A
female
age
26-29,
*tzy.21
writes:Hello, im 18 years old. my boyfriend is 19 and we've been dating for about 4 years. (on and off) we've been through pretty much a lot, things i never imagined he would hurt me doing. and well I've been trying to work on my anger issues. i get angry real easily. and i feel like i need help. I make a Big deal over little things such as he tells me his going to go out to eat with two of his cousins and i get mad. simply because when his asking his already on his way or his there already. it frustrates me that he never listens to me. and I'm very emotional too. idk what do you guys think? maybe its my fault??? and i have issues. please help xox!
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female
reader, itzy.21 +, writes (23 May 2014):
itzy.21 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks everyone, I'll try not to be so controlling anymore. maybe i am frustrating him and not giving his space. and he says he wouldn't want to hurt me and to trust him and give him space. so i need to start learning that its not going to be me with him 24/7!! thanks for you're help everyone!!!! xo
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (21 May 2014):
 It does sound like you are controlling. I mean, I understand that , since you've got kids together, you need to know where he's at, in case ( knock on wood ) something happens to the kids, but... he is not exactly hiding himself is he ? why sould he have to tell you in large advance where he's at, - he's not on house arrests. Once he tells you, hey if you need me , I am at the Mc Donald's, or at my cousin's house etc ., he's being considerate enough. And if he has his phone on, you can always reach him 24/7 in an emergency.
You say that he " forwards " your calls ( I suppose it means, forwards to voice mail ? ) and yes that's not a good habit, he should make himself always available just in case there's an emergency at home, BUT- I think I can see where he is coming from . If you pester him dozen of times a day for nothing, i.e. just to know where he is , doing what, with whom and why he went there, that's uber controlling and makes him want to escape even more and even if he is not doing anyting wrong. So now maybe when he sees your name pop up on the phone screen, he says " oh no- not again !, can't a man have an hour of peace " and he does not answer at all.
Your angry bouts come from your frustration of feeling him slipping away from your grip, but .. your frustration comes from tryng to keep a too tight grip. And your tight grip comes, I guess, from insecurity about the relationship, not knowing if it will last regardless of already having two kids together, not being at the level of committment you should be , not living together regardless of having a fanily together... I imagine that this, plus all the ups and downs in your past, makes your couple situation more fluid and shaky than you'd want it to be.
I realize that this is probably at the root of your anxiety, but, at the end of the day- eventually people always do what they want to do, unless you restrain them physically and lock them up. It's not by checking on him, controlling him , and monitoring all his moves, that you'll keep him with you, or that you'll keep him longer, in fact eventually you might get the opposite result.
So, stop tryng to make him do all you want, - release this kind of expectations , and you'll also have ten times less occasions of getting mad at him... for not conforming to your expectations.
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A
male
reader, RevMick  +, writes (20 May 2014):
 Hi itzy,
Do you live together?
I think sometimes when you live in a close environment or are with someone for extended periods, the small things do seem to escalate.
I would try seeking a mediator, someone you both know but who wont take sides. It could be that you are both so alike that if he is head strong, and you are head strong too it becomes difficult to listen.
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A
female
reader, itzy.21 +, writes (20 May 2014):
itzy.21 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell did not mention we have 2 girls together. we became parents at a very young age and its been difficult for us. we have lived together before some days went well others weren't. and right now we aren't living together exactly why i feel like i should know where his at or if his busy so i won't interfere when his busy. I'm pretty weird i think. maybe since we've been through so much I'm scared for it to happen again? another thing is, i have a thing of that if he forwards my calls or text i get angry easily it gets pretty bad, to the point where i want to break up with him cause i feel like i don't have my 50 percent in the relationship. and he says I'm very controlling and not to worry about anything cause he loves me. and i just feel like i need help. for that reason. but idk if i do or not. should i get medical help?? or at least try it out and figure out if i have anything else?
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A
female
reader, itzy.21 +, writes (20 May 2014):
itzy.21 is verified as being by the original poster of the question@aunty Bim bim -
its not that he has to ask me, its just that i feel like i would be more secure if i knew where he was at. & no like if i need his help on something or anything he just decides to ignore me and go do what anyone ask him to do. something i didn't mention we have 2 baby girls together so this is why I'm very like this. since I'm more than a wife than a gf.
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A
female
reader, Atsweet1 +, writes (20 May 2014):
 Exactly he has to ask to go out to eat with real cousins or play cousins or friends and family. Thats ends this hot topic right here for me.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (20 May 2014):
 I agree with Aunty Bim,
You do not have ANGER issues, you ARE frustrated because the two of you communicate poorly.
You have certain expectations that you BF may not agree with (such as needing YOUR permission to eat out with family).
Now if you two LIVE together and he waits til 6 pm (18:00) to let you know he won't be there for dinner, I think it's crap of him. Specially if he knows you will be cooking dinner. He needs to LEARN how to give you heads up.
If you do not live or eat dinner together, I don't think you can DICTATE if he can go out with his cousins to dinner or not. UNLESS you two already made plans for that night and he conveniently "forgets" to cancel them with you.
You are BOTH young and have a lot to learn, no couple are super great at BEING a couple from the get go, it takes time and effort. LEARNING how to communicate effectively is a HUGE deal and you should BOTH be working on it.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (20 May 2014):
 I have some questions for you, your answers will help me see the situation more clearly to be able to give my advise.
Why does this 19 year old young man have to ask you if he can eat out with his cousins?
Does he always not listen, or only when he isn't interested in your answers. Does he listen when you tell him about the day you've had, good or bad, does he listen when you indulge in general chit chat about this and that, or is the problem when you are telling him what he can, and can't do.
Maybe the two of you need some tips on communication, on building a good solid relationship with respect for each other, maybe your anger and emotions are based on a chemical imbalance. I' don't know, if you can give more information I might be able to give an informed opinion.
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