A
female
age
,
*elsidog
writes:I'm getting mixed signals from my very best friend. We work together and they live on site in an apartment. I'm not sure if she is flirting with me or if I am reading too much into it. She is married and in her late 50's, I'm a female as well and in my early 50's. We have been best of friends for almost 8 years. We have vacationed together. When it's just her and I we cut up and have an awesome time but when her husband shows up she acts differently, more reserved and not herself. When she comes down the hall she always looks into my office, if I'm in the dining room area she finds a reason to come to me about something. She touches me a lot when we are talking. She laughs at almost everything I say, although I have to admit she laughs a lot at what others say too. She tells me she would rather do things with me instead of her husband. When she and her husband are going out to do something and I say well have a good time she will shrug and say I would have a good time if you were coming. When we are alone together she tells me she has the best time ever. The other day I was on the ladder decorating the tree for work and one of my Senior Citizens said to me "you have a nice body" and she said "yes she does"! Whenever she emails me and tells me that her and her husband are going to do something she says I wish you were there! She checks in on me a lot. Is she flirting with me? Is she into me?
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female
reader, kelsidog +, writes (2 December 2013):
kelsidog is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMaybe I am reading to much into it. Like I said we have been friends for 8 years, mostly long distance because she and her husband lived in Florida and now live by me. Over the years there have been many things she has said to me that makes me think she is attracted to me or maybe just a flirt. She has told me if she every came into real money she would travel the world with me and leave her husband home, she has asked me to go on a cruise with me, when I suggested to her that maybe that's something she would want to do with her husband she said no, I want to be with you. When she is gone for any length of time and she emails me she says "I miss you soooooo much, more than you will ever know"! Many, many things like that made me think she was flirting with me. I don't know if I am giving any signs to her that I enjoy it or not. I would hope I wouldn't. I certainly would let her know she needed to work on her marriage and that there was NO hope of connecting with me. I love her very much and she is my best friend. I don't want anyone to get hurt.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (2 December 2013):
 I'm with Cindy Cares on this... I don't think it's FLIRTING.
she's unhappily married to a lump and is probably not going to leave him so she's just trying to inject some FUN into her life.
I'm a bisexual woman in a lousy marriage and I am an outrageous flirt but NOTHING your friend is saying or doing sounds like flirting to me. She just wants to have a friend.
I'm curious as to what you think you would do if it WAS flirting.... what would you need to change in the relationship to fix your comfort level... and why in the world would it even enter your mind that a same sex friend was flirting with you?
Has she said she's bi or bi-curious? Are you attracted to her? What brought up this possible scenario of flirting?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2013): You don't read too much into anything; unless you're looking for something. I didn't pickup anything beyond friendly compliments, usual girlfriend-talk, and a lady who may not be too happy with her marriage. That's what friends are for.
You have been given advice, because you asked for it. Maybe we're reading too much into that!
With advice, sometimes comes a lecture. We're taking the time to consider your concerns. Take it for what it's worth.
The aunts respond to your questions according to how you present your information. A lecture, as you put it, may
register at some later time. You may not see the immediate benefit. Some people do appreciate that. We are here to help those that do.
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A
male
reader, M Proops  +, writes (1 December 2013):
You seem to be uncomfortable in her company now as if she is crossing a line. What would you do if she tried to kissed you out of the blue. She may have marital problems.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (1 December 2013):
 I think she's just got a boring husband... sad but true, there are a lot of marriages that , after many years together, have basically run out of fuel , people does not really know what to say to each other, how to intrigue, excite, or entertain each other- so someone outside the couple is actually a welcome addition and breath of fresh air, rather than a third wheel.
Come on, don't tell me you haven't ever seen in a restaurant the typical couple that goes through all their meal in total silence, and commented joking " They must be married ! ".
That does not happen always ,of course, but, alas, often enough, and more than it should So while it may be lamentable , it's not inusual that either partner , after a long (ish ) marriage, eventually shows way more enthusiasm for their close friends, than for a spouse.
Anyway : I don't think she is flirting ( and I don't think there's anything strange in saying that a friend has a nice body- it's a compliment if it's true, and a little ego boost if is not so true,- do your other friends never compliment you about your looks or elegance or whatnot ?! ) BUT, just in case, - one never knows- better safe than sorry. She IS still married, and you are friends with the husband too. So, IF you think she may be flirting and being inappropriate,- just play dumb. Don't play along, don't flirt back, don't show you have particularly noticed her words and gestures of appreciation. This way you can't go wrong.
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A
female
reader, kelsidog +, writes (1 December 2013):
kelsidog is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI appreciate all of your feedback. First let me say I didn't say I wanted to act on it. I am simply trying to figure out my friends behavior as it will have an effect on how I respond to her in the future. I don't need lectures on the fact that she is married, I get that and I in NO way want to be part of a marriage break-up. I simply want to be her friend. It's only because we are so close to each other that I have sought advice. Sometimes you can't see things as they are because your to close to the situation. I feel very strongly that she is flirting with me but felt maybe I was reading too much into it. That's why I have looked to you for your insight! Thank you!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2013): Whether she's into your or not, she IS married so unless she and her husband have an open relationship or they're swingers, returning any flirting behavior is wrong. If she were divorced, it would be different. It really is hard to tell if she's hitting on your or not. It's possible that she feels safer with a woman around. like maybe her husband is controlling and she needs a lady around. i guess my thinking is that she's just lonely.I
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2013): from the sound of it, I think she really seems to have feelings for you, not just as a bosom friend. There are too many signals and I doubt you are reading too much into all of them !! I think you should ask her casually how come she acts in a different way when her husband is around? see if this question will open up a deeper conversation and you can take it from there. Maybe she is scared to come out !! It takes a lot of courage to do so. Does she have kids? are you in a relationship as well? Good luck and all the best.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2013): The fact that she is a married woman makes flirting with you irrelevant.
It's a clear indication she may have problems in her marriage; and if she is more attracted to you than her husband, she shouldn't remain married to the man.
Under the circumstances, exactly what difference should it make to you if she is? You know she's a married woman and that makes her unavailable for sex and dating. So what are you looking for? An affair with a married woman?
You are wishing for more. Then go find it with someone who isn't legally tied to another in marriage. That way, there is nothing and no one else to get in the your way of your feelings.
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