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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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I'm text dating but she won't ever give me her number!
Q. One of my friends knows I am single, so he suggested text dating. I started texting this K who lives local to me (the advert was in the local paper.) The texts went well, she was kind, seemed pleasant enough. With those adverts, you cannot send ...
A. 17 April 2014: Good for you. I can't be sure 100% but I doubt she actually is hearing impaired.
You told her straight away that you have Cerebral Palsy, what better and nost natural chance to answer :oh don't worry, no big deal, I have a physical disa... (read in full...)
Is he too bossy or too keen?
Q. Should I be put off by this ?. I have been meeting up with a guy that I met recently. He has told me that he would like to date me, but I'm not sure what to do yet. I recently broke up with someone, and I still miss him. This guy tried to call...
A. 16 April 2014: I think he just sounds eager - not too eager. He's going for what he wants, that's all. Maybe it feels like TOO keen to you, ... because you aren't keen enough. If you are still hung up on your ex, you'll be glad that you have someone else ... (read in full...)
I'm text dating but she won't ever give me her number!
Q. One of my friends knows I am single, so he suggested text dating. I started texting this K who lives local to me (the advert was in the local paper.) The texts went well, she was kind, seemed pleasant enough. With those adverts, you cannot send ...
A. 16 April 2014: ..Because papers get PAID for advertising and do not care if the product they advertise is good or not ?
Papers are full of ads for miracle beauty creams that make you 10 years younger in a week, or miracle diets that make you 30 pounds slim... (read in full...)
He has found himself a "girlfriend"!
Q. One of my best guy friends has been ignoring the usual gang since he found himself a "girlfriend". Lets call her J. They are not officially together because she has a boyfriend who is studying overseas but she is cheating on him (physically and ...
A. 15 April 2014: Bit, are you upset because your friend is involved with a cheater, or because he's ditching the usual gang to spend time with her ?
It's different.
If you are morally repelled by his behaviour and this is something that you are adamant against,... (read in full...)
I'm text dating but she won't ever give me her number!
Q. One of my friends knows I am single, so he suggested text dating. I started texting this K who lives local to me (the advert was in the local paper.) The texts went well, she was kind, seemed pleasant enough. With those adverts, you cannot send ...
A. 15 April 2014: Or maybe she is actually a he ? Sounds fishy. And anyway , this person is a time waster. I am not familiar with text dating, but the principle seems to be the same as dating sites. You connect with someone not in person, just as a preparation to ... (read in full...)
What's worse? Being in a relationship with a cheating coward or an arrogant know-it-all?
Q. What's worse? - Being in a relationshpip with a cheating coward or a arrogant know-it-all? Or are both types equally undesirable? Any related comments or thoughts would be very helpful. Thank you ...
A. 15 April 2014: I would choose neither, if that is the only available choice, better being single.
If really forced at gunpoint to make my choice, I would choose the arrogant prick. While an arrogant prick does not have to also be a cheater, a cheating cowa... (read in full...)
Why won't he talk to me? And does his behaviour show he wants me back?
Q. Me and my on off partner have been together nearly 2 years - we do argue over silly things but always make up. Usually he will not speak to me a few days then get back in touch... We split up last Sunday and he hasn't really spoken to me since. I ...
A. 15 April 2014: ... aren't you tired yet after two 2 years of ups and downs ons and offs ?...
Ciar says it better , and more diplomatically, but I feel the same :
he does not talk to you, because he is not interested in talking to you. He is still ( relative... (read in full...)
I think my boyfriend is involved in criminal activity!
Q. This is going to sound like a really weird question but I feel like I'm going round and round in circles and going mad. I think my boyfriend is into some criminal stuff. I don't actually have physical evidence of this, apart from what I have seen ...
A. 15 April 2014: If this guy has never been working in all the time you know him, he must have some means of survival, so either he has a wealthy family supporting him, or.... ? It is very likely that the " or " is illecit or illegal- if nothing else ... (read in full...)
Does a girl have a right ask for a Bf stay in some Sundays instead of going out every week
Q. Hello aunts and uncles. My problem relates to my boyfriend of 4 years as we had a bit of a disagreement earlier today. Basically, he is good friends with my best friend's boyfriend. They have just moved in together, whereas me and my bf sti...
A. 15 April 2014: Your boyfriend and his friend either are very dumb, or are playing dumb. You don't need to be a French philosopher to have heard , or to understand, the concept of : " my liberty ends exactly where the other person's liberty begins ".
In a civi... (read in full...)
Pregnant despite the pill -- how to tell the new b/f?
Q. Hi everyone I have a bit of a problem and could do with some help I have been with my boyfriend for 9 weeks now I am on the pill but have just found out I am 4 weeks pregnant I'm in total shock does anyone have any advice on how to break this news ...
A. 14 April 2014: Not really, anon female. The whole concept of the pill is about, so to speak, putting your hypophisis to sleep. By introducing hormones in your body who trick your hypophisis to think that you are already pregnant- by mimicking a pregnancy, i.e. ... (read in full...)
I stay with him out of pity
Q. I want to split up with my boyfriend of four years. Our relationship hasn't been great for all this time because he expects me to do everything. I work long hours and he expects me to come home and clean, walk our dog and cook his meal. He doesn't ...
A. 14 April 2014: Don't worry, OP, that you miss him is normal and it will go away in time. You know, at times prisoners miss their chains at first. There are examples in history of colonial countries where, as soon independence from European colonial rule was ... (read in full...)
Late life dilemma.
Q. I have a dilemma I hope somebody can help me with. My partner and are both 61. We've been together 4yrs and are now engaged. The problem is that we live 35 miles apart and I am the one who does all the travelling. This is due to the fact that my ...
A. 14 April 2014: OP, it's not that I want to challenge your right to feel unsettled about anything you want,.. I am just curious, since I can't exactly figure out what the problem is. You go reach a guy you like and care about. You already have there half of your ... (read in full...)
Are my family right to be concerned about my boyfriend's behaviour?
Q. My boyfriend is acting weird ( I'm not even sure if we are together actually ). He has Bipolar Disorder. He did something weird last night. He went to my house at 10pm. He had written a note. He knocked on the door, and then put the note through the ...
A. 14 April 2014: Of course they are right to be frightened !! Who would not be ?! As for being angry, well I suppose you can't really be angry at someone for being mentally ill, but maybe they are angry at him for refusing to keep his condition under control , by ... (read in full...)
Which woman do I choose?
Q. Hey. I basically need a bit of help and guidance on which girl I should choose to have my future with. So the 1st girl I am in a relationship with, she is amazing. She is like the good wife, she is traditional and can love and look after her ...
A. 14 April 2014: I think that girl 2 is more of a pipe dream. You have no idea whatsoever if she likes you as well. Which, it would not matter, since she is accepting an arranged marriage in her future ,so she won't choose personally, her parents will. But, ... (read in full...)
I'm wondering if I need to just be blunt, ask him his salary and then maybe nip it in the bud if it is too little money. Should I be honest?
Q. I'm in my early thirties, I have to think about starting a family. I barely make any money and would maybe prefer being a full time mom. I went out on one date with a sweet guy that seems interested. He told me his job.... I think he makes very ...
A. 14 April 2014: I tend to agree with Cerberus.
Personally, I'd have to say no, don't ask, the way I was raised asking people, strangers as for that, is absolutely a no-no. Might as well going to dinner at a foreign Embassy and asking the Ambassador " So, I've... (read in full...)
His grown daughters are nasty toward me!
Q. My husband has three daughters, all grown adults with children. His wife died ten years ago. We married two years ago and all three girls took part in our wedding. Every March 22,(the date of her death) the girls rush to mention the date to us and ...
A. 14 April 2014: There always are two sides to a story, particularly in this kind of sensitive situations. I feel ,like the female anon reader , that I want to believe you,yet... In fact, I DO believe you, I can perfectly imagine how you feel undermined and ... (read in full...)
I stay with him out of pity
Q. I want to split up with my boyfriend of four years. Our relationship hasn't been great for all this time because he expects me to do everything. I work long hours and he expects me to come home and clean, walk our dog and cook his meal. He doesn't ...
A. 13 April 2014: No,sorry, but I can't see where 's the difficult part of leaving here. Unless you totally brim with self loathe and feel you deserve to suffer or something.
There are many women who write to us, describing situations in which they feel stuck and ... (read in full...)
Do I confront him or ignore him when he makes these snide comments?
Q. Dearcupid, ive just stopped seeing a guy that i never should have seen in the first place. I was very lonely and his company made me feel good. The relationship started off great but it ended. I kno i am better off witout him. He had a lot of ...
A. 12 April 2014: Classy guy you'd got yourself. You like' em all polished and refined uh ?
Just ignore him. In fact, I don't even understand why you two are exchanging texts ! you work in a bar, he is a client of the bar. Period. Don't get too personal and chum... (read in full...)
Loud sex noises at boyfriend's house and now I'm afraid to leave the bedroom!
Q. Cringe!!!!! Went out with my boyfriend last night for my birthday and had a few too many drinks. Were staying at his parents for awhile. Came home and had two lengthy sex sessions that involved a little bit of (amateur) BDSM (rope leather and LOUD ...
A. 12 April 2014: Pretend as if nothing happened. It was just sex between consenting adults , after all .
Although, next time I'd be careful and I'd keep down either the alcohol intake or the noise level ,or both.
Parents do not expect a 30something couple to be ce... (read in full...)
The guy doesn't seem to know what he wants and I'm not into playing games. Should I just forget it?
Q. Hi , I need some honest advice . Dated a guy for three months ( he was waiting on his divorce to be finalised ) . He then sends by text the old line " It's not you , it's me ...I am not ready for any kind of relationship " . I felt annoyed ...
A. 12 April 2014: Avoid. It sounds it's just all code for " let's see if I can string you along while I get you to have sex with you casually and occasionally and I keep procrastinaring forever the day when this ccmmon future of ours starts...".... (read in full...)
How can I get my ex to actually talk to me about the way he feels about me?
Q. How do can I get my ex to actually talk to me about the way he feels towards me? I recently broke up with my boyfriend and not on good terms I basically wrote to him on Facebook messages that I was cheating on him and it's best if we called it ...
A. 12 April 2014: I don't know if you'd *really * want to know what he has to say about you now... it can't be anything very nice...
Cerberus did not put too fine a point on things, but yes he is absolutely right, his description of what substantially you have... (read in full...)
Late life dilemma.
Q. I have a dilemma I hope somebody can help me with. My partner and are both 61. We've been together 4yrs and are now engaged. The problem is that we live 35 miles apart and I am the one who does all the travelling. This is due to the fact that my ...
A. 11 April 2014: That's just me, but... I think you have it rich and you don't even know it. I would not change a thing, personally :). You have the pleasure and comfort of a steady relationship, and you also have your freedom and independence , and you get to ... (read in full...)
How do I gain his friendship back?
Q. I asked one of my closest friends "W" if he liked anyone because I like him and he said that question crosses the boundary and that we talked about boundaries. I told him that we did talk about boundaries but never set them, which was true. He got ...
A. 11 April 2014: But you SHOULD have kept your mouth shut. It's not as if he had confided you that he was planning to steal G's mother's silverware, or poison G's dog, and by warning her you have prevented a crime ! You simply have reported , out of context ... (read in full...)
I thought he just wanted sex, so why would he text me afterward?
Q. I met a guy on a dating site . We text each other for a while and exchanged pictures . He asked if I wanted to meet up and stay the night at his and have a bit of fun . I agreed . When I met him he was really quiet and gave one word answers . I ...
A. 11 April 2014: So, he asked you to stay the night... but he ended up with NOT letting you stay the night uh ? he barely had patience enough to see the end of the movie with you, then he decided it was time to put you out by the scruff of your neck, basically ... (read in full...)
This incident made me question whether our core values are in sync
Q. I feel very disappointed in my girlfriend of almost 4 years yesterday, but I don't think she understands the core issue (or maybe it's not an issue). We are 29 and 28. We were in a car driving to a birthday event about an hour away with my gir...
A. 11 April 2014: This might be slightly off topic, since after all it is quite possible that the OP's hungry man was actually what he seemed, a poor,destitute , helpless authentically hungry homeless man. ( Although, I doubt it: accosting motorists is a ... (read in full...)
He used to be annoying but he's changed and now I have a crush on him
Q. So yeah our story is a bit complicated. Sad is it not? It started me really not liking him and I mean REALLY not liking him because he was so annoying, rude, haughty and just blech. Always sticking his hand in my face, poking my sides, blowing in my ...
A. 11 April 2014: I agree with Ciar, apparently he has changed but not that much, he still gets a kick out of teasing you and needling you, just he now does it in a subtler way rather than by poking and sticking his hands in your face.
He knows you have a crus... (read in full...)
How do I gain his friendship back?
Q. I asked one of my closest friends "W" if he liked anyone because I like him and he said that question crosses the boundary and that we talked about boundaries. I told him that we did talk about boundaries but never set them, which was true. He got ...
A. 11 April 2014: 18 ? Frankly, I doubt it.
Anyway: he did not throw away your friendship over something stupid, he threw it away over a big indiscretion and breach of trust. What do you expect, OP ? He tells you something private and confidential, and first thin... (read in full...)
How do I deal with my stubborn mother-in-law?
Q. My husband and I dated for 7 years and married for 4 years with 3 children. He was a very obedient son he will never make any decisions without his mom's input. We lived together for 2 years in an apartment (both worked) until his mom talked him ...
A. 10 April 2014: My shortest advice ever here on Dc :move out. NOW.... (read in full...)
Is it usual practice to do STD tests for male infertility? Should I get tested too?
Q. My boyfriend went to the doctors for a general check up. He told the doctor that he was thinking of having kids in a couple of years, but didn't want to find out if he had fertility issues when it was too late so he asked if there was any way of ...
A. 10 April 2014: Some STDs can cause male infertility, so if he had one AND then he resulted infertile, he would know why.
Then again, he would not know if he has infertility issues before a sperm analysiss ( assessing sperm count, sperm motility , etc. ) So... (read in full...)
Dream wedding and budget woes, am I asking for too much?
Q. My fiance and I will be together for four years the end of June. We got engaged the end of this January and I wanted to figure things out with my education before we got into the thick of wedding planning. I'll graduate with my Bachelor's in English ...
A. 10 April 2014: Good news. Out of curiosity, I typed " wedding on a 3000 $ budget " and it just oozes with entries from different wedding forums and weddings sites, with suggestions to stay within that price range.
It looks literally like a few hours of peru... (read in full...)
Are cheaters always cheaters?
Q. My ex constantly cheated when we were dating. I was even the one he cheated on his ex with. I forgave him everytime because I loved him and thought he loved me to death according to the commitment he gave and he would beg his parents and friends to ...
A. 10 April 2014: Do cheater never change ? .. Well, never is a long time, -never say never.
It's a matter of probability, though. Same as, of course not ALL the tourists who take a stroll in a bad neighborood of a big city at 4.am., sporting gold watches and ... (read in full...)
Texting--am I asking for too much?
Q. My bf and I text throught the day and everuthing is fine but sometimes he disappears and doesnt txt me back in a long time, and when ge returns he said he went to do something. I dislike it a lot, because I think he should be courteous and ...
A. 10 April 2014: You are asking too much.
You are asking something slightly maniacal, IMO. Precisely because your text convo is daily and ongoing- when you don't hear from him right away, just presume that he remembered he has life with other tasks, inte... (read in full...)
He won't spend any time with my friends or family? I have to beg for him to do so!
Q. Hey everyone so I have a question. my boyfriend and i have been together for a year and two months. We live together as well. The problem is he wont go around my friends or family at all like he used to and he doesnt take me around his friends ...
A. 9 April 2014: Well, no, it does not sound very normal. Particularly because it wasn't always like that from the start, so there has been a change- and change means something , even if we don't realize it.
Frankly I have no idea , though, what has changed, all ... (read in full...)
Do men find a curved tummy a turn off?
Q. I was wondering if men find a curved tummy a turn off? I'm not overweight by any means (although I used to be), nor am I particularly thin. I'm probably relatively average for girls my age in my country (about size 10, 5ft7/170cm, 65kg/143lb)but my ...
A. 9 April 2014: I'll come in your help by quoting one more from my abundant stock of popular Italian sayings : " A woman with no tummy is like a sky with no stars ". I.e. : ok, sky is always nice, but without that little sensual curve, it's sort of lackluster.
... (read in full...)
Should I tell a girl I like her even though she has a boyfriend now?
Q. I have liked this girl for over a year almost 2. I am 25 she's in her 30's. We have got along well, she has always given me those "looks" she always laughs when she's talking to me and can be touchy. Thing is I wasn't sure as she's kinda flirty with ...
A. 9 April 2014: Jeez OP do you need to get laid THAT bad ? ...You are living in few months, there will be plenty of girls- single girls - there too. Why do you need to mess up with this one ?. If she has changed and is committed to her bf, she'll be annoyed, or ... (read in full...)
My soon-to-be-deported husband is spending my money on his mother and told me not to spend it on my own parents! Any ideas what to do?
Q. My husband is to be deported and is currently detained by immigration. I have financially supported him for a long time now and also whilst he is in immigration detention i have sent money and visited 3 times per week. He has been detained now for ...
A. 9 April 2014: But you SHOULD mind buying his mother and family things, why don't you mind ? I am not talking of course of the random birthday present , but why in the world you should spoil and pamper his family , just because you work and earn, and he can't ... (read in full...)
My wife told me about her past sex life and now I can't even look at her
Q. My wife told me of her sex life before, she would go on no strings attached websites and meet men ...3 sums , now I feel sick my wife was passed around groups and used as a sex toy and she loved it , now I can't even look at her, what should I do?...
A. 8 April 2014: The man who cheated on his ex wife was legally married to his ex wife, and had committed himself , in front of witnesses, to stay faithful. He did not have the right to cheat.
The OP's wife, at the time of her shenanigans, was not married to t... (read in full...)
This incident made me question whether our core values are in sync
Q. I feel very disappointed in my girlfriend of almost 4 years yesterday, but I don't think she understands the core issue (or maybe it's not an issue). We are 29 and 28. We were in a car driving to a birthday event about an hour away with my gir...
A. 8 April 2014: If you or the sis were so affected by the plight of this homeless man, why didn't you simply pull out a fiver and hand it to him so he could get his own food ?
What better occasion to reaffirm your moral values of social solidariety , than by b... (read in full...)
I don't want anyone but medical staff in the room during delivery!
Q. I want to be on my own when i give birth in july...i would like my husband anf family waiting but for my own personal reasons i dont want amyone in the room with me (obviousley apart from any midwives or doctors) but i know my husband really wants ...
A. 8 April 2014: 2 - 2 so far. I am with C. Grant.
A delivery room is not the place for democracy , compromise, and shows of selfless sensitivity. The mother should reign as one of those barbarian queens of yore : whatever SHE says, goes :).
I know that it ... (read in full...)
I support my boyfriend financially, so why does he still complain?
Q. Why is he always complaining about money and his life? I'm tired:( So my boyfriend had to stop working because his visa expired and he has to wait till he gets his renewed one. He didn't save up while he was working so I've being supporting hi...
A. 8 April 2014: Fishy.
He does not need a visa to work in UK, he is a UE citizen !
And he does not need to renew his " carta d'identita' " ( Italian photo ID ) yearly ! It's valid TEN years ! ( 5 if you are under 18 ) .
He did not need to wait for it to ex... (read in full...)
A bridal shower the second time around?
Q. Ok, so if you have been widowed young and get remarried again, is it improper to have a bridal shower if you had one the first time?...
A. 7 April 2014: Of course , OP, I realize that if your fiance' stepped in for the bridal shower , it's not because he ( or you ) just could not wait to put your greedy hands on a new ironing board , or a new toaster ! He did it because he felt bad for you and ... (read in full...)
A bridal shower the second time around?
Q. Ok, so if you have been widowed young and get remarried again, is it improper to have a bridal shower if you had one the first time?...
A. 7 April 2014: I see... then, alas, it's different.
A bridal shower is a GIFT GIVING party, you cannot launch your own. It's the bride's best friends and / or bridesmaids that host one ( if they wish of course ). Mothers or other close family members do not ... (read in full...)
A bridal shower the second time around?
Q. Ok, so if you have been widowed young and get remarried again, is it improper to have a bridal shower if you had one the first time?...
A. 7 April 2014: Until a few years ago, it was not considered quite proper to have a bridal shower for a second wedding. But- things change and, let's face it, nowadays around 30% of all marriages are second marriages , so- brideshower all you want, you surely ... (read in full...)
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