A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my bf for over four years. I know his mom very well too. Over the course of our relationship I found that she is really difficult to talk or relate to. Overall she is a nice lady but ALL (and I mean ALL) she talks about is Gucci this and Luis Vuitton that and Mercedes this, you get my drift. The lady sees nothing but brands and that's all she talks about. If she doesn't have the latest iPad model or a Michael Kors watch she freaks out. She's very delusional when it comes to that kind of stuff, she thinks that just because she has all this fancy stuff, she is more desirable or valuable or "rich" or has "class and status." I tried so hard ignoring all of the silly stuff that comes out of her mouth, how other people are "poor" just because they can't afford her BMW or Mercedes. She makes crude jokes often and expects people to laugh. I'm just coming to a point where I'm becoming extremely irritated when I'm around her. She gives me anxiety. I can't have a decent conversation with her because there is nothing to talk about that interests her besides her expensive jewelry or purse or trip to Dubai. In truth though, she lives beyond her means and her house was about to be taken by the bank and she runs a suspicious real estate business (my bf told me). But that doesn't really matter.My question is how do I ignore the judgmental and stupid comments she makes and how do I get past it? There are so many ridiculous things she says that I am rolling my eyes in my head half the time I'm there.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (17 May 2014):
 Don't be there as much :). And when you are there, keep being polite and patient, hide the inward eye roll, smile coldly and politely and immediately change subject. Steer the conversation to something else ,it can't be anything ponderous I guess, but maybe something light and neutral, like the weather, or food recipes, or Tv programmes. If you are persistent, she'll get the hint, or, at least, she'll understand that you'll give her no joy when she brings up her favourite subjects and she'll desist from trying to engage your attention.
I don't think you can do much else, you can't change her. She is who she is, she likes what she likes by now. People never really change to please somebody else, or because it would be appropriate, or because they are suggested to change. They only change when they feel the need to do it, when they realize that their current course of action of thought is making them unhappy or making their life worse, this lady is not at that stage.
But your question was, how can you get past it. With compassion. Think how sad it must be being her age and so ignorant or empty that she is not able to have an opinion about anything more than handbags. Not knowing, or not caring , what she feels about , say, economy, politics, religion, art, human relationships, nothing. Think how sad it is that she has to get so attached to her THINGS , in lack of true , deep , fulfilling emotional bonds wit PEOPLE. That's generally what happens with people who must fill their life with stuff- it's because they have less trouble with inanimate objects than with humans . Think how frightened and frail and insecure that she must feel, that she has to build around herself a wall of Gucci and Vuitton to defend herself, to feel she counts, she is somebody, she matters. You would not want to be in her ( designer ) shoes. She is very vulnerable,very depending from transitional stuff for her precarious inner security.
You are in a much better,stronger place, so you can afford being generous .
P.S. I don't know if this is your case, maybe not.. but young people tend to be very either / or, very black or white, so ,well, try to not be judgemental yourself... I read in your post - maybe I am wrong - a sort of virtuous,puritan " no logo " horror and... why. Now, your MIL goes overboard and is consumed by consumption, so to speak, but people can like beautiful, expensive objects , can chose to buy certain things and still have a mind and a heart. I have ONE Luis Vuitton bag which is my prized possession, and the apple of my eye :)- and I'd buy more if I could ... but I still manage to have and express ideas and opinions about everything under the sun- even too much and too often , I guess ....
A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (17 May 2014):
 There's really nothing else you can do, except for what you're already doing, unfortunately.
God, that must be tough. I really don't care much for snobby, conceited people who think they matter just because they have money. Having money certainly doesn't automatically make you any better than anyone else. I'd much rather be poor and have a good heart than be rich and be so judgmental. But that's just me.
Just try and realize that there is nothing you can do to change this woman. She's probably pretty set in her ways. Just try to tolerate her, if at all possible. To call her out may just make things worse. Just try to humor her as much as possible and avoid her when you can.
Good luck.
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