A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly two years, I found out he'd cheated on me 3 times during the first 10 months of our relationship both physical and emotional cheating. He 'realised his mistake' and I took him back. Our relationship has been fine until the past 3 months, on a night out I saw him giving a girl his number. It turned out it was his co worker and I was fine with it after the explanation (obviously after his previous behaviour I do require explanations now) and I was fine with it until she sent him flirty messages like come back to mine ect. but this girl has now added him on snapchat and for the past 2 months has sent him snapchats 10, 15 sometimes 30 times while I'm staying at his, it's pretty annoying while he's watching telly with me to see her name flashing up every few minutes, he'll never open them until I leave the room which is also fishy, and I've brought it up so many times that it makes me feel uncomfortable, he's now changed her nickname to a boys name but it still comes up on his best friends (and I did peek on his phone while I was using the internet on it just to confirm my suspicions) and deletes all snapchats in his feed before I come round (which he has admitted to doing) what do I do, Obviously they do work together I'm starting to hate him going to work cause she will be there? He says she knows about me so how can she think her behaviour is acceptable. And he'll spend most of his time on his phone to her when I'm around. Should I just move on?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (16 May 2014):
 I realize I am not being of much help in this situation because I have alreday spoken my mind and I can't but confirm it :
Forget about spending all his time on the phone with a female " friend ", he is already disrespecting you crassly by just spending all his time on the phone when he is with you, period. Even if he should be talking with the priest of his parish. What else has he got to do to let you know " I am not that into you ", wearing it on a badge ?!
A
female
reader, llifton  +, writes (16 May 2014):
 Yes, you should just move on. Your boyfriend is a cheating liar. He's proven it already and he's only furthering that proof.
I wouldn't even give an explanation. I would just dump him. He's not worth a second of your time.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (15 May 2014):
"should attention from another female that makes his girlfriend uncomfortable be worth it to him?"
No it shouldn't be but he doesn't seem to care about your feelings enough to stop. As I said before you're with someone who will probably always cheat. You'll have to learn to accept it or leave him.
Maybe you could have an open relationship?
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (15 May 2014):
 Honeypie is correct, your focus is on the wrong person.. HOW she behaves has no bearing on you... you are not in a relationship with HER.
IF you are not happy with the behavior of your partner in your relationship then the bad behavior is on his part NOT the innocent third party.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (15 May 2014):
 Doesn't matter about WHAT this girl does. YOUR BF didn't nip it in the bud, even though he KNOWS you wouldn't like it, he keeps it going, he just "hides it poorly" from you. Because... HIM getting his EGO stroked from another girl is MORE important then your feelings.
YOU need to open your eyes and stop blaming this (or any other girl who flirts/chases/hit on your BF) because HE has the POWER to stop it, he CHOOSES not to. That girl owes you nothing. Her behavior is sketchy at best, but THAT is on her. She isn't DOING it to you, your BF however, IS.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI do trust him in having female friends, it's just this one girl. I feel she's over stepping boundaries that his other female friends do not. I wouldn't say she is more attractive than me atall, without being big headed. I kind of wish my boyfriend would just say to her that she's crossing the line. I don't mind them being friends, just she's crossing the line that I have in place for our relationship. I think he likes the attention from another female because I compliment him all the time but should attention from another female that makes his girlfriend uncomfortable be worth it to him?
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (14 May 2014):
fool me once shame on you
fool me twice shame on me.
you have forgiven him THREE TIMES...
now he's being rude like Cindy said.
you've made it clear to him what you want and why you want it and yet he still disregards you.
i'd end it.
and I'd tell him why.. not because he's snapchatting her or keeping his phone private but rather that he's doing it while you two are together and he's making it clear with his behavior that SHE is more important to him than you are.
be strong.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 May 2014):
So he cheated on you once and you forgave it... And now he is at it again. My guess is... He assumes you will forgive him again and again. That way HE can do as he pleases and still have a GF.
The fact that he is being secretive about the snap-chats means he KNOWS you won't like what's going on and that it most likely isn't above board.
If he spends more time on his phone then engaging in conversation or whatnot with YOU, what is the point of being with him?
So it's REALLY up to you if you WILL allow him to DO this while dating you, or find a guy who will treat you right.
Sorry, I'd dump him and let him do whatever.
As for the girl's behavior. IT ISN'T right of her, BUT let's face it, HE is not telling her off, he is ENCOURAGING her. SO in this case if you want to assign "blame" HE is more to be blamed because HE is the one in a relationship. It's NOT that hard for ANYONE to tell he person, hey the flirty stuff is cute and all, but I don't think my GF would approve.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (14 May 2014):
I would dump him just for being so rude to spend all his time on the phone when he is with you, period. Even if he wasn't talking to a sexy coworker but just to his male buddy. Because he is not treating you right, and is not even interested in you enough to give you a couple of hours of his undivided attention.
When you have guests over , even more when you have your partner over, phone is for emergiencies and very important business matters that can't be postponed. All the rest, shooting the breeze and similar, can wait . Someone who does not know, does not understand or does not believe that- is just too jerkish to be dated.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (14 May 2014):
If someone cheats on you more than once and you forgive them, you either dump them if it happens again or you learn to live with it.
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A
female
reader, cardinal +, writes (14 May 2014):
 DUMP HIM. this guy is a cheater and it is written all over his face. his actions are obvious. doesn't matter that they are coworkers, I personally would trust him. sorry lassie but he's not worth you precious time!!
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A
female
reader, hearttoheart +, writes (14 May 2014):
 A wise old woman once told me when I was your age..."You are young. Possibly this isn't the first time you have been in Love, and it won't be your last".
Why be with someone who isn't treating you right? I know it is hard, I have been there several times.
You really should move on, and find other guys to go out with.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2014): When you're next with him and she snapchats him, I think that you should ask him to show you the snapchats (so you can judge what they are of) and, if he refuses, you tell him you need to know because you can't keep putting up with it if there's no reason to feel unsure. If he still refuses, I'd let go and move on.
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A
female
reader, MSA +, writes (14 May 2014):
 I know a guy that chats to girls while he's with his girlfriend. However, he is open and honest with her and includes her in his chats. For example he will let her talk to the girls he's chatting with. She knows about all of them and she is fine with it.. because he was open and honest about it. If she ever felt like he is paying too much attention to the girls and not her, he will stop chatting immediately. So maybe next time you see him chatting to the girl, suggest him allow you to say Hi.. make friends so you both are aware of each other's existence and role.There may be little hiccups here and there in a relationship.. but instead of choosing to 'move on' so quickly, why not try talking it through with your BF and trying to come up with a solution? Show him that you trust him and that you can be included in his chats and are OK with him being friends with other females.. start with trust.. then if later on you find out he was cheating on you.. at least you know that you gave it your all. Good luck!
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