too. He does not particularly care either way ( which it is a bit different from ... (read in full...)
How much value should I put on something my boyfriend said in his sleep?
Q. My boyfriend was mumbling in his sleep the other night and he said: "no I don't want to get engaged!" Now I know I'm probably being silly but do you think that's how he actually feels? Wish fulfilment and all that. He has expressed that w...
A. 29 January 2014: I don't think it means anything.
My father used to talk and SING ( loud and clear ) in his sleep, one of his favourite songs was the International Communist anthem:
Arise ye workers from your slumbers,
arise ye prisoners of want...
Bu... (read in full...)
Should I put sex on hold?
Q. Me and my boyfriend have an amazing relationship and I love him with all my heart but the issue lies with our sex life. The thing is, Are love is so strong, but at the same time so is the sexual chemistry. I am A Christian so for me, I feel as th...
A. 29 January 2014: OP, allow me to remind you that the original question in your post were : "how do I stop,- and SHOULD I ".
I took it to mean that you aren't even that sure you should. So , while my personal answer , or the answer of any other person who does... (read in full...)
I think I have a phobia against vomit?
Q. This weekend me and my boyfriend went to a party and stayed in a hotel. He had quite a bit to drink and as a result of this, threw it all back up when we got back to our room. ( I know this information isn't lovely but there is a point ) I think I ...
A. 28 January 2014: Why do you have to make up to him ? If any , he is the one who should make it up to you for being a grown man that does not know his drinking limits and for having spoiled a romantic evening by puking all over the place.
If he had been stri... (read in full...)
Why do you last longer during sex with someone that you love?
Q. Hello cupid I was wondering why do you last more during sex (no foreplay involved) with someone you love compared to someone you just want to hook up ? why does it differ when you are the same person ? Also it differs from partner to partner ...
A. 28 January 2014: The excitement of novelty. A new toy to play with. Even if it's a crappy cheap toy which you get fed up with very soon, it's still something NEW.
While when you have sex with someone you love - and KNOW- you pretty much know what to expect, in t... (read in full...)
My first love is back in the picture and I'm torn ...
Q. Sorry for the essay but I don't know what's the right thing to do, I've never been in this situation before and I don't want to make the wrong decision. Last night something that I've wanted for so long happened and it couldn't be worse timing! ...
A. 27 January 2014: What some people would not say just to get laid !
My advice is that you listen to Cerberus because he is right.
The only point I can add to ekaborate on the issue is ... so he has been waiting all this time " to run into you " .
Why ? Did no... (read in full...)
My BF wants me to go to the same college he does, but that's a ways off and I can't say yes.
Q. My boyfriend has asked me if I would go to the same college as him I'm 17 he's 17 and I don't want to say yes because I feel like college is a time for me to be free ad explore and I love him I really do but recently he asked me if I would marry him ...
A. 27 January 2014: Wow, OP, that was fast ! I am a bit confused about the timing, I mean, you post on Jan. 27th asking a question about your bf , the one with a baby, and on Jan. 27th you have got a new bf named Hunter ?
Talk about things changing much and chan... (read in full...)
Should I put sex on hold?
Q. Me and my boyfriend have an amazing relationship and I love him with all my heart but the issue lies with our sex life. The thing is, Are love is so strong, but at the same time so is the sexual chemistry. I am A Christian so for me, I feel as th...
A. 27 January 2014: When there are questions like yours, I always scratch my head, perplexed.
Because, if I have to give you my personal opinion- I do not share your Christian values, do not believe that God or a super-human transcendent would even bother with my p... (read in full...)
Should I trust this online dating guy
Q. Hello Aunts and Uncles. I've recently joined an online dating site and hit it off with a nice guy who I had a lot in common with.After communicating daily for a few weeks, we were going to meet up after Christmas but I've had to go away for 6 weeks ...
A. 27 January 2014: If he's on the site every night he is obviously checking out other profiles and perhaps setting up dates. If he is looking for a quick hook up or for a proper relationship, we don't know- but it is reasonable to think that he still checking out ... (read in full...)
My BF wants me to go to the same college he does, but that's a ways off and I can't say yes.
Q. My boyfriend has asked me if I would go to the same college as him I'm 17 he's 17 and I don't want to say yes because I feel like college is a time for me to be free ad explore and I love him I really do but recently he asked me if I would marry him ...
A. 27 January 2014: I want to say, the first thing you should do, is teaching him to always wear condoms ! He is a dad at SEVENTEEN ?...
Then, you go to the college of your choice, what's the best according to your goals, preferences, needs and financial poss... (read in full...)
NEVER will do anything for a woman unless there is sexual intention involved.
Q. I had a discussion with a friend today about my upcoming trip, and she said that men NEVER will do anyhting for a woman unless there is sexual intention involved. I told her that I had and have plenty of guy friends. She asked me to think under w...
A. 27 January 2014: Just friends ? Oh please.
If it were you, would you do ,for a pleasant quasi stranger, not really an established friend , just a new acquaintance who looks personable but about whom you basically know nothing, what he plans to do for you ? Take... (read in full...)
Something in his story just didn't ring true ...
Q. I recently met and fell in love with a great man. If were not together we are talking. He makes sure I know he loves me. We plan on moving in together. I have a son and his Dad is not in his life he has stepped up to the plate and I respect him ...
A. 26 January 2014: He lost his mother on Dec. 22nd, ... and you wonder why , about 4 weeks later, he is not as attentive or lovey -dovey as usual ? You wonder why he is a little distant or preoccupied, - in your opinion he should just have snapped out of it ... (read in full...)
If I make him dinner do I have to include meat?
Q. This is really, I guess, a question about etiquette. I am a vegetarian and the guy that I am seeing is not. He's been doing a lot for me lately and I want to try and return the favor, so I said I would cook him dinner one night soon. My issue is, if ...
A. 25 January 2014: No you don't. Not every single meal HAS to include meat, if it did probably we'd all have gout.
Maybe you would not ask this question if you were born Italian :) Our cuisine includes plenty of delicious, and filling, vegetable MAIN cour... (read in full...)
Is it inappropriate for a woman to give fragrance as a gift to a man who she isn't in a relationship with?
Q. Is it inappropriate for a woman to give fragrance as a gift to a man who she isn't in a relationship with? I had an argument with my girlfriend when she saw a type of aftershave that I wouldn't normally buy at my place and asked where I got it. I ...
A. 25 January 2014: Personal ?
It's one of the most impersonal, generic, " don't know what else to buy " gift you can think of. It's the kind of thing you pick up at a duty free shop to give to your uncle or cousin , or buy following the advice of some shop... (read in full...)
I want a baby but I'm not sure my BF really does
Q. I want a baby and need to have one soon! I'm 36. I have a boyfriend of a year. He knows of my desire to have a baby and marriage. He says he's "open to it" when I brought up the baby but no real concrete plans. When I brought up marriage , he said ...
A. 25 January 2014: If you want more committment before you get pregnant, wouldn't it make much more sense to not have unprotected sex and use contracception UNTIL yu get that committment ?
I know you say you were planning to have a baby anyway by a certain age, with... (read in full...)
Can't sleep after giving up medication. Please help?
Q. I really need some help. For those of you who do not know last year in the summer I was diagnosed with Bipolar. Its a really difficult illness to live with and I can't say a day ...
A. 24 January 2014: OP, you mention a GP, and then a generic " the doctors ", and now, don't get me wrong, it's not that I distrust GPs or that I have decided that your doctor is an ass- but, don't tell me that you are getting Bipolar Disorder cured by a GP ?! ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's strange behavior when we are out in public is starting to bother me
Q. I've been seeing someone that I quite like but his behaviour is also beginning to worry me. This might seem an odd thing to bring up but, whenever we are out and he starts to feel really happy with me, or happy in himself, he becomes kind of ...
A. 24 January 2014: From Merriam- Webster dictionary : LUSH ( noun ) : a person who is often drunk ; a habitual heavy drinker.
Origin of the word unknown, first known use 1790.
... (read in full...)
Can't sleep after giving up medication. Please help?
Q. I really need some help. For those of you who do not know last year in the summer I was diagnosed with Bipolar. Its a really difficult illness to live with and I can't say a day ...
A. 24 January 2014: Dear OP, ... what the Duck are you doing ?)
Did you quit your med cold turkey, just like that ? No wonder then, if you can't sleep.
It's never safe to stop taking bipolar drugs ( particularly mood stabilizer like Lithium,Depakote, Tegretol... (read in full...)
Am I wrong for wanting to wait around for the right person?
Q. I am 24yrs old female and all my friends are getting married, settling down etc. The thing is, it's never really bothered me because I am all about finding the right person. Some of my friends however have recently starting saying that I am...
A. 24 January 2014: It depends .
You are not crazy for not wanting to just " settle ", and to want the right person for you to spend your life with. It's not that being married is that wonderful in and of itself, it may be wonderful if you are in love AND chos... (read in full...)
My husband told me he doesn't find my body attractive! What now?
Q. *Sorry if it is lengthy** I am in desperate need of advice. To be blunt to start out with, my husband reluctantly told me that he doesn’t find my body to be attractive. I am 24 years old, about to turn 25 next month. My husband is 28 going to...
A. 24 January 2014: Like Tisha 1, I am perplexed too about the meaning of " we waited to have sex until married because we did not want to deal with the issues and stresses of having sex ". What does it mean ?
What issues and stresses were you foreseeing ? Two peop... (read in full...)
I dyed my hair and now look so different! Is this possible?
Q. Simple question really, I've had long dark hair all my life and never had comments like this once I dyed it lighter. I'm tanned, but I'd say my skin is more olive due to being mixed race and I have brown eyes. My hair reaches just under my breasts...
A. 24 January 2014: It's a matter of perception. There aren't many Indian women with natural light hair , I suppose,- or even with dyed light hair, I still have to see one outside perhaps of show business. So it's normal that one would associate Indian= black hair ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's strange behavior when we are out in public is starting to bother me
Q. I've been seeing someone that I quite like but his behaviour is also beginning to worry me. This might seem an odd thing to bring up but, whenever we are out and he starts to feel really happy with me, or happy in himself, he becomes kind of ...
A. 23 January 2014: The final part of your post offers a key into his behaviour.
It's quite simple, actually : he's a big lush.
If he has not developped a full blown alcohol addiction yet, he may be well on his way to develop one.
Hyperactive Dopamine Res... (read in full...)
He's not working but wants me to quit my job??
Q. Hi guys! Well i need some advice with this... i have a 6 years relationship with this man and we have a 2 year old baby, i got pregnant while we were in college... he hasn't finished yet but i did, and now i'm working... he's studying and taking ...
A. 23 January 2014: To echo llifton, heck no ! You really don't want to quit your job ( which per se would be already a good reason for keeping it ) , of course some times one has to compromise and put her wants second IF there is a good reason or a good plan... but ... (read in full...)
Do girls do this if they are interested?
Q. why do girls do this? I went on a date with a girl last night and she was on her phone for the momst of the time and talking about other guys that are interested in her, talking about previous love interests, and acting cold. she even invited ...
A. 23 January 2014: Did she really bring along another dde on a first dtae ?? How strange. I'd say, either she had misunderstood and did not have a clue it was supposed to be a date, OR , this was her passive aggressive way to tell you she is not into you. Some girls ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend wont let go of my past!
Q. Please, I need help with this. In the beginning of my relationship I made the treacherous mistake of telling my boyfriend about me giving oral to another guy, as I took it not very seriously and told him lots of details, it really got to him. ...
A. 21 January 2014: You could try and tell him that now he has a sexual past too, and what if his next gf feels the same OCD thoughts about what he did with you, and dumps him ? How would he like that ?
... But, there's no reasoning with OCD, so , unless he want... (read in full...)
How can I overcome this resentment?
Q. I have been married for 2 years. My marriage started on a wrong note, because husband treated me awfully; neglecting me, treating me like his slave, demeaning, mental torture,just the treatment that no human being ever deserves. I think he wanted to ...
A. 21 January 2014: But should you overcome it ? would it be reasonable ?..
I mean, you don't give specific details, so we can't exclude that maybe it's a matter of you being oversensitive to certain things, or of you and your husband having different values so that... (read in full...)
This habit is killing me from the inside!
Q. hello .. i am 21 and a virgin... my problem is that though i do gymming and practice yoga at times .. i have a bad habit of masturbating on every alternating days. i don't have any girlfriend . i watch too much of porn and i can't stop myself from ...
A. 21 January 2014: Don't worry.
Semen contains about 5 calories for ejaculation. If they were all from proteins, which is not the case, (there's also sugars, enzymes etc. ) you'd be looking at a max. content of 1.25 g of proteins ( 1 g of protein = 4 calories ).
... (read in full...)
He said, she said, so what should I say?
Q. Ok so basically this is what happened my crush called my sister a tramp and he was like I shouldn't be mad but then he went on to say that he don't like people calling him ratchet . I did at some hurtful things to him but he said some rude things as ...
A. 21 January 2014: You should say nothing - and change crush.
Blood is thicker than water, he insulted your sister, - and you want to be friends with him ??
Ok, I get it, this whole name calling thing is a juvenile way to show mutual attraction and get a reaction... (read in full...)
Should I be friends with this man?
Q. My friend and I were talking about a few things recently and we talk about almost everything. I guess he felt comfortable telling me about his past. I talked about my ex-boyfriends and he talked about his ex-girlfriends. He has been telling me how ...
A. 21 January 2014: So, this is a guy who' s not actually a friend , he's someone you don't know and haven't even met yet ( otherwise why bringing another friend along ).
And he's already talking about marryng you and having your child ??
That's a boxer who got ... (read in full...)
Why would a guy ask this question" do you think you are pretty enough for me?"
Q. Why would a guy ask this question" do you think you are pretty enough for me?" Please help me understand why the guy I am seeing might ask that? I'm really not sure it came out of no where he texted that to me and I answered as truthfully as I could ...
A. 20 January 2014: Uhm, because he's an idiot ?....
Although, that's the problem with texts : no context, no facial or vocal clues... maybe it was a joke, what in person could be inncuous, funny banter, by text comes off as rude and arrogant..... (read in full...)
Hugs, needed? what if a person gets none?
Q. I have had a life with little affection, ( Not talking sex or romance!!) Have had tiny bit of that yrs ago. Am talking simple human affection, a hug a pat on the shoulder, etc we all need this as humans and while some people arent comfortable with...
A. 20 January 2014: Nobody is ever happy with their lot in life .. I live among a bunch of serial huggers and kissers ( damn Italians ! so touchy -feely ! ) and it unnerves me. It's not so much that I am uncomfortable with non sexual affection, as the fact that ,to ... (read in full...)
I expressed my feelings about the relationship and he called me psycho!!!
Q. Hello all. I've been in a relationship with a man for the last 7 months. We have had plenty of ups and downs but currently we are in a down trend. I sensed he was pulling away about two weeks ago because he had a lot going on in his life. I offered ...
A. 20 January 2014: In an ideal world, yes, of course you have the right to express your feelings and emotions and to have this communication met timely, with patience, understanding, honesty and compassion.
In practice a)if you lie down with dogs you'll wake up with... (read in full...)
My girlfriend storms out after an argument instead of talking it through
Q. I don't know what to do. When my girlfriend and I fight, she stays so mad for so long, and I don't know how to deal with it. We had a fight last night that somehow caused her to drive off mad. We didn't speak for 24 hours, til I called her tonig...
A. 19 January 2014: I guess it would also depend from the kind of fight , and about what it was.
If it was about something small... actually, I am more realist than the king, I think that there's no reason to have arguments about minor stuff. If it's something mino... (read in full...)
I want to marry a female and have children but I am a gay male.
Q. I want to marry a female and have children but I am a gay male. Please help. ...
A. 19 January 2014: Gay males can have children without getting married with a woman. Either by adopting ,in some countries,- or by artificial insemination, or , I suppose, by bringing thmselves to do the deed with a willing female partner.
I get the desire for a ch... (read in full...)
Ever been stuck on someone who's bad for you?
Q. I'm stuck on my ex of almost 7 months. He only just convinced me to try the relationship again this week, and he was back yelling at me again within 24 hours. He hung up like always, will pretend not to talk for like 2 weeks but I don't really doubt ...
A. 18 January 2014: Oh you can still care as much as you like. As long as you also muster the backbone, the wisdom and the pride to not go back for the 4th time to someone who yells at you regularly.
Not everything is easy ?... It should not even be THAT diff... (read in full...)
I lent my online bf money for the trip to meet me...am I being used?
Q. I've been in an on-line relationship for 2 months. My bf and I decided to meet, so we went ahead and made plans. But a few days before he realised he doesn't have enough money for the trip. I have agreed to lend him but I keep wondering if I am ...
A. 18 January 2014: Did you send money ti an in line guy that you haven't ever met ?... I would not be surprised if he never showed up, let alone giving you your money back.... (read in full...)
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