A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok, So this is going to be kind of lengthy so bear with me... So to start off I've been single for a long time, 6 years to be exact. Recently I've decided to get back out in the dating pool and see what happens. Oddly enough, I've met a couple of potential partners and I'm torn between them. I like each of them, but for completely different reasons. Each of them have their own set of flaws, as do I, but my struggle is coming down to deciding which one is the best for me. Couple little details about me: I am a social butterfly and I love change and meeting new people, especially concerts and festivals. I am also Pagan/ Wiccan. I'll do my best to describe each one in detail, names have been changed. Guy number 1, we will call him Anthony for all intensive purposes, he is an absolute sweetheart. He is a little shorter than me, and besides that, he fits my "type" to a t. I met him through my old job, and he is definitely dedicated and shows up to work and goes above a beyond which is a great quality. He cares for me, and typically will check to see how my day was, and will be there for me through whatever problems. We have a lot of the same interests in gaming and friends. We always have a good time together, and enjoy each others company.He will stay here just as much as I go over there and theres not really an issue. He is anti social for the most part and would rather stay home and go to work or church. He is a minister and will never miss church. He will never go to concerts, bars, anything like that if it involves a lot of people. He will go on dates with me though. He plans sweet movie and dinner dates, or just plans some time together out and about. Another issue, if he has a bad day, he blocks me out and avoids me until he feels better. Sexually, we have completely the same interests and we are both explorative. One of my main issues, is that he has no goals and no intent to have any either. He gets anxiety from setting goals and sticking with them. Guy number 2, we will call him Jinks. He is a sweetheart as well, but there is definitely an age difference between us. 24 years to be exact and a little bit shorter than me as well. He treats me very well, and I'm around him a lot. He has a great job, and is very established. He knows exactly what he wants in life. We enjoy the same music, and the same social settings such as concerts and bars. We have a similar sense of humor, and every time we are together it's simply amazing. We laugh and watch horror movies together. The struggle for me is definitely the age difference to start, as well as the sexual side of things. We look at things quite differently in that aspect. I'm adventurous and he is the same way every time kind of guy. We go to bars, but separately, with our different friends. We will hang out some while there, but its mainly apart. When we hang out, for the most part, we always just stay at his house and watch movies. Whenever I suggest hanging with my friends, he always says another time. We don't even go on dates right now, just his house. Which I also enjoy being at my house, due to not leaving my pets alone all the time. He's not a huge animal person. I love the stability, things we have in common, his outgoing personality, and I enjoy his presence, but I'm worried about if the flaws are just too much for me. Guy number 3, we will call him Sean. He is a super outgoing man who is adorable. He is about 3 years younger than me and has a young child. He is SUPER tall. We share many of the same interests such as bars, music, social interaction, ect. When we are together its a wonderful time, we laugh, play games and forget the world exists for a little while. He goes out of his way to make me feel comfortable and even wrote me romantic poems just because he was thinking about me. The last weekend we spent together was heaven. He also is stable, has a good job, and pretty well has it together. He has goals and plans to stick to them. He is an animal lover as well. He is also a great father. One of my main worries is the distance between us, its about 7 hours. I know that doesn't seem like a lot, but between 2 different work schedules, and a child, that gets a little difficult. We message a lot during the da, but he doesn't really talk on the phone, and for long distance, thats a little rough as well. He has full custody, which is pretty awesome, but the struggle is that he won't leave his daughter for nearly any period of time to hang out with me. He offers me to come stay there, but she will be there as well, and I'm just not ready to meet her yet. I'd rather us get established first before we got to that point, but he won't get a babysitter to even spend a night away. I suggested a concert, but he won't go out of state without her even just to keep her with family for a short time. It's hard to get to know each other and explore ourselves first. I know that sounds bad, but I do love children and would enjoy building a relationship with her, but I can't adequately do that if I cannot build a base with her father first. As far as sexually, we are nearly completely the same when it comes to sexual adventurousness and what we like. Overall, we all have things in common. Everyone one of us loves to travel and wants to move to another place and go on adventures. We all mostly have the same taste in music and humor. So, like I said, and as you can see, I like each one of them for different reasons. But I'm struggling so bad to figure out what I should do. Any questions and comments would be appreciated. Thanks everyone!
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male
reader, Been there Now over it +, writes (17 March 2018):
Enjoy all of them. You could pick the best of this bunch and he may still not be the right one for you. If you are confused as to which one to pick, it is likely that none of them is the right one. When you do find him, it will become very apparent. In the meantime, you should have a good time and socialize. And, if you are having sex, DEFINITELY USE PROTECTION!
A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (17 March 2018):
 If you have to sit there and try to figure out which guy to date, actually list their qualities and then go on the internet and ask complete strangers which guy...then none of them! Dating should be fun and not all complicated and trying to force yourself to like someone while deciding what qualities they have! You've been out of the dating game for awhile...what's the hurry? Give yourself time...relax, have fun..and let it come easy and naturally sweets. You're trying to hard. You'll know when you like someone and who is right for you. You won't need to ask us! Have fun and dont try so hard ok? The right one is out there and when you find him, you'll KNOW it.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (16 March 2018):
 N91 said exactly what I wanted to say. If none of them stand out as the one you want to date, then none of them are the right one.
Think about it; how would you feel if you were one of THREE some guy you liked was considering. Even if he chose you, you knew it was a close call - that you didn't actually stand out to him. That's what you're doing with these guys.
Absolutely start dating, but find someone who stands out as a good choice. Heck, try speed dating and other casual dating, but don't choose between three guys, when none stand out.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (16 March 2018):
 I don't think any of these guys are right for you. You shouldn't have to choose between multiple options which is the 'best of the bunch'.
If you don't naturally want to be with someone without having to think deeply into it then they're not for you.
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