A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am 27 and I would like to find my real father.My mother or anyone on her family won't tell me anything about him, other than a first name and the location I was conceived.I know when I was about 4 or 5 I attended a wedding as a flower girl, he also attended that wedding, he knows I'm his child because my uncle question him about why he has not paid my mother child support. But I have not heard from him, he has not made any attempt to get in contact.I ordered my birth certificate, thinking that would list his name on that and then I could track him down. But to my disappointmeant when I received my birth certificate the fathers details are blank.I'm totally lost on what I can do to track him down. Any suggestion, what have others done?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2013): I posted earlier and I have respect for others opinion. I completely understand where she is coming from. When you are kept in the dark about something we all know what that does to a person. That's the whole problem here. The unknown. The only thing she knows is that he didn't pay child support. Millions of father's don't. We are not certain that her mother kept her from her father as "punishment" for non payment of support. Besides that, She doesn't know anything. Nobody is talking. I KNOW how that feels! As an adult, she has every right to get those answers. If he doesn't want to have anything to do with her when she reaches out, at least she would know that and make peace with that. It may or may not hurt. Peace of mind is priceless. I read IamHereToHelpYou answer and I understand and agree with some of your post. There is one thing that you got in reference to your uncle that neither myself or the OP have. AN EXPLANATION! You were able to make peace about your uncle because you were told Why. We are not told anything. Can I change my life and meeting my father is going to make everything magically alright with the world? Absolutely not. Keeping secrets is what causes misery. You wouldn't have been so devastated about your uncle's death if you were told the truth. I may have a totally different attitude towards wanting to know anything about by biological father if I know something besides his name. We all know what happens when there isn't any information given. Too much is left open for the imagination to run wild.OP I hope that you find the answers that you seek. You may never get them. I may never get the answers that I seek neither. I just hope that this won't become an obsession for you. Trust me. You're not alone feeling or thinking like you do. I watched an episode on the OWN channel called "Fatherless Sons". Even enough we are females, it was not only insightful, but I can relate. If you can get that channel I would suggest that you watch it. I helped me out a lot. I hope it will help you too. Best of luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2013): I am just like you. I am 37 years old and never knew my father or even know what he looks like. According to my family, they never knew who he was due to my mother being in college at the time. My mother never talked about him and getting any information was like pulling teeth. All I have is his name. No other info. It's hard because it's a common name and I have no way of knowing which one it is.I can completely understand the other posters opinion, but there are other reasons you need to know besides the obvious. What if the man of your dreams end up being a relative? What if there are some genetic illness that run only on his side of the family tree? You may either have it or may be carrying the trait to possibly pass it to you children. Most of all, there are all the unanswered questions you have. When you are keep in the dark about your biological father, you really want to know why. You simply want the truth from all sides. For me, I don't have the fairy-tale meeting. I simply want to know Why. Best of luck on your journey. I really hope you find him.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (14 June 2013):
 I have to agree with IAmHereToHelpYou, think it twice, or more, before you do anything.
You could sic a private investigator on your father's tracks, - although I think it would be very expensive. Or, you could try doing the gumshoe job yourself- contacting the people who got married at that wedding many years ago, and enlisting their help to find out the guest list, and who had invited your father, or at least knew him enough to know his full name. Once you have that, there's Facebook, there are public records, online peoplesearch engines etc...
So, it would be difficult but technically not impossible.
But, as unpleasant as it is, you have to think of the consequences and how you would handle them if you find him. The guy never paid child support, never contacted you, never showed an interest or a curiosity in all this time.
Suppose you find him now , you have to realize that is reaction at " Hi, I am your long lost daughter " could very well be " And ? Who cares ". Or else " Leave me alone , or I'll get a restraining order " . Or " Don't tell anybody, I'll give you money if you let me be, but my wife must never know ".
What I am tryng to say it's that very possibly the family reunion after 30 years won't be anything like you have imagined it, and could in fact leave you very hurt, upset, angry or humiliated.
Do you really need to go look for possible trouble from a deadbeat biological father ? ....
You mention your " real " father- but your REAL father is not this guy that just transmitted you some of his DNA then went AWOL, your real father will be the male that helped your mom raise you, if there was one ( mom's father, brother , husband )... And if there was not, I guess your mom will have done what thousands of women have done and do , and very often with excellent results : she'll have been mother AND father at the same time.
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