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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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How can I walk away from this relationship without hurting myself?
Q. I have a boyfriend for already four years. The second year into our relationship he was not working and it aggravated me because it brought alot of problems. Eventually I got so annoyed, I went back to NY (we had moved to California) to just get ...
A. 12 May 2013: My advice will sound banal and predictable, but I really think it's nonetheless valid : cut your losses ASAP and leave him to his beloved Sim City. You don't want to be hurt, and maybe leaving will hurt a bit... but nothing compared to how much ... (read in full...)
Is my personality a big turn-off for guys?
Q. Most of my friends told me I'm a very nice,friendly,bubbly,outgoing,sweet,interesting,funny and genuine person.They really like me and enjoy talking to me cos I'm fun to be around with.Some of them even told me,"it's difficult for people to dislike ...
A. 11 May 2013: No. You can tune down, if you wish, some of your habits and mannerisms. The way you laugh, the volume of your voice is not your " personality ".
I am exactly the same person with the same character and the same faults and qualities either I spea... (read in full...)
Why? Every time my Gf ask me for help I usually agree. But then she changes her mind at the last minute. How can I deal with my confused feelings about her rescinding the request?
Q. so i'm pretty sure i'm doing something wrong but i need some advice... so the thing is, both my girlfriend and i have a disability, and neither of us is able to drive a car. suppose my gf needs something. like, she's busy and doesn't have time...
A. 11 May 2013: If that bothers you much, just tell her - and also have her note that once she asked you to do something and you have accepted , when she reschedules last minute she is also messing up with your plans , programs and schedules , because obviously ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's drink was spiked and the woman he woke up with now says she is pregnant!
Q. Help me, please. My boyfriend of a year just told me that about a month ago, he went to this girl's house to help her with her abusive ex. He didn't have a way home, so he sat down and she asked him if he wanted anything to drink. I guess it was ...
A. 11 May 2013: For cryng out loud OP, get a grip, use that God - given brain you've got.
So he was on a bus at midnight, he gets a call from the girl, and , zap, flies to save her. Who is he, Superman ? Knowing that it was an emotional crisis, not a burg... (read in full...)
Why do girls like the bad boys?
Q. Hi there :) I have a wee question in general; why do girls like bad boys as opposed to the sensible, faithful guys who will treat them right?! Kind of a silly question, but just wondered if there was anyone else who, like me, is more attra...
A. 11 May 2013: They do ??
To each is own, I guess, as for me and most of the women / and girls I know ( and they are many ! ) - if by a laddish lad you mean an oaf or a lout, there's nothing more off putting, and if by cheeky you mean brash, loud, rude or abus... (read in full...)
Have made no new friends in this new place.Would it be better to stay here and continue with my job, and hope things get better? Or move back with my Bf?
Q. Thanks for reading. I will make it as brief as possible :) I'm 20, and have been in a long distance relationship for around 4 months. Previously was living with my boyfriend (25) but have moved interstate to live with my mum for awhile. I fou...
A. 11 May 2013: Hang in there : 1 ) 4 months it's really a short time to feel happy/ comfortable in a new place. 2 ) I know this will sound as heresy to you , but a good job of which you are proud of is less disposable than your current bf and friends. At 20, ... (read in full...)
Is it normal to be jealous of a crush?
Q. I have a crush and I'm not sure how she feels but I was wonering if it was normal to be jealous when she talks to strangers... Sorry about the bad grammar its late P.S. I don't really get jealous unless its touchy feelie...
A. 11 May 2013: I don't know what's your other question, but I immagine that , if you can't ask her out, you7'll have your own good reasons.
In this case, though, a word of caution : you can't get stuck ,crushing and jealous ,forever, it's painful and unhe... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's drink was spiked and the woman he woke up with now says she is pregnant!
Q. Help me, please. My boyfriend of a year just told me that about a month ago, he went to this girl's house to help her with her abusive ex. He didn't have a way home, so he sat down and she asked him if he wanted anything to drink. I guess it was ...
A. 11 May 2013: Very low level of believability and lot of holes in his story.
To begin from the start, why did HE had to go help a girl with her abusive ex ? Help her how, doing what ? If it is help through counsel and advice, he did not need to visit her at h... (read in full...)
He shows all the signs of not wanting to be with me but claims this isn't the case?
Q. I have been with my fiancee for nearly three years - we got engaged at New Year this year. He has an adorable little girl who I love too. When we got together we had a lot of problems with his ex (we still do) refusing to move on and we have had ...
A. 11 May 2013: Pardon me for being cynical, but, if you pay for him AND his daughter , everything including trips abroah, it stands to reason that he'd say : Oh no, everything is perfectly fine , I still want to be with you. If he says he does not, and you leave ... (read in full...)
Is my personality a big turn-off for guys?
Q. Most of my friends told me I'm a very nice,friendly,bubbly,outgoing,sweet,interesting,funny and genuine person.They really like me and enjoy talking to me cos I'm fun to be around with.Some of them even told me,"it's difficult for people to dislike ...
A. 11 May 2013: Look, assuming that these people are really your good friends, and they care about you , and not envious snakes-in-the-grass that just want to bring you down.... if you trust them, LISTEN to them.
It's hard to criticize someone we care for, and ... (read in full...)
For the girls: Would you be interested in a one night stand or short term fling with a guy who couldnt have penetrative sex?
Q. Question mainly for girls. I am an older guy, who is quite lucky as I still get plenty of attention from girls, smiles and signals on the street, at bus stops, shops etc. Also plenty of offers at work. Although, I have issues getting an erect...
A. 10 May 2013: No, I don't think the reasoning would be the one you mention, although of course it's not excluded . IMO, it's much simpler : from a steady relationship, you hopefully get your wants and needs fulfilled. Not at 100% ,perhaps, but hopefullt most of ... (read in full...)
Am I an awful girlfriend because I don't want to go to the car meet with my boyfriend?
Q. Hello aunts and uncles. I feel like an ungrateful spoiled girl for this question since there are so many about women whose men do not want to spend time with them, I have the opposite issue. I actually started to live with my boyfriend of a y...
A. 10 May 2013: I think instead that, although you are right about the general concept, and you are not at all a bad girlfriend, and it's important for people to be able to function, socialize and enjoy things on their own, you can afford to be a bit flexible ... (read in full...)
We had unprotected sex. Should I ask if everything is ok with her cycle?
Q. okay, awkward subject: I've been dating a girl I really like for the past 5 months. We've been having sex on the regular basically every time we see each other. Only thing though, last month (the 25th specifically) she was on her per...
A. 10 May 2013: Plan b, like the morning after pill ? way too late. That only works if taken within 72 hours from the misshap .
You'll just have to wait till the end of May , and if her period has not shown up, have her take a pregnancy test.
You can ask her ... (read in full...)
I think my boyfriend is crushing on his son's girlfriends. His behavior is too strange!
Q. I have a question about what constitutes friendly behavior and what constitutes bad behavior. My boyfriend has started asking his son often when his son's new girlfriend is coming over to our house. Now, My boyfriend thinks I am jealous of his son's ...
A. 10 May 2013: Not to fuel your fears, but..yeah, senile crush.
I mean, watching his son and gf asleep in bed it's just creepy, IMO. And a big invasion of their privacy !, they are not newborns that you can lovingly hover by their cradle.
Plus, as you mention,... (read in full...)
Is it normal to be jealous of a crush?
Q. I have a crush and I'm not sure how she feels but I was wonering if it was normal to be jealous when she talks to strangers... Sorry about the bad grammar its late P.S. I don't really get jealous unless its touchy feelie...
A. 10 May 2013: Yes, it's normal. It's part and parcel of having a crush. You feel a bit jealous,- and envious when she gets touchy feely with other guys because you wish you were in their place.
You are only human . In theory, you should be happy if she is happ... (read in full...)
Am I too young to be thinking of marriage?
Q. Hi guys. Just a quick question. I'm 20 and my boyfriend is 26. We have been together for 8 months. I really love him and he loves me. Everything is great. The trouble is we have started to talk about marriage- I want to marry him and think that he ...
A. 10 May 2013: Well, yes, 20 does sound very young to me to consider marriage. And, in your country, where people gets married earlier than in Europe, still the average age for a female's first marriage is 26.9, so... it must mean something.
There are , thou... (read in full...)
Is it weird that I don't want a boyfriend at 19?
Q. I'm 19 and in my first year at uni, and I've never had a boyfriend before or during uni (or even been on a date, though I've been asked out quite a few times). I've never slept with anyone either. I just don't see the point of short-term stuff. It ...
A. 10 May 2013: I think you are being a bit harsh with your peers. Normally at 19 people are not ready to commit, or even to make very long term plans when they know there are so many choices and experiences in front of them which may lead them in a few years to ... (read in full...)
For the girls: Would you be interested in a one night stand or short term fling with a guy who couldnt have penetrative sex?
Q. Question mainly for girls. I am an older guy, who is quite lucky as I still get plenty of attention from girls, smiles and signals on the street, at bus stops, shops etc. Also plenty of offers at work. Although, I have issues getting an erect...
A. 10 May 2013: Male anon : it is what it is , and females DO complain often that they feel like they have to trade sexual performances in change of some physical closeness / attention / tenderness.
But, remember that we are talking in a context of an one ... (read in full...)
If she lied to me, and used me....will she now lie and use HIM as well?
Q. Right so it's been a while so i've been hurt by this girl. Long story short, i met her about 4 years ago. She was an immigrant. Striking beauty. Struck up a friendship. Soon I was giving her money because she claimed to be poor, getting by. Drove ...
A. 10 May 2013: Possible but not probable . Love does have a big healing and transformational power, the problem is that certain people are just not equipped for love, not open to it, they are stuck in "survival of the fittest " mode. So, my guess would be ... (read in full...)
For the girls: Would you be interested in a one night stand or short term fling with a guy who couldnt have penetrative sex?
Q. Question mainly for girls. I am an older guy, who is quite lucky as I still get plenty of attention from girls, smiles and signals on the street, at bus stops, shops etc. Also plenty of offers at work. Although, I have issues getting an erect...
A. 9 May 2013: I don't know , OP... maybe a girl like the skirt lifting one would be OK with everything - in the sense that she was probably so drunk that she would have passed out as soon as she hit the bed, making the debate penetration vs. cuddles irrelevant ... (read in full...)
I'm very conscious of my appearance and worry that if I meet the guy I've been talking to he'll never call again!
Q. Hi. A few months ago i received a request from a really nice guy on Facebook. We started talking on whatsapp aswell and i found out that he is actually from my area, though currently at school abroad. So the issue is that he started to like me very ...
A. 9 May 2013: But he SAW your pics already ! He knows how you look and obviously he liked what he saw- otherwise he would not be asking to meet you.
So, unless the pics are 10 years old and now you look all different- you don't need to worry. ... (read in full...)
For the girls: Would you be interested in a one night stand or short term fling with a guy who couldnt have penetrative sex?
Q. Question mainly for girls. I am an older guy, who is quite lucky as I still get plenty of attention from girls, smiles and signals on the street, at bus stops, shops etc. Also plenty of offers at work. Although, I have issues getting an erect...
A. 9 May 2013: I think Chigirl is right.
I am not questioning your hotness, but ED IS a downer. If it shows up in the context of a loving, intimate relationship, were not only your oral and manual abilities but also the cuddles, affection, closeness etc. make... (read in full...)
I feel ridiculously rejected by her remarks. Will this affect our relationship?
Q. My girlfriend and I have been together a year. I have been wanting to say I love you for around 6 months. I always assumed she loved me, but both of us were too nervous to say it first. So last night I said it to her, the reply I got was not what...
A. 9 May 2013: Rejected :)? What a beautiful , romantic rejection . Heck, your " rejection " sounds better than most of my " acceptances " , lol .
No, not everybody " just knows it for sure ". Particularly if she has never been in love before , she has no prev... (read in full...)
Hurt and confused after she breaks it off, what should I do?
Q. So I had been seeing this woman for about 6 months. She is older than me. I am 29 and she is 42 but I the age difference has never been an issue as she has always dated younger guys. We really hit it off and have a lot in common and have gotten ...
A. 8 May 2013: I guess that, to have a second chance ,you would have to promise solemnly you'll never exceed again the two drinks per night which apparently seem to be the very most she is going to tolerate - and then stick to your promise.
But, think abou... (read in full...)
This is hurting ,me: I love him and I don't want to lose him. But what to do? He wants to try other girls, not for love, just sex
Q. Hi guys, Well I have this problem. And I appreciate you not judging me nor laughing. I have been with my bf for 7 years, we break up several times and lots happened but we still come back to each other because we do luv each other. But lately ...
A. 8 May 2013: Of course it's fair ! it would not be fair if you too had told him that you are going to sleep with other men just for fun and curiosity, but since you are doing without that, so can he.
And, btw, the rules of no sex before marriage in your... (read in full...)
What should I do, and how could this affect my marriage, considering that I am married, but may be bi-sexual?
Q. I hate the fact that i can't get rid of this feeling and have to come back here and ask you guys for advices. I got married 8 months ago to a loving man of more than 3 years relationship. He's not perfect but he's the greatest one. Only him c...
A. 8 May 2013: I don't see that the gender of your temptations ( female instead than male ) makes any difference in a very clear cut situation. You are married, aren't you ? You want to keep your marriage and have a loving family with your husband.
Then, you ... (read in full...)
He has wanted to do phone sex with me almost from the beginning. Now he wants sex face to face. How to discourage him?
Q. I am a student. I have met a boy via facebook 5 months ago..and we started talking by phone as he wanted my number for helping me in my near exam as he was from the same stream as mine and was my senior. In the meantime my ex- boyfriend broke ...
A. 8 May 2013: I have a suggestion that I am sure you don't want to listen to : just ditch him.
He is selfish, manipulative and prevaricating. If he really loved you ( from his heart , not from his penis ) he would understand and respect that you have very... (read in full...)
This is hurting ,me: I love him and I don't want to lose him. But what to do? He wants to try other girls, not for love, just sex
Q. Hi guys, Well I have this problem. And I appreciate you not judging me nor laughing. I have been with my bf for 7 years, we break up several times and lots happened but we still come back to each other because we do luv each other. But lately ...
A. 8 May 2013: I don't judge and I don't laugh, yet I still think yours was / is a very,very bad idea.
Basically, you gave him permission to have sex with other women, even if this idea hurts you and worries you ? why ? are you a masochist ?
I know there ar... (read in full...)
Why now? Why did he tell me he likes me, now when he's going away? Does he really like me?
Q. I have been friends with this guy since high school and we used to live in the same neighborhood. Four months ago he moved away and since then we had stopped talking, about a week ago he texted me and he told me that's he's going to the army for...
A. 8 May 2013: The "I like you " can be sincere, but I think you may be tryng to get a lot of mileage out of a simple " I like you ".
That he likes you, and precisely that he likes your face and body ( "gorgeous " " pretty " ) can be totally the truth. He find... (read in full...)
My confidence has dropped sharply after constantly being rejected. What's wrong with me? What should I do?
Q. I feel like girls don't like me, because I'm a nice guy. Lately I've thought about it, and some people have told me that I'm way too nice. I'm the romantic type that thinks out dates, and plans cute stuff for anniversaries, and basically does sup...
A. 8 May 2013: If you really are 16-17 ...uh,what about relaxing and just
enjoying your life, your talents, your passions, your friends ? what's this mad rush to pairing up ? Life can be good even when you are not half of a couple, particularly at your age. Put ... (read in full...)
I'm aware I don't love him, but I wonder if I'm being abused
Q. I am 22. My boyfriend is 39. Let's call him J. We've been dating for four months now. We just had our first fight. I slapped J's face as a joke and then he smacked my ass. Yes, I know that sounds funny and I probably shouldn't take it seriously but ...
A. 8 May 2013: Why don't you just cut it off with the playful hitting ? Aren't you a bit too old for play-fighting ? You tend to smack him " a lot " as a joke, and you mean no harm- but obviously ( and not surprisingly ) he does not find it very amusing anymore ... (read in full...)
Hurt and confused after she breaks it off, what should I do?
Q. So I had been seeing this woman for about 6 months. She is older than me. I am 29 and she is 42 but I the age difference has never been an issue as she has always dated younger guys. We really hit it off and have a lot in common and have gotten ...
A. 7 May 2013: I think you are going to get answers calling this woman a controlling bitch , bossy, uptight, paranoid, etc... and yes, if you get drunk- pardon me, " buzzed " - once every 6 months, eh well, live and let live, I'd say. You surely don't seem to ... (read in full...)
Should I be the one who is blamed for my brother's dog not being fed?
Q. Roughly, about a year ago, my older brother found a litter of puppies with their mother somewhere in the park. He just up and bought one of the dogs home without even asking our mother for permission. He said he carried it home because it seem...
A. 7 May 2013: I think that, before and beyond worryng about whose fault's is, you should immediately worry about finding another accomodation for the dog, in a dog friendly house where it can count on being fed every day punctually. ... (read in full...)
Should I contact an ex who hurt me for answers and possibly to get him back
Q. I was in a 1 and a half relationship and ended it last year March because my boyfriend was behaving badly He was flirting with other women. I expressed my distaste with this behavior and suspected that he was doing more than flirting with two other ...
A. 7 May 2013: OP, again : he TOLD you it's over by his actions : getting engaged with the other girl.
Have you thought that now ,IF he is a changed man ( but too early to say, all changes need to be permannet to be true changes ) .. he has changed for this othe... (read in full...)
Does the number of people you sleep with have any effect on you later in life?
Q. I am just wondering if the number of people you sleep with has any psychological or emotional effect on you later. I am not talking 3 or 4 partners. I mean, like, say 50 partners. My best bud is dating seriously a girl who has slept around qui...
A. 6 May 2013: I don't think her previous 50 partners make her unsuitable for a stable and loving relationship with the 51st.
I guess you are sort of implying that ,having had a lively sexual past, she won't be able to stay faithful, sooner or later she will... (read in full...)
Should I contact an ex who hurt me for answers and possibly to get him back
Q. I was in a 1 and a half relationship and ended it last year March because my boyfriend was behaving badly He was flirting with other women. I expressed my distaste with this behavior and suspected that he was doing more than flirting with two other ...
A. 6 May 2013: Third vote for move on. Untimely ? You feel as if you broke it off untimely ?! It was just about time, instead. You knew he was a cheater. You knew he was a liar . And you knew he was a moocher( the loan he did not finish paying back ). In short, ... (read in full...)
I am extremely unhappy with me weight...can you help?
Q. I am very overweight and i am extremely unhappy with my weight. I am 5'5 and currently weight 122.5kg, i have lost 2 kg but even with exercise and lowered calorie intake it wont shift anymore. When i started loosing weight i lost 3 kg, put on 4, ...
A. 6 May 2013: I don't disagree with you , OP, surely lifestyle and nutrition have got a lot to do with being able, or not, to mantain an healthy weight : yet, as of now, isn't it a bit like deciding who was born first, the egg or the chicken ?. IF you have ... (read in full...)
I just want to know which method is highly risky or if both methods are equally risky? help me
Q. Dear friend, I had unprotected sex with a guy but he ddnt ejaculate a week later I had protected sex with a different guy. I jus want to know how safe are condoms compared to non ejaculation? Nine months is far for me to get a partenity test a...
A. 6 May 2013: I think the condom is safer, because even if your partner does not ejuculate, there is always his pre -cum that puts you at risk.
A condom too is not 100% effective, but this , because it can break or leak or slip out. If you are 100% sure that... (read in full...)
Should I assume that he is dating someone else? or is stressed at work?
Q. I met and have been going out with this guy for three months now and we did not have anything other than a flirtatious relationship up until one month ago. The first time we slept together was amazing and we had great chemistry. The next night af...
A. 6 May 2013: Overthinking ? You are underthinking this, It's so evident : welcome to FWB-land.
" But I told him... " yes, you told him a) he is an uninvolved stranger,he not your bf : he does not particularly care about your wants and needs, if they... (read in full...)
If 20% of the relationship is bad, and 80% is good, is it worth it?
Q. Hypothetical situation, curious what everyone's tolerance level is. If in a relationship, 20% of the time, you and your partner were either fighting, not speaking to each other, or "sad" with each other and the rest of the time, 80%, is perfectly ...
A. 6 May 2013: I don't think it is possible to elaborate an one-size-fits-all formula, I think it also depends from personal expectations and preferences.
For me, 6 days of arguments a month would be waaay too much, I mean it's once every 5 days !, I gues... (read in full...)
I Have been seeing my ex-husbands brother ever since my divorce 4 yrs ago
Q. I was married for 15 yrs. my ex cheated on me with his best friends wife. I was a very loyal wife when I was married to him. After my divorse I fell head over heals in love with his brother. we have been seeing one another in secret for 4 yrs now. ...
A. 6 May 2013: I would be wary and worried about his need and want to still keep it secret.
I realize it is an unusual , sensitive situation that could create embarassment and friction in the family, but, if we look at it closely :
- there's no particul... (read in full...)
I am extremely unhappy with me weight...can you help?
Q. I am very overweight and i am extremely unhappy with my weight. I am 5'5 and currently weight 122.5kg, i have lost 2 kg but even with exercise and lowered calorie intake it wont shift anymore. When i started loosing weight i lost 3 kg, put on 4, ...
A. 6 May 2013: Maybe you have thought of that already but, just in case, ...have you seen an endocrinologist ?
Not to turn the knife into the wound, and forgive me but a weight in the 120s for an height of 5'5 is quite some extra weight, to call a spade a sp... (read in full...)
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