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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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I'm having a confidence breakdown even though she's a virgin!
Q. Theres this girl I was best friends with for years and we get along really well. We thought we froendzoned each other then talked and told each other we liked each other. Theres only one problem, as a friend she told me about the guys she has been ...
A. 30 August 2014: Hooray ! At last ! Took you months ?... Well, better late than never, and all's well that ends well.
See ? what did we tell you all along ?... It's not THAT difficult, all in all...
Good luck - keep the ball rolling , and do not start messing ... (read in full...)
Is he just going to come up with a lame excuse?
Q. He hasn't contacted me for a week, and now he has tried to call me again!. What is his game?. I recently posted on here about a guy I met. I said that we had been meeting up with each other for a week, but I told him that I didn't want to da...
A. 24 April 2014: Well, if basically he stood you up- he had promised to take you out for a meal but he never followed through- of course he is going to came up with an excuse. If that excuse will be lame, or valid and believable, it will be up to you to judge.
... (read in full...)
Why would his comment about weight bother me?
Q. I've been getting closer to a man online for several months and we are about to meet in person . He knows I am overweight and somewhat worried about him being attracted to me but he had assured me that he feel attracted to me and he too struggles ...
A. 24 April 2014: This guy can't win. If he says he does not have a problem with overweight women, you freak out. But had he sad " I sort of have a problem with overweight women..", you would not have liked it any better :)
It bothered you because you know that... (read in full...)
I'm a shy, quiet person and wonder what volunteer or other opportunities I should explore?
Q. I am on Jobseeker's Allowance, which are benefits that we have here in the UK. I get these benefits from the jobcentre. I have been told my advisor at the jobcentre that I have to do some voluntary work soon. She said that I can choose where to ...
A. 24 April 2014: I am not an UK citizen or resident, so maybe I am saying something incorrect or stupid, but, just by the sound of it, JobSeeker allowance aren't some sort of unemployement benefits , that the State gives you in order to carry you through until ... (read in full...)
Should I ask her about her sexual past?
Q. I have been dating a new girl for about 6 months now. Recently we were at the grocery store together when we passed a bottle of chocolate syrup. My girlfriend laughed and said: "I haven't had that stuff since I licked it off some guy's d*ck." M...
A. 24 April 2014: Maybe it was the stats that made our OP speechless... but , tbh, I have another sneaky suspicion :
that he was , not a troll, but a poster having a soapbox moment.
You know, one of those posters who adjust a bit some episode in their life, or... (read in full...)
Does my colleague have bad intentions? He's definitely a bad boy and my engagement nearly ended because of him!
Q. I'm engaged. I became friends with a fellow colleague. He's definitely a bad boy and I've been trying my hardest to stop all connection with him. At first it was harmless I thought and we would just spend short breaks together because we have a lot ...
A. 24 April 2014: Bad boys generaly have bad intentions :)...
What intentions do YOU have ? Of cheating on your fiance ' ??...
No ? No no no ? Cross your heart etc. ?
Then you don't need to worry. Mind your business, don't flirt or flirt back, be polite if he... (read in full...)
Should I be worried that my friend dates underage girls?
Q. Hi. I am a 31 year old male. I have a friend who is 23 who dates a lot of underage girls who are maybe 16-17 years old. In fact, it has become a running joke in our circle of friends that his girlfriends are teenagers. However, in the time I have k...
A. 23 April 2014: I know that Cerberus does not take it personally when people disagree with him, but since my disagreement may sound like I am concluding " well then when you were 23 you must have been a complete retarded idiot "- disclaimer, I don't mean that ... (read in full...)
Should I be worried that my friend dates underage girls?
Q. Hi. I am a 31 year old male. I have a friend who is 23 who dates a lot of underage girls who are maybe 16-17 years old. In fact, it has become a running joke in our circle of friends that his girlfriends are teenagers. However, in the time I have k...
A. 23 April 2014: Ahem, maybe it's just that your friend is not the sharpest tool in the shed ? I have a son your friend's age, and not that my son is some refined Cary Grant type, or some superbrain intellectual, no, he is a very average guy his age, yet he would ... (read in full...)
I found out my married lover is not planning on getting divorced after all! Who should I confront, him or his wife?
Q. I fell for my coworker who told me that his wife had left him, only to find out from another colleague that they are actually planning buying a new house together! I feel so stupid and sick to the stomach, but I can't bring myself to say anything...
A. 23 April 2014: Poor wife, now it's her fault for being cheated on ?!, so she should pay for her sins ?...why do you want to punish the wife, because she did not warn you that you were sleeping with her husband ?...
The guy... well, we are all human, so I imag... (read in full...)
The sex isn't doing it for me and I'm waiting for him to open up about his feelings. Where to go from here?
Q. Hey everyone... I've been dating a guy for 3 months now, I'm 25 and he's 29. He's really sweet, kind, caring and good fun to be around, however the sex is just not doing it for me. During my two previous relationships, we've both initia...
A. 23 April 2014: OP, perhaps you can clarify, maybe I am having a dumb day :), but I don't understand if you are talking about opening up sexually, or sentimentally, or both.
At first it seemed that your problem was only about the sexual sphere, - that he is not ... (read in full...)
If I start dating someone else, should I inform my FWB after a few dates, or should I wait for sexual intercourse to take place before performing my notification duty?
Q. I have a bit of a dilemma: I'm in my late 40s, and I have a lady friend in her mid 50s. We are what I believe is called these days "friends with benefits", i.e., I have my manly needs, she has her womanly needs, and once a week we get together to ...
A. 23 April 2014: Your new gf might see very good reason for you to cut contact with your ex FWB, out of respect to her ( the gf ) , but that's another story :).
I stand by my advice. I think you can stick to the literal terms of your agreement. Do you mean that... (read in full...)
Are women too independent for men these days or have they been so mucked around by men that they have lost interest?
Q. I was in a relationship for 20 years, it ended nearly 2 years ago. It seems woman these days are less wanting of a man in there lives, is this right or are my values a little dated. I like to spend time together watching movies and going out to all...
A. 23 April 2014: Women haven't lost interest in men, of course, just , now , particularly in the age segment you mention, they can afford to be more picky and more choosy. They can support themselves ( most of the times ), there's no stigma any more about being an ... (read in full...)
Should I get rid of this guy because he seems to be hiding something? I'd love to hear your interpretations of his text messages
Q. I have had the most awful experiences with online dating, and am really skeptical about every man I meet now. I'm not sure if I'm looking for red flags because I'm so afraid of not spotting them. I've been on three dates with this 29-year-old...
A. 23 April 2014: This is just a guess , of course, but I don't think he is hiding a wife or some terrible secret, to me he just sounds like he is really anxious to get laid :). After 3 dates, he want to seal the deal , SOON.
I think he just has thin walls and ... (read in full...)
If I start dating someone else, should I inform my FWB after a few dates, or should I wait for sexual intercourse to take place before performing my notification duty?
Q. I have a bit of a dilemma: I'm in my late 40s, and I have a lady friend in her mid 50s. We are what I believe is called these days "friends with benefits", i.e., I have my manly needs, she has her womanly needs, and once a week we get together to ...
A. 23 April 2014: I think it would be fine taking your agreement literally: there's really no " behind her back " because as FWB only there's no committment nor exclusivity ,you can do whatever you want with other women whenever you want.
It's nice of you, thou... (read in full...)
Does "friend's with benefits" want more from me or am I fooling myself?
Q. Some background: I have been seeing a 39 year old man for over a year, we both come from very different social backgrounds, he has never lived overseas. I come from Sweden originally, have lived in various countries and am still dealing with culture ...
A. 22 April 2014: You don't sound like a glorified FWB to me. You sound like a normal garden-variety FWB.
I have written this other times on Dear Cupid and my apologies for who's sick and tired of reading it , but :
I wonder why apparently some girls - many -... (read in full...)
A few guys on dating site have been insulting to me.
Q. I am currently on a dating site and I have talked to some of the guys on there and they are very nice and respectful. I like the compliments I get on my looks they tell me I am beautiful. I try to be honest about what I am looking for and they ...
A. 22 April 2014: I think maybe you are a bit too thin skinned for being on dating sites ?..
OP, two crazy guys just out of the loony bin insult you , and first thing you think, rather than, " Somebody escaped from their psychiatric ward today " or " Some... (read in full...)
Would it bother you to learn that your bf/gf had smoked weed in the past?
Q. Hi Everyone! Quick question here: When I was dating my ex-bf I told him that I had smoked weed with some friends a few times before we started dating (I was 21 at the time and had smoked a total of 7 times in my life) and he FREAKED out, and sa...
A. 22 April 2014: @male reader: in what sense " weed hasn't got anything to do with religion "?... Maybe if you are a rastafarian :).
For Catholics, it is a sin. See Catechism of Catholic Church , 2290/2291. ANY kind of drugs. Of course it's worse if you have a li... (read in full...)
I'm not sure we can get over these differences!
Q. I've always dated guys my age or slightly older however I've been seeing this guy (for 7 months) who is 4 years younger than me. I'm 27, he's 23. We get on really well but he does a few things which I'm not sure about. For example we went ...
A. 21 April 2014: Hehehe. Hilarious :). He sounds right out of some American sit- com, you know , those always have the male lead's best friend who is a lovable goofy dumbass who thinks he's "amazing ". Anybody remembers Ashton Kutcher when he was really ... (read in full...)
Should I ask her about her sexual past?
Q. I have been dating a new girl for about 6 months now. Recently we were at the grocery store together when we passed a bottle of chocolate syrup. My girlfriend laughed and said: "I haven't had that stuff since I licked it off some guy's d*ck." M...
A. 21 April 2014: Percentages ? Ask me, ask me ! ( teacher's pet Aunt rises her hand ).
There are a few recent studies about women and casual sex, more or less they reach the same conclusions - it's on the rise and it's MORE common than you'd think- part... (read in full...)
I'm confused by this guy - what's going on here?!
Q. Hi all, I'm a bit confused about a guy I've been seeing. I met him on a night out and we started seeing each other in January. After realising we were rather different people with very different priorities in life (and after doing a couple o...
A. 21 April 2014: I don't know, llifton... I think in fact that it is kind of easy to see things for what they are worth. Except for a few lamentable cases, emitional investment does not cancel your cognitive processes, or impair your perceptions... You can see ... (read in full...)
I'm having a confidence breakdown even though she's a virgin!
Q. Theres this girl I was best friends with for years and we get along really well. We thought we froendzoned each other then talked and told each other we liked each other. Theres only one problem, as a friend she told me about the guys she has been ...
A. 21 April 2014: @Eyeswideopen : Maybe on rainy days ? .. " It rains, but I am impermeably imperturbable under my umbrella ".
Back to the OP : OK, OP. It's a deal. Work on yourself now, work on yourself this summer... but pls., pls. remember that you can work on y... (read in full...)
I can't stop thinking about it!
Q. I'm worried about this. My boyfriend and I have had some problems lately. We sorted things out recently, but this is worrying me. I looked on his facebook page today ( he asked me to log in to it, as he wanted to check it on my phone ). I saw some ...
A. 21 April 2014: I'd be worried that at his age ( if he is in your age range ) he thinks that sending tacky messages to a stranger is a brilliant way to score !
It sounds to me as if he was sort of hedging his bets.
You two were fighting or broken up or somet... (read in full...)
This intense attraction is causing distraction!
Q. This guy I know just asked me to join his band. I was extremely excited by the offer and went for it. Because we have common friends, band kids (he) and choir kids (I) attend many of the same events, and I'v been going to school with him...
A. 21 April 2014: Yes, you should leave it be, and yes you are reading too much into this.
So you are attracted to some guy... how strange :) OP, you are 16 -17, how boring life would be if you did not feel any attraction to young men around you. If it wasn... (read in full...)
He wont ever let me have an opinion.
Q. I love my boyfriend to death he means every thing to me. Today we got in to a hugh argument. It was over some thing so small. I gave my opinion and he got so mad said I was stupid and called me other names so I stood up and told him i was done and I ...
A. 21 April 2014: Yeah, that's what I am wondering... you say you " are done " , but you talk as if you are still going to be a couple...
Why ? Is he taking you back after you have smacked him on the face ?! Really ??..... (read in full...)
Break up because I sent him to work?
Q. Met this guy six months ago. Before that he was working but resigned from his job due to a disagreement with his boss. Six months later and he is still unemployed. Talking all this crap on marriage and having kids which i see it as a sacrifice. I ...
A. 21 April 2014: I think maybe the reason you are " back to zero " is because you have been remiss or impulsive at the beginning, in the selection process of this man ( or other men ).
You feel ( rightly so )that he is tryng to impose his was on you,... but have... (read in full...)
I'm confused by this guy - what's going on here?!
Q. Hi all, I'm a bit confused about a guy I've been seeing. I met him on a night out and we started seeing each other in January. After realising we were rather different people with very different priorities in life (and after doing a couple o...
A. 20 April 2014: You say you are new to the dating game so this explains your confusion , but there's actually nothing to be confused, he laid it out pretty simple for you to get, both in words and actions.
You are good company, he finds you attractive ( and ... (read in full...)
I don't want to appear insecure
Q. My bf and I were talking today about tv shows, and I had mentioned about a girl in the show who was very pretty. And he had said that she wasnt pretty, and she has a flat butt. Which I thought was strange, because I have a flat butt. So why woul...
A. 19 April 2014: Midsummer, is this the same bf you had in Dec.2013 ? the one who is in the military, and leaving in a few months, and already said he does not believe in LDRs ?...
If this is he, it sheds a different light on the issue. Not that a temporary love... (read in full...)
Genuinely interested or wasting my time? What does it take for a guy to approach a gal, where he is genuinely interested?
Q. I've been single for nearly 5 years and am ready for a committed relationship. I feel that I have been single this long due to choice but know that I know I am ready I beginning to think I am doing something wrong. I have this tendency to crush over ...
A. 19 April 2014: Why would they flirt ( if they don't want a relationship with you )? ..
Because they've got time to kill, and it's better than watching TV reruns ? Because they get a ego boost, because everybody loves attention ? because they are just flir... (read in full...)
Should I ask her about her sexual past?
Q. I have been dating a new girl for about 6 months now. Recently we were at the grocery store together when we passed a bottle of chocolate syrup. My girlfriend laughed and said: "I haven't had that stuff since I licked it off some guy's d*ck." M...
A. 19 April 2014: I am curious to know why you say it was not a joke.
Of course I cannot know either , since I wasn't there and I don't know the girl , so I can't affirm for sure it WAS a joke, but, gosh, that's exactly what it sounds. A raunchy joke, a crud... (read in full...)
I'm having a confidence breakdown even though she's a virgin!
Q. Theres this girl I was best friends with for years and we get along really well. We thought we froendzoned each other then talked and told each other we liked each other. Theres only one problem, as a friend she told me about the guys she has been ...
A. 19 April 2014: See OP ? time to put your money where your mouth is, and if you want changes , start MAKING changes, without too many ifs and buts and " how long does it take ". Maybe you can't realize it, but the Aunts and the Uncles are a very patient bunch of ... (read in full...)
Am I stupid for wanting my cheating boyfriend back?
Q. Okay so, me and my boyfriend have been going out for about 5 months and today I figured out he cheated on me...We have been arguing a lot lately and I heard through a friend that he was cheating and I addressed him about it and told him to be 100% ...
A. 19 April 2014: I agree with Caring Guy on half of what he says, i.e. that we can't call you stupid just for being in love. The heart ( and the hormones ) want what they want, and often they have a stronger pull than that of even a very well developed brain.
... (read in full...)
Why did he hold hands with me? Did it mean nothing to him?
Q. There was this dance at our school and an after party at a club.When I left the club, I left with my now best friend who is a guy(M) and one of his classmates(B) that lives close to us and I used to be friends with.Not anymore.B was really drunk ...
A. 18 April 2014: No sorry, chances are he was still drunk. It takes two hours to eliminate ONE glass of wine from your system, and 3 hours for just a pint of beer, if he was " wasted " when he was in the club, he might have been in slightly better shape when ... (read in full...)
I'm having a confidence breakdown even though she's a virgin!
Q. Theres this girl I was best friends with for years and we get along really well. We thought we froendzoned each other then talked and told each other we liked each other. Theres only one problem, as a friend she told me about the guys she has been ...
A. 18 April 2014: OP, I am sure that none of the Aunts wants to tar-and-feather you out of Dear Cupid, it's just that by now you know very well what the advices would be and you refuse to follow any of them, so, what would you want us to do ? We can't handpick for ... (read in full...)
I'm having a confidence breakdown even though she's a virgin!
Q. Theres this girl I was best friends with for years and we get along really well. We thought we froendzoned each other then talked and told each other we liked each other. Theres only one problem, as a friend she told me about the guys she has been ...
A. 17 April 2014: You start Grad school in , what, September, October ?. You could start counseling NOW. Plus, you'll be in Grad school so what ? Plenty of grad students get counseling. Overworked lawyers, doctors get counseling, CEO get counseling. If it's ... (read in full...)
I'm having a confidence breakdown even though she's a virgin!
Q. Theres this girl I was best friends with for years and we get along really well. We thought we froendzoned each other then talked and told each other we liked each other. Theres only one problem, as a friend she told me about the guys she has been ...
A. 17 April 2014: If they left her a virgin, maybe the " bad " boys weren't that bad after all....:)
Anyway, yes, my standard advice would be : go for it, - as another poster says, if she is jealous, she is def into you, so you are playing it safe here.
BUT, ... (read in full...)
I'm text dating but she won't ever give me her number!
Q. One of my friends knows I am single, so he suggested text dating. I started texting this K who lives local to me (the advert was in the local paper.) The texts went well, she was kind, seemed pleasant enough. With those adverts, you cannot send ...
A. 17 April 2014: Good for you. I can't be sure 100% but I doubt she actually is hearing impaired.
You told her straight away that you have Cerebral Palsy, what better and nost natural chance to answer :oh don't worry, no big deal, I have a physical disa... (read in full...)
I'm afraid of my relationships failing once the "spark" dies!
Q. Hi everyone, my question is about infatuation or the "spark", and about my fears of getting into relationships. My last boyfriend dumped me a few months ago. We were together for a year. I really did love him but always had this bad feeling in my gu...
A. 17 April 2014: Or, YOU are going to dump him and find someone else. Don't think that women are exempt, or that you are exempt , from the infatuation stage.
As a matter of fact, it seems your previous relationship was heavily based on infatuation ,- only, infa... (read in full...)
My friend down the street is befriending my worst enemy who also lives on the same street!
Q. A few months ago my neighbor (who used to be a friend) called my husband up and proclaimed her love for him and with no inhibitions said she wanted to sleep with him and divorce her husband. My husband told me right away and we have shut this ...
A. 17 April 2014: I had no idea that neighbours too were supposed being " loyal " beyond being loyal in keeping theit nose level within acceptable limits, or the sidewalk free of their dog excrements, or stuff like that...
Stay out of it and back off, you aren... (read in full...)
I don't deserve the way he ended it
Q. My ex broke up with me over a year. It was nasty. He's my first and it was his longest and the most serious relationship. However, he left without giving me the real reason. I initiated contact a few times. He still told me he loved me, but he never ...
A. 17 April 2014: I have to second Tisha once again.
It is so hard for you because you are at an unhealthy place in your life and mind right now, and you may need some specialized psychological support to stop wallowing in disfunctional thoughts.
" You would DI... (read in full...)
Should I just tell him I can't afford this very expensive trip?
Q. I can't believe this situation! 6 months ago I meet a guy in a coffee shop. We were attracted to each other instantly. Sex happened a week later, and in couple months I was having dinners with his parents and siblings. We spend with each other ...
A. 17 April 2014: I'm with Tisha. You both operated on assumptions, and assumptions are often misleading. TALK, instead.
You assume that he should have been more perceptive, - maybe, or maybe not. Some people just aren't very perceptive, or very observant, or very... (read in full...)
Was this out of line or weird?
Q. I went to a friends funeral and saw a woman there I barely knew through my friendship with the diseased. She came right over to me when I arrived and started talking. The more we talked the more attraction I felt. Knowing after the funeral I'd ...
A. 17 April 2014: Not really. At least, people do it all the time - "all is fair in love and war " type of thing. I think that, if you use good taste and discretion ( you don't hit on the deceased 's widow or daughter or sister... or you do not flirt like crazy ... (read in full...)
Is he too bossy or too keen?
Q. Should I be put off by this ?. I have been meeting up with a guy that I met recently. He has told me that he would like to date me, but I'm not sure what to do yet. I recently broke up with someone, and I still miss him. This guy tried to call...
A. 16 April 2014: I think he just sounds eager - not too eager. He's going for what he wants, that's all. Maybe it feels like TOO keen to you, ... because you aren't keen enough. If you are still hung up on your ex, you'll be glad that you have someone else ... (read in full...)
I'm text dating but she won't ever give me her number!
Q. One of my friends knows I am single, so he suggested text dating. I started texting this K who lives local to me (the advert was in the local paper.) The texts went well, she was kind, seemed pleasant enough. With those adverts, you cannot send ...
A. 16 April 2014: ..Because papers get PAID for advertising and do not care if the product they advertise is good or not ?
Papers are full of ads for miracle beauty creams that make you 10 years younger in a week, or miracle diets that make you 30 pounds slim... (read in full...)
I'm text dating but she won't ever give me her number!
Q. One of my friends knows I am single, so he suggested text dating. I started texting this K who lives local to me (the advert was in the local paper.) The texts went well, she was kind, seemed pleasant enough. With those adverts, you cannot send ...
A. 15 April 2014: Or maybe she is actually a he ? Sounds fishy. And anyway , this person is a time waster. I am not familiar with text dating, but the principle seems to be the same as dating sites. You connect with someone not in person, just as a preparation to ... (read in full...)
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