| A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Hi everyone. I am in a long term relationship with a guy and we currently live together. I've been having some personal issues that have made me sad, but I try to keep it to myself and don't bother him with my issues. He wants me to be more open with him because I do not confide in him with my problems.I was feeling pretty sad today and wanted to discuss it with him. I really needed a shoulder to cry on. I moved far away from friends and family for him so I have no one else.(school is on summer break) He knew I got sad and asked what was wrong . I was starting to tell him when he got upset and said that I was always sad and always dragged him down and left to go to sleep. I stood there stunned. Even when I am sad I seldom bring it up with him. I just really need someone but I don't have anyone and can't go back home. I'm so hurt that he said that to me when I was coming to him which is very rare in me. I've decided to not bother him and just try to cope by myself. Why would he say this to me,????? How can I cope with this loneliness ???I don't have a car, so I can't get out either. How can I be okay with this? I wish I could have someone to confide in. .. But I think it's impossible for me to meet people since I can't leave the house. Anyone know of websites where I can meet maybe online friends??I just want to be able to cope with this. ... Obviously My boyfriend doesn't want to deal with my weakness. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2013): You may not be talking about your problems ("whining") but if you can still be dragging him down if you often are sullen, withdrawn, silent, pouting, etc. what is it that's making you feel down? is it lack of friends? If so, then you need to go out and find activities to get involved in so you can meet people. there are also online discussion forums on practically any topic you can think of, so pick something that interests you and search for online discussion forums. talking to like-minded people online is not the same as having in-person face-to-face conversations and relationships but it sure as heck is better than nothing!!! I have real life friends (close friends too) whom I initially met through online discussion groups. Or, get a job, even a part time or temp job. It gets you out of the house and gives structure to your daily routine.Didn't you talk to anyone before you met your boyfriend? re-connect with old friends.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2013): Thanks for your answers! I will certainly contact you thank you so much for the offer.I have explored all the options to change what bothers me, I work really hard on it and always put a positive spin on things. Example : I hate the town I live in, BUT it has great restaurants!I dont really have immediate bus access (I'm on the US inan area not as populated as LA - some cities lack public transportation and rely solely on cars ) , its a bit far about a 30 min walk, but you are right I will start to use it even if it is going to the grocery!I also agree with you that my boyfriend is burdened by me... I seldom bring up issues with him, and I try to be extremely easy going (example we buy all the groceries he likes ) I do aerobics at home, and shower and try to keep pretty so I am not so sad.I am looking for methods on how to cope with this loneliness on my own.I really just wanted for once to talk to my boyfriend about how I was a bit overwhelmed and that I would like his help, and he did not even listen to me and just left.I am looking into volunteering :D Thank youI realize I cannot count on him and that he has his own issues that stress him out...so mostly I want to be able to get out of this on my own.. maybe meet people, talk to someone... I am careful as well because my bf is extremely jealous and is extremely inquisitive of who I am talking to. I try my best to not let his insecurities flare up. (if we lived apart I would not care, but since we are together I try to keep the peace)I really do not want to burden him.Thank you for your answers
...............................
A
female
reader, Mariab  +, writes (14 June 2013):
 How your bf responded was harsh and out of line. Part of being in a relationship is sharing the good times and the bad.
I would be happy to chat to you privately if you need some advice on what it is that you are going through at the moment. You can contact me through the Agony Aunts email.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (14 June 2013):
 I don't know for sure why your bf would say those things, mine is only a guess, but, before just decididng that oh he is an insensitive jerk... if you are down, sad and lonely most of the time, it shows, even without putting it in so many words . It shows from your body language, from your smile ( or lack of the same , from your eyes ,from your voice, from your general vibes. If you constantly live under a cloud of doom and gloom ( not saying that you won't have your good reasons ) it just seeps out, it's like a polluting agent that permeates the atmosphere. Even without the official rant.
Now, ideally your bf would understand and be constantly supportive, attentive and encouraging etc. etc- in practice men are from Mars women are from Venus ( but I must admit that personally I must be from Mars too, I don't see the point in kvetching about things BEFORE you have done your darnedest best to change what bothers you ), I think what would come natural to him would be to
offer you a solution if he has one, and if he does not, push you to either find your own solution or , if there's no solution, accept that and suck it up.
I am not saying this is the RIGHT way to proceeed, just something that many partners would think- without necessarily being insensitive or cold. Simply proactive.
So , have you explored ALL the options that could make your situation better ? I don't think so. The online friends is a good idea temporarily, better than nothing- so why don't you start ? All you've got to do is google a few search words, " friendship sites " or " online communities " or " making friends in X ", or whatnot, it can't be that tough, same as you have found DearCupid when you wanted Agony Aunts you can easily find what else you want. Then, you don't say where you live and I know that in some places having no car is a big problem, but, unless you live in the middle of nowhere in Antarctica, when there's a will there's a way. Use buses. There is some form of public transportation even in Los Angeles !, which is saying a lot , and tons of people use it, don't think that everybody is born with wheels at their command. Get a bycicle ! A second hand moped, or scooter . Or, even better, if having wheels is so vital, then make it your goal, get yourself the most inexpensive old clunker of a car , and if you can't drive yet, have your bf teach you then go get your driving licence.
If you are not smack dab in the middle of the countryside, you'll have neighbours right ? take the initiative 50s style, call them over for cake coffeee and a chat. It does not matter if they are not your type of people, - cranky old ladies or young moms with children - they are people. No man is an island, and I think that , beside your personal problems, you are just starved for human contact . If the ONLY person you can count on for communication and entertainment is your bf, that won't be enough for you, and will put on his shoulder the unfair burden of being not only your S.O but also the one who is responsible for making your life interesting, and that believ me, will take its toll , or is already taking it, it's a heavy burden to carry. YOU need to come up with solutions to make your life SOMEWHAT interesting.
Take the Yellow Pages, there are lots associations and organizations: cultural, religious, volunteering, arts, politics, sports.. I am not saying that you have, say, to convert to Induism to make friends, just choose something that you have an interest in or are curious about, that you would like to try . Call them up, explain your predicament ( no transportation ) and chances are that they will offer you a solution, someone in your area who's willing to offer you a ride or carpooling. TRY at least- THEN, if nothing works, you have my official permission :) for feeling utterly miserable and lonely- but not until then.
...............................
|
