A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Need some opinions. I recently went out for lunch with 2 colleagues who are Asian, one 31 one 53, me early 40s, we get along well and I like them both, Im white. We went to food court and one of the women headed right for an asian restaurant and as soon as we went there and sat down a waitress approached us, one of them X said to the waitress "she (pointing at me) doesn't like Asian food" and then X (who is 53) smirked at the waitress and the waitress gave me a puzzling look..and stared I dont like seafood,(allergic!) and said this but never said I disliked asian food! I found her comment a little rude?.. was it? I sat down and didnt know what to say other then "its just seafood I don't eat" We sat down and they spoke in mandarin briefly (I know it was mandarin as they told me they speak mandarin, have taught me a coupe of words, and speak it at times at meal breaks at work) Then they ordered between them and didn't even ask if I wanted to share the side order of rice.., X said right away confidently "we are getting seafood you don't want any," then she smiled again at the other colleague.. They didnt even include me in the side order of rice,, so.. they ordered seafood and I think it was deliberate to avoid sharing with me. I don't care what people eat but I don't like nastiness. So I ordered on my own, this was a little rude of them right? I like these women but may not eat with them again if this is how they treat me.. If they want to go alone then don't ask me!It was Xs idea to meet up for lunch and we all thought it would be nice. ?? should I bother again. Felt very awkward and left out. especially as they occasionally didn't speak in English. thanks
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (18 May 2014):
 I would just decline lunch invitation from them again. ANYONE who speaks another language that ONE person in the group can share in, KNOWS it's RUDE to speak their native tongue. Now if they were out an about JUST THE TWO OF THEM it would be fine to speak "whatever" language anywhere, but when they INVITE a third person to JOIN them and then promptly starts speaking their native tongue, they are doing it on purpose. I have no doubt. English is my 3rd language. When I met people who speak my native (rare) or my second language (German) I LOVE to switch language, but I do AVOID it in company.
As for not sharing their rice, I don't find it rude. I think they really DID make the assumption that you aren't keep on Asian cuisine.
Did they order seafood just to spite you? I have no idea. I don't think so.
But... I wouldn't really want to go to lunch with them again. Separately, I might.
A
female
reader, Intrigued3000  +, writes (18 May 2014):
 Yes, absolutely they were rude to you. If I was in that situation, I would avoid having lunch with them again. I'd rather eat alone than to put up with that kind of condescending attitude.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2014): I think they were busting your chops a little bit. I personally do not think it is rude as me and my friends poke fun at each other all the time in a similar way. So from my perspective, I think you could've been less sensitive and dished it right back to them, like come up with a witty comeback or just let it roll off your back.
The fact that they didn't share their side order seems irrelevant too. It was probably a side order that was meant to go with the dish they were sharing and they wanted it for themselves. Maybe they were really hungry. Rice is pure carbs and starch anyway. Its going to go straight to their thighs. So consider yourself lucky they didn't share. Maybe when you were telling them you don't eat seafood and whatnot, they assumed you are a picky eater, which may be another reason why they didn't share.
All in all I think it sounds harmless.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (18 May 2014):
 Their not always speaking English was rude. Although I'd give them the benefit of doubt, slipping back in your native tongue in front of non speakers does not generally mean that you WANT to exclude them or badmouth them behind their backs, it's just a sloppy habit coming out from sheer laziness.
As for not " sharing " with you, - I don't know, this must be something cultural too ? maybe in Australia it is particulaly bad form not ordering something that everybody can share.
Here, we order individually, of course people can say " hey wanna try this " or " would you like to taste my dish " if they wish ... but I don't think it would cross anybody 's mind to offer from a side of plain rice .It would be a bit like asking, do you want to share my slice of bread, or my tap water- it just does not come to mind.
So, benefit of doubt here too, after all why would they go to the lengths of to order something they are not particularly keen on, just to not let you have any ?? Chances are that they DO like seafood, and they ordered it because they love it.
Next time, you could just say right away : Ok, last time you choose the restaurant, this time we are going somewhere which I like .( It would only be fair ! ).
Or you can say : if we are going to an Asian place, I would like to order different things that we all can share together, so I can get more aquainted with your cuisine. Assertive, but diplomatic , I think.
If they balk or refuse, then you have your answer, they ARE showing little consideration . But... it won't be necessarily so, therefore you might want to give them another try, before making up your mind. .
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (18 May 2014):
 Their not speaking English was rude. As for the menu and meal I would speak to them about it, tell them you felt excluded when they didn't ask if there was a dish you could share. Act a bit dense if you have to, ask them if this is a cultural thing when eating with people with allergies or with non Asians.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2014): this is the poster
While we were having lunch they spoke to each other not in English and occasionally laughed , of course I couldn't join in the conversation..
when we planned the lunch I had told them I didn't eat seafood and they said we would all decide on an eating place when we got there, instead when we got there X went right for the Asian place, and didnt even ask me or the other girl if we wanted Asian. I don't mid but it would have been nice to have been asked..
then as I mentioned when we sat down she said to the waitress (in a smirky way) "she doesnt like asian food" (which is not what I told her! )and then pointed right at me and smirked. of course we can all order what we like at any food place but she didnt make any effort to include me in the food, even the rice, which is usually shared..and which im happy to share!
a little rude I thought, but i'm over it now,and still see them at work and a, polite, just wanted thoughts, plse be kind.
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