A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:My dad won't let me date because of my siblings' past relationships! I have four sisters and one brother who are all in their late 20's and 30's. Their relationships would sink and my parents would baby them! I don't know what to do. I'm almost 18 and I'm dating a guy who is almost 21. We've been together for two years. I've told my dad that I dated SEVERAL TIMES the past two years and even secretly dated my boyfriend. It took a while for my sisters. To accept my boyfriend but they finally did. Now my brother, mom, and dad are restricting me. I want to invite my boyfriend to my 18th birthday to introduce him to the rest of my family because I'm tired of hiding and being told I can't date. The reason why parents won't let me date is because my sisters had bad relationships and they think that I'll never find someone to love. They also constantly want me to graduate from high school which I am in a few weeks. All their judgements hurt me. I have tried running away in the past. Is it a good idea to end this and introduce my boyfriend or should I just be miserable for the rest of my life? I'm constantly being compared to my sisters and I can't take it anymore. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (20 May 2014):
 so if you can't change your parents... and btw telling an adult child they can't do something seems rather silly just like telling someone you may never date because all your older siblings screwed up.
seems to me IF all your sibs screwed up that has to reflect on their parenting... does not say much for mom and dad....
personally I would invite him... say he's a friend.
and start making plans to move out ASAP so you can live your life the way you want.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (20 May 2014):
 I am afraid this is one of those " who's born first, the egg or the chicken " situations.
Maybe your parents have been too overprotective in the past ( which I can't quite blame them for, of course it's not fair that you should pay for your sisters' mistakes, but " scalded cat is afraid even of cold water " , so it's understandable that they did not want to see history repeat itself ). So, what do you do to reaasure them, to change their mind, to show them that they can trust you instead ?.... you run away from home. Why ? ...because you can't handle being compared to your sisters.
Great. Now you have convinced them that you are mature, sensible,not impulsive, that you ponder your choices, that you can take criticisms dispassionately and see if there's a nugget of wisdom in them , that you can compromise.... NOT.
You have acted like a defiant child, and they'll treat you like a defiant child.
I would not push it by inviting your bf where he is not wanted by your parents, it would be like waving a red drape under the bull's nose. Yours is a difficult situation, I realize it, but I don't think you'll improve it by being even more contrary. I think all you can do is either being patient, really toeing the line, showing concretely your parents that you listen to them and you respect their wishes ( while of course still trying to reason with them , and expressing your views calmly and politely )- of course this may require plenty of time and patience. Or, you get a job, any job, asap, start saving , and move out the minute you can afford it, then you'll be free to do whatever you want.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2014): I do have some male friends but they are younger than me and we don't talk much. My parents never said anything about me being allowed to date at 18, they just said I couldn't date COMPLETELY. When I bring up the question about future relationships, my parents insist that I will most likely be in a break up situation, get unwanted pregnancy, or be in a situation that they feel like THEY have to be involved in. My siblings may be way older than me but my parents interfere no matter what. I can't do anything to change the way my parents think about my or ANYONE'S relationship.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (19 May 2014):
At 18 you can move out and be an adult on your own and do what you want.
Your BROTHER has no say in how you live your life so you can ignore him totally.
Mom and dad are still paying your bills and you are still under their roof so even if their rules are insane to you, you have to respect them.
But it's your party you should be able to have your friends there.... do you NOT have male friends?
Have you asked your parents how they expect you to meet a mate if you are not allowed to date? Have they said you can date at 18?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2014): I did not want to run away because of my unwanted relationship, I did it because I'm always being compared to my sisters.
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A
female
reader, beautifullove  +, writes (18 May 2014):
1st of all honey are you sure this is the right guy for you?if yes then go ahead and invite him over maybe if your family meets him they may change their view about this whole relationship thing..you cant blame them either because they are looking out for you and dont want you to be hurt..you just need to explain this to them calmly.i wish u good luck and keep me updated about what happens!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2014): Please be realistic. Running away is silly over something like this. You are dating an adult man and you've been a child (legally) the whole time. Try to appreciate that they're trying to protect you from the same problems your siblings had.You're smart, you know that they aren't going to ruin the rest of your life just by telling you that they disapprove of your choices. You have your whole life ahead of you and you'll date more people befor you settle down, so it may not be a good idea to cause trouble over this man.Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying you should break up, but I don't think a sexual relationship with a minor is okay - even for 2 years. If you truly haven't been sexually active, which is unlikely because of his age, then it's not quite as bad, in my view. However, if you attach yourself unhealthily to him by dramatising the situation and acting a little bratty like semi-running away from your parents because they don't like him, then you're causing unnecessary dilemmas.Parents will not agree with us all of the time. There's no wrong or right here except you going behind their backs, meaning they can't trust you to follow basic rules. It's not even outrageous for them to ask you not to date until you're 18. They saw what your siblings went through and now they see you behaving poorly because of your relationship.I understand you want to be grown up and do your own things, but at least try to be respectful of your parents and siblings desire to protect you from their mistakes. You need to make your own, yes, but you don't need to alienate them and treat them like they're trying to ruin your life when it's clear they're just trying to parent you the best way they feel possible. You don't have to agree with it, but you went behind their backs for 2 years, which would have been dangerous if your boyfriend was dodgy (no, you wouldn't have known) and they had no idea you were dating. ALWAYS be honest with those who truly care for you - always have, always will. Show them more respect now and try to gain their trust back. Try to repair the damage caused by breaking a rule and, if you can prove to them that you know you made a poor decision (going behind their backs to break a rule) and that you understand they only say what they do because they love you, it should be easier for them to accept your boyfriend, but it will take time - be patient and don't semi-runaway or thrown any tantrums because it won't help your case and will hurt your parents when they are trying to protect you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2014): I think you need to arrange with them to have a talk. The key thing is to act as mature as possible. No tears or fights. Calmly tell them that you're 18 soon. That you are bringing a date to your party. If they try to argue with you, explain that u are going to be an adult soon. That you need to make you're own mistakes and learn and grow as a person.
Unfortunately running away will only make them think that you're not mature. They will only baby you more. You need to tell them that they need to trust you that you are able to make the right decisions. Good luck!
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