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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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A bridal shower the second time around?
Q. Ok, so if you have been widowed young and get remarried again, is it improper to have a bridal shower if you had one the first time?...
A. 7 April 2014: Of course , OP, I realize that if your fiance' stepped in for the bridal shower , it's not because he ( or you ) just could not wait to put your greedy hands on a new ironing board , or a new toaster ! He did it because he felt bad for you and ... (read in full...)
A bridal shower the second time around?
Q. Ok, so if you have been widowed young and get remarried again, is it improper to have a bridal shower if you had one the first time?...
A. 7 April 2014: I see... then, alas, it's different.
A bridal shower is a GIFT GIVING party, you cannot launch your own. It's the bride's best friends and / or bridesmaids that host one ( if they wish of course ). Mothers or other close family members do not ... (read in full...)
I don't have much faith in long term relationships. Any advice?
Q. I've come here because I have this mental hurdle that I can't seem to overcome even though I do want to... I'm 18 and I don't have much faith in long term relationships...I have been through a few long relationships that failed, one in which wa...
A. 7 April 2014: Yours is a rather skewed perspective...
First of all, how do you know that next time for once it could not be you the one who gets bored after a while and wants something different and does the dumping , thereby breaking some poor guy's hear... (read in full...)
A bridal shower the second time around?
Q. Ok, so if you have been widowed young and get remarried again, is it improper to have a bridal shower if you had one the first time?...
A. 7 April 2014: Until a few years ago, it was not considered quite proper to have a bridal shower for a second wedding. But- things change and, let's face it, nowadays around 30% of all marriages are second marriages , so- brideshower all you want, you surely ... (read in full...)
I've lost my sex drive! Is it my medicines?
Q. Need help my boyfriend wont do anything???? To make me horny?? But back then he didnt have to do anything i was always horny whats wrong with me???? Im 35 is their a womens pill??is it my medicines doing this to me i take alot of sleeping ...
A. 7 April 2014: I don't know of a drug called kolopin, by if you by any chance meant klonopin it would make sense, it's a powerful benzodiazepine used for anxiety,insomnia, etc. and among its side effects has that of killing your sex drive ( and making orgasms ... (read in full...)
Men: is this a real belief?
Q. Question for the gentlemen only please :) This doesn't actually relate to me as such, but it's something that I heard and thought was ridiculous. I was talking to my male friend and we were discussing girlfriends and things and I ask...
A. 7 April 2014: No, if a woman sports grey bra straps does not mean she is a liar.
It may mean she is cheap, though.
When bra straps become grey, it's time to buy a new bra :).... (read in full...)
We broke up but I don't want us to be over!
Q. I am 19, my ex boyfriend is 20. We were together for 3 years but in January I broke up with him because I felt trapped and I needed to be single to figure myself out. We had an awesome relationship though. We were best friends, we laughed all the ...
A. 7 April 2014: Poor kid, leave him alone. No to twist the knife in your wound, but... you already broke his heart twice, and even if he were so dumb to risk a third fiasco, - be generous and don't tempt him to do that.
No, you can't make yourself love some... (read in full...)
I did the most well known cliché of falling for my friends with benefits.
Q. I did it. I did the most well known cliché of falling for my friends with benefits. I don't know what to do. All my friends are saying walk away, forget about it, told you so and the usual remarks. Of course I know they are all right but once y...
A. 6 April 2014: You know perfectly what to do, you just don't want to do it :). It's hard for you, I realize that. On the other hand , FWBs are not for everybody and they only work when both people are exactly on the same page and expect nothing more than mutual ... (read in full...)
Do people want their sexual fantasies to come true?
Q. I started dating a wonderful guy. We got along fantastically and we were amazing together in bed. By far, the best sex I have had in my life. We connected on very intimate levels, and I was like a magnet to him. He is the nicest guy I have ever ...
A. 6 April 2014: No, not always. It depends, from people and most of all from fantasies. People do not want to live out fantasies that would have important or permanent consequences in their real life. It's the essence , the symbol in the fantasy, what the ... (read in full...)
I want to use this meeting to get closure
Q. Hi My question is next weekend I will meeting my ex to return his dvds. It’s been 3 months since our breakup and this will be the first time we’ll meet. I am dreading this meet up but another reason to meet up is to get closure. We were togethe...
A. 6 April 2014: So, after a 4 months long ,on total, relationship, and 3 months from breaking up, you want to meet him in person to discuss the hows and whys of the breakup?.... let it go. You are only going to make yourself look ridicolous, and a nuisance.
What... (read in full...)
It was as if I was with a zombie.
Q. Teenage problem. I recently went on a first trip with my friend's daughter who is almost 14. My daughter is grown up and live in a different city. I went to visit her and took my friend' s daughter who I know from her birth. We have, or had very...
A. 6 April 2014: I agree with Aunt Westie . I understand your frustration, in fact people fiddling with their cell phones during meals drives me insane, so I don't blame you.
But, I don't blame your friend either; it's normal that she is ( temporarily ) a bit off ... (read in full...)
Have I ruined my reputation by going on a dating site? Did I need to defend myself?
Q. Hello everyone I hope you won't be too hard on me. I may have ruined my reputation a little. My sister told me to join a free dating site to sort of distract myself from my boyfriend's absence. So I did and I tried it out even though I was hesitant...
A. 5 April 2014: Yeah I did not get the absent boyfriend either.
Absent as in... ? Is/was he temporarily away from you for work or vacations?.. then no, you should not have joined a dating site - you have your date !, even if temporarily absent.
Absent,as in not v... (read in full...)
Job interview included working for a full day, for no pay!
Q. This isnt a relationship question but im hoping someone can help. My niece who is 19 and currently an office temp wants to get in to hairdressing. She saw that a well known salon in our town was looking to hire trainees so she applied - sent h...
A. 5 April 2014:
Short trial work is not illegal in UK, in fact it is rather usual nowadays.
BUT, the employer must pay the job applicant minimum wage. Failure to do so entails a hefty fine.
( Unless it's just work shadowing, i.e.following around anoth... (read in full...)
I thought getting married would fix her insecurities, but she is still acting abnormal and crazy on a daily basis. Do I let her file for divorce or stay and try to work it out?
Q. Its been a while agony aunts since I wrote in. Same or similar story, same girl. This time I really did it though. I went and married her on December 21st, 2013. Didn't take the advice, I tried, unplugged for a whopping 4 weeks, thought I was doing ...
A. 5 April 2014: Oh btw : " my boys are doing well ". Sure about that ?
On March 6,2012 you wrote : "My son already has a negative perception of women : He believes that all cheat, or lie, or yell, or are just damn cruel. More than a counselor he needs to be in a... (read in full...)
Why would my boyfriend tell me he wants a baby when he doesn't even want to live with me?
Q. My boyfriend told me in January that he wants a baby. I was delighted and started eating a healthy diet and looking for a job in his area as I assumed we would of course be moving in together. I never discussed that stuff with him at the time tho...
A. 5 April 2014: But dear OP, you have been waiting for 3 years to get a ring and an official engagement from a married man ? ..
No no, it's not a matter of being slut or not-slut, it's simply the fact that while you may not consider him a married man beca... (read in full...)
I thought getting married would fix her insecurities, but she is still acting abnormal and crazy on a daily basis. Do I let her file for divorce or stay and try to work it out?
Q. Its been a while agony aunts since I wrote in. Same or similar story, same girl. This time I really did it though. I went and married her on December 21st, 2013. Didn't take the advice, I tried, unplugged for a whopping 4 weeks, thought I was doing ...
A. 4 April 2014: No no, Honeypie, they DID live together at some point, with her kids and his kid too, at least that's what the OP said the first time he wrote to Dear Cupid. And it was all out war, always according to the OP- she was cussing him, slapping him, ... (read in full...)
Can a man control his arousal?
Q. Ok so my boyfriend and I have decided to get married before sex. This is his decision. I am divorced on my mid thirties and he is on his mid twenties and saids to be a virgin. Well turns out he's religious aswell. When we kiss and fondle heavily , ...
A. 4 April 2014: It would be another failure if you stayed with him. Recogizing when something can't work and can't make you happy, and refusing to be manipulated any further, it's not failing, ot's WINNING. ... (read in full...)
Confused and angry that I don't fit in with my family, and my parents favor my brother.
Q. I don't fit in with my family. I understand to an extent that it just comes with my age. I mean I've heard the "It's just a phase" line countless times for pretty much everything. Even knowing that I can't help but feel left out. I don't enjoy ...
A. 3 April 2014: Well, if this can be of any comfort to you, you are the True Vietnamese : atheist. Since 1976 Vietnam adopted officially State atheism. Unofficially... the wide majority of the population would be Mahayana Buddhists, with just a small minority of ... (read in full...)
New to relationships, need some help regarding sex.
Q. Hey all, I'm going to try to type this as organized as possible. I recently met my first girlfriend. She's 20, has a little bit of autism, and she is the sweetest, most caring girl I've ever met. I enjoy spending time with her, we're both weird...
A. 3 April 2014: I'm trying, I'm tryng to be kind and non judgemental... I am tryng so hard that my muscles are twitching... but, it's tough :).
I mean, come on, dude- in the same BREATH you say a ) that you want to have sex only with someone special you care... (read in full...)
Can a man control his arousal?
Q. Ok so my boyfriend and I have decided to get married before sex. This is his decision. I am divorced on my mid thirties and he is on his mid twenties and saids to be a virgin. Well turns out he's religious aswell. When we kiss and fondle heavily , ...
A. 3 April 2014: Yes, well, - ok let's suppose he is not gay and not impotent and not anything. He is just a little nervous, or he really can control his erections . He will have sex after marriage.
Then, WHEN is this marriage going to happen ? has the date been... (read in full...)
Am I only the one who only gets chances with extremely unattractive people or people with strangeness?
Q. Am I only the one who only gets chances with extremely unattractive people or people with strangeness? This has probably been asked before, I don't get it anyone I like doesn't like me back or they've done something unforgivable, yet unattractive...
A. 3 April 2014: That's a strange question. "Unattractive " people date too, have sex too, get married too, no matter what glamour magazines would want you to believe, the world does not belong to a restricted elite of beautiful people. And how do you think " ... (read in full...)
Can anyone who has had an abortion provide some words of advice?
Q. I recently got an abortion. I've been with my boyfriend almost two years. I'm 23 my bf is 26. I made this decision because one I'm in college, I still live at home, my legal status in the US isn't complete which means I can't work and I believe I'm ...
A. 3 April 2014: Abortion is a personal choice, maybe some people might feel your reasons weren't good enough for having one, but, guess what, they were your reasons, your choice, your body, your future, therefore your reasons were good enough for you and your ... (read in full...)
How to deal with people that look you up and down and stare?
Q. I am a self conscious person, quieter at times, and hate confrontation. Whats the best way to deal with people who look you up and down and/or stare when they meet or see you? Yes, yes we all stare a little.. but you know those peop...
A. 3 April 2014: Simple answer, no don't stare back. Ignore them.Pretend they do not exist.
If hese people stare is bad form, if you use bad form too... two wrongs don't make a right.
Plus, why do you want to give them the satisfaction to see that their stares a... (read in full...)
Can I be happy with a man who isn't funny?
Q. I’m 31 years old and I’ve been with my boyfriend for over a year. We both feel that communication and respect are most important in a relationship and have many shared interests. My boyfriend is an amazing listener. He’s kind and caring, treats ...
A. 2 April 2014: This is a question that only you can answer ( and you have sort of already answered in your submittal... ).
It all depends, on a scale of 1 to 10, how much sense of humour in a partner is important to you.
Not everybody is the same and reacts t... (read in full...)
My parents are not as excited as I am. Their reaction has dampened my sense of achievement. Are Internships in Italy easy to get?
Q. Are internships easy to get? I applied for one in Italy and a few days after having the interview I got a call saying I've got it. However, my parents and a few my friends weren't as excited about it as I was, they just simply said it's great ...
A. 2 April 2014: It would totally vary and depend from which internship and offered by which company/ organization etc., and how solid/ prestigious it is etc.
SOME big multinationals organize stages- pardon, internships, we call them " stages " here - that actu... (read in full...)
Don't we all smell the same?
Q. Hey guys.I've got a very weird question to ask..first off,I've been friends with this UK lady for 4yrs.cyber_friendship.we've shared a lot.she recently had a baby born.and she used to tell me she doesn't bath sometimes,they I'd ask y and she'd say ...
A. 1 April 2014: Well, if this lady JUST had a baby she is not even supposed to take a bath ( in a bathtub ) for 4-6 weeks, until the endometrium ( uterine lining ) has fully grown back.
Anyway, no, definitely we do not all smell the same down there , it vari... (read in full...)
Why do guys ask for my number but never call?
Q. Everytime i go out dancing with my friend (girl), I meet a really cool guy we have a good time, and at the end of the night they ask for my number. I give it to the ones I like, and they always end up not calling/ messaging. I'm sick and tired o...
A. 1 April 2014: Because they were doing some window shopping.
It's like when you go out for, say, a pair of shoes. You won't actually buy all the shoes that may catch your fancy. Probably you will move fom a window shop to another saying within yourself " Oh t... (read in full...)
Can a man control his arousal?
Q. Ok so my boyfriend and I have decided to get married before sex. This is his decision. I am divorced on my mid thirties and he is on his mid twenties and saids to be a virgin. Well turns out he's religious aswell. When we kiss and fondle heavily , ...
A. 1 April 2014: This question would be best answered by Uncles than Aunts, FWIW I think ( or, have been told ) that yes to some extent it is possible to control erections, in the sense that a guy can distract himself with non sexual thoughts in order not to have ... (read in full...)
She lied and said she wasn't a virgin. Now that I know she is one, I feel like I can't trust her if she would lie about something that big!
Q. Can I be annoyed at this girl I've just started to date for lying to me about something big like this. She says she did it to protect herself, but I feel insulted she judged me to be like those guys... We got to talking and I asked her how ma...
A. 1 April 2014: We'll have to agree to disagree, male anon, because actually I happen to think that yes, if a girl asks a man how much does he make during their first date or before , and gets a bullshit answer.... she deserves it richly and royally,lol. Truth ... (read in full...)
We've hooked up twice but have yet to make it past second base, and now I'm wondering if she's not that into me!
Q. So I'm in college as is the girl I've been very interested in for over a year. I've been working hard at getting on her good side, texting her almost every day "randomly" running into her between classes. If I had to guess it's been pretty obvious ...
A. 31 March 2014: Maybe you need someone to talk you out of your clumsiness :).
You like the girl, you want to date her . Then ask her out ! on a regular date ! with no sexual activities necessarily involved.
If you just keep hooking up randomly ( and probably... (read in full...)
Is it time for me to leave these friends behind?
Q. My closest girlfriends and I are a group of four. A couple weeks ago, girlfriend "A" messaged us asking to hang out that upcoming Saturday. "B" said OK and I asked "when and where?" However Saturday came and gone with A and B both having both seen ...
A. 31 March 2014: I get what you mean, it would be nice if people would make the effort to be precise and punctual , give you ample notice of their plans so that you can get organized etc.etc.; hard to contraddict you on that.
But,- maybe you need to beco... (read in full...)
Should I cancel my membership or will that make me look needy?
Q. Hi, i'm wondering what i should do. My online date and i have been hitting it off so well, over the past few mths, that now he has decided to leave the dating site where we met for good, so that he and i can pursue a possible future relation...
A. 31 March 2014: Before taking yourself off the site, I'd wait for your first ( or second, or third ) date to actually happen, and see how it goes. A person that sounds wonderful and intriguing and your potential soulmate on paper- may give you a totally ... (read in full...)
Why can't I get over this offensive incident?
Q. I took a tennis class and this pretty woman walked up to me during the first one and said, "Hi Bob! I lost your e-mail address!" I replied that it was no big deal and I'd give it to her again. She then said to me, "Err, no, that's okay," etc. I wa...
A. 31 March 2014: Don't we want to give this lady the benefit of doubt ? Couldn't it possibly have been just some miscommunication or misunderstanding ? It does not make much sense to me that she would tell you "I have lost your e-mail but that's ok because because ... (read in full...)
She lied and said she wasn't a virgin. Now that I know she is one, I feel like I can't trust her if she would lie about something that big!
Q. Can I be annoyed at this girl I've just started to date for lying to me about something big like this. She says she did it to protect herself, but I feel insulted she judged me to be like those guys... We got to talking and I asked her how ma...
A. 31 March 2014: " But it was not right " ? Perhaps . Neither it's right, though, asking rude, intrusive, none-of-your-business-questions to a woman you barely know during your first date or , I gather, even before .
Sure, if the girl had been olde... (read in full...)
Do you my find it appropriate for a woman to sit on your husband's lap?
Q. My husband and I were with friends last night. We were playing a party game and my husband drew a card which made him "Santa Claus." Two of our male friends sat on his lap as a joke and I also sat on my husband's lap. But then one of our friends ...
A. 31 March 2014: Hey you got lucky :) , at least they weren't playing Twister. Or spin the bottle.
Relax OP, it was just a game, a parlour game. The intention is what counts ,and it does not sound like anybody was hitting on anybody, it was just for laug... (read in full...)
Are adults too busy to make new friends these days, do we not even try anymore?
Q. Do we not see those that are alone and may need a new friend? are we so suspicious of someone making small talk or being friendly, say when we meet them, that we ignore them for our own friends? or our own lives, family etc etc. Many ppl have bu...
A. 30 March 2014: Oh no , OP, why would you feel you are a complete loser ? the fact that some people aren't interestED in knowing you and befriending you does not mean that you are not interestING. It does not say something about you, it says more something ... (read in full...)
Are adults too busy to make new friends these days, do we not even try anymore?
Q. Do we not see those that are alone and may need a new friend? are we so suspicious of someone making small talk or being friendly, say when we meet them, that we ignore them for our own friends? or our own lives, family etc etc. Many ppl have bu...
A. 30 March 2014: I don't want to sound unfriendly :) , but...I think you are forgetting that not ALL adults necessarily want or need to make new friends,or SHOULD want that. Whether they are loners by nature, or they are too busy with their life , work and family ... (read in full...)
Does my FWB want more?
Q. Let me start from the beginning, I signed up for a dating site, decided after a few days it wasn't my thing. I later found a message on FB from a guy who found me on the dating site. He said my profile disappeared, so he Googled my email address. WE ...
A. 30 March 2014: Oh the rose :). It means he is a serial Internet dater, maybe a serial Craiglister,lol. It's the typical blind date move. The Virgin Megastore in downtown New York ( now it has closed, too bad ) until few years ago was THE spot of choice for blind ... (read in full...)
If he can't stop I wtll walk!
Q. Hi aunts and uncles. My Fiance and I have been together 5 years, we have two soon to be three beautiful children together (4, 2 soon to be 3 and our last due in june) We are getting married next month. My deliemma is that I found he posted a ...
A. 30 March 2014: No,personally I don't think it was a great decision. I think that everybody deserves a second chance... and nobody a third one. You went through this kind of issues already twice, and I suppose that the other two times too there will have been ... (read in full...)
We'd like to announce my pregnancy as a couple, but that means we will have to wait another six weeks!
Q. ive just recently found out im pregnant and cannot wait to tell everybody!! somehoe - unbeknown to me I am already 15 weeks gone....but also its past the 12 week safe mark which means me and my hubby can tell people. what is bothering me is.....
A. 29 March 2014: I am not sure I understand abot the appointments.
If you mean the second pregnancy scan ( the first, either you had it already, or you 'll skip it, since they do it at 12-13 weeks ) it is scheduled between week 18 and week 21, you can time it to h... (read in full...)
Should I continue this long-distance relationship knowing we can't be together for another two years at least?
Q. Am I stupid to be willing to wait for so long for us to be together? My fiance and I are in a long distance relationship. We always have been. We are recently engaged. I love him very much, but I struggle with the length of time it will be befor...
A. 29 March 2014: Correct me if I am wrong, I think in another post you said you got engaged after six months of LDR. If it is so, then, it's not even like WiseOwlE says- you haven't had much time to establish your feelings and to think all this through, it sounds ... (read in full...)
The man I'm dating belongs to a religion that does not approve
Q. Im so scared to loose again. I found a man who is nine years younger than I am. I am divorced with one child. He never been married and no kids. However he is of another religion. I am afraid of loosing him because of it. A lot of elder females ...
A. 28 March 2014: Your Bf is sitting on the fence and tryng to keep everybody happy without having to make a choice- he is tryng to have his cake and eat it too. Yes he is not supposed to have sex before his wedding- but as for that, he is not even supposed to ... (read in full...)
The man I'm dating belongs to a religion that does not approve
Q. Im so scared to loose again. I found a man who is nine years younger than I am. I am divorced with one child. He never been married and no kids. However he is of another religion. I am afraid of loosing him because of it. A lot of elder females ...
A. 28 March 2014: No, you are not making a mountain of a molehill. Particularly if he is given you mixed messages and he is not saying loud and clear ( to you, but to his congregation too ) " I have chosen and religion won't come between me and my love ".
It woul... (read in full...)
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