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age
30-35,
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writes: I don't know if I should forgive this guy named J. We sort of both liked each other, nothing official came from it and he ended up telling people we made out. That's not a lie but he promised he wouldn't kiss and tell considering we both volunteer at the same place. So obviously I was hurt and a few people (like two but at the time i assumed everyone knew). So i told him off and he said he was gonna try to make it right and I said nothing he could do could ever fix this. I was really hurt. He didn't try to contact me for a while but he started asking my friend what he could do or if she could get her to get me to at least talk to him. I don't know if I should...I'm not confrontational. Though the place we volunteer for is a Fire-EMS building so they're trying to get me to talk it out so that we can have a working relationship.Just as I was about to get the guts to talk to him, he started accusing me of keying his car, which I did not. I told him, he said he believed me but he wanted to talk our issue out. I said i don't know. Then he found out from another person that volunteers there that I was planning on resigning and he texted me later the same day telling me not to resign because of him, that I'm a good EMT. So I decided not to resign but I can't really switch days to avoid him because I have two jobs and I go to school part time. So I don't know what to do. Should I give him the chance and talk it out with him? Or just resign or try to avoid him? We do ride the same night so avoiding would be more or less me not treating him like a friend but a subordinate since I do have my EMT an he does not. The other issue that stands is whether or not he likes me. Or if I like him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDidn't realize he posted about me. I'm talking to the crew chief for that night to see if I should go back to Fridays or stay on Thursdays. I don't care anymore. I got really good advice from my a fellow emt and firefighter. Most people will take advantage of my kind and compassionate ways since they have either nothing better to do or see me as vulnerable. He also told me not to care since most people down there have hooked up with each other; that shit happens but how I reacted was normal.
He was my friend before my coworker. And he messed that up. I don't want to hear any kind of apology anymore. Granted, people have done worse than he has but case of the matter is I don't like being played or hurt. Ill be professional but nothing more.
And if he ever even cared about the friendship at all, he knows how to reach me. So for almost two months he's ignored it. And he's known. And he knew I knew because I know mostly everything that spreads. L, the other boy that likes me but we've known each other since we were like kids, told me and that's why I flipped. Yeah, tell your best friend that works with us; I don't care. I knew he knew. But tell MY friend that you make fun of for being a new member, no.
I don't make the same mistake twice.
Thank you guys XD
Hope you all had a wonderful holiday
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (2 December 2013):
 Don't crap where you eat.(aka don't date where you work) That is what I told your firefighter J.
Regard J as a work colleague and nothing more. SCREW what people might think over a couple of young people making out ONE time. JUST DO NOT do it again. BE professional. He is a dumbass, so stay away from him on a personal level.
No need to TALK anything out. You were a fool for getting intimate with him, he was an idiot to assume you would take "revenge" and so forth.
Some times we have to work with people that do STUPID stuff, it happens - don't let people like that stop you from enjoying what you do and learning what you can from this job.
Whether you like him, he likes you or not, really doesn't matter at this point. He is a co-worker who has showed you what kind of guy he is. (and not really a good guy) I mean at a place where you work, HE kissed and told? then accuse you of keying his car, calls the cops on a co-worker? Moron. I hope you have better taste then that and THAT you LEARN from this. DATE outside of your work place and you will have a LOT less DRAMA!.
Let it go. Ignore him unless it pertains to work.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (2 December 2013):
 Why would you have to resign , and stop offering a valuable service to your community, because of some personal silly stuff that in a few months everybody will have forgotten about ? You are a volunteer- it's not about YOU, it's about THEM; what you can do for the people you want to help. So you met an idiot. Big deal. Who knows how many more you will have to meet in all your future jobs- you can't just quit every time you have a tiff or a misunderstanding with a less than perfect coworker.
This, the general concept. Then, I wonder what there would be to " talk about " again. The guy screwed up. He kissed and told, fully knowing you were not going to appreciate it, he accused you of criminal behaviour, he created a lot of unnnecessary drama- enough already : you don't need a " friend " - or a lover - like this. So what if you have to spend shifts together and NOT be friends ? being friends with coworkers is a wonderful plus when it happens, but is neither mandatory nor authomatic. Just be professional and civil, and that will be enough.
As for the question if you still like him : I hope you don't : If you do you are a glutton for punishment. He behaved badly toward you, and if you form and maintain attachments to people who treat you wrong, you are in trouble. You should forgive them, you should move on, you should avoid bitterness or hatred or revenge etc... but you should not be romantically involved with them, and should keep them firmly at safety distance.
Does he still like you ? based on the above reasoning : maybe, but.. who cares ?!
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female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (2 December 2013):
 Link to "J"'a post:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-really-like-her-but-i-messed-up.html
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (2 December 2013):
 Why would you even consider somebody who falsely accused you of damaging their vehicle and discusses you with everybody he has ever interacted with, even the gas man, and posts long, long questions about you on this site?
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