A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hey there!My boyfriend and 8 others grew moustaches to raise money for charity last month. When he first mentioned this he talked about what style he might have.He said he may grow a hitler style. I come from a background where i grew up in a jewish community and i explained that i would find this innapropriate and offensive, no matter how ironic he may think he is being.Fast forward to last night.All the guys had there moustaches shaved off in the pub. When i got there he was clean shaven but i was soon showed the pictures of him with a hitler tash which he had till about half an hour before i arrived in the pub. He had told the barber to shave it off before i arrived.There were a lot of pictures of him doing the nazi salute. I went outside to gather my thoughts.He followed me outside and told me i had no sense of humour, it was only a laugh and i just had to deal with it cos it was for charity.During the rest of the night people were holding 2 fingers to their top lip and saluting him and he would do the same back. I felt very upset that he had not respected my feelings on the matter and i felt embarrassed and hurt.A lot of alcohol was consumed that day which i guess contributed to his lack of moral compass and poor taste in my opinion.I drank too much that night myself and ended up at home crying. My question is ... Was my reaction out of proportion and can i blame the drink for making him do it? x
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to everyone who posted a reply !
For me the main issue is the fact he knew my feelings on the matter and did it anyway. Even if he shaved it off before i got to the pub, makes no difference in my opinion.
I do understand about how python etc have made fun of hitler, but i felt a dark undertone about the whole scenario which i think wiseowlE touched upon.
Honeypie .... what an asshat move . That made me laugh! x
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2013): OP, to mock and make fun of someone is the biggest put down possible. I like many people lost relatives due to hitler, but I never miss the opportunity to have a laugh at his expense. Sorry, I am with your husband on this one, especially if its for a good cause.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (3 December 2013):
 I'm Jewish and I'm horrified...
I see it more and more folks who don't know anyone with numbers on their arm or who had family who survived the camps or lived in Siberia during the war to avoid the camps.
I saw a guy writing numbers on a person's forearm with a sharpie... he was doing it as a way for this person to have a goal for a weight loss. IT was such a violent ugly reaction I had to say something to him and he was genuinely CLUELESS as to why writing NUMBERS on a person's arm where the Nazis tattooed their victims' numbers was an issue for me.
With apologies to Cindy Cares
how many Hitler mustaches do you see in real life now? NONE...
I know lots of friends who have grandfathers who were named Adolph as it was a POPULAR name... not many babies get named Adolph now.... none that I know of...
IF we permit folks to use it as humor NOW, (as opposed to when it was a raw gaping wound and needed that humor to get past it) we diminish the impact of the loss of TWELVE MILLION PEOPLE.
I'm sorry but I agree that his joking was insulting, distasteful and probably done as a clueless person.
It is incumbent on folks to FORCE others to respect and remember... NEVER AGAIN is said for a reason... if as a JEW I do not force folks to look at their own ACCEPTING behavior, who's to say some charismatic lunatic won't try to do it again?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2013): Non jewish people have a lot of reason to dislike Hitler especially us Brits, but we can laugh about these things. It helps us get past the horrible memories, plus you're mocking the man not the victims
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (3 December 2013):
 Ok, I am going to stick my neck out and volunteer for a bashing here : yes, I think your reaction was definitely over the top.
We may debate that your bf's " joke " was not in good taste- same as lots of " pub " humour is, crass and innocuous. But I guess you would know if your bf is a new nazi or an antisemite or if in his daily life he harbours even a hint of antisemite feelings , right ? It was rollicking, gross grained hijinks. ( Didn't your Prince Henry got in trouble for the same reasons a few years ago ? ).
You seem to forget that even non Jewish Britishmen - and Britishwomen - have excellent reasons to not hold Hitler very dear to their hearts. Think about the hundred of thousands of British soldiers dead during WW2, and of all the war prisoners , of which many never came back- because of Hitler. Think of 3 years of intense, hammering bombing, of entire London neighborhoods razed down . Think of dread, anxiety, sacrifices, cold and hunger for the British civil population.- as a matter of fact, you guys had to have your food and fuel rationed until 1954 !, because of Hitler. Jews and non Jews alike. Do you think they Christian Britishmen LIKE Hitler, they admire him ?... Your bf never had a grandparent interned in a nazi death camp - but maybe he had a grandfather or other relative who did not come back from Burma, or from El Alamein, courtesy of Hitler and his allies Italy and Japan.
Hitler has been absolute evil in the life of your ancestors - AND , probably, in that of your bf's ancestors too. So it's not that he does not get what you feel, he just has chosen to see it and handle it differently .
Now the question is, but can we laugh about pure , absolute evil ? The answer is : yes ,apparently we can and we do. For once I have to contraddict Honeypie who says there's nothing funny about Hitler. Charlie Chaplin ( Jewish ) disagrees with you, watch The Great Dictator. Watch the hilarious impersonations of Hitler performed in their movies by Peter Sellers and Mel Brooks ( Jewish too ). Watch The Pretenders. Watch Monty Python's Flying Circus, the episode where John Cleese was Hitler. The Simpsons often have funny references to Hitler in their episodes. And so on and so forth, there's been a plethora of parodies and comic sketches about the Nazis - ther's even a great Donald Duck cartoon. Should we ban any kind of gag, joke, skit or parody about the Nazis , in fear of not being politically correct enough ? I hope we 'll never come to that ; laugh is a powerful WEAPON, and , in the long run, humor and ridicule can undermine and erase a system or a mentality more than hundreds of serious, impassioned speeches.
Granted, I bet that your bf, OP, is no Charlie Chaplin and no Peter Sellers, I am sure he does not have their style and levity so his drink fueled " playing Nazi " may have felt a bit coarse to you. But since what counts is the intention, and I strongly doubt that his intention was to hurt and disrespect you OR ANYBODY ELSE ( remember, it's not like Great Britain thrived under Hitler's attacks ! ) I'd say that you should forgive him, and try not to take his behaviour so personally.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (3 December 2013):
 If he is in the same age group as you put up (41-50) then he should KNOW better. There is nothing FUNNY about Hitler. And I just don't get how he can think that Hitler and a charity event somehow go together, let alone the whole Nazi Salute. It's not funny it's bad form and bad taste.
He didn't care what you think he was going to do what HE thought was funny.
Sorry this would be one of those things that I would find it really hard to move past.
It's not like there aren't PLENTY of "funny" styles of stashes and beards out there.. HITLER isn't one of them.
What a total asshat move.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2013): He sounds like he was going along with the crowd and acting very immature. I grew up with Jewish friends and am sensitive to such issues. I don't think he can undo what he's done but you can sit down and talk and help him understand. It depends how he reacts and if he can see how thoughtless his behaviour was.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2013): NO! Your feelings of disgust, humiliation, and repulsion are more than justified. By no means did you over-react. In fact, had you not reacted to such a degree, your character would be drawn into question.Such an offensive display, and the Nazi salutes tainted the goodwill intended for a charity. Bad taste is expected in a pub setting, but no one seemed to care who it may have offended that may have been Jewish, or attended for the sake of showing their support for the cause. You might blame it on the alcohol, but it also showed everyone's true colors. It got out of hand, and no one seemed to care. It's sad that tasteless mockery overtook a charity fundraiser. It's outrageous everyone thought it was funny. It doesn't say anything good about your boyfriend's character. The fact he took pictures to immortalize and publicize his affront to Jews and humanity; only shows how insensitive and bigoted he is.I'm sorry you had to see such an ugly side of people; when they were supposedly doing this for a good cause.Shameful is an understatement.
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