A
male
age
30-35,
*ensativeguy010
writes:I just want to know how important sex is to women in a relationship, and also if it is important to them to maintain a healthy relationship.My fiance and I just got engaged a few weeks ago and we've been together for a year and a half. The first few months of the relationship we had sex like animals almost twice a day every day or so. Now I know that's impossible to maintain but up until maybe 6 months ago we basically don't have sex anymore I will be lucky to get it once a month. NOW, she did get diagnosed with a weird disorder that is basically a permanent UTI that comes and goes and causes her pain and blood in her urine and most likely lowered her libido. A lot of the time when we do get to have sex its uncomfortable because I have a larger penis and it hurts he sometimes. She still wants to try on occasion but it just makes me feel like at this rate shes going to get bored of the relationship. To me sex help keep that special connection between two people and keeps the relationship on an intimate level....So I just want to know how girls view sex and if it's truly that important so if I need to know if it's something that I need to be worried about with our lack of sex. Thank you
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female
reader, shna  +, writes (30 November 2013):
 If your fiance has been diagnosed with a uti of some sort she is probably going through a lot more pain then u realise !!
She knows that your sexual relationship was great and now that she is in pain when u guys are together she doesnt feel like she is able to pleasure you the way she use to anymore !! Shes probably dealing with the fact that she may have to live with this forever and its hurtful to her !! Its not that she is getting comfortable if anything far from it !! Im sure this girl is going through a very emoitonal stage right now !!
I think sit down and talk with her and listen to what she has to say
A
male
reader, Sensativeguy010 +, writes (30 November 2013):
Sensativeguy010 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you guys for the responses and helpful tips. her condition is Interstitial cystitis which does cause her a lot of pain and discomfort. She does not like to receive or give Oral sex as well, unless shes flat drunk on her ass then maybe. And to some of the responses the questions isn't about me wanting to be in a relationship with no sex. I just want to know if there is a possibility she would lose interest because of not having barely any sex, I already know I want to spend my life with this wonderful girl. But I guess if that is something that she does not need to much of or doesn't see very important then I don't have to worry (She told me briefly today that our relationship shouldn't be about sex)
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (30 November 2013):
 It sounds like she was diagnosed with Interstitial cystitis
which is horrible. I had a friend with it and she was in constant discomfort.
I've had bouts of severe chronic hemorrhagic UTIs and bladder issues so I have some idea of her discomfort.
If she was like me she would want cuddling and affection but would not want her genital region touched except for maybe an ice pack now and then.
It's not just pain (like a razor) when you pee, but there is constant pressure in the bladder region as well as the almost chronic urge to pee.
it did not mean i did not want affection and that I did not want to please my partner with sexual activity OTHER than intercourse but penetration was not pleasant and it often meant that I would have a flare of pain after intercourse. The urethra sits just next to the vagina and it gets a pounding during intercourse.
Your question is whether or not she will get bored of the relationship or not be able to be connected to you without intercourse. Note that I did not say without sex but rather intercourse because they are two different things to me.
I can tell you that for me as long as my partner is affectionate daily in some way and does not assume that my lack of wanting intercourse does not mean i don't want to be close emotionally and in other sexual ways it can work.
Oral sex that ends in orgasms can be very satisfying for both parties.
I know my friend was able to help her issue with good nutrition, yoga and other exercise as well as learning as much as she could about IC. I used a lot of the food modifications (types of food you eat) and other issues to work and help my issues... and with age it has improved for me.
A man who stands by a chronically ill partner is an awesome man and it is very easy to love him and depend on him and I could never become bored with a man who loved me even in my illness.
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A
female
reader, Brokenv  +, writes (30 November 2013):
If there is a medical issue. You need to support her and help her get better. That takes time.
When she feels better and your sex lives have not improved. It is time to move on! Sorry but that is a long unhappy life. Sex is important!
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (30 November 2013):
 A permanent UTI infection sounds like some big serious deal, is she currently under treatment for that ? Did they tell you is she can expect healing , and when ?...
Sex life is very important to some women, somewhat less to others. But if having intercourse causes her pain, inflammation, burning sensation and general discomfort, no wonder that her libido vanished and she does not want to have sex.
You too would lose your enthusiasm if you 'd get an electric shock to your penis every time you insert it in a bagina .
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (30 November 2013):
 You say that this woman is your fiance..... so that means you are preparing to spend a LIFETIME in the conditions that you've posed here. Can you do that? If "no," than decide, now, that marriage is "on hold" until this matter can be settled......
It's important that you both learn WHY she seems less interested in sex now, unlike before. IF her UTI condition is something that will respond to treatment... then decide if she will undergo that... AND if she will wish to have as active a sex-life as you had had previously once that is done.... If the condition cannot be corrected... OR, if she reveals that she doesn't expect to resume the active sex life you and she had (and which you considered an important part of your relationship).... then you (and she) must decide if the two of you can continue on....
Sexual compatibility is CRITICAL to a successful marriage or relationship.... If EITHER party must compromise their sexual desires, preferences and/or expectations, then that marriage/relationship is doomed....
Be honest (and OPEN) with one-another when addressing this issue...
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, R1  +, writes (30 November 2013):
 I think it's very important. I once went out with a mane go had a low sex drive and it left me feeling frustrated and annoyed with him at times!
But with your problem this is maybe only a temporary thing so should bed ok soon??
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (30 November 2013):
I think it's probably just as important to women, but because we were made differently, it's easy for sex to become painful or uncomfortable for us. And of course, if something is painful or uncomfortable, you don't want to do that particular activity.
If she's having problems with UTI's, then yes, that could definitely pose a problem. Hopefully, she already knows to pee after sex to get any bad bacteria out. But I agree on the lubes and/or using condoms because they should help with those issues. Another thing, is if you give her oral quite a bit, that could also be culprit for frequent UTI's. Hopefully you could find something that helps the problem.
However, if her problem is just a low sex drive or loss of interest. Then she needs to figure out her problem. Because if she's not having sex with you now because of these two problems, then it'll probably be a lot worse once you're married, and you need to figure out if that's something you really want to put up with if you're married.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (30 November 2013):
 Do you use condoms? Because that can minimize the risk of UTI. I have to say though if I had a constant UTI I wouldn't really want sex either, BUT there are other things you can do in the bedroom to keep each other sexually "happy".
Do you know what she was actually diagnosed with?
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (30 November 2013):
If someone doesn't find sex enjoyable (either because of pain or boredom) it's going to start happening less and less.
What you should do is invest in lube and discover some new techniques together that make things more comfortable for her. Also spicing things up bin general isn't a bad idea, in and out of the bed.
Some people just don't need a lot of sex. Maybe she's that type of person.
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