A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend was telling me about a drunken night the other weekend, and told me he ended up showering with his (guy) friend. Then he told me that he'd also showered with a different (guy) friend on a couple occasions. I was confused, and asked why he'd done it - he told me that he'd been absolutely smashed the times that it had happened, but that he didn't feel uncomfortable, as he's "extremely comfortable with his sexuality."I don't think he's gay - we have a great relationship and sex life - but I can't help but thinking that it's just strange that he would shower with a friend. Am I alone in thinking this is pretty weird? Should I be questioning his sexuality? Is it worth bringing up that I think this is weird to him/how should I handle this? Thanks, any advice will be much appreciated!
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (16 May 2014):
 I admit that I haven't ever given much thought to the issue and I do not know if sharing the same shower is more risque'/ uncomfortable for two males, but as a woman, I can't see what the big deal is.
A couple of times I happened to have to share the shower with another female, ( to save time, like in a vacation rental place were there were several of us and only one shower ) . Sure, it was a bit cramped , a bit cheek-to- (butt)cheek... so what !? It did not turn us instantly.from hetero to gay .
A
female
reader, cattycakes  +, writes (16 May 2014):
You have a wide range of answers! I think it would be a good idea to just ask him because you are worried. Then decide what to do.
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A
female
reader, cattycakes +, writes (16 May 2014):
Why don't you ask him if he is trying to tell you something? I mean, does "showering together" equate to having had sexual contact. Most people would have a shower one after the other, unless they wanted to have physical contact. You could hardly avoid rubbing against each other could you?! I think he may be experimenting sexually and tried, in his way, to tell you. You to need to know, for many important reasons, including sexual health. It would unforgivable or him to take risks with your health by not, say, using a condom. I would want to know, rather than be left wondering in the half light, with subtle hints. Then I would be deciding if I wanted to be with someone who has sex with other people. If he does....but there is reason to think this could well be the case. Hope you get answers. Ask him and tell him why you definitely need to know.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2014): I find it odd that he gets "smashed;" and coincidentally ends up in the shower with another guy. I am gay. The fact it has happened a couple of times over just might raise an eyebrow.
It hasn't changed anything between the two of you, he hasn't kept it a secret. I wouldn't draw any conclusions, or even suspect anything. It's just odd. Most of the time, guys who shower together are in a public shower. If it's at home; it isn't really necessary. If it makes you uncomfortable, you can say so.
I wouldn't be worried unless he treated you differently; and suddenly decided he'd rather be with a guy. Showering with another guy does not make you gay. Having sex with another guy and liking it, means he may be gay.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2014): I agree with CMMP: Two men sharing a shower or bath sounds a little too intimate to me and is hardly common.I use communal showers in, say, a gym but wouldn't feel it appropriate to shower, drunk or otherwise, with another man in a one on one setting. Sports, Gyms, etc are one thing but getting drunk and sharing a shower with a man sounds odd to me.I know sometimes people get drunk and run naked into a fountain or something, but that's more group pressure and either showing of or feeling a need to conform. It doesn't mean anything other than the fact they have drunk too much and are making a spectacle of themselves. Yet Two men sharing a shower with no other people present sound weird to me. One thing to show your bits in the changing rooms, another to let them hang a few inches from another man while rubbing your body with soap. Others have replied that he knows he is not gay but im not so sure: He says he is absolutely comfortable with his sexuality but that doesn't tell us WHICH sexuality he considers himself to be. I am 100% certain of, and happy with my sexuality yet nobody need know whether I am gay, straight or bi. In my experience, its often the men who never mention their sexuality or feel the need to defend it that are the most comfortable with there sexuality. Those that confidently state how sure and happy they are with there sexuality are often the people who are trying to convince themselves. Bit like when sexually confused men suddenly say (in a OTT deep voice) "See the Match last night lads?" when someone walks in the room wearing a pink shirt.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (15 May 2014):
 I will be naked in front of anyone. I am not ashamed of my body nor do I hide it.
I don't like to shower in my private home with anyone even my hubby as we don't have a lot of room in the shower.
If I had a sick friend who needed help I would help them.
If I was in a group setting (locker room or dorm) and had lots of room then it would be a no brainer and I would be fine showering with others in the communal shower at the same time.
IF it's a question of saving water or time I can't see that as a quick shower is faster than two people trying to manipulate and move in a standard size tub/shower.
Is it possible his friend is gay or bi and the bf being "smashed" loosened him up to his friend's suggestions?
I'm sorry but as open as I am it seems odd to me.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (15 May 2014):
I don't know about his sexuality, and honestly that part is kind of irrelevant if he's with you and you're happy.
The thing I find odd is that everyone think this is common. Guys shower together in the gym, as in multiple showers with or without partitions. I'm not saying what he's doing is wrong, that's your call, but it's definitely not common.
Showering in the same shower with a woman you're having sex with requires body contact because of the lack of space. Either that or you freeze your ass off.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2014): It is uncomfortable but at times you have no choice like in college gyms after PT lesson.
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A
male
reader, LuvHurts +, writes (15 May 2014):
i dont think there is anything to worry about as long as you guys are still having a normal sex life. it is normal for men to shower together usually after the gym as well. on a few drunken occasions at a house party, i have guy friends who peed in the same toilet. there not gay!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (15 May 2014):
 I don't really find it all that odd. Women go to the bathroom together, guys have no problem showering together.
I think it's just a locker-room mentality, nothing more.
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A
male
reader, RevMick +, writes (15 May 2014):
 Hi,
I know in college and school everyone would shower together communally. It could be that your boyfriend has less of an issue with being naked etc with other men.
You said you've never had reason to doubt him before, why would you start now? Unless it starts happening more regularly and he begins to flirt or go further with men when drunk (leave it alone).
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (15 May 2014):
 If the times were that he was smashed both times, it would have been possible that bodily fluids such as vomit or urine made bathing with more than one person necessary.
I don't know if the guy's gay or not, but I know that I have friends who have no problem undressing in front of friends, running in and out of the shower in their birthday suits, and none of us think "automatic lesbian!" because of that. Lliften brings up the point of athletic showers as well, and that's very true!
If your sex life is good, and your relationship is good, then you have nothing to worry about!
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (15 May 2014):
 I have had some guy friends that I could totally imagine doing stuff like that - and they are completely, 100% heterosexual. So I'm sure it's nothing to question him over. Some people just have fewer boundaries than others and it sounds as if your boyfriend is quite at one with his sexuality so he doesn't see this as infringing on his desire for women. Good for him for being so comfortable with himself. Most men wouldn't dream of doing that because they're afraid of being perceived as being gay. My opinion, who cares? He knows he's not gay, his friends know he's not gay, so what's the big deal?
I suppose I wouldn't worry too much about it. If you've never questioned his sexuality before, I wouldn't start now.
On a side note, as an athlete in college, it was completely normal for men and women (separately, of course) to shower and change in front of each other in the locker room.
Just my two cents.
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A
male
reader, mr toyboy  +, writes (15 May 2014):
I used to shower with my guy cousin and think i can shower with my best guy friend if we late for an appointment or work, but am straight, have a GF and has will always be attracted to women early.
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