A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Does anyone else avoid thier partner? When I have time off I don’t mind, but my job has got really intense recently, I been working 10-11 hour days, and can’t sleep at night because of stress that I might lose my job. I don’t live with my partner, she works part time. She has gone mental that we go weeks and I don’t make time. I understand she needs attention but we also need a roof over our heads. I wish I could work part time with no stress and let my partner figure stuff out. But it’s not like that. So I have to bring home most of the income, and considering we are not living together I have been making plans to move in. But she can’t help (because that usually involves me to help her in order to be able to help me).For example I will work upto 2hours away. She won’t work more than 10minures away from home. As a result she hasn’t found new job for years. More risk means more results. She doesn’t like that. I’m not forcing her. However I feel like she is stopping me too. But if I leave her I have nothing left to fight more. I mean can I not jus enjoy life in peace before I move in and lose all my friends, and stop spending on myself, than kids come along, and that’s the end, wife nagging and kids wailing...I’ll be a good, because I’ll keep my mouth shut. But for now, at least she should let me open my wings? Or shall I jus drop the whole world and give her attention, and lose grip on everything else?!It drives me nuts. I do feel like giving up but I can’t live her lifestyle. She works, sleeps, watches tv. Repeat cycle. Of course she goes mad in order to speak to me don’t you think anyone would, if they had nothing to do? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2018): Read your post. You just made an argument for yourself to breakup with your girlfriend. Subconsciously, you want out!
You wrote it all out in your post; so there's nothing to it, but to do it.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2018): Two people have said I’m resentful, I’m afraid that sounds so true. But I care for her, if she is in pain, I will always try to fix it. But it’s just that she didn’t listen to me 2-4 years ago about career and working. And now she is in a problem, I have lost the ambition and the will to help her in an area she refused to accept help In. When i had my arms open to help she argued and disagreed. So I continued my career path reaping rewards and as time went on I controlled my spending and stopped spending it on her or us.
She feels this, she feels me not giving her much time either. But she needs to play catch up right? I can’t spoon feed her to improve her quality of life. She complains that she works out for me. Lol if I left it she would be obese than stay single for life? If I didn’t care I wouldn’t say anything.
Life is tough now work wise for me but that’s now. I don’t see why I should reduce my hours and spend money to see her instead. Shouldn’t she finally grow up and put her half in.
I don’t mean financially. She can be housewife if she wants.
How do we work it out?? How do we talk? We been through so much to separate in the end?
She is brokened saying I’m not the same person she met, I’ve only changed because she has no respect and shows me whatever I say is irrelevant she still did what she wants...that is nothing. 50 applications mean nothing to me if there’s no results.
Some may say I’m emotionless. I don’t know how to get emotions back! Some say I’m heart less. Black heart?
I’ve also stopped talking to my parents and sibling, I find it annoying. I feel like no one understands, they all have their roof over their head. I have to work to do it, and I’m struggling. Why does no one else have this burden? The world DOESNT GO ROUND WITH LOVE. Love is worth nothing right? Love doesn’t feed to put roof over your head.
Wow and She’s only girl I ever fell in love with when I met her.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (26 May 2018):
 "Wife nagging, kids wailing".... dude, you need to be single. Working more than an hour away is crazy because it takes time away from living life. That said, she should look within a 30 minute radius.
Regardless, you're not compatible and you're not ready for a serious relationship. Spread your wings as a single guy - though you haven't mentioned any activities to do that, just working.
She's not right for you and vice versa.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek  +, writes (26 May 2018):
 Op, I see nothing in your post that says you love or need your girlfriend. You sound miserable and almost resentful. So why are you with her?? Life is too short, and spending time with a partner should be something you look forward to..not dread. When I got to the point where you are at with my husband, I ended things. So WHY are you with this lady? You aren't compatible from what you say.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (26 May 2018):
 You both need to balance each other out. She should at least get a second part time job to add to her income. You on the other hand, working 10-11 hours a day and getting little sleep is no way to live either.
If you need to sleep in on your days off, tell her so. Forcing to meet her needs while neglecting yours can cause more strain to your health. I don't think you are ready to move in with each other because you are resenting her for not being supportive and understanding. She is resenting you for not making time for her.
You have a grim outlook on life. There are jokes on T shirts illustrating how life ends after a guy proposes, has families and kids. You sound like you have no choice, but to follow a path most men do, in order to be honorable but suffering in silence. That's a recipe and cause of exploding in your midlife crisis years after bottling up emotions for so long. Then what, divorce and splitting half of your income to your ex wife?
Both of you need to mature more before even thinking about long term. She needs to be more understanding of men that when they are focusing on life's goals, they can't participate fully in romance, and be understanding of real life's struggles and not just rely on men for a meal ticket. You need to build your own life first before promising a woman anything. Staying in a relationship is not a must if neither of you are happy. If you are not ready for long term commitment. It's okay. Take all the time you can so you don't implode under stress. You will know one day when you have the right mindset. You will want to present yourself as a role model, a protector in the family. Children will look up to you. Crying is second language to children to communicate. You will not feel that's nuisance but rather you would want to guide them in the right direction, and the right way to communicate. Right now you are not ready. Why start a family when you have no life and energy to give? Just because you are in your late 20's and your girlfriend's fertility time bomb is ticking? Don't let that be a factor alone deciding your destiny. You are in control of your life too. Just fight for yourself for now. You can't live for others when you are sinking.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (26 May 2018):
 I think you need to figure out what YOU want.
What do you want from a relationship?
What do you have to offer?
It seems like you and your current GF are not a good match on many fronts. She is OK with not having to work hard, to let you pull the financial train but then she doesn't seem to understand that IF you pull the harder financial load, you are home less.
It also seems like you two are not very good in the communications department.
And that you actually RESENT your partner for who she is and how she lives life - HOW is that healthy for either of you? You sound bitter and unhappy.
You don't seem like a guy who wants a shared home and kids - at least not at this stage in your life so WHY are you pretending to? It won't make her happy and she won't shut up or change by you agreeing to things you don't really want.
So back to my first point... WHAT do you want in life?
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