A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:HiHaving a few problems here. The last couple of weeks I've been suffering from bad migraines and dizziness. Then last Wednesday I had a full scale panic attack before going to bed.Now this has only started happening recently the only other time I had similar but not as bad problems we had a foster placement who was particularly difficult. Now my work life is cool, I work in a special needs school as the IT technician so it's pretty demanding but more mentally than physically.My home life appears okay but I feel I am walking on egg shells with my mom.In a house of six( mom, dad, me, my boyfriend and two foster placements) it gets pretty mad but the only people who do anything is me and my mom and my boyfriend now he has finished uni.Now my mom is a traditionalist so believe my dad should do nothing he works 12hour shifts so my mom feels dinner should be waiting for him, my dad isn't really that bothered and says as much but my mom doesn't listen. So my mom expects me to get home from work and basically do what she does, cook for very one and clean up after everyone, if I tell the kids to put stuff away I get shouted at. I tell my mom that I can't do all this stuff (she is a stay at home mom) after I get home from work as I need 10 minutes to just get myself together but her retort is well how are you going to cope in a house on your own? My reply being well I only need to look after me and my boyfriend will help rather than me look after him all the time. It's got to the point now where I am quite ill, I sprained my wrist but still have to use it to help out, I'm having dizzy spells so had to be taken home from work, my mom says well while your just sitting there you can do this.My mom also hates it when I'm ill telling me to get over it and stop thinking about it.I suppose my question is any ideas what I can do, talking with her causes arguments.Can afford a flat as I'm and apprentice and my bf is at uni full time so no one will take him on.But I'm having time off work because I keep getting ill but I can't get better because I get no rest at home. I just really don't know what to do, I love my mom but I feel utterly drained and slightly concerned about my health.Any ideas would be great, sorry it so long Thanks for reading
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2013): Your body is telling you that you are doing too much, listen to it.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (16 June 2013):
 To begin with, I think your mom may have her good reasons for not wanting you to make the foster kids do stuff. Maybe she is erring on the caution side, just in case. I.e. : I admit that I have no idea about the foster system in UK, but it makes sense that the general guidelines will be the same or similar since there are Eropean issued guidelines for all the foster placement agencies, and to release people the authorization to take in foster kids. So, it goes like this : since, alas, in the past there have been numerous cases of people taking in kids just to have unpaid apprentices or unpaid maids etc., to prevent that, the kids are not supposed to do work. They may be encouraged ( never forced ) to perform light tasks and to help a bit around the house like the members of the family they are now , but always in an age appropriate way and according very precise indications : like, they can fold the laundry ( but not DO the laundry , since the washing machine is an electric-power operated device ) or , set and clear the table - ( but not wash the dishes)
- and so on and so forth. If nevertheless they feel they are nagged and overworked , they are recommended to advise their case worker at the Social Services, who will come over , sort of institute a little enquiry, ask ton of questions, ...all very annoying and bothersome , no wonder that your mom would want to avoid that and keep her clean record of happy, trouble free foster home, so, moral, just leave the foster kids alone, it's easier :)
Ask instead your BF to help you and pick up some of your slack ( not saying you are a slacker ; just that health and work circumstances don't let you do all that there's need to do ). He lives there too, he is part of the family, he should do his share ( and part of yours too, until you are not feeling well ). You say he WILL help when you 'll live alone ? Why waiting, NOW is always the best moment : He may be full time at Uni, .. but you are full time at work, so you are even. He can do half of the cleaning and cooking and tidying up you are supposed to do, in fact, if it is temporary and you just need a breather, he can do it all for a while.
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