A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriends dad just sexually harrased me?! I feel so embarrased to even write this! Please help I am in shock I live with my boyfriends parents and something happened I was eating late meal in the kitchen and he came in, we were having a conversation (we barely talk) speaking just random things like whats your fav tv show while we play with the baby, and then my baby started pulling my shirt as I am stopping to breastfeed the baby but the baby insists so he pulled my shirt and I didn’t have a bra but nothing showed and I said that I don’t want to breastfeed him anymore because his wife told me to stop and he told me “no, you have to. It’s for the baby blah blah” and he pulls my shirt down and my boob is exposed I mean wtf !!!!!!! That happened and I was in shock but I didn’t want to do anything that could make him mad so I was nearly shaking and he says to the baby “that’s it little baby drink the milk” like wtf!!!!! And then he grabbed my waist and I was so uncomfortable but I knew I couldnt leave the room I was so nervous and then I acted like I’m fine because I thought I was overreacting since I’m really sensitive. After this he did the same again!!! I wanted him to stop so bad and he said what am I making you uncomfortable and I said ummm...no ... not really... yes!!! I was so nervous that I couldn’t even formulate sentences and then he started all weirdly touching my boobs and he said but this is how you do to get the milk out !! Like I am being a creep for feeling uncomfortable and I swear I wanted to scream I think I was all red but I was trying to keep calm and he said what? You will never get the milk out if it isn’t like this. He was being soft gentle and Creepy and I said I am not feeling well its just that I have a headache and he said Well a masage is all you need and I gave him the look, like noooo way and he was really gross I know if I speak I can get in big trouble his wife already hates me and she is mad at me I really dont know why but this is too much I wanna tell my boyfriend but we depend on that man and I know my boy would beat him up even when clearly his chances is that he will get beat up by his dad since he is small. He told me other things like “where is my son? Did he leave you alone until late” he was working late and he said my wife is out too did they agreee on leaving us alone? Like seriously man!!! I am so scared that he got the wrong message because I did nothing but he winked at me when his wife came home People were saying that we should get a paper where it says that we are a joined couple and he said Don’t !! Its an easy way in but it’s gonna cost you the way out in the long run! And then he WINKED and he was smiling at me I mean I wanna throw up like how disgusting! Am I overreacting?? Sorry if my english is bad. I need help to what to do!!! Do I tell my boyfriend who will totally freak out and it’s gonna cayse more damage or do I stay quiet ? And this is his dad who is not his biological dad but adopted him at a very early age ,
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2018): Also, my boyfriend says that they fear that he touches his little sister and his younger brother because there have been other women and a girl who have said he has tried to do things with them. [Mod note: based on a another follow up presumably by the OP, we are obliged to close this question and urge the OP to call these numbers: Telefono De La EsperanzaHotline: 593 2 6000 477Hotline: (593) 2 2923327Or Email: quito :at: telefonodelaesperanza.orgThis situation obviously requires more assistance from local qualified support than online amateur agony aunts can provide. Please call the numbers provide ASAP. Best wishes]
A
female
reader, 02DuszJ  +, writes (9 April 2018):
 You do realise that by keeping quiet you're giving him the POWER over you. What's more when this eventually comes out (the truth always does) people are going to question what was REALLY going on- i.e. why did you put up with it for so long, WHY you didn't say anything- it looks like YOU'RE hiding something.
Seems like you live in a society where men with status and wealth can do whatver they want WITHOUT consequences. If you LET this go on for a matter of months it will help HIS case to lie and make out that it was an AFFAIR. He can pay people off and lie and get away with it. What he's done is extremely immoral and if he was in the UK/US he would be on trial- he deserves jail for sexual assualt.
Sometimes we have to make our own decision even if it differs with our parents views- yes we look up to them and follow them but they're not always right, and can't make all your decisions for you; Your mum's advice to keep quiet is detrimental to you and your family- this guy is a sexual deviant and I would NOT keep any child of mine under the same roof. Honesty is always the best policy and your boyfriend NEEDS to know what's going on so he can help PROTECT his wife and child.
He is a digusting abuser of his power- first thing TELL YOUR BF. Then go to your parents/ authorities/ ctizens advice about moving out. Even if it's a box it just needs to be safe and clean like Wiseowl said.
You could lose your family if you don't speak out. Stick up for yourself because it can't go on and letting it go on incrimates you! Take care
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (8 April 2018):
 OP, you're a young mother with a baby and nowhere to stay. You and your boyfriend should be married and have your own place before having a baby, but that hasn't happened even after the baby. That needs to stop now and you both need to correct it.
Tell your boyfriend and avoid ever being alone with him, especially when you need to breastfeed.
You need to move out, OP, even if that means making peace with your family or finding female housemates you trust, so that you are away from this predator and take your baby with you.
Next time he touches you, tell him not to and stick to it. This is not being oversensitive. You need to stand up for yourself. This is not your fault; it's totally on him, but you need to:
- tell him FIRMLY not to touch you
- tell your boyfriend
- immediately start working towards moving out
You are not safe there. The next thing he touches could be your bottom or genitals. He could even force himself on you, OP. Don't wait until it's gone even further.
I know it's common for generations to live together, but this is why it's important for you and your boyfriend to take responsibility for your baby and earn the means to move out.
If you can't get a job, there are things you could do from the house, like make and sell crafts or people could pay you to adjust their clothes. You could possibly babysit in their homes, if they are happy for you to have your own baby there too.
Again:
- tell him not to touch you and keep telling him not to
- tell your boyfriend
- immediately start working towards moving out
If your boyfriend believes you, tell him beating his dad up won't help; getting you to move out will.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2018): UPDATE: I haven’t said anything but thank you all for your advice every esch and one of you thank you for your support!!!!! Blessings to you: I am talking with my mom and she told me to keep it a secret for now but I feel so sad on the inside because I feel like I am lying for ommiting this with my boyfriend; It’s really hard because he looks up to him with respect and his real dad was never around you know? He was talking about how amazing he is that he is a respectable person and that he is a honorable man, but I am dying to tell him who he really is! He is gross I mean He is 50 years older than me, and he is acting like 20 something or even like a teenager talking that he makes 70 million dollar transactions internationally to brag that he is powerfull... I think I feel sorry for him for being such a loser amd a creep and also kind of hate him but more than that I feel dirty
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2018): Maybe wait until you are alone somewhere with your boyfriend and tell him what happened. He should know so that he can protect you. Can you and your boyfriend and child move out and live somewhere else? You should avoid ever being alone with that disgusting man.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2018): Whoa, this kind of stuff really pisses me off! This brute is taking pure advantage of your dependence on their generosity and being a filthy-minded opportunist.
In my country there is a movement among women they refer to as #METOO.
This is about standing-up against unwanted advances, being intimidated on the job, rape, and sexual-harassment. You bet your last dollar that man was not only groping you; it was sexual-assault! Grabbing you without permission and knowing you are helpless to retaliate is assault! I am not trying to add fire to this situation. It's already burning; but you have to see it for what it is.
Never be intimidated to the point you allow men to treat you anyway they please. It's more than time for you and your boyfriend to find your own place; even if it's not very large or pretty. As long as it is safe and clean!
First and foremost, if you have to slap the hell out of that fool for touching you; grow a pair and defend yourself! You must tell your boyfriend regardless of how you assume he might react to it. His wife should also know about it. I don't care if she hates you. He did what he did to you, you didn't ask him to! She's a stupid woman for letting you stay there while hating you all the same. His creepy dad only allows it; so he can take advantage of you.
Scream if he puts his hands on you ever again. Loud as you can! If you feel you'll get thrown out, I guess you're going to have to make peace with your own family for a temporary place to stay. From this point forth, look for another place to stay. It's time to go!
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A
female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (7 April 2018):
 Honestly, you under-reacted in the moment. I definitely would NEVER let some weird creepy guy use a child as an excuse to touch my breasts. It's disgusting how he behaved and he knows that he crossed the line but he could tell how intimidated you were in the moment and he probably expects for you not to say anything because he probably knows how sheepish you are. I say: tell this guy, without stuttering or falling over your words, exactly how disgusted you felt and why his behaviour wasn't appreciated. It's pathetic to be honest and he needs to know his place. If he doesn't let up then you WILL have to reveal this to your guy and his mom because his father is playing with fire.
Be straight forward and tell him where to get off.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek  +, writes (7 April 2018):
 If you aren't going to tell your boyfriend then you most definitely need to stand up for yourself. Do not EVER let that man touch you again! Yell, scream and most definitely slap his hands away if possible but tell him in no uncertain terms that he cannot touch you in such a manner. I really am sorry for you. I can only imagine how frightened you must have been. Please protect yourself and make it very clear to him that he has absolutely no business to touch you in such a manner. Its sexual assault. He can go to jail for that
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2018): You are still young. By the time you reach my age sweetie (50) you will be well practiced at telling men to fuck off. You've got to tell him to never do that again. Or you will tell his son and his wife. That is how it will stop! Sometimes we need to be brave and let the chips fall where they may!!!.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (7 April 2018):
 You have to actually be brave and TELL this creep, in no uncertain terms, that his behaviour is out of order. It is no good keeping quiet and hoping he senses your discomfort and disgust because, quite evidently, he chooses not to.
Do you have a room of your own where you can stay when only the two of you are home? Do you have friends you can visit when you know there will only be the two of you?
Next time he touches you, say in a loud and clear voice "Please don't do that. It is making me very uncomfortable." Practice saying it in the mirror to yourself until it becomes second nature. Then get up and walk away.
I understand you are reliant on this man but that does not mean he can molest you. Be polite but firm. He is doing it because he thinks you are too scared to say anything - and he is right. Prove him wrong.
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