A
female
age
26-29,
*see
writes:I have been dating this guy for 8 months now and he doesn't get me anything, he doesn't buy me gifts, he doesn't give me money when am in need,and whenever I complain to him about it he always complain that he doesn't have money but yet he always have More than enough when it comes to himself.Am not materialistic but at least a little gift from him now and then, and help when am in need would be nice. He says he loves me but yet he doesn't show it, and i neva ask for too much, in fact I don't even ask at all except I know i don't have enough.i get jealous when I see how my friends boyfriends treat them like queens,not that am comparing them with my BF coz I know all fingers are not equal but at least a little spoiling won't be bad. i feel i should break up with him bcos he doesn't really value me.what should i do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (5 June 2018):
 A relationship works both ways, so do you show him your love? You need to remember that love and money are very different. I love my husband and I would never expect a penny from him. If you break up with him because he doesn't give you money or buy you gifts then you don't truly love him.
A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (2 June 2018):
 Why should he be paying for you?
Why aren’t you looking for a higher paying job or learning how to budget your money better? He’s a boyfriend, not a bank account.
If he wants to treat you he will do, you should not expect to be bought things because your friends get them off their BF. You say you’re not comparing but that’s exactly what you’re doing. If you want someone who will give you money and gifts then find someone you can walk all over.
What gifts do you get for him?
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A
female
reader, mystiquek  +, writes (2 June 2018):
 OP, you are young and sound immature. You shouldn't be expecting your boyfriend to buy you gifts. Maybe he doesn't have the money either! Its not his job or his responsibility to buy you things. I agree that you sound like you want a sugar daddy. People shouldn't be expected to buy their partner gifts. That's done from the heart! Its not because someone is complaining or whining about it. That ruins the whole point of it being a gift. Sure, break up with him because you truly aren't being a good girlfriend. Good luck. You really need to grow up. Sorry, sounds harsh but its true. You are looking at relationships from the wrong way.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2018): You say you're not materialistic, but want gifts every now and then. You've been together 8 months - that's nothing. The first 6 months it makes little sense to buy each other anything. That means it's only been two months where he could have done, but he doesn't have to and you're expecting it.
What makes you such a great girlfriend that you deserve it? You complain, for crying out loud - like a child, not an adult.
Learn to look after yourself. Split the cost of dates. Buy each other small gifts when appropriate, like birthdays and Christmas. Maybe he'll buy you flowers sometime, IF you stop being entitled and materialistic.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2018): If you don't have much money what are YOU doing to improve your financial situation?
He is under no obligation to give you money because you have none but as said if he is stingy as in he has money but doesn't say get you a gift like for your birthday he is just stingy and not a good match. It all depends in what context you mean he is stingy and how well off he really is, maybe he just manages what little he has better than you do and stays safe within his limitations??
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2018): Generosity means you give from the heart freely. Demanding it when it's not there is only evidence that you're either high-maintenance; or you picked the wrong guy for a boyfriend.
If he never pays for a date; or doesn't care about your birthday, or special-occasions; then why are you still hanging-out with a guy you find stingy?
There are times he should pay, others you should; and then times you should split the cost of a date. It should all come generously and voluntarily. If it's a problem, then you are both badly-matched.
If you're not materialistic; then you don't "expect" anyone to give you anything. If generosity is an attribute you like in a guy; observe him and how he shares with others. Only for the sake of seeing kindness and altruism in his character. Not for the sake of expecting him to take care of you.
You have a choice whether to date someone who can afford to pay for dates; and to make sure you're dating someone with a job. Students are on limited-funds and small budgets. So he may only have just so much spending-money. If he doesn't have a job, there's the problem. Even so, he still may be paying for his education.
Instead of complaining about him, you should let him go. You shouldn't need anything from a guy you're dating; and he has no obligation to be your ATM machine. If you need money, borrow from your parents, siblings, or get a bank loan.
There is no rule boyfriends are supposed to financially-support you. Nowadays that's not even so; if the guy happens to be your husband.
It's unwise to marry someone with the expectation they'll always financially-support you. That's living at their mercy and they can decide to shut you completely off.
Don't adopt that mindset or policy at this point in your life. Always think and live independently as a strong woman. Seek generosity as a sign of good-character; not because you expect men to spend their money on you. If he's generous, it would happen unexpectedly. You shouldn't be spoiled by it, or assume you deserve it. Least of all, demand it!
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A
female
reader, NORA B +, writes (1 June 2018):
A relationship is a two way situation.Yes i understand you would be delighted if he gave you a small token of his love.The question now is...do you give him a little gift ?.Because it works both ways.However it is Most important that you......supply all your own..Wants and..Needs.Then anything else is BONUS..Best wishes Nora B.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (1 June 2018):
 You want a sugar daddy. Pay for yourself. Don't complain that he doesn't buy you things - that's not how love works unless you're wealthy.
You sound spoilt! Forget being spoiled by him - you sound like a nightmare girlfriend expecting to be treated like royalty in gifts, not just care and effort.
You need to grow up, OP.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2018): You're an adult who should pay for herself. If your idea of a boyfriend is someone that will pay your way then you're in for a shock. Learn to BE a queen by not needing a man, then maybe men will start treating you like one.
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