A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend is 20. We've been together for two years.She told me something that totally caught me off guard and when I think about it, it seems somehow wrong.We were talking about our parents. She was telling me some happy stories about her mom. Then she says:"You know, I really do love my mom; she's the person I'm closest to. Her and I are really comfortable, I mean, we can sleep in the same bed and it doesn't feel weird at all. Sometimes we do that because it's cheaper for a one-bed room in a hotel, or sometimes it just feels good to be back there with her like I was when I was littler and she would let me sleep in the bed."She continues:"Sometimes when I'm visiting home, if Dad gets mad at Mom, she'll come in my room and crawl into my bed and just talk to me, and we'll fall asleep eventually."... "My favorite place to be if I'm sick is right next to my mom, it feels comforting, and she keeps me company, it feels like being a little kid again and when you're feeling like shit sometimes it's a nice escape.. I'll call her and she'll come over and baby me, I admit it."Girls (And guys)... Is this abnormal? I get that girls can be very, very close to their mothers, but she "loves to be babied" and actually enjoys sleeping in the same bed with her mom? She ended up admitting (and finding it interesting/funny/etc) that she has slept in the same bed with her mom more times in the past year than she's slept in the same bed with me. (We don't live together or anything yet, and we maybe spend the night every couple weeks, one or two nights, sometimes less like around the holidays)To me this feels like it's a bit TOO close to be to your mom at the age of 20. On the other hand I'll admit that I'm a guy and I am nowhere NEAR that close to my parents. I would feel terribly awkward sleeping in the same bed as my dad, and since I've been over age 10 I've only done it in extreme situations (like one time we had a family gathering and the hotel screwed up one of the rooms, and so we had three extra people staying in our room.)What are your opinions aunts?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2013): This is OP.
Thank you so much for all of your comments. I feel better about the situation. I think part of it is that I have never had a very close family life, no siblings and just my parents, so I never experienced much family closeness, so I may not fully understand the family bonds people have. this of course can breed some jealousy over the closeness she has with family that I never got to have. This is an issue i need to deal with on my own, but at least I know thanks to everyone here that there's nothing wrong with her, and that it's me that I need to work on.
thanks again aunts!
A
female
reader, Love Sparta  +, writes (15 June 2013):
O.O it's okay buddy!!! It's perfectly fine. All girls are like that unless they have a terribly messed up relationship with their mothers. My sisters and I used to take turns sleeping in our mums bed when my dad was away working. He would work for 2 months stright at times and she probably didn't feel lonely with one of us in the bed too. Im 26 now and still my mother will often walk into my room and my sisters do it as well, when I'm there by myself and they lay themselves or plop themselves on my bed and start having conversations. It's all to do with bond. If my mum is watching a movie in her room and my step dads not in there. I'll walk in and lay on the other side and watch the movie too.Or if I'm at my mums house and no one needs her room I'll go and have a nap on her bed. O.o until she wakes me up and tells me to get out lol hahahaha That's the sort of bond I have with my sisters and mother and we are all in our early 20's and have our own houses lol.Without a bond you don't have relationship. She obviously has an extremely good relationship with her mother. Plus we love our mummies!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2013): It's not weird at all ! I am a 21 yr old female, I've lived with my female roommate who's 20 for over 2 yrs now, and I seriously fall asleep in her bed like every night haha, especially since I broke up with my ex boyfriend of 4 years in march. Sleeping alone is really hard to do when you're newly single, and it's comforting for me to always have my best friend to talk to, if you've ever been through a breakup then you'll know how hard it is especially at night time. It's kind of like a routine for us, we pick a movie to watch and then chill in her bed and talk and eventually fall asleep. It's just what we do, lol. I have a sister who's 19 and when she comes to stay with me she'll sleep in my bed, just like it's always been since we were kids. And I wouldn't hesitate for a second to share a bed with my mom, she is one of best friends and there's just something so comforting knowing your mom is right next to you !
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 June 2013):
 Normal. The fact that you think there is something seedy about makes me question YOUR attitude a little..
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2013): Completely normal OP.
My sisters share beds, share hotel beds even hang out in each others bed recovering from hangovers and stuff all day, with each other with my mom etc.
Are you seriously trying to tell us you've never shared the bed with a cousin, or sister/brother when on holidays or something?
My sisters used to share baths when they were kids too.
I've slept in the same bed as my mother lots of times, although admittedly not as often or for the same reasons as your girlfriend. I've shared the bed with male friends after drinking sessions etc. too.
It's the same thing OP. I'd have no problem sleeping in the same bed as my mother, that's the woman who gave birth to me I have no discomfort at that thought. Sisters is different of course as they're grown, but as the big brother I've more than once had my sisters fall asleep in my arms when they were kids.
OP you have a girlfriend, surely you know what pillow talk is and how close emotionally women feel when in bed with a person. It's the place they probably open up the most about how they truly feel because it's the place of maximum comfort.
You're just not used to it and can't seem to separate sexuality from the bed when it comes to two people sleeping in it.
Next time you think it's weird, think of how close to her you feel when in bed emotionally, think about the things you talk about and how open you both are in that position and understand that her having that kind of bond with her mother is an exceptionally positive thing. You only get one mother OP and they're the most precious person you'll ever know, may aswell make the most out of having her as she won't be around forever.
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A
female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (14 June 2013):
 Seems perfectly normal to me. There's been times where my mom's been asleep and both of my kids and husband are all in my bed asleep, and I have nowhere to lay down but my mom's bed, so I'll just go in there and crash.
There's nothing sexual going on. You're letting your own discomfort color the innocent interaction that she has with her mother. Relax, everything's fine and nothing "weird" is going on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2013): There is nothing strange about your girl friend, you are obviously not close to your own family.I am 48 years old and when I have fever, guess what??? I cry for my mum and want my mum. I am not spoilt, I am one of the 6 children but I need my mum when I am ill, I need her arms around me even when I was married, I needed my mum for sickness comfort.I used to lie down with son till he was 10 in his bed and read him stories and when he was sleep I crept back to my bed, he is not a sissy, he has a fiancée and he does not ask to sleep with me.Please stop looking for things that are not there.She is an affectionate person, she was in her mum's tummy for 9 months.I personally like people who family orientated, it shows that when they are married and have their own children, they more likely to stand by their family.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (14 June 2013):
 I don't see a problem with what she said to you. I'm not one for stereotypes, but many girls go through a period of emotional "growing pains" when it comes to their relationship with their mothers. As young and middle adolescents, it's often that moms and daughters lock horns with all of that "menopause meets awakening hormones" and throw in a little "I'm 16 and I know everything" seasoned with "I'm terrified that this next generation will be taking care of US".
Funny thing though is -- moms and daughters start finding common ground, and it's like eyes open and we start appreciating and relating to our MOM's! Who knew that was ever going to happen?!
It's fine for her and her mom to "slumber party" out when they visit. Women talk a lot! My mom and I a few times when I was around your GF's age would watch old movies (Now, Voyager, His Girl Friday, Cat on a Hot Tin Roof) and would chat and next thing you know, we both crash in the middle of the movie. Those times are precious! We still watch movies and talk past 4am when I go to see her.
In your case, I'm thinking it's a bit of different family culture and dynamic with a little hint of jealousy added in (the comparison of how much time she spent with her mom versus how much she spends with you). There are few serious relationships that don't sometimes come across a different way of how people do things. Your family may have been a little more emotionally reserved, and definitely it's a lot more of a girl thing to yak until we fall asleep than it is for a guy. More often if guys are sleeping together in the same place, it's in a tent with sleeping bags with the smell of the outdoors and all of its unshaven mountain-man glory!
Don't worry about it! Nothing sounds unhealthy as far as I've heard!
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (14 June 2013):
 My opinion is ... that I don't even understand your question. What's so strange in sharing a bed with your own mom ? I have done it too during trips and vacations, or when were guests at somebody's house, and it never even crossed my mind that it could be seen as " abnormal "- and I was, and am, WAY older than your Gf.
Of course, at home is different, at 20 I know I appreciated the privacy of my own bedroom. But, as long as it's not a habit , like she CAN'T sleep without mom, I don't see any harm if your Gf occasionally enjoys a bit of closeness , being babied a little. Maybe she is a cuddly type, and surely she has a close , affectionate bond with her mom, and I can't see that as a bad thing.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (14 June 2013):
 Normal. Just because you're not used to it, and you wouldn't do it, doesn't mean your opinion is the "right" one.
I can sleep in the same bed as my mom too, and do so without thinking twice about it. Last time was a few months ago when she came to visit, and I didn't have a spare bed (and couch was too short), so we shared the bed. And then she complained that I take up too much space.
Earlier, if she had argument with her boyfriend, she could also come and sleep in the same bed as me. This happened when I was in my early twenties.
I've also shared a bed with my brother, which you might find more odd. We kept clothes on though. We've even been on a vacation together, sharing the same bedroom because it was cheaper.
I'm close to both my mom and brother, so for me it's not weird at all. It's just like having a sleepover with your bed friend when you were younger. There's nothing sexual about sharing a bed. When I share a bed with my boyfriend I cuddle up to him and we practically sleep on top of each other. But with my mom or brother we stay at our own sides of the bed, lol. With separate covers and pillows and pajamas on.
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