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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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I want to lose my virginity with her but will I regret it later because of the circumstances?
Q. Hi, I'm a 26 year old male virgin. I was offered by a air hostess to 'be' with her next week. I do have to pay so she is offering sex as a service. I am seriously thinking about it and was just wondering if I should do it. I just want to get...
A. 20 June 2013: Aha! Freudian slip :).... (read in full...)
I want to lose my virginity with her but will I regret it later because of the circumstances?
Q. Hi, I'm a 26 year old male virgin. I was offered by a air hostess to 'be' with her next week. I do have to pay so she is offering sex as a service. I am seriously thinking about it and was just wondering if I should do it. I just want to get...
A. 17 June 2013: Cerberus rises a reasonable point , i.e. maybe the general prejudice against buying sex is irrational and sentimental, because, to look at it closer ... why renting a woman 's private parts for your use should be any different from buying a ... (read in full...)
How do I make my ex my friend again?
Q. My ex (fiance) and I broke up after 14 months of dating, due to differences that she was over in the uk to study and ended up moving in with me for those 14 months. But then out of nowhere she wants to move back to WI, USA because that's where her ...
A. 17 June 2013: OP, - please disregard my answer which obviously has nothing to do with your question and it was in fact meant for a totally different poster. I don't know if it was a glitch of the system , ( I could have sworn I posted under the right thread ) or ... (read in full...)
Why would he ask me to be room mates and take trips with him if hes not single?
Q. So I have this friend named Ted, who I have gotten close with since December 2012. I used to like his friend, James, who I was pursuing a relationship with until I found out James was just playing games with me. Ted and I became friends when he was ...
A. 17 June 2013: No, it's not " strange ". Or, in fact, it is just as strange as a NY city slicker tryng to sell Brooklyn Bridge to some naive foreigners. If there's people so dumb to show interest in such a purchase, why shouldn't the bridge seller try his luck. ... (read in full...)
Why would he ask me to be room mates and take trips with him if hes not single?
Q. So I have this friend named Ted, who I have gotten close with since December 2012. I used to like his friend, James, who I was pursuing a relationship with until I found out James was just playing games with me. Ted and I became friends when he was ...
A. 17 June 2013: Does it really matter what his intentions are ?... Personally I am a bit more suspicious than llifton,all this holding hands and I really like you does not suggest platonic friendship to me- I think that ,simply, he wants to have sex with you.
Anyw... (read in full...)
How do I make my ex my friend again?
Q. My ex (fiance) and I broke up after 14 months of dating, due to differences that she was over in the uk to study and ended up moving in with me for those 14 months. But then out of nowhere she wants to move back to WI, USA because that's where her ...
A. 17 June 2013: I think it is a reasonable assumption to say that "he used some bad language " is an euphemism for " he made a gross drunken spectacke of himself, pissed off and offended everybody and spoiled everybody's fun ". Of course I do not condone your ... (read in full...)
Can cousins be together?
Q. this isnt really a problem.. but you know. i just wanted to ask if.. erm. is it okay for cousins to like each other? i mean not only liking as a cousin but actually something deeper than that. ive been thinking about this situation for nights since ...
A. 16 June 2013: The answer will totally vary according to location and culture of the answerer.
In some places ( several Middle East countries ) marriage between first cousins are actually encouraged and recommended and make for nearly 50% of all marriages.
In U... (read in full...)
Curious about my wife's sexual past
Q. My wife and I have been together 9 years, and had the whole "how many people have you ******" conversation many years ago. Ever since then, I, like many husbands, still wonder "is that her real number, or is she holding some back?" The history she ...
A. 16 June 2013: It only takes ONE guy to give you an STD.:)
Anyway , her story makes sense to me. Basically it's 7 guys in one year, less than two months each if she was a serial dater, or maybe they were recurring characters in the saga, they were coming and goin... (read in full...)
How to cope when you know what he was like in the past??
Q. Hey, I'm just wondering on everyone's take on this situation. My other half have been together a year and a half.... we stay together every night and are pretty settled now which is lovely... I'd known him for a few years beforehand with ...
A. 16 June 2013: I am afraid that Cerberus is right. The thing with little Sarah is pretty telling.
I mean, while personally I am very against meeting the "stepkids " before the relationship is very serious and official... it also works the other way, : once the ... (read in full...)
I am overworked both at work and at home but my traditionalist mom doesn't understand.
Q. Hi Having a few problems here. The last couple of weeks I've been suffering from bad migraines and dizziness. Then last Wednesday I had a full scale panic attack before going to bed. Now this has only started happening recently the only other ...
A. 16 June 2013: To begin with, I think your mom may have her good reasons for not wanting you to make the foster kids do stuff. Maybe she is erring on the caution side, just in case. I.e. : I admit that I have no idea about the foster system in UK, but it makes ... (read in full...)
Can anyone tell me what's going on here?
Q. I've been "going out" with this girl who I really really like for the past 2 months. We get along great, whenever we are together we have a really nice time. She texts me A LOT, but mostly random stuff. Thing is, aside from that, she doesn't...
A. 16 June 2013: Well, she does not sound so elusive to me, who am not emotionally involved. You see her as elusive because you want to hang on to hopes and want to think that she loves you but there is some mysterious psychological conflict and what not, but I'd ... (read in full...)
What could I do about losing my virginity this way? any way of making it easier?
Q. hello, im very conflicted about something that most people dont really pay mind, but to me is a big deal. you see i am still a virgin at 23, and a big part of that was because when i was younger and way more innocent i made the choice of not be...
A. 15 June 2013: LOL, OP, do you have your heart set on winning the " Foot-in-mouth " award ? "easy lay" is not such a huge improvement on "slut"...please do me - and yourself- a favour, and follow my advice about being relatively vague in the definition of your ... (read in full...)
Sex has become a chore for my husband and it's destroying me
Q. Hi, all. I’d like some advice about my husband. We’ve been together 2 years, and the problem is, he has a real issue with sex. At first, I thought it was sweet and that he was trying to be nice, but I have come to realise that it isn’t that. ...
A. 15 June 2013: Ok, I am going out on a limb here, my knowledge of Asperger's is superficial so I am probably going to be tarred and feathered out of Dear Cupid by Asperger's experts, but, FWIW,- don't take it personally, it's just an Asperger's thing.
S... (read in full...)
Do parents who coddle their kids actually love them?
Q. I was dating this guy and everything was going good and it seemed we were becoming serious until I started finding out more about him and his family dynamics. A few months in I found out he lived with his mother (he was 36 at the time). I was ...
A. 15 June 2013: Although I am Americanized enough that a 36 y.o. guy still living at home sounds like bad news to me too ....it also sounds to me that you chose the wrong guy for you, it did not work, and now you are unloading your disappointment and frustration ... (read in full...)
I ditched friendship with my ex for my current GF & school. Was it wise?
Q. I am a biochemistry student with effectively no free time. Every day is goes 7am to 1am that night. School, lab, more school, gym, school, etc. I work so hard because I deeply want to be a scientist and do research...which requires near perfect ...
A. 15 June 2013: If you really want to be a scientist , and you really want to have a long happy relationship with the current Gf, yes, no doubt about it- you had no other choice.
The current Gf has been very understanding- too understanding for her own good- what... (read in full...)
What could I do about losing my virginity this way? any way of making it easier?
Q. hello, im very conflicted about something that most people dont really pay mind, but to me is a big deal. you see i am still a virgin at 23, and a big part of that was because when i was younger and way more innocent i made the choice of not be...
A. 15 June 2013: Yes you are right, don't even go there, don't try to word it because however you word it you are going to sound ignorant, naive and petty.
First, you are operating on the wrong assumptions that most girls would give any special value to a male virg... (read in full...)
My cousin is a now a different person because of this girl
Q. Hey, basically my cousin whos like a brother to me and I have always been rather close. However since hes got with his recent gf hes strayed away from everyone, ALOT. Also away from his religion. Hes had gfs before and has refrained from sex unless ...
A. 15 June 2013: Most males are sex mad at 22 :), your cousin is unexceptonal. I understand that what makes him different is his strong Christian values he was faithful to.. before the Gf arrived on the scene and you wonder how could it be so easy for him to ... (read in full...)
My bf cheated with my best friend. How should I handle this?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been going out nearly a year now, and he visits me at my university halls. Last night he cheated on me with my best friend at university. We were drinking in my halls, and about 12am I went upstairs to bed, as I've just had...
A. 15 June 2013: I agree with YouWish . It nearly sounds as if you want to give him a medal because this is his very first time cheating ...dear OP, you have been together LESS than one year ! , his past loyalty is really no big feat.
Cheating is cheating and you ... (read in full...)
Any advice on how I can find my real father pls?
Q. I am 27 and I would like to find my real father. My mother or anyone on her family won't tell me anything about him, other than a first name and the location I was conceived. I know when I was about 4 or 5 I attended a wedding as a flower girl...
A. 14 June 2013: I have to agree with IAmHereToHelpYou, think it twice, or more, before you do anything.
You could sic a private investigator on your father's tracks, - although I think it would be very expensive. Or, you could try doing the gumshoe job your... (read in full...)
Our sex drives are totally mismatched -- is he being honest about why he has so little interest?
Q. My boyfriend is 44 years old (45 in a few months) i have hit my sexual peak am in my early 30s. He has never been oversexed since we got together. Had problems with performance a few times in the beginning - losing his erection etc. He really loves ...
A. 14 June 2013: I vote for paranoia. The guy is 45, so no oversexed young stud , and he is working 11 hours a day, and still can perform regularly once a week- it's not exactly sexual starvation, it could be better but , it could be a lot worse. Plus he loves ... (read in full...)
My husband looks at other women in front of me. Is this normal?
Q. I just have a quick question. Am i wrong for feeling a certain way that my husband looks at other women in front of me, he says he dont but I look right at his face and catch his wondering eyes, i take that as disrespect cause i know that men look ...
A. 14 June 2013: Define looking at. Is it just looking, or is it staring, ogling ? Leering at ?
I think that looking at someone - or something - attractive- as in, letting your eyes rest a tiny little more than you would on another unattractive or indi... (read in full...)
I'm pregnant but want out of the relationship
Q. I am 4 months pregnant with my fiance's baby, but i want out of this relationship, i have found conversations from emails and facebook that are just inappropriate and disrespectful, where the conversations are sometimes about our personal ...
A. 14 June 2013: First of all, do go to prenatal visits. You know you just won't wish your baby away, you did not terminate the pregnancy while you still could, so know you are going to have a baby, whether you are enthusiastic about it or less so. Might as well ... (read in full...)
Do I give up and move on to try to find happiness? Or do I stay? We have 2 children together.
Q. Please help! I will get straight to the point. My husband and I have been married for 6 years and together total for 10. In the beginning of our dating and married relationship I tried my best to be the best wife I could be. Obviously I know ...
A. 14 June 2013: I agree with you- and with GotIssues. You don't necessarily have to bring down the walls around your heart with your husband. That would be totally discretionary , he can't just expect or demand it. SOME women are able to forgive and forget, ... (read in full...)
Moods ruining my relationship.
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 18 months now, and for the first year in our relationship, we never argued, never bickered or got annoyed with each other. I know that is not too healthy, but it felt amazing to be so compatible with somebody. We ...
A. 14 June 2013: I don't know where you got the idea that not arguing and not bickering is unhealthy. Getting along is VERY healthy :)- of course not in case keeping the peace means always having to stifle emotions and bite your tongue- but if two people are ... (read in full...)
My husband and I are not on the same page about how to raise my kids. Please advise?
Q. I have been married for 8 years it has been pretty tough. My boys are from a previous marriage. my husband came into this marriage knowing how I was as a mom. I do everything a mom would do for their kids, have I made mistake absolutely!!! My ...
A. 14 June 2013: This is my first time at Dear Cupid that I give advice consciously knowing that it is bad advice but, sorry , I can't resist : tell him to BUTT OUT. Tell him to not even DARE disciplining your kids, at least without having obtained your prior ... (read in full...)
BF says I drag him down when I try to open up to him. Help!
Q. Hi everyone. I am in a long term relationship with a guy and we currently live together. I've been having some personal issues that have made me sad, but I try to keep it to myself and don't bother him with my issues. He wants me to be more...
A. 14 June 2013: I don't know for sure why your bf would say those things, mine is only a guess, but, before just decididng that oh he is an insensitive jerk... if you are down, sad and lonely most of the time, it shows, even without putting it in so many words . ... (read in full...)
Is it abnormal for my 20 year old girlfriend to sleep in the same bed with her mom regularly?
Q. My girlfriend is 20. We've been together for two years. She told me something that totally caught me off guard and when I think about it, it seems somehow wrong. We were talking about our parents. She was telling me some happy stories ab...
A. 14 June 2013: My opinion is ... that I don't even understand your question. What's so strange in sharing a bed with your own mom ? I have done it too during trips and vacations, or when were guests at somebody's house, and it never even crossed my mind that it ... (read in full...)
I want my mother to respect my choice to remain with my boyfriend
Q. I've been with my boyfriend around 5 months. It has not been the most perfect relationship, he has a short temper which has caused a number of arguments. I know that he is probably not my life long partner, and have considered leaving the ...
A. 13 June 2013: OP, you want a bit more than your mother respecting your choice, you want her to like it. She decided to just lump it instead, regardless of the worry and disappointment, with the best possible grace. But obviously she knows herself and knows that ... (read in full...)
Planned a vacation with a friend but her negativity is giving me second thoughts
Q. Here is the upsetting situation for me with my friend. More than a year ago we went to a bar with her and I met one of the most gorgeous guys ever. He was younger and really good looking. He took my phone number in bar, and kept texting me after we...
A. 13 June 2013: OP, do you realize that you wanting her stopping what you see as her " negativity " is exactly, no more no less, like her wanting to stop what she sees as your rashness or foolishness or wishful thinking, right ?
If you believe you are doing some... (read in full...)
He said "I'll always love you" but then broke up with me. What does he mean?
Q. my bf broke up with me and he said "ill always love you" what does he really mean when he says that? does he even mean it or is he saying it to make himself not look like such a jerk? his reason for the breakup was that he didnt want to be in a ...
A. 13 June 2013: It means nothing, it's just some politically correct bullshit that people feel they have to say to make the break up smoother ,less unpleasant and without hard feelings .
" I will always love you " would imply that he is still loving you NOW-... (read in full...)
Shouldn't the person who claims they love you also be able accept some of your flaws?
Q. Hi All, I need some feedback on my situation please....here it is so sorry if it is a little long. We met in the tackiest way possible, internet dating site and we instantly hit it off but we were separated by oceans. We spent 4 months tog...
A. 13 June 2013: Pardon me and my suspicious mind, but... where is he from ? Somewhere from where a move to Australia could be seen as very desirable, because of more work opportunities,better standard of living or more social freedom ... but not easily obtainable ? ... (read in full...)
Sexless marriage driving me crazy !
Q. Dear Cupid, I love my wife very much but I am going insane. We have sex once in three months. I feel a physical disconnect even though I try to cuddle kiss and initiate love making. I believe that in life if you do not want something to hap...
A. 13 June 2013: MB 129, I think you did not bother to read all my post, or you read it and missed the point of it.
Also pulling out a tooth at the dentist's takes less than 30 minutes, - do you look forward to do it ? do you CRAVE it ? Or, do you do it just out ... (read in full...)
Can skinny men protect their women?
Q. I am dating a guy who is 6ft 4 and thin.I have not been dating lanky men since i was in sixth form.but he is just so different. However. my mum who I am very close with has mentioned I might get bored or feel unprotected as he is not muscly in bu...
A. 13 June 2013: I think the best way a guy any size has to protect his woman- and himself- is to keep her out and away from places/environments/situations where things are likely to go out of control and end up in physical violence. Nowadays we live in a ... (read in full...)
How do I get this guy back to his warm usual self?
Q. Hi, need help understanding the male psychology a bit please. There is a guy I met at the pub (35), he was going through divorce and my case is the same. We connected, in his words he was very intrigued by my story and he found me very attractive. ...
A. 13 June 2013: You really want to find him redeeming features, uh ?:)
He's not " that bad ", he is just not that INTERESTED. Slave to his phone ? bullshit. It's common courtesy. He does not have to answer right away, to drop everything just to answer you - but ... (read in full...)
I found out that the woman I've been dating isn't a virgin as she hinted before!
Q. Background: im an atheist, also a virgin, I dont usually find virginity something necessary in a partner, but I do find it quite beautiful and special. Most of the feelings Ive built up for her in this time stem from the fact I belived (one time I ...
A. 5 June 2013: Maybe mine is an oversimplification, but I think basically you weren't that enthusiastic about the girl to begin with . At least , you weren't in love. Fashion sense ? Who thinks about fashion sense when they are in love ?
The way I think it's... (read in full...)
To forgive or not to forgive?
Q. Hiya guys, i really hope someone out there can give me a good perspective on my situation. Im not going to go into detail but my dilemma is really the whole 'forgive or not forgive' scenario. I became friends with a guy and we decided to see e...
A. 5 June 2013: I'd say that more than about forgiveness , this is about decicing what counts in your life, what kind of people you want to be with, whom you can offer your friendship to.
Maybe this guy is just not the right person for you to be involved with at a... (read in full...)
My husband is a great dad except for his yelling!
Q. My husband is a great dad but if he has to ask my son and daughter to do somethng--ie clean up their rooms or take a shower more than twice, he starts yelling at them. My son is 10 and is really affected by that. he just starts crying and has told ...
A. 5 June 2013: I am a bit conflicted about this. On one hand, I am not a yeller ( although, the random occasional yell escaped my lips too, we all are human )and I hate being yelled at, it makes me very upset and resentful. So, in part I can see where you are ... (read in full...)
Do some guys not like well-educated girls?
Q. I'm currently at quite a good university studying a rigorous subject, and as I don't know any guys from my uni I'd really like to go out with I've started dating those from outside uni. I don't make a big deal out of my education, or like to argue...
A. 5 June 2013: I don't think it has a lot to do with men not liking well educated women, or even women who are assertive and opinionated. SOME men will feel intimidated , but those are the men that probably YOU would not deem worth your time. I think that a ... (read in full...)
My muslim boyfriend's family have picked out a girl for him, they don't know about me. Will he man up?
Q. I am a female British white person i been with my Muslim boyfriend for 3 years. i very friendly with his auntie and uncle who he lives with. He loves me and i love him however things have come ahead and apparently they don't know that we are seeing ...
A. 4 June 2013: What happens, I think, is that your bf has reached or is reaching the age when his family thinks it's time for him to be married and start a family, and they started working to make this happen. If it won't be this girl, it will be another one. ... (read in full...)
I'd rather date an older guy than someone my own age, but do I have no chance?
Q. I'm at university, turned 19 a few months ago, and won't graduate for a few more years but I just find guys like that irresistibly more attractive even though I know most of them will probably be looking for girls around their age. I don't like ...
A. 4 June 2013: I think it will only depends from individual preferences .
Some will prefer a girl who's closer in age to theirs, but some won't mind at all. In other words,it's not a lost battle :)
My son ( 23 ) recently said that he would not consider 18 y.o. ... (read in full...)
She's not talking to me since I called her out for seeing a married man! I did it because it was unfair for her to put me on 'hold'!
Q. A girl that i like and i thought she liked me are not talking right now over a silly argument. It turns out the argument was an excuse to put me on "punishment" because i found out she is seeing a married man with a child. the child and wife don...
A. 4 June 2013: But, the girl he got the " cute " message from, and whom he wants to know he won't leave his wife - could not be another girl ? You say this guy has a lot of female "groupies", probably he gets hit on a lot, why the cute message should necessarily ... (read in full...)
I love my wife but am sexually frustrated!
Q. Been married for 09 years. Living in a conservative society, but independent. Sex doesn't feel great anymore. Used to be crazy like rabbits first year into marriage, but faded with time to the extent now i'm thinking about an extramarital affair ...
A. 3 June 2013: Today another male 36-40 with an Albanian flag posted, he was having problems with interfering in laws. Is that you ?
If yes, I have to answer, yeah sure, go ahead , God forbid that you have to feel sexually frustrated and not have the same... (read in full...)
She's not talking to me since I called her out for seeing a married man! I did it because it was unfair for her to put me on 'hold'!
Q. A girl that i like and i thought she liked me are not talking right now over a silly argument. It turns out the argument was an excuse to put me on "punishment" because i found out she is seeing a married man with a child. the child and wife don...
A. 3 June 2013: Another thing, OP, - where do you fit in all this ?
Suppose that the married / legally separated guy is a double dealer and a liar , who says to wife / ex wife he still loves her , and to your ex friend he loves HER. And , suppose that the mist... (read in full...)
I'd rather date an older guy than someone my own age, but do I have no chance?
Q. I'm at university, turned 19 a few months ago, and won't graduate for a few more years but I just find guys like that irresistibly more attractive even though I know most of them will probably be looking for girls around their age. I don't like ...
A. 3 June 2013: I think you are way overlooking the stability , seriousness and general adulthood of the 21 to 25 age range, at least for what concerns love matters :). They aren't THAT older than you,particularly at 21 or 22. Of course they may be an improvement ... (read in full...)
How do I get this guy back to his warm usual self?
Q. Hi, need help understanding the male psychology a bit please. There is a guy I met at the pub (35), he was going through divorce and my case is the same. We connected, in his words he was very intrigued by my story and he found me very attractive. ...
A. 3 June 2013: I am afraid you have brought being super gullible from your past into your present.
Not necessarily you can trust that a stranger SAYING things is the same as a stranger MEANING those things.
And it makes sense that , if a person wants somethin... (read in full...)
My muslim boyfriend's family have picked out a girl for him, they don't know about me. Will he man up?
Q. I am a female British white person i been with my Muslim boyfriend for 3 years. i very friendly with his auntie and uncle who he lives with. He loves me and i love him however things have come ahead and apparently they don't know that we are seeing ...
A. 2 June 2013: No, he won't marry you . It's not reallly a matter of "manning up " , you man up against things you do not approve and do not accept, - a Bangladesh Muslim will probably think that is right, wise, normal, natural and advisable to marry a ... (read in full...)
Sexless marriage driving me crazy !
Q. Dear Cupid, I love my wife very much but I am going insane. We have sex once in three months. I feel a physical disconnect even though I try to cuddle kiss and initiate love making. I believe that in life if you do not want something to hap...
A. 20 January 2013: FOUR kids ?... Then I think that not having time, or being too tired, is a good excuse, because it's most probably the truth.
Spicy fun ? Role play ?... He he. The only role play I was up to when my son was little, was with him. He was Batm... (read in full...)
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