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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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Is it wrong of me to be talking to this prisoner who I met while working in the prison? He's still in prison. I now don't work there now.
Q. so...i worked for a prison this year and...well i got acquainted with an inmate a year older than myself who is serving a two year sentence. i quit at the prison because it was not my type of job, i hated twelve hour shifts and working over...
A. 3 July 2013: It was surely wrong and unprofessional ( and also risky, you are lucky you did not get caught and kicked out ! ) starting and developing a personal bond with an inmate while you were working in the jail , ( and it does not matter if it was ... (read in full...)
I want him to hold my hand or something, but I'm too awkward and need advice.
Q. Hey, so this guy is moving soon in one month, and we like each other. i want him to make a move or like kiss me or something. but we are both socially awkward dorks. how can i get him to at least hold my hand without either of us freaking. im ...
A. 3 July 2013: Honey, your question was fully answered, - just not in the way you wanted .
Why, do you think that when posters asks us " how to do " stuff that's stupid, detrimental or harmful for them, we are morally obliged to just tell them how ? If some... (read in full...)
I feel like he sometimes uses his condition as a scapegoat to allow him to do nothing all day.
Q. Hi...I have been having a problem lately with my boyfriend who has been very sick for several months now with symptoms of Crohn's disease. We have been together 2 1/2 years and live together. We have always gotten along well, even now although I ...
A. 3 July 2013: I think the best idea would be to educate yourself thouroughly about his disease(s) and talk with his doctors to jave a very precise assessment of his current conditions, and the limitations they entail.
Because, in theory, is rather simple : eith... (read in full...)
Friends misunderstand me because I am quiet and shy.
Q. Hey there. I really don't want to sound like a teenage drama queen...but I feel like nobody really likes me and that a lot of people get the wrong impression of me, and that I also never click well with people, and it's really upsetting to me....
A. 2 July 2013: ...But how would they know, in a social setting, that you are really nice, if you don't talk, don't join the conversation, don't partecipate to the success of the evening, don't join the fun ? ... They would have to live with you in your home, or ... (read in full...)
Do all women play the chase game?
Q. Do all girls/women play the hot or cold game, or indeed like the Chase? I feel its cropped up a few times where I've had a girl interested, giving hints then they go cold? I must admit I don't strike when the irons hot so I'm missing chances...
A. 2 July 2013: If they give you hints of being interested, - then you never strike the iron when it's hot, are you really surprised that they cool off, change their mind, move on to someone more receptive ?! what would you like, for them to keep waiting forever ... (read in full...)
I want him to hold my hand or something, but I'm too awkward and need advice.
Q. Hey, so this guy is moving soon in one month, and we like each other. i want him to make a move or like kiss me or something. but we are both socially awkward dorks. how can i get him to at least hold my hand without either of us freaking. im ...
A. 2 July 2013: Didn't you say he is leaving in a month ?
You can't possibly carry on an LDR at 13-15, once he's gone he is gone, so what's the difference if you kiss him or hold his hand a couple of times ?
You'll just stoke up on fuel for longings and nost... (read in full...)
I found condoms in my girlfriends drawer but we don't use them since she is on the pill
Q. im in a 1 year 3 month long distance relationship with my girlfriend. we see each other every two months due to school and work and we live in different countries. I have been her first one and she is on the pill so we dont use any kind of ...
A. 2 July 2013: Totally believable version, what's so strange about it ? You get samples and promos of stuff , generally you just stick them in a drawer " just in case ", without even thinking about it much . You just vaguely reckon who knows, it may come handy ... (read in full...)
I absolutely hate the degree that I'm doing and cant even get myself to finish it but what will my parents say?
Q. Hi guys, I know this isn't the usual kind of question but i've been on this site before and always been impressed with the advice and guidance given so i thought i'd try it out. I've spent the past 3 years doing a degree that i shouldn't ...
A. 2 July 2013: Only one more year ? And you have done 3 ? No, soldier on. Finish this degree, THEN you can take a sort of sabbatical to save up as much as possible and enroll in Creative Writing. You'd be only one year late ,compared to your plans, in completing ... (read in full...)
Are there any guys who don't prefer "beautiful" women?
Q. Are there any men out there who don't prefer traditionally beautiful women? I ask because there don't seem to be. I've met plenty of men who SAY they don't like those women, and say they prefer a natural look over fake, but still secretly look at ...
A. 1 July 2013: I am not sure that I understand what's your beef , OP.
Are you upset that there are around women who are more conventionally attractive than you ? ( note the "conventionally ", because I am sure, positive that you could be a sex bomb too and have... (read in full...)
Why is this being taken out on me?
Q. i'm really hurting a lot right now and i don't know what to do. please help. my ex and i have been off and on so many times in the last couple of months. it's been killing me. when we were on, we were amazing. i could see how much she loved me just ...
A. 1 July 2013: Oh so she was off her meds- yes, that would explain a lot of things , at an early stage of treatment. Hopefully in time when she has more tools to deal with her condition she will be able to discontinue them- she won't have to rely on meds ... (read in full...)
We're going to be long-distance and I'm afraid of it ending badly
Q. I have been in relationship with my girlfriend for nearly four months. She knew I would be moving away (1hour drive) yet she continued to meet me. I told her it's getting too strong and we shouldn't if I am going to move away. She says she h...
A. 30 June 2013: Tempest in a teapot ? Much ado about nothing ?
I am no big fan of LDRs, and I am quite skeptical about their utility and sustenaibility.
But... one hour drive ? That's not really long distance. If you live in a big city, - as several millions... (read in full...)
I cant trust anything he says and am running on fumes!
Q. This is a long story, but please help me. My guy and I have been together for a year, we’ve known each other and have had an on and off relationship for the past 5 years. After a year of separation, we got back together and it’s been hell f...
A. 30 June 2013: I'll be intentionally brutal : the way for you to handle this , is to put your head under an ice cold water tap and let it run till you come back to your senses - Then look at yourself in the mirror, give yourself a couple of nice tight slaps ... (read in full...)
Why doesn't my boyfriend look for a job like he said he would?
Q. Hello, My boyfriend has asked to be left alone at the moment. However, I dont know why. Before he texted me this, we had a quick mobile conversation about him saying that he's been feeling down recently because he doesn't have much money. Which I ...
A. 30 June 2013: He distanced himself because you hit a nerve, he does not want to be reminded he is screwing up by not doing what he is supposed to do.
Now, true, we don't know if he is depressed or if he's just a lazy ass. I would opine that if the lack of proj... (read in full...)
Why do I have to be this game he wants to play?
Q. Ok 5 years ago I fell in love with aman 12 yr older than me I am 27 and over the years he took my love as a game I feel he has no care at all. Till I get his total attention him in love or at least acting to be when we are alone. We broke up I liv...
A. 30 June 2013: Because it works for him. If he just needs to TELL you that he loves you, without ever actually showing you, to keep you there at his beck and call, he can have you for sex, companionship and comfort when he wants and go about his business with ... (read in full...)
Ex with benefits, is there more into this than I am realising or not?
Q. I am confused. My ex boyfriend who dumped me 3 months ago has phoned me once a week why? no idea. Anyway he invited me around to his place for lunch and he cooked me up a lovely roast and we had a chat etc then ended up having sex. We did have a ...
A. 30 June 2013: You would be doing the right thing if you were both perfectly fine with the current set up and convinced it suits your needs perfectly. You are two consenting adults and you can do whatver you want.
But, frankly, the very fact that you are on D... (read in full...)
Is this a legitimate stance to be in regarding a relationship?
Q. (I am 22) I was discussing my lack of physical or romantic relationships of any kind with girls with a friend of mine who started dating at 14. She was saying I am a commitment phoebe, I disagree: my argument is that I need a relationship th...
A. 30 June 2013: My guess would be that you are just shy or socially awkward or afraid of rejection, and you are looking for excuses to just jump in the dating arena and see what develops.
Of course you can't have the same relationship a 14 y.o. kid would have... (read in full...)
How can I be the love of her life one day, then absolutely nothing the next day?
Q. I've posted on here a couple of times recently. I had some great feedback. Basically, it was about my ex. She's been so on again-off again with me. One minute I'm the love of her life and she wants to live with me, marry me and have a family with ...
A. 29 June 2013: Simple : if you are the love of her life one moment, and nobody special the next... then you are NOT the love of her life. Love is also about being consistent in time, and mantaining the feelings through the emotional and practical ups and downs ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend blames me for losing his best friend!
Q. I need some help. im gunna jump right into this. Ive been with my bf for 4 years now. he had a best friend he use to do everything with and i was ok with him till i started figureing out what kinnda guy he was. ever since my bf fell in love wit...
A. 29 June 2013: Bashing ? Op, no need to take it so personal. I was just tryng to show you what very possibly - almost certainly, is the logic behind your bf's reaction, and why he feels he has good cause to feel disrespected. Why don't you do something, why ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend blames me for losing his best friend!
Q. I need some help. im gunna jump right into this. Ive been with my bf for 4 years now. he had a best friend he use to do everything with and i was ok with him till i started figureing out what kinnda guy he was. ever since my bf fell in love wit...
A. 28 June 2013: He understands it, he just sees it in a different way.
I do too. I think that your bf is justified in being pissed at you - perhaps not for having caused the distancing of his best friend, it was not mandatory for the best friend to react so s... (read in full...)
I just want to find someone that I love and who loves me in return and I'm so scared that I'm never going to find the right guy.
Q. This isn't really a question asking for advice, more like asking for support so I'm brave enough to make the decision that I have to make. Please tell me that I'm doing the right thing for me? _________________ I started dating this guy a ...
A. 28 June 2013: I think you have been in one failed relationship after the other, because, to judge from this post, you probably have let them drag on and BECOME relationships when you should not have. Apparently, the fear of being " alone ",i.e. manless, is ... (read in full...)
Why did my ex send me a photo of him and his new girl?
Q. So my ex boyfriend and I haven't talked since we broke up. He has nerve to send me a picture of him and his new girl. I'm not going to lie, it did break me. I was getting over him and I'm happy for him but why would he do that? ... I need help:-(...
A. 28 June 2013: You're welcome OP, and it was not only words of encouragement to cheer you up, it's the truth : whomever acts like your ex did, shows a dispiriting lack of class . ... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend a pedophile for watching cartoon toddler porn?
Q. Is my boyfriend a pedophile for looking at cartoon porn depicting very young children? We've been going out for 6 months and since we've moved in together I've been secretly snooping on his laptop and have found many things that have disturbed me. ...
A. 27 June 2013: @asnon of June 27th : then I am afraid that your knowledge is incomplete.
In 2003 the Us Congress passed a law subjecting obscene depictions of fictional minors to the same legal standards as actual child pornography.
It's called 18 USC 1466... (read in full...)
Is he having trouble with sex because of my body? Or something else?
Q. So, my fiance and I have been together for almost three years, and most everything has been great. The one thing that really concerns me happens during sex. He has a very difficult time getting and remaining erect, as well as reaching orgasm, ...
A. 27 June 2013: Hard and fast.... the money shot..... your bf sounds like he could be an avid porn consumer. No moral dressing downs, just the facts ... porn addiction has this kind of side effects.
... (read in full...)
Why did my ex send me a photo of him and his new girl?
Q. So my ex boyfriend and I haven't talked since we broke up. He has nerve to send me a picture of him and his new girl. I'm not going to lie, it did break me. I was getting over him and I'm happy for him but why would he do that? ... I need help:-(...
A. 27 June 2013: It sounds like he really wants to rub it in your face .
If he was the dumpee, .. he is a sore loser.It is a childish " Nyah nyah nyah, look at me , I am doing better than before ! "
But, since it sounds like you were the dumpee, - he must have... (read in full...)
Should I be there for him now while he is weak?
Q. Dear cupids, Over a year now with my biyfriends, most of the advices i took her about out issues was to dump him for leaning towards cheating and for being controlling. To do so i needed to change, and i built more self confidence and thought poss...
A. 27 June 2013: YOU deserve to be your own best friend in these stressful times, and to think of you and put yourself first. Take care of YOUR life and happiness, and he'll take care of his own, he's an adult and your ex bf, not your child.
I generally never see ... (read in full...)
My cheating ex is making me feel bad because I had a one night stand after we broke up. Am I in the wrong?
Q. Me and my boyfriend broke up around about 3 weeks ago due to him cheating on me. He's cheated on me multiple times, and now I've had enough, we broke up and ended and the break up has been challenging to say the least. ...
A. 27 June 2013: Excuses excuses.
There is no need, no need at all, for you to see this guy again in person. You can send his T-shirts to his parents' , or his friends ', address ( since you don't know where he lives ?! ), or you can have him come and get his stuf... (read in full...)
Why wasn't I enough? Why is this girl already in his heart the way I once was?
Q. I used to jump from relationship to relationship, until I learned that you need time to breathe and be alone in between. After an especially drawn out break up, I decided to spend one year single. Although it was difficult, it was also the most ...
A. 27 June 2013: No woman will ever be enough , as long as the gentleman is already in love with the bottle. He started hot and heavy with the new girl, same as he did with you, chances are that also the following will be the same and pretty soon he'll start ... (read in full...)
Doubting myself after an encounter with an ex-friend, am I doing something wrong here?
Q. I ran into my ex-friend "Karen" at a mutual friend's party. All my ex-friend did was brag and make snide remarks. She was also smug because she brought a date and I came with my sister. (My sis was invited though and received a separate invite.) I ...
A. 27 June 2013: Eh, OP, what can you do , you know, it's easy to be best friends, close as sisters, when you are kids, and then when they grow up, two people can develop different personalities, different tastes,different attitudes and they drift apart, or just ... (read in full...)
How can we wear these corsets?
Q. Hello ladies of DearCupid! I have a question for you all. My friend and I have a costume party coming up and we are wearing corsets as tops. These are fun corsets not proper lace ups to change our shape. The issue is we bought them online a...
A. 26 June 2013: A nice shawl or silk scarf, loosely draped over your shoulders, or off -the shoulders. You do not have to cover up everything , after all corsets are made precisely to enhance your bust , but, yeh, there can be too much of a good thing. So you ... (read in full...)
Why is this being taken out on me?
Q. i'm really hurting a lot right now and i don't know what to do. please help. my ex and i have been off and on so many times in the last couple of months. it's been killing me. when we were on, we were amazing. i could see how much she loved me just ...
A. 26 June 2013: I think that you are rather naively expecting a lot of consistence and emotional stability , from a person who just told you she can't give you ANY, since she is overwhelmed by her different demons and mental health problems.
Yes, mental heal... (read in full...)
Doubting myself after an encounter with an ex-friend, am I doing something wrong here?
Q. I ran into my ex-friend "Karen" at a mutual friend's party. All my ex-friend did was brag and make snide remarks. She was also smug because she brought a date and I came with my sister. (My sis was invited though and received a separate invite.) I ...
A. 26 June 2013: Probably yes. One thing , for sure : and it is giving too much power over your moods and feelings to an EX friend. The key word is being EX - your friendship ebbed and flowed and then waned for whatever reason so now Karen belongs , or should ... (read in full...)
Overreacting to a Missed Happy Birthday?
Q. I have a really good friend that lives in another state. Overall he is a really good guy and his birthday was a few months ago. I sent him a "birthday" package with a few items. I also made sure to wish him a Happy Birthday as well on his special ...
A. 26 June 2013: Way over reacting. You had already got a birthday package , accompanied , I suppose , by a birthday wishes card ,phone or other message ( otherwise, how would you have known whom the gift was from ). So you had already got your birthday wishes, ... (read in full...)
Right person, Wrong time?
Q. Hey guys I have a question more for all of you. Is there such a thing as meeting the RIGHT person at the WRONG time. I met who I am pretty sure is the love of my life or at least I want him to be, 2 and a half years ago. We were in a long dist...
A. 25 June 2013: And what if he was the wrong person at the wrong time...?
You say that you can see where he was coming from and it all made sense to you.
This because you had a big soft spot for the guy. I don't , and to me it sounds , basically, the usual BS... (read in full...)
I like her but I'm afraid of being turned down.
Q. Hi everyone...well my problem that I really want to know if a girl likes me...okay I like that girl and I want ask her to Go out but I don't want to hear a "No!!!"....That girl she always want to talk to me and She ask for my phone number...she ...
A. 25 June 2013: Yes, she likes you :). She did more than her part to show you she is interested... now it's your turn.... (read in full...)
Married for 20 years and been feeling alone for the last 5! Is it time to get out?
Q. Another night of being ignored. Together almost 20 years, and feeling alone for the last 5. I have gotten the excuses "I need to be in the mood (emphasis on I)".....I'm too tired, the proverbial headache, yet her addiction to Facebook and gam...
A. 25 June 2013: Sure , it could be the meds, ... but the chronology is a bit off. She's on meds since 10 years, but it's only 5 years that she cooled off toward you, right ?
Has anything particular happened 5 years ago ? I don't know, a rough patch in your marr... (read in full...)
Do I leave my b/f alone for a night to go out with my friends? No males are invited!
Q. Hi. Currently I’m away at my uni town, and am planning on going home for 2 weeks with my boyfriend who is from my uni town. A group of my best/longest friends from home want to meet up, but they don’t want any boys to be there. One of the girls I’...
A. 25 June 2013: SVC, for once I don't agree - it's ONE evening out of 14 ! I often had family and friends visiting me for long visits, one month or so, and I bent over backwards to make them comfortable , keep them entertained,make sure they had fun.. .... yet ... (read in full...)
My friend is jealous of my pregnancy. This is the 2nd time its happened. How should I approach this?
Q. I'm 12 weeks pregnant, It was planned and am very happy. The problem is my "friend". I had my first child in 2011 and when I told her (call her sue) she stopped talking to me. She was jealous as she had been trying with her partner since they got ...
A. 25 June 2013: Why ? ..It's called tact.
Ok, then do talk about your pregnancy all you want and how happy you are- just though do not be surprised if she does not want to be around you. Call her immature, call her envious, - anyway, she does not feel comf... (read in full...)
We both have someone else now so why did we get close to each other again?
Q. So here I go. I just don't understand a certain situation or how to handle it. Although there is a lot that goes into the background of this, I will just try my best to condense it. About 5 years ago I had a male friend who was in my life at a ...
A. 25 June 2013: Serial cheater may be harsh, and it's true that people do not knows for sure how they would react if they were in the other person'shoes - yet the fact remains that cheating is always a voluntary choice, not an inevitable result of compelling ... (read in full...)
Its false projecting when she's making her lips look larger than they are!
Q. I met this girl, who is incredibly beautiful, funny, smart and so easy to get along with! One the thing that I found alluring about her was the fullness of her lips. And we've been on a few dates and yesterday we went out in the day and I noticed ...
A. 25 June 2013: What's strange ? make up is strange ?! Dude, you are strange :)... (read in full...)
Can a relationship last if it has a rocky start???
Q. I am in desperate need of advice on what to do with my current relationship as i'm not liking how it is going. It's somewhat long, but I wanted to be thorough. Thank you very much in advance for your help!! So my current girlfriend and I...
A. 24 June 2013: Hoooooo....hoooo...hooooo...
What's this ?
This is the sound of a distressed Aunt howling in frustration. Forgive me, I am only human and just can't take it anymore. I can't just read for the umpteenth time " we have lots of stupid argument... (read in full...)
FWB...is am I in for a bad break?
Q. I've been in a fwb relationship for 6 months. I knew within the fourth month, I had very deep feelings for him. I have voiced how I feel about him and even explained that he is my fantasy. He was just outta really bad breakup and new to my area. ...
A. 24 June 2013: I have an answer but you won't like it :
I don't know if you are headed for a bad break, but surely you are headed for heartbreak.
You see him as your dream man and surely would see yourself being in a committed relationship with you. He told ... (read in full...)
Do I leave my b/f alone for a night to go out with my friends? No males are invited!
Q. Hi. Currently I’m away at my uni town, and am planning on going home for 2 weeks with my boyfriend who is from my uni town. A group of my best/longest friends from home want to meet up, but they don’t want any boys to be there. One of the girls I’...
A. 24 June 2013: An evening meal in a pub ? So probably you won't even be back home late. Much ado for nothing. Go already !... (read in full...)
Do I leave my b/f alone for a night to go out with my friends? No males are invited!
Q. Hi. Currently I’m away at my uni town, and am planning on going home for 2 weeks with my boyfriend who is from my uni town. A group of my best/longest friends from home want to meet up, but they don’t want any boys to be there. One of the girls I’...
A. 23 June 2013: I would go out. I think your friends are right, he's an adult, he can survive an evening without you. You can call some of your friends' boyfriends to keep him company, if you wish, but ask your bf first, not everybody thinks that a night spent ... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend a pedophile for watching cartoon toddler porn?
Q. Is my boyfriend a pedophile for looking at cartoon porn depicting very young children? We've been going out for 6 months and since we've moved in together I've been secretly snooping on his laptop and have found many things that have disturbed me. ...
A. 17 April 2012: @Pedo Bear 666: Isn't there in USA a pornography law banning the depiction of fictitious or cartoon characters drawn to look like minors engaging in sexual acts ?...
Yes, I know there's no specific law against lolicons- but there's one about diff... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend a pedophile for watching cartoon toddler porn?
Q. Is my boyfriend a pedophile for looking at cartoon porn depicting very young children? We've been going out for 6 months and since we've moved in together I've been secretly snooping on his laptop and have found many things that have disturbed me. ...
A. 3 March 2012: Of course he may have some, or even several, good qualities. I read a biography of Ted Bundy , the serial killer, and under many respects he was an outstanding guy. His employers appreciated him, his colleagues loved him, he even volunteered lots ... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend a pedophile for watching cartoon toddler porn?
Q. Is my boyfriend a pedophile for looking at cartoon porn depicting very young children? We've been going out for 6 months and since we've moved in together I've been secretly snooping on his laptop and have found many things that have disturbed me. ...
A. 2 March 2012: Child porn ? TODDLER porn ?
" I keep thinking it's just fantasy and does not mean anything ". Yeah, it only means he's a sick bastard and you'd better stay way clear of him.
Maybe he was abused as a child, that's sad but it is his problem,... (read in full...)
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