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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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What's a girl to do? My parents will never accept him!
Q. Next week I am finished with University for the Summer, and due to my poor health I have to move in with my parents for the summer, and I met this really amazing man. We have been talking for a few months and started getting kind of serious about a ...
A. 25 May 2014: Very good ,OP. But..be patient,please. Don't jump to conclusions and don't be too much in a hurry to decide he's a new man. Let him prove himself, let him show you that he can stay on course and the changes have " taken ". Not to be negative, but ... (read in full...)
My fiancee didn't tell me that he's frequenting these so called massage places where prostitution is involved!
Q. I need help. My fiancee didn't tell me that he is frequenting these so called massage places where prostitution is going on. I am devastated. He says that he went there for relaxation but i can't see how going to prostitutes is a form of relaxation. ...
A. 5 May 2014: Well, they ARE brothels, OP.
Men who want JUST a relaxing massage to soothe tension stiffened muscles , would go to a legit massage place where licensed massage therapists ( those who have gone to massage school , got their legal cred... (read in full...)
My fiancee didn't tell me that he's frequenting these so called massage places where prostitution is involved!
Q. I need help. My fiancee didn't tell me that he is frequenting these so called massage places where prostitution is going on. I am devastated. He says that he went there for relaxation but i can't see how going to prostitutes is a form of relaxation. ...
A. 5 May 2014: Op, it's not about the " need ", it's about how things work in these places. Touching and rubbing etc. are for arousing the client ( and it's uncluded in the massage fee ) , then the conclusion ( happy ending ) happens manually, or orally, for an ... (read in full...)
My fiancee didn't tell me that he's frequenting these so called massage places where prostitution is involved!
Q. I need help. My fiancee didn't tell me that he is frequenting these so called massage places where prostitution is going on. I am devastated. He says that he went there for relaxation but i can't see how going to prostitutes is a form of relaxation. ...
A. 5 May 2014: ....But for revenge - cheating on him, you should still be together with him. Didn't you say that you are going to leave him ?... I really think that leaving him is your best, and only, course of action. It's not that people can't ever be forgiven ... (read in full...)
My fiancee didn't tell me that he's frequenting these so called massage places where prostitution is involved!
Q. I need help. My fiancee didn't tell me that he is frequenting these so called massage places where prostitution is going on. I am devastated. He says that he went there for relaxation but i can't see how going to prostitutes is a form of relaxation. ...
A. 4 May 2014: I can see how visiting prostitutes may be a form of relaxation ,but certainly it is not an appropriate form of relaxation for a man who is in a committed relationship!
He can call it what he wants, but if he was patronizing massage parlours to get ... (read in full...)
Has "nice guy" become a derogatory term?
Q. It seems like when you call someone a "nice guy" it seems as if it has some sort of negative connotation to it as if it is synonymous with loser, wimp, geek/nerd, pushover etc. basically anything that would be viewed as unattractive to the opposite ...
A. 4 May 2014: The definition " nice guy " is a compliment and carries no stigma , unless in the eyes of those men who call themselves nice guys JUST because they have some manners, or do not use drugs or do not drink like a fish , etc.- yet haven't much else ... (read in full...)
The information this man gave me about his past has made me uncomfortable. Should I keep dating him?
Q. Is this weird? I started dating a man, and we've been on a few dates, I'm still getting to know him. But during the last date he told me that he had been previously engaged to a woman he had dated for almost ten years since he met her in colle...
A. 3 May 2014: It sounds like he is an a great hurry of settling down and giving grandchildren to that domineering, interfering mother of his...
Yeah of course nobody wants their mother to be cussed out , duh. But also, intelligent people would not let their moth... (read in full...)
Do women think the key to attracting men is to dress like sluts?
Q. Hi this question is not specific to one specific relationship but more on a general level, in my effort to meet someone. I'm curious about why when going out on say a Friday or Saturday night, young (and not so young) women feel the need to dress ...
A. 2 May 2014: Mine is a banal answer and I am sure that my colleague Dear Cupiders will have come up with something better but... bah. Different strokes for different people. No need to get your knickers twisted over how people dress, and on weekend nights too ... (read in full...)
Is my online date a bit weird?
Q. I've been chatting to a 45 year old guy online who was keen to meet new friends and go dating. I was going to meet him at the weekend and we've been chatting for a week. He works from home and is also renovating his place. He boils up batches of ...
A. 2 May 2014: I don't think he's doing anything weird. There are tons of people who have no time or desire to cook every single day, they just get it over and done once a week, they cook big batches of something , freeze it , and consume it as needed.
As for ... (read in full...)
My B/f doesn't want to get married because he doesn't want to support me with medical bills and marrying me will have a bad effect on his retirement fee
Q. My boyfriend of 4 years told me that he doesn't want to get married anymore.. And his reasons are very selfish in my opinion. He said he doesn't want to support me with medical bills, or that marrying me will have a bad effect on his retirement fee. ...
A. 2 May 2014: In a country with no National Health Service,his selfishness may also simply be seen as common sense and natural self preservation instict. The older you get , the more is possible that health issues would crop up, with relative high costs, and , ... (read in full...)
My friends tell me I should give my boyfriend a BJ
Q. A lot of my friends are wanting me to give my boyfriend a blowjob, and he agreed to wanting me too when i asked. But i feel like we are kind of young for this to be happening. My friends said it was okay because we have been dating for 6 months, but ...
A. 2 May 2014: No, don't do it.
You are in the 13-15 bracket. If you are more toward the 13 end, the very idea is quite repulsive, and the law feels just like me about it, since it considers it child molestation not only in your country but in countries like mine... (read in full...)
I'm too afraid to ask him for help financially!
Q. I'm 23years plus i'm dating a guy of 29years plus getting to three years now, l love him so much but despite my love for him i'm shy to ask him when i need help financially because of my two reasons my first reason is that i'm thinking its too ...
A. 1 May 2014: Good thing that you are shy asking him when you have money troubles ! Why should you ask HIM ? It would be tacky and inappropriate.
At most ,what you can do is to tell him you have money issues and if he has advice to give you about it, and ... (read in full...)
He said things can't work between us but he still contacts me. Am I just a backup plan?
Q. I met a guy roughly a year ago in a bar. We began dating, we both work in the same industry so were both very understanding of the lack of time we could spend together however for three months we saw eachother at least one a day a week. at one po...
A. 1 May 2014: .. In the early hours of the morning ? textbook booty call.
Look, he has no time for you. Whether this is because he REALLY works so much ( I doubt it- people have an uncanny way to make time for someone they are really into ), or whether beca... (read in full...)
Oral sex with no protection..should I worry about disease?
Q. I'm in the habit of frequenting sex workers on a weekly basis. Now, I typically use condoms where penetrative sex is concerned but there have been occasions where I've received unprotected oral sex. I've done some research and apparently, it's ...
A. 1 May 2014: Ues, you should worry. Most of all, you should also worry about " typically " using condoms with prostitutes, i.e. using them often, but not ALWAYS ( With a professional sex worker ? ! What is it, you like Russian roulette ?!)
Yes, you should defi... (read in full...)
Should I try and get back with him? Will it be different the second time round? How do I know if he wants to make it work with me?
Q. I broke up with my boyfriend of two years, a year ago and I'm still in love with him. A few months after we broke up I left home to travel Europe and live in London. I'm still in London, and will return home in August this year. Since I left, I have ...
A. 1 May 2014: _You have not been tryng very hard to move on, if you have been chitchatting with your ex every few weeks. That's a foolproof method to having him constantly on your mind ! Yes , I know, you just wanted to stay friends.... but you can't stay " ... (read in full...)
How can I get my boyfriend to trust living with me again?
Q. We've been together for almost a year and a half and lived together for 10mo. We've been having a lot of arguments and most of the time it is him misunderstanding something and having short tempers. His divorce finalized last December and he has one ...
A. 1 May 2014: Why would you want him back living with you , since you were fighting all the time ? do you want to bicker some more ?, and be the butt of some more hot tempers ?...
What's the point of living together , if you CAN'T live together without turn... (read in full...)
How can I defend myself against this worker?
Q. Hi Everyone. I apologise for the length of this problem. OKAY so I am quite an easy going person. I respond to banter, even the odd jokey name calling and can take a joke as well as the next person. But I am also very shy, sensitive and som...
A. 1 May 2014: Now you have seen why banter and teasing and smirks seem a good idea, when you are in a position of authority, but actually they are not. There HAS to be some distance ; it would sound so great , a faculty dean who slaps his grad students on ... (read in full...)
I don't want to seem weak when I end it
Q. I've been casually seeing a guy for about 6 months and I think for my own sanity I need to end it. He's probably the most rude and arrogant person I've met and he makes me feel worthless with the way he speaks to me. Now do I tell him that's ...
A. 1 May 2014: No no no ! Have you never heard of " never explain, never complain, never apologize " ?!
This saying does not mean obviously that you should never say " sorry " if you step on someone's foot- but, that if you want something done , quickly and ... (read in full...)
Do I keep my feelings to myself? Or tell her that I like her?
Q. There is a girl that I really like. She is kind, caring, extremely intelligent, very hard working. I had asked her out when I first met her to get to know her but she turned me down because she had a boyfriend. The reason I wanted to get to...
A. 1 May 2014: It sounds like you have been friendzoned.... (read in full...)
He's pressuring me to get pregnant
Q. Hi everyone. I've been in a relationship with my bf for three years and three months. I'm 25 and he's 29. Since the beginning of our relationship, he told me that he wanted to settle down and start a family. I told him, that while I wanted to...
A. 30 April 2014: Sometimes it may be useful also to hear the voice of cynism, which says :
heck no. Most NORMAL women would NOT give an arm to have a baby... from a guy who only works two days a week and can't afford to properly contribute to the upbringing of t... (read in full...)
I don't know how to feel about my ex now!
Q. I had my first bf when i was26. He's three years younger than me. We spent four years together and planned to have a family before he dumped me. Its been a year since we broke up. I'm trying to move on. I'm doing okay now, but I know I'm not over ...
A. 30 April 2014: Oh firsts are so overrated :). I know that " first cut is the deepest ", as Rod Stewart would say, but it only seems so, because you are just cutting your teeth relationshipwise. It's a trial and error process, and a first is generally .. more ... (read in full...)
My co-worker doesn't invite me along when she goes out with our colleagues, should I confront her?
Q. Dear Cupid I have an office friend, we know each other for almost 7 months. She is nice person, but i found one annoying thing about her which kind of hurts me as well. We used to go out for lunch few times, sometimes she leaves me and goes...
A. 30 April 2014: OP, I hope you are not one of those colleagues who treat office like kindergarten ?.. You've got your office ( or kindergarten ) buddy, then you always GOT to go together for lunch break, or toilet breaks ,.. holding hands maybe :).
Some time... (read in full...)
I feel like he just wants to go around and sleep around and then I'm just stuck here waiting for him to be done. How do I move on with my life?
Q. So me and my boyfriend recently broke up. Maybe about 1 week ago. Our relationship has been very difficult, we dated for a little over a year. (14 months) our biggest issue was trust. I have caught him texting other girls throughout the ...
A. 30 April 2014: Reality check- high time to let go.
He does not want to " work on the relationship ", ( tbh, what 20 y.o. guy would want that ? ), he wants to be free and unfettered AND count on you to still be there when he wants you ( because I am not sayi... (read in full...)
Woman I'm sleeping with is becoming weird and clingy, how do I handle it?
Q. Okay, So I have a little dilemma. I've been sleeping with this woman I met. She's cool and everything and when we hang out we have a nice time, but she's becoming extraordinarily clingy. She texts things like "Do you miss me? What do you miss...
A. 29 April 2014: Oops, thank you C. Grant !... (read in full...)
I'm having trouble accepting newly found step-siblings!
Q. My father had two daughters outside of his marriage 23 yrs ago. Although I knew about it, I prayed it was not true because it will crush me. I grew up looking up to this man as responsible. My whole life seems to be shattered now because of this. ...
A. 29 April 2014: This happened to V., the daughter of a friend of mine. The parents had separated then divorced when she was 16 or 18, and at the time she had not taken it badly, she knew that her parents did not get along, she loved them both , she wanted ... (read in full...)
Since I said no living together without marriage he's backed off
Q. Hi, I would like to ask for some advice. My boyfriend and I have been together for 15 months, he is 39 and I am 27. We don't live together and he stays about an hour away from me, for the last 15 months I have been going to visit him every weekend, ...
A. 29 April 2014: I think you'd have the best reason of them all to leave him, which is... you aren't happy in this relationship. A relationship is supposed to make you happier, not more worried or miserable, otherwise what's the point ? To have extramarital sex ... (read in full...)
Dating a new guy: are these red flags or not?
Q. I am looking for a long term relationship and have a question about the early warning signs in dating. I have recently met a guy, we have had three dates and he's handsome, intelligent and sweet. The dates are great, we talk a lot and he tells me ...
A. 29 April 2014: I agree with the anon female, this is a difficult one to answer , because it's one of those cases where everybody is right.
The posters are right who say, hey slow down, it's just 3 dates, don't act all wifey and possessive , and don't try to mak... (read in full...)
Woman I'm sleeping with is becoming weird and clingy, how do I handle it?
Q. Okay, So I have a little dilemma. I've been sleeping with this woman I met. She's cool and everything and when we hang out we have a nice time, but she's becoming extraordinarily clingy. She texts things like "Do you miss me? What do you miss...
A. 29 April 2014: Well, I don't think that Maureen meant it *literally* . ( Right, Maureen ? ) I guess she meant it more like, say what you mean and mean what you say. Don't say or do anything that could be misconstrued, and don't let people get, or maintain, wrong ... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to have an intimate relationship with someone who's still married, and connected through family?
Q. I am a little confused about family relations. Recently I have been confronted by my aunt's brother in-law whom confessed feelings for me. I too have had feelings for him. My aunt is still married to his brother. However, it has been said they wil...
A. 28 April 2014: Maybe other people may disagree, as for me I cannot see anything wrong with it.
You and this guy aren't even minimally blood related ! , and even as far as relatives-by-marriages go, it's not that close of a relation, I'd bet that many people woul... (read in full...)
Nothing in common but he makes me laugh. How long should I let this continue?
Q. Call me shallow but I've just started dating a guy who is stunningly good looking and I'm only into him because of his looks. Him and I have absolutely nothing in common....all I know is he makes me laugh like I've never laughed before and whenever ...
A. 28 April 2014: ..Until he stops being the one who makes you laugh and becomes the one who makes you cry ? :)
I've got the feeling it could happen, if you are the Australian poster who posted on April 25 th about a guy with whom she has nothing in common. She ... (read in full...)
What's a girl to do? My parents will never accept him!
Q. Next week I am finished with University for the Summer, and due to my poor health I have to move in with my parents for the summer, and I met this really amazing man. We have been talking for a few months and started getting kind of serious about a ...
A. 28 April 2014: I am sure that Aunt Tisha can defend herself pretty well, so I won't jump in to her rescue. Then again, the whole bad boys vs. nice stable guys is a long, old controversy which would bring us very far from the question in your initial post. In ... (read in full...)
Why does he keep asking me to be his friends with benefits?
Q. Hi. I was wondering if you could help me. Why does he keep asking me to be his friends with benefits? I have known him for almost two years though we got closer as friends at the beginning of last year. I fell in love with him but never showe...
A. 27 April 2014: Why ?... Erm, because he does not give a fuck about what you want, but cares about what he wants, i.e. getting laid after a draught of 4 years ( ! )? because he feels that if he insists enough soon he'll convince you, since you haven't been firm ... (read in full...)
Am I a pan-romantic lesbian?
Q. Ok so. I really do like guys a lot. And I kinda thought I was pansexual but honestly no matter how much I do like guys I never ever ever want to have srx with a guy and have never been sexually attracted to a guy. I think I might be a pan romantic ...
A. 27 April 2014: Or you could be a pan-regular-kid of 13-15 ?....
Girls your age now are sexualized early, what with the cybersex and swapping nude pics and pop icons etc., but that's cultural , it does not necessarily follows the rythms of their body and mind... (read in full...)
How can I tell my ex that he gave me an STI without freaking him out or sounding like I'm blaming him?
Q. I found out today that I have an STI. It's common and treatable and hopefully not a huge deal, but I'm still pretty mortified. I had negative test results before I got together with my ex, and I also had a negative test about 6 weeks after we ...
A. 26 April 2014: Yeah well, getting yourself tested so scrupolously and punctually ,and not asking the guy to get tested too , it sort of defies the purpose, doesn't it ? Never mind, I just wanted to remark that these days we are having a string of incredibly nice ... (read in full...)
Dating just 3 weeks, I'm discovering more and more things about him that don't match what I'm looking for. Am I right to ask?
Q. I've been dating a guy whomImet online for about 3 weeks now and I'm finding that as we're getting to know each other, I'm discovering more and more things about him that don't match what I'm looking for. I'm a fairly private, reserved woman a...
A. 26 April 2014: Men often accuse women of saying they want something.. and then choosing exactly the opposite, and I am afraid that your post seem to prove them right.
Who cares if 3 weeks is appropriate for asking more questions, or if 6 or 9 weeks would be b... (read in full...)
He says he is unhappy and doesn't want to be with me either.
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for over a year and let me just say this has been the hardest relationship I have ever been in! We've had some rough patches in our relationship we both suck at relationships! There's some months when we fight non ...
A. 26 April 2014: Some people, many actually, don't like to work without a net. Changes are always a bit uncomfortable and disquieting, they take effort and energy, so some people won't change things, albeit unsatisfactory, until they have got, or chanced into, the ... (read in full...)
We lost the passion and I need to rekindle the spark…
Q. My Fiancé and I are currently getting back in the groove of becoming a normal couple again after we had a huge fallout, One of the things that happened is that she lost all of the excitement and passion.. And even though we are slowly bonding again ...
A. 25 April 2014: OP, I did not answer your previous questions, but I remember that you have posted about this a couple of times very recently.
So, you are making it sound as if this distance has been going on since a while, and the whole process is long and pain... (read in full...)
If I break up, I'll hurt! If I stay, I'll lack trust! What do I choose?
Q. I have been dating my boyfriend for three years. Four months into our relationship I found out that he cheated on me with F. I confronted him, we fought, he begged for forgiveness and I stayed with him. A year later I found out that he cheated me on ...
A. 25 April 2014: Nearly everyday on DC, since a few years already, and still some posters can amaze me. The way they drive a hammer to their toes, and they call it " love ".. It hurts... but they'd miss it too much ?!
OP , what are you doing to yourself ? It's... (read in full...)
I'm done, I want him out, how do I end this relationship?
Q. Hi all, I want to end my relationship with my partner. We have a baby of 10 months and he is drinking again. Binge drinkng, this is day 7 and he has wee'd the bed twice this week. I have weighed up the pro's and con's and the only pro I have ...
A. 25 April 2014: OP, you are too nice for your own good. Or, too much of a pushover maybe.
You are worried about him having nowhere to go ?... He's 37, he'll come up with something. You think about solving your problem ( i.e. getting rid of a man you don't love... (read in full...)
New guy I'm seeing admits to having herpes, should I continue seeing him?!
Q. Let me start off with giving you some background information; I just got out of a three year relationship (like early this month!) with my first boyfriend. he confessed to cheating on me 1 time 6 months ago, we broke up. I recently got tested and ...
A. 25 April 2014: But I don't think that we actually disagree, SVC.
I did not mean " guy with herpes, avoid him like the plague , always ". I meant, it depends- it's a risk worth taking if you really like the guy, think he 's special, there's potential etc. Mayb... (read in full...)
Wonderful second weekend date with my ex and now he seems distant! My heart hurts. What should I do?
Q. My ex dumped me last year around thanksgiving and it crushed me. We just went on a second weekend date in a beautiful hotel and went to a concert. Then the next day we started our day in the hot tub drinking mimosa's. We continued to drink and ...
A. 25 April 2014: I am not that clear on what is a second weekend date ( you had been on a date the weekend before ? or ...? ) but , if this is an ex, and you were hoping to get back together, I think you should not have gone on a weekend with him at all, first or ... (read in full...)
New guy I'm seeing admits to having herpes, should I continue seeing him?!
Q. Let me start off with giving you some background information; I just got out of a three year relationship (like early this month!) with my first boyfriend. he confessed to cheating on me 1 time 6 months ago, we broke up. I recently got tested and ...
A. 25 April 2014: It's hard to answer you.
Genital herpes is very infective. Condoms would protect you only if the skin lesions / vescicles are only located in an area covered by the condom, and there's none in his anal area, inner thighs ,etc. You should alwa... (read in full...)
I imagined having a boyfriend would be a nice experience, but I find myself alone, fighting to be by the side of a person who is thinking about someone else
Q. Today is my boyfriend's birthday, we've been together for one month and a half (we were friends before becoming a couple). I baked a cake, bought candles, made a card, bought tons of presents, I just want to make him happy. First thing he ...
A. 25 April 2014: Then if you just want to be loved and lead a quiet life, you are with the wrong person. I agree with Anonymous 123, and, frankly, ... what did you expect ?. You mention him being an alcoholist as in passing by, an ininfluent detail like " he has ... (read in full...)
Too Good to be true? Yet he can be VERY controlling. To the point that he scares me sometimes. What to do?
Q. I would like some level-headed unbiased advice on this please. My boyfriend is so good in so many ways but a few traits let him down and I don't know whether these should be deal breakers. We've been together 2 years. I have two children from a...
A. 25 April 2014: I think it is !, or do you want to raise your kids in an environment where stepdad scares their mom, threatens her, bullies her ,and has crazy displays of random aggressivity ?
What, he bangs on the door threatening to break it down... beca... (read in full...)
Is he just going to come up with a lame excuse?
Q. He hasn't contacted me for a week, and now he has tried to call me again!. What is his game?. I recently posted on here about a guy I met. I said that we had been meeting up with each other for a week, but I told him that I didn't want to da...
A. 24 April 2014: Well, if basically he stood you up- he had promised to take you out for a meal but he never followed through- of course he is going to came up with an excuse. If that excuse will be lame, or valid and believable, it will be up to you to judge.
... (read in full...)
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