A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm at university, turned 19 a few months ago, and won't graduate for a few more years but I just find guys like that irresistibly more attractive even though I know most of them will probably be looking for girls around their age. I don't like those in their 30s or older, obviously, but guys around 21 to 25. I'm pretty mature for my age and am probably going to get the career I want as I have several internships lined up and am getting great grades, but I know I just can't compete with older women regarding life experience. I think older guys (at least the ones I'm interested in) seem stable and a bit more serious about relationships, careers and willing to commit than the guys I know at uni (most of whom don't even take their degrees seriously). I've had my fun with boys around my age, but even those with girlfriends don't seem very committed to them, as after all people often go in different directions when going their separate ways after uni. I'm Christian too and am looking for one which narrows my choices even more. I'm tired of playing the field, silly meaningless flings and though I'm pretty attractive I'm just sick of how shallow and immature a lot of boys at uni are. I want a guy who's got a secure life and whom I can have a stable, adult relationship with. I know an age gap wouldn't be such a big deal if I were a couple of years older and had graduated, but I kind of want a relationship now though the boys I know at university just aren't what I'm looking for.Am I aiming way out of my league here, though? Would guys of that age find it weird if someone still at university fancied them?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (4 June 2013):
 I think it will only depends from individual preferences .
Some will prefer a girl who's closer in age to theirs, but some won't mind at all. In other words,it's not a lost battle :)
My son ( 23 ) recently said that he would not consider 18 y.o. girls ( I did not ask about 19 ,though,lol ) because they "squeak" too much. Tou know, like " OmyGod!! NO way ! Awesome ! ". But maybe you are that treasure of a squeak-free young woman;- plus there are guys who actually find teen bubblyness cute and endearing, so ...it's just a matter of tastes and compatible personalities , not of age.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone :) I wouldn't just prefer an older guy to date because they're older per se (if I could find a guy around my age with the characteristics I'm looking for I would date him instead, of course). I don't think they're radically more mature, either, and all focused on marriage or something, but I hardly know any boys around my age at university (and I know lots of people) who are even all that committed to their girlfriends, even if they've been seeing them for a couple of years. I don't want a shallow, meaningless relationship.I know it's not much of a gap in terms of age, perhaps, but surely there's one in life stages as I'm still at university? Due to financial support from the Government and doing part-time work I'm as self-sufficient as someone who's graduated, but there's still a difference in lifestyle between being at university and having graduated. Surely someone of around 21-25 would prefer to date a woman closer to his age anyway as she was more mature and had more life experience? Or does it really not matter?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2013): You are way overthinking and over planning your whole life.
Your desires are honorable though but in no way expect guys in their 20 s will have the same. You talking basically about nonexistent age gap. This is how it's ussualy is, older guy, younger girl. It was like this forever. You can start talking about age gap when it's 10 years difference, but not a couple years.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (3 June 2013):
 IF you are 19 and want to date boys that are 21-25 I don't see that as much of a gap.
I can tell you that some 21 year old boys are more stable and looking for a serious relationship than lots of 27-30 yr old boys....
(boy being used for maturity level not age)
Perhaps it would be best for you to stop putting an age requirement on your friends/dates and rather judge them based on personality alone.
I have never found great comfort with folks that TARGET a particular age for any reason. IF it happens that you tend to be attracted to men of a certain age despite your being open and flexible to all ages, then that's a different issue.
EVERY age gap relationship I know that worked regardless of the ages of the partners worked because NEITHER of the partners WANTED an age gap relationship, rather we just learned to accept it and deal with it.
FWIW when I was 25 my husband was 12....
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (3 June 2013):
I think you are way overlooking the stability , seriousness and general adulthood of the 21 to 25 age range, at least for what concerns love matters :). They aren't THAT older than you,particularly at 21 or 22. Of course they may be an improvement over an 18 y.o. kid who's still trading Pokemon cards, and they will have learned some basic life skills which do not belong to teen world- but do not assume or expect that at 21 -25 all, or most ,or many of them will be "secure", ready to settle and to make a choice and a committment for life. It may happen, sure , but do not COUNT that just because a guy who's , say, 23 wants to date you, you are going to be his final and well pondered choice. Up to 25, it's still very much an experimental phase of life where people is far from having figured out once for all what woman / what relationship they want. It may LOOK to a 19 y.o. girl as if they've got all their , emotional and practical, s..t together, but ...it just ain't so. Sure they'll be more together than at 18 or 19 , but not necessarily MUCH more.
Particularly among fellow students and recent graduates, i.e. white collars or wanna be white collars.
A blue collar , working class guy, may be forced to grow up faster, and making adult decisions at a younger age ( not that he would NECESSARILY have the maturity that is supposed to go along with this choices ) because when you have to live an " accelerated " life , going to work at 15, being totally self supporting and independent at 18, .. at that point it also makes sense being a family man at 21 . But a future lawyer doctor manager teacher etc.etc. knows he has quite a few years in from of himself before he can / needs to be totally "serious " about his life choices, and will act consequently.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2013): What.. Your 19?? And you want to date a 21-25 year old. That is not that much my BF was 24 and I was 19. I never really thought of the age as it is really non existent.
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