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male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: My son had been saving for a new car, in the past I have paid for his cars and spent a lot of money on them for him since he passed his test about 7 years ago. This time he has been saving for his own but we saw a very nice car and I did say I will lend him half tge money as it is quite expensive. We have paid a deposit of a couple of hundred but he will need me to lend him a couple of thousand on top of what he has saved. Over the last few days I think ive changed my mind and dont want to borrow him the money. Because he has no stable job it would take him maybe 7 month to pay the money back and also he is involved with a girl who had our windows smashed at home and last year wrote all over and vandilized his other car and our front door. He would not be able to put this car outside out home in case she and others come and do something to it. It is a very expensive car and I am worried it would get destroyed and also he wouldnt return my money. What would you do ?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (22 May 2014):
 I'm with Cindy on this And YouWish.
YOU said you would lend him the money... so you should...
but do it in writing with a payback schedule and if you want you can add a low interest rate to it... and penalties for not paying it back timely.
If you are buying the car outright and then selling it to him then you would OWN the car (title in your name) and HE would be the lien holder and responsible for it.
Make sure your credit won't take a ding because of him.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 May 2014):
 I agree with Aunty YouWish and Cindy.
Sit your son down, draw up a paper with the amount he can afford to pay you back and so forth. HAVE IT IN WRITING. MAKE it Legal.
Also, if he is 23-26 he doesn't NEED an expensive car, IF you can talk to the deal er and change out what he can get (car wise) something MORE affordable. YOU got caught up in the UH I MUST HAVE!! excitement, but as much as I agree that you you cannot renege on a promise. However, I DO think (if it's possible) to change WHAT kind of car he can get. The kid doesn't have a job, I think it's REASONABLE that he can't expect an expensive car. I think you CAN change your mind as to WHAT car you can afford.
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (22 May 2014):
 I am with Cindy Cares, you cannot renege on a promise. Further if he cant up with the balance is there not a risk he will lose his deposit. If you don't follow through with your promise you risk losing him as he will be angry and bitter. Just make sure you put an agreement in place and a clause should he fail to pay any instalment you have the right to take the car and recover your money.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (22 May 2014):
 I would lend him the money instead and you know why ? Because you knew about the background and the freaky gf etc., yet you volunteered anyway to help him out with a loan. You promised him something, and now you should deliver. I think it's a bad example for a parent to renege on his word and not follow through on what he said he was going to do. It gives the message that it's ok to say or do " whatever " , on a whim, then just take it back the day after.. If you want your son to be serious about his life, - and his committments, and his belongings- you show him first. Next time think well what you really want to do- then say what you mean, and mean what you say.
Of course , you can make it a regular loan, not just a gift. Put it in writing, with dates for repayment, penalties for lateness, etc.etc. Make it legal. Then, what he does with the car, whether he gets it smashed or damaged by a crazy ex lover, or he can come up with a way to prevent that, then that's HIS problem, and HIS responsibility. You are afraid that he won't be up to handle his problems, and responsibilities, but , he can't ever prove you wrong if he is never given the chance to do it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2014): If he doesn't have a stable job then why is he not looking at cars he CAN afford, he needs to learn to live within his means.
Also did he get insurance money after the girl trashed his other car and did you both prosecute her after the criminal damage?
You need to make the loan official and legal if you decide to go ahead, or put the car in your name and have him as the named driver.
You can't keep buying him cars he has to learn that your not a bank and live within his means.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (22 May 2014):
 Yeah, I wouldn't have lent it to him either.
Well, protect yourself and do this all in writing. Get yourself on the car's title as first lienholder, AND write up the terms of payback in writing. That way, if he screws around, you have legal right to repossess the vehicle and make yourself whole financially.
Remember, you aren't a bank, AND, this girl? If you can prove she's damaging things, sue her! Do you have a security system at home with cameras? Might want to invest in one.
But seriously...get yourself on the title and get the loan in writing and signed by him, including what constitutes default of the loan... Don't just give away the money. And don't feel badly doing that either. My parents were adamant that they would never co-sign a thing for us children, and my first loan was from them for a car. I paid it back with interest well before it was due. Kids have an obligation to their parents just like parents do to their kids.
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