A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been married for 12 years, have 2 beauitful children. Recently found out that a woman my husband works with has a crush on him. They've worked together for 18 months but I was led to believe that they just worked for the same company, in different departments and barely saw each other. I've found they walk to the bus stop together after work and have lunch together most days and she is thinking about asking him out for drinks. She has only just found out through mutual friends that he has a wife and kids. My gut is telling me my husband is being untruthful to me and leading her on but he denies it claiming family life never came up. Am I right to not trust him? Can a marriage survive on no trust?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (4 April 2018):
 How do you know that she has a crush on him? Has he came forward and told you this. Working together in the same company is fine, I have a male friend who I work with get on well with we are both married. But I would never tell my husband I barely see him if I walk with him every day. So your husband was keeping this information from you which suggests he knows what he was doing was wrong. Lunch every day and no mention of a wife and children? Sounds really strange to me. In fact it sounds like he was leading her on maybe he was enjoying the attention or maybe he was having an affair. Either way I would have trust issues also. Can it survive? It depends on how hard you both work to get the marriage back on track. He needs to prove he can be trusted again.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2018): They have a daily routine? They've known each other a year and a half; and his wife and kids never once came-up?
I presume he doesn't wear a wedding band; and has no pictures of you or his kids on his desk or anywhere around his work-station? I don't think she's so naive that she wouldn't ask or be curious. I think she always knew or suspected, but doesn't care. Awfully strange nobody at work ever mentioned he has a family. She finds out through "mutual-friends?"
Are these friends also your source of information about her?
In answer to your question. No kind of relationship can survive without trust.
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A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate  +, writes (28 March 2018):
In 18 months of lunches and walks to the bus family life never came up? If you believe that I have a bridge in San Francisco for sale you may be interested in.
But seriously where there is no trust Ithere cannot be a healthy relationship. You can give your husband the benefit of the doubt and pass this off as harmless flirtation from a guy who was flattered by the attention of another woman. And perhaps that’s all it was. But I think for your marriage to heal properly your husband has to come clean about his actions. If not this will always be between you.
Best of luck to you
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (28 March 2018):
 No relationship can survive without trust unless the person just totally ignores everything going on and chooses to never acknowledge that something is wrong. A relationship with no trust is like a building built on sand. It won't be able to stand the weight and will collapse. It sounds like there are multiple problems in your marriage. Is it worth talking to him and saving it? Only you know.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (28 March 2018):
 So someone he talks to daily, shares lunch-hour with and FAMILY never came up as a subject?
Are YOU so insignificant in his life? That would be my question to him. Because I think that is bogus.
And would he think it was OK if YOU did the same with a male-coworker?
I feel bad for her, because he DID lead her on. While he might have initially thought it was NICE to talk to a woman and "pretend" he was single, he DID string her along for 18 months. Even if they are "just" work friends I find it VERY odd that he NEVER mentioned a wife and two kids. I mean a family IS a big part of most peoples lives, so why has it "never come up"?
Are you right to not trust him? Yes.
I think HAD she NOT asked around about him, this could have gone further. He WOULD have gone out to drinks with her and still not mentioned YOU and the kids. No guy is THAT dense that he can't see she was interested. I don't believe that for a minute.
But now that she KNOWS, has she backed off? Or are they still having lunch, walking to the bus etc?
Who LED you to believe they worked in different departments and BARELY saw each other? Your husband?
And lastly, HOW did YOU find this out?
As for your question, "Can a marriage survive on no trust?"
No.
If HE can not be honest with you and OWN his own actions in this, how can you even start to rebuild trust?
There is no remorse from his side in this. He is trying VERY much to gloss over what HE did. Like he thinks his own behavior was above approach. Which means, he'd do it again.
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