A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Is it normal to be "invisible" to everyone?I know there are billions of us on this planet and we are all invisible unless we are famous, but that's not what I mean..!Am talking about to those who know us in life..friendscolleagues at workfamilyaquaintancesetc..EVERYONE I know, socially, casually as an aquaintance, family, friends of friends.. and at work etc. is complimented, in real life and online.I'm not,ever. I give compliments sincerely sometimes, to be nice and as I am a genuiune (but quieter and single) person. NO family nearby, we are semi estranged, do not go there. I rarely see them. I'm not a fake or needy or desperate person and I believe that we all as humans.. need a compliment or to be treated nicely at times.I'm sincere and I don't overdo things, but... I am ignored and none EVER says anything nice to me or about me, ever... all I ever hear is others having nice things saidexample: she's so niceshes so funnyhe's great to work withshe's stunningshes/he's an amazing personshe's got a beautiful personality and is such a great personshe's awesome!I'm looking forward to catching up with him/hershe's such a good friendHi .... how are YOU?!You are so niceetc..these are said to others.. never me.I'm starting to feel so down, and like noone cares at all and Im invisible to everyone..I try to smile, be positive and always nice, (I am not fake and never try hard) and I go about my business but I "slip by life unnoticed"why are some of us always forgotten and others shine and get all the live/likes/care?DO NOT tell me to "volunteer" in my community as I cannot right now due to work, and also have nothing to give, why cant I have some care to?I cannot get a pet due to my living situation, my landlord not allowing animals.we all need care?ALL I want to know is why me??I've done nothing to anyone. I have a neon flashing sign over my head saying"ignore her"?
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female
reader, encupid +, writes (20 December 2021):
P.S. To the asker - I know I just posted, but i'm adding this long-ago blog by Julie Redstone, which relates to our experiences, and which i just now discovered:
I.E. someone asks her:
Dearest Julie, is this the same as contraction? In my practical work in the world, as well as practical tasks day to day I am constantly experiencing that people do not return my calls or e-mails. This happens in all situations, even when I am hiring them for something. I speak and people do not hear me, I share something on a discussion forum and people do not respond. Thank you for this article.
Julie's response:
Dear One,
The feature of 'invisibility' described above is primarily related to light and the effect of a different vibration on others. There is also an 'invisibility' that could come from the phenomenon of contraction which is based on the energy of darkness creating an adverse or oppositional reaction in people, often unconsciously, so that they do not respond well or at all to gestures of approach. The phenomenon of contraction is produced by the intentionality of negative energies to prevent light from expanding. It may be that you have had to deal with both which can be so very painful, with the emphasis being on the response to transparency, that is, to the changed state of your body based on light. Blessings - JR
A
female
reader, encupid +, writes (20 December 2021):
To the Asker: I am in your boat EXACTLY, and please, you must understand, this is a metaphysical phenomenon. I.E. so many others experience "small miracles" whereas with us, it's more like "small jinxacles" and even "big jinxacles" plus in my case, severe chronic pain". The other respondents truly don't get it, it's obvious by their responses that they've not been in our shoes.
BTW, if its of any interest, many years ago, Coast-To-Coast had a guest named Heidi Hollis, whose site had the "invisibility" phenomenon mentioned on it. (And no, i'm not referring to shadow people. Rather, it was a Q&A section wherein someone with OUR type of invisibility posted - and which is why i remember it. Because people remember that which resonates with their experiences, especially when finding validation is so rare.)
I suggest you conduct a key-word search online, and you might find others like us. That's how I found your post. We really ARE ignored by others. We can put our utmost in posting useful answers, yet we are bypassed, while careless or half-baked people are acknowledged. Or if we give a really good idea to others, either online or in real-life, it's either rudely knocked by others, or else forgotten. It's like ALL our efforts for the good are in vain, and often if we ourselves are desperate for some helpful practical answers, we don't get decent answers at the time we NEED it. Rather we might get answers which are more like static.
I bet even my effort to register-and-post this response (despite how tired i am) will prove to be in vain...
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AND NOW FOR PROOF
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To see recent proof of my efforts which were trampled (on a forum) and ignored (by a YouTube doctor):
(1) First conduct a search on the suggestion board of XenForo forums, for membername jelley, and topic "Proposal - fair method of spam moderation"
(2) Then On YouTube, on the video by Dr.Robert Bastian re: Sensory Neuropathic Cough, my YT pen-name is minniyoutubaster. If you can tediously ferret out all the comments by minniyoutubaster on that video, you'd see that throughout the comments, minniyoutubaster carefully (and with deep thought) responded to commenters' questions by offering techniques which truly help, and even tried responding directly to Dr.Bastian's comments at least once, if not more. Yet, NOT ONCE did he acknowledge my efforts, rather only responding to others, whether half-baked or not. And ONLY ONCE was i acknowledged by a teen-aged commenter whom i'd responded to. Others whom i'd responded to, ignored me. I consider even the teen's response a major miracle, which somehow "slipped thru my invisibility-barrier" which renders everything i try an "exercise in futility".
Also note that among my comments there, I'd posted my Covid-related hunch which was based on a logical-question, namely, that Covid requires "thinners" whereas Flu thrives more on "thickeners". Yet, when I tried pointing out my hunch/question to Bastian in the hope of feedback, par for the course, it was ignored, all the while many shallow comments were addressed by him.
That's the pattern of our lives (in all sorts of ways) and it's the pattern of metaphysically-invisible people worldwide.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2018): Its true. We are mostly invisible and as we are billions of people on this planet its not surprising in a way.If someone is throwing round the compliments it's best to be a bit suspicious. Usually they want something from you.Or they big you up to drop you down.You sound like you've got your life together so don't worry if no one gives you compliments.They probably think you've got it all already.?But no one ever has everything!
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A
male
reader, TylerSage +, writes (28 March 2018):
 You're doing things in hopes of getting something back in return; a compliment, praise, congratulations, a wink and when these fantasies you've crafted don't come to pass your emotions takes centre stage and freak out. ""How dare life not give me what I want after doing so many nice things for people?", "I deserve a crown for my good deeds" , "I'm vegan how dare a lion try to eat me?"
You must choose to do things, simply because you want to, full stop. Not because of all the beneficial possibilities that might follow. It's like helping an old woman cross the street and then frowning that she didn't tip you. When you don't live with expectations, you don't get disappointments in return. For a long time I thought that sentiment was negative but I've now come to understand that it's actually neutral.
Also maybe you should look into being a little MEAN from time to time, being TOO good or TOO nice is never a good thing. It's all about balance. The less you care about being seen the more visible you become to others.
All the best.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2018): Something really stood out to me in your post. You said "and I also have nothing to give, why cant I have some care to[o]?"You feel you have NOTHING to give. Really? No compassion, kindness, encouragement for those less fortunate than yourself?We reap what we sew. I think that you go around life with an attitude of getting your job done and doing your duty but nothing more. I volunteer with a couple of needy children from difficult backgrounds. I do this after working all day with underprivileged kids for a job.Usually I do not get thanks. Not in words anyway. My reward is when a child remembers something that we did together or some thing I taught them. You need to look for gratification in things beyond flattery and praise. Sometimes gratification comes from seeing your affect on others. I think you are lonely. I think that perhaps a lot of this comes from not having much personal life so relying too much on coworkers to fill in emotional gaps. Why not get out more, try to make some close friends? Everyone has failings. You are going to have to be FORGIVING and understanding if you want to have close friends and/or a potential partner. I get the feeling that you are probably a perfectionist and expect this of your friends. Listen-- I AM sympathetic to feeling invisible. I really am. We all feel that way sometimes, especially if we are not the loud bubbly type. But you can own this and move on and start worrying about what YOU are giving to others- not what they give to your ego. Your choice.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2018): You're talking about compliments and good-words said about people who aren't present to hear them.
Compliments said to your face are mostly flattery, and people say them to make you feel good; but don't have to really be sincere about it.
They tell you what you want to hear, or stroke your ego. Compliments embarrass me. I try to accept them graciously, but I feel put on the spot. If I do something good for you, thanks is enough. If you say something good to someone about me; coming from a friend and someone I love, that warms my heart! Don't feel compelled to butter me up!
Most truly good people aren't looking for compliments or hollow-praise to make them feel good. They/we do what we/they do; because it's the right thing to do.
Perhaps you got limited to no positive-reinforcement as a child; and no one noticed your accomplishments. I can see where you might feel unnoticed or unrewarded; and this is a "thing" with you. You've taken offense and hold a grudge about it. If you made good grades, found victory in a challenge of any sort, beat cancer; or overcame a catastrophic-event in your life; my hat is off to you.
You are blessed and God has smiled upon you! May you reap many more blessings!
I think your feelings of being invisible come from the lack of love for who you are. You simply don't like yourself and you project that negativity onto others. You compare yourself to other people constantly; and devalue you yourself, based on what you see in others that you don't have, or what you can't do. You will definitely be miserable; if that is your take on life, and your only perspective.
Everyone has value. We all have unique talents and contributions that we offer to humanity. Be it big, or small. The reward is not in the praise and recognition you get; it's in the benefit people will receive from it. You have a twisted-perception about what compliments really mean. Your neediness and embittered state of mind is distorting things. You mentioned estrangement from your family. That tells us where all this comes from.
What happened there is stuck in your heart; and it is what you carry with you everywhere you go.
By the way, don't come to an open forum for advice and answers; then tell us what not say, or where not to go. You need to learn something! We don't attack or belittle people here; but sometimes you need some tough-love and strong words to bring you to your senses, or to provoke thought.
You need honesty and sincerity from people, who really don't know you. So we can't and won't try to hurt you. Lest you're oversensitive and you take everything as critical or a personal-attack. We can't help that sometimes. We have to call it as we see it. Delete or ignore what you don't like!
I don't waste my time unless I care. If what I offer doesn't help you, it might help someone else. That's enough for me.
Sometimes you get a good-feeling seeing the results of a good deed; you get personal-reward from helping. That should be enough. My joy is sharing my wisdom, and educating a new generation. Reminding the older-generation of our responsibility to share our knowledge and experience. We owe it to the young ones. They can also educate us. They guide us through a changing and more technological world.
People appealing to your vanity, swelling your head, and placing you up on a pedestal; may be a need for some folks. Not for those who are true of heart and sincere about what they do. Who don't care whether they receive praise or special-acknowledgement or not.
The same compliments people stack up under you, are the same piles they'll kick out from under you! Awards and accolades require some sort of special work, contribution, or heroic effort on your part. They don't fall in your lap! As entitled as you might feel!
Perhaps you haven't really given of yourself as much as you could. You seem quite bitter and think you're under-appreciated. That comes from a low self-esteem and self-loathing. It is based on your perception of yourself. Not so much how other people validate you.
Self-esteem is homegrown. You don't wait for people to give it to you. You build it by working hard to improve yourself. To mold yourself into a good person who has something good to contribute. Your conceit and need for narcissistic-supply is irrelevant to the masses. Go seek it if you need it. If you have nothing good to offer, empty praise and compliments are useless.You can't do anything with them.
Build your own confidence, be grateful and thankful for your blessings; and keep working hard. Watch for the results. That's all even God asks of us. Compliments? Phooey!!! People will withhold them out of pure jealousy and disdain! They can keep them!
You're missing the real point about those compliments you listed. They were earned!
How would you know what good is said in your absence? You're not there!!! Sometimes people bring you up in conversation and say good things that you will never hear. People may speak highly of you behind your back all the time. You just have a need for flattery. That's usually phony!
If you need pats on the back, they may not come on-demand. Like a puppy wants a treat, you just may have to rollover first!
Sorry, but praise is sometimes forced and empty. Being humble gets blessing from a "Higher Source;" and people will tell you what you want to hear. They will pump you up to your face, and tear you down behind your back.
I'm invisible and I don't mind. I don't even have an avatar! I try to help people without them ever seeing my face. It's what I do to educate, comfort, or support people that matters more than somebody telling me how good I am. I was taught from a child, that God will bless me for helping others. I've learned that to be true. People are good to me, so I pass it on. I give sincere compliments in reasonable supply; and I need nothing in exchange. I have love around me, what more could I ask for?
Do good and you'll reap the rewards. The praise is bullsh*t! The benefits people get from what you do is the highest compliment!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2018): My question is why are these compliments and good opinions of others important to you? Ok so I suppose this is your love language, meaning that's how others make you feel loved and appreciated. But you need to not care so much about that because you will suffer a lot in the long run. Even if someone compliments you, it might not be genuine. Some people are fake and throw compliments. What's important is what you tell yourself and feel.
Don't seek validation through other people's words of kindness towards you. Some days are easier than others but it's how you feel that matters. People can easily make you feel good or bad through a comment. So I say, focus on you and what makes you feel happy. People shouldn't have that much power.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (27 March 2018):
 OP, I think most of of us feel this way once in awhile. What you need to remember is what really counts is how you feel about yourself. We are who we want to be, not who someone thinks we are. Do you like yourself? Are you happy with yourself? Why do you need praise from others for self worth? At the end of the day how do you feel about you? Unless you are very unusual or famous, you won't be noticed by most because everyone is so caught up in their own life.
If you want to feel good about yourself and feel needed, let me suggest that you do some volunteer work. At a hospital, at a shelter, at an animal shelter. All of these places are begging for help and trust me..you will feel needed and wanted there!
Above all else OP, love yourself. Do what makes you happy. Don't care so much what others think. As others have stated, just because you don't hear praise doesn't mean that others don't notice..they just don't tell you.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (27 March 2018):
Praises on Facebook are mostly always fake so don't take that at face value. Regarding someone praising you in real life, maybe as another aunt said, people do say good things but you just don't get to hear it.
It's not that you're being singled out and ignored... What you've described fits most people. OP you should be confident within yourself that you shouldn't want or need external validation or praise. You *know* you're a good person, you care for others, you're positive and nice. Isn't that what's important? How is anyone else stating the obvious going to make you feel any better?
My husband never goes out of his way to praise me. It really irritated me early on in the marriage and I would pointedly ask him when we got ready to go out somewhere, "how am I looking? You haven't said anything nice". And he would say, "what do you want me to say? Someone who's good looking will always look good. You never look anything but pretty. What more can I tell you?"
My point is OP, people don't really state the obvious. Maybe they'll say it once or twice and that's it. How do you even know that no one says nice things about you? Has anything happened recently to trigger this reaction in you?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (27 March 2018):
 I agree with Code Warrior,
We are for the most part "invisible" to the rest of the World, unless someone NEEDS/WANTS something from us. Or we for whatever reason pop up in their conversation.
I also I agree that people probably say many positive things about you when you are NOT around. Why? Because so many people feel awkward getting compliments and others don't think to praise EVERY TIME you (general you) do something nice. You aren't a puppy that needs constant positive reinforcement, right?
General manners are also out the window these days. It's less common that people think about others, they think about themselves and what THEY stand to gain from X,Y and Z.
If you give praise and compliments because you presume you are thus deserving in getting some back, you are missing the point of a compliment/praise. You GIVE a compliment/praise as a gesture not with the "ulterior motive" of the other person now "owing" you one back. giving a compliment because you feel the other person deserves it should be reward enough, because you might have MADE that person's day.
At the end of the day... you can't live on praise or compliments. But if you need a pick me up, you are able to give YOURSELF some here and there too, right? Like when you have a great hair day or your make-up, outfit is on point, or you just completed some DIY - a mental high-five is in order!
You are NOT a good person because others SAY you are. you are a good person because you CHOOSE to be one.
I don't know what else to say, other than feeling you are "owed" these compliments are making you miserable.
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A
female
reader, Lucky420  +, writes (27 March 2018):
 Hi there,So sorry you feel this way. First things first, do you think you might be depressed? Please don't think I am minimising how you feel by trying to put an easy label as depression on it but it is worth considering.I know how you feel. For years I lived alone, had no friends and was estranged from my family. I felt invisible and didn't know how I was to make a mark on this world.Now, I have a great friend in my neighbour, I speak to a couple of dog walkers each morning on my way to work and I chat to people on the train - people whose names I don't even know. I am close to my family again and I have a family of my own now.Last week a colleague of mine and I got talking and she told me about the death of her parents many years ago. At the end of the conversation she asked me for a hug and that was a great moment.What changed? The answer is me. I changed. I decided that I wasn't going to sit back and wait for the world to knock on my door, I was gonna get out there and make an effort. It is hard, believe me but it is so worth it. A smile works wonders. Asking your colleagues how they are each day, remembering things they tell you and asking them about it again when you see them next. Remember that you are important as the next person and hold yourself as though you matter. Value your thoughts and views but also involve yourself with other people. You will soon find people that you gel with and have things in common with and you will find there are people out there that care about you. But you have to care about yourself first before others can.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2018): This is asker...
I don’t try “too hard” is what I meant. Meaning I’m not desperate or needy or too nosy
I do try!!
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