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*ralee
writes:A great site....lots of commonsense advice.I am having a tough time with my siblings and not the first time. About three years back I posted that they were forcing me to pay bank my 9k inheritance from my moms estate. As executor and power of attorney they dropped the ball and did not file for my mom in 2003 and 2004 and so we owed about 20k with interest included. As luck would have it my brother is a well heeled lawyer. I was pretty distressed about it. My brothers wife is an accountant and I did get most of the money back as she works with Revenue Canada. The 20k was split three ways. I felt it was unfair because as executor and power of attorney they gave me little info when I asked about the estate but my sister was distressed and I paid my inheritance back.Skip till now. I am going to be retiring from successful career in a couple of years. All of a sudden they are both keenly interested in my finances and my pension information. Neither of them lives in my town. My sister is in the same province and my brother is out west. Although divorced I have friends and a new relationship in my current town but they seem keen on having me move wherever they are. My brother is even making a trip out here to see me in June. I dont trust them because of what happened a couple of years ago and because I think they want to be executor and power of attorney of my estate and because of what I have seem of how they dealt with my mom and her estate I do want to use them...either of them. They are both pretty cunning.I am aware of some dealings my brother had with the children of his first marriage which were dodgy. I think they want me in a retirement home and I also think they will try to say I cant cope by saying memory issues and all that and they will have access to my pension and assets.I have opted to pay a third party to handle my estate and I am using friends for the various jobs of the different powers of attorney.I want to stay where I am. I think this could get ugly.If my brother is an attorney is there a way he could override my choices of friends for executor and power of attorney? My sister has been playing little games with me...pretending to lose things when we saw her at easter and then saying....just like me. She has texted me a couple of times this week saying she has lost stuff...do I have it and then texting back saying she has found it.If they can prove I am not sound of mind...which I still am...can they supersede and become executor and power of attorney.My brother is due here in June and I want all the paperwork done before he gets here. He is a successful Canadian attorney.Thank you for your help...a complex question and I think one that could help others in a similar situation.
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female
reader, mystiquek  +, writes (7 April 2018):
 OP, it is sad that you feel uncomfortable and you dont trust your family but it does happen, it isn't just your family believe me. When my ex husband was put into a nursing home and dying, his sister was the executor of his estate. She thought he was going to die and she stole over $30,000 from him. He didn't die...and when he got well enough to realize what had happened, it was just horrible. Its sad when you can't trust your own flesh and blood!
Protect yourself and do it NOW. Get a lawyer, draw everything up and put it in writing what you want. You don't have to have your family in your will you know. That is totally up to you. I probably wouldn't if I was you. The main thing is that you have someone looking out for YOU..have it all tied up so there are no loop holes for your brother to try and get through.
You don't have to see your family and have contact you know. You really don't. Sometimes family hurt us far more than others and your family sort of sounds like that. I'd probably tell my brother that you've changed your mind about seeing him. You don't have to give any excuses. What do you owe him?
As far as your sister goes, maybe she's the one with memory problems! Surround yourself with people that you love and trust. My ex husband learned far too late that his family was his worst enemies. Don't let your family take advantage of you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2018): Find yourself a lawyer, and draw-up a will. You do not have to disclose anything to anyone about your personal-finances. That is only to be offered on a need to know basis.
If you have you own attorney on retainer, your brother can't override your choices. You're bucking against his better knowledge of the law on your own. Get yourself a lawyer, and minimize your communication with them accept for holiday wishes and birthdays. All that behavior sounds suspicious and you need someone knowledgeable of the law on your side.
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reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 April 2018):
 Set up your will NOW. If you haven't already. And if they seem to think they can have any fingers in YOUR pie, maybe EXCLUDING them from the will is the way to go. Leaving everything to a charity.
Proving that you are not of sound mind is difficult (in most places, I don't know about Canada) But I think you should go with your gut on this one and get ALL your paperwork done before summer.
I'm sorry that money is such a big thing among you and your siblings. That it seem more important than loving each other and wanting the BEST for each other. There seem to be so much distrust here. So why keep them around if they impact you in such a negative way?
You brother can come visit, but you are NOT obligated to entertain him.
I think your best bet is having a GOOD lawyer you can trust to work for you, not your brother/family.
As for your sister. Could be SHE is losing HER memory?
And are the things you "think" your brother and sister are doing... your own fears of what they "could" be doing rather than what they ARE doing?
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