A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:A girl that i like and i thought she liked me are not talking right now over a silly argument.It turns out the argument was an excuse to put me on "punishment" because i found out she is seeing a married man with a child. the child and wife dont live with the man. but he loves her as he tells her so everyday on facebook.the girl that i like i dont know if she seems to be ok with this, or is trying to steal him. but i saw on a message he wrote to her that he was not going to leave his wife for nooone. so it looks like this girl was making attempts to take him away.I know they say you shouldnt call a girl out because it gets you nowhere, but i called her out on it because i felt it wasnt fair to me that i get put on hold while she is trying to break up a marriage.Now the thing is this, i see how he messages her on facebook. he romances her. leads her on. so he is one slick devil. was i wrong in calling her out? i did it in a nice way. i didnt insult her or anything like that. i actually told her i felt bad for because i can imagine what it must be like that you really like this guy but he is telling you straight out that he will not leave his wife, so basically you're his mistress. he's having the time of his life and the 2 miserable ones are me and you. she hasnt responded to me. basically i'm on ignore.do you think she'll get back to me? perhaps she's just temporarily embarrassed?
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCindyCares, if she admitted it, i wouldn't be here i'd be biting the bullet. she's denying it but 2+2 does not equal 45. not in this equation.
in a criminal court she would be innocent cuz u need proof beyond reasonable doubt. in a civil court she'd be guilty as sin cuz it's obvious why she allows a silly argument go so far.
she deleted her comment a few minutes after she posted it. why?? i confront her on it and no response. i get it. now she has to admit it?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (4 June 2013):
 But, the girl he got the " cute " message from, and whom he wants to know he won't leave his wife - could not be another girl ? You say this guy has a lot of female "groupies", probably he gets hit on a lot, why the cute message should necessarily be your gf's ? Did she admit it ?
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTisha-1, lol i am literally trying NOT to have a drink on this one. YES i started out by saying "a girl i like" because it hurts to say youre girlfriend og two years has decided to play you dirty. ok? is that what you wanna hear? that ive been made a woody allen? FINE you got it.. i'm a shmlozzal.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (4 June 2013):
 "I know they say you shouldnt call a girl out because it gets you nowhere, but i called her out on it because i felt it wasnt fair to me that i get put on hold while she is trying to break up a marriage."
He lives apart from his wife, you referred to him as 'AVAILABLE.' So his marriage is essentially broiken, isn't it?
You've been dating (?) (unconfirmed as of this post) for 2 years and you call her "this girl" "a girl" "A girl I like" … not "my girlfriend" "my girl" or even "the girl I like." This is a "A" girl I like. A girl. This girl. All very relationship-neutral.
Then you go on to say that you basically called her his mistress. Based on a couple of posts on facebook.
Why would any sensible woman stay in a relationship with a guy who doesn't call her his girlfriend and who then goes on to insult her by telling her she's a mistress?
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioniAmHereToHelpYou, if the girl is special to ME, i think that whats important. it's almost like you want me to jusy copy and past the link to her facebook, my facebook, and his facebbok to prove this even exists..
by the time i do that, i would have exposed everyoe and i am not out to exploit anyone just to get advise.
i thought this was a confidential advise site not TMZ online.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questiontisha 1, lol ok tisha, laughter IS the best medicine so you get the gold star. than you and Cerbeus for making me the laugh the hardest throughout all this.
her parents know who i am but we havent met because they live in minnesota and she moved out a few years ago.
when a stupid argument breaks out in a 2 year relationship, you know something is up.
because we've fought over more serious stuff, harsh words have even been exchanged, and we end up making up within days.
thats a normal couple. a loving one.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (4 June 2013):
Parkas in June will look odd. Try a light windbreaker and a baseball cap.
Still waiting for that one wonderful thing about this woman you've dated for 2 years.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (4 June 2013):
I'm not a big fan of cheaters.
You want us to judge her but aren't prepared to offer the full details, details I expect will embarrass you more than support your contention that she's an awful person.
You think you have caught her out in some sort of cheating scandal but all you have to go on are some facebook posts and a photo, and your suspicions.
And I get back to this question.
What is so damn wonderful about her? You haven't offered one positive thing about her. Not one thing.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questiontisha 1, should i hide behind garbage cans wearing a parka and a fake mustache w/glasses videotaping their trysts?
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questiontisha 1, thats all you're getting out of me. you really ARE in the wrong site here. you should be on a site for female cheats because all you've been doing is looking to make me some loony tune and her a "teensy weensy personality flaw".
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (4 June 2013):
So your evidence that they hooked up is facebook posts? And one photo?
Are you and she boyfriend and girlfriend in her eyes or not?
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTisha-1,i try to be as discreet as possible to protect myself embarrassment and the dignity of the people involved.This IS a facebook blowup in the sense that this is how i found out about the other guy. It's all done very slick. He wouldn't post on her wall that he wont leave his wife for her, he would post it on HIS wall... example: " last night i got a cute message and i want her to know that i love my wife and would not leave her for anyone". Now his wife 1,000 miles away is in her glory and comments "lol another female fan hun?? i love you, mua!!"Meanwhile on my girl's FB page, about 30 minutes after his post, she posts "too bad some ppl dont know a good thing when they have it" but then deletes it real quick, but i have SMS on my phone so i got it regardless if she cut it off.and thats when i start to back track and see the times that she was not around, neither was he. it's something you know when you love someone. besides they took a picture with two other friends as if it was a friendly luncheon a while ago.i am not going to say where this is taking place. i dont think thats relevant.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (4 June 2013):
Sorry for the questions, trying to understand the shift here. From 'the girl that I like' to 'the girl I've been dating exclusively for 2 years' is a big difference.Also you seem to be avoiding answering some of the questions. Which would suggest that you are trying to manipulate the answers to be the ones you want to get.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (4 June 2013):
So did you two call each other boyfriend and girlfriend, spend your weekends together and some weeknights together? Had you introduced one another to family and friends?
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTisha-1, if this was virtual i would be put away. They hooked up.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (4 June 2013):
Oh and for the record, I'm not a big fan of people who cheat on their partners. If you read my previous posts you'll pick that up quickly.
What I was trying to understand is why you would want to pursue a relationship with a woman who was willing to date a married man when it clearly upset you so much. That didn't seem logical or rational, and what I was hoping you would explain is why she was so important to you.
Now you happen to reveal that you have been dating her for 2 years and she has upset you because she is exchanging posts on this married man's facebook page. That would have been important information to include in the original post.
Do they meet in real life, or is this all a virtual relationship?
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (4 June 2013):
OP, how much time have you spent in real life with this girl you like who you thought liked? This sounds like a facebook blowup.
You said you were dating her in your followup and that you've been dating for 2 years, why didn't you post that in your original question? In the original question, you describe her as a "girl that i like and i thought she liked me." If you have been dating her for two years, why wouldn't you have called her your girlfriend?
Where does she live and where do you live and where does the married man live?
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCindycares,Cerebeus, Soveryconfused, if i seem furious, yea i kinda am since this all pretty much happened a few daysago.Cindycares seemed to have pretty much hit it on the button. We were dating. An argument broke out (over the phone) but it was so stupid to cut off a 2 year dating spree.Its not like i met her and it was first come first serve.This guy lets just say has alot of females on his facebook, and although i'm no psychic, i can pretty much see what happened is that this caused her to make her think he's mr. popular and therefore wants to out compete his female fan club. THATS what annoys me the most. Alot of guys do that. Get alot of female friends on their page for that purpose only. So anyway, moving on......
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female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (3 June 2013):
Another thing, OP, - where do you fit in all this ?
Suppose that the married / legally separated guy is a double dealer and a liar , who says to wife / ex wife he still loves her , and to your ex friend he loves HER. And , suppose that the mistress is either being bamboozled by a slick guy, or an immoral intentional homebreaker ( it does not make much difference for you, since you clearly do not approve anyway of what she is doing ) what's your role in all this ?
How exactly have you been " put on hold " ?
I mean, if you two were DATING , and then you found out she was dabbling with a married guy behind your back , I would understand the incandescent fury , you would have been not only strung along but also cheated on. But I don't think this is the case , since you don't mention cheating.
You say you liked her and THOUGHT she liked you. Why did you THINK that ? Did she tell you, did she say something indicating that she was considering having a relationship with you,did she do things to encourage you or to entitle you to have expectations etc.. ? How did she SHOW, how did she translate in practice her liking you ?...
Because, if she has done something to make you believe that she requited your feelings , when it was not true, I can see how the experience would leave you so bitter and angry- although, as the other DearCupiders have told you, you have an easy solution to your predicament : move on, and don't give her any thought anymore.
But what if you THOUGHT as in " you were under the impression that... " " you had the hunch that maybe" ... and you were wrong ? What if you had taken a mild flirtation for something more meaningful ? What if you had been victim of wishful thinking ?
In this case, not only your fury is misplaced, but I can see very well how the girl would think that her behaviour , as bad as it is ( and it is BAD, personally I don't have a lot of sympathy for mistresses and adulterers )still is none of your business, and she does not want to discuss it or defend it with you- reason for which she is ignoring your messages.
When you take upon yourself the responsibility of scourging people's moral attitudes - well, you can do it of course, but expecting that they will be happy about it ,and gush with gratitude and friendliness, it's too optimistic...
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2013): Moral of the story OP: This situation has made you angry, a bit crazy and is not at all having a good effect on you if you fight so furiously about small menial meanings of words and posts by people giving you an opinion.
If that's not a solid reason to get her out of your life and out of your head so you can get back to nice calm place then nothing is.
No woman is worth this kind of mental anguish. Onto the next one.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (3 June 2013):
 Legally separated has NO BEARING on what he tells his wife or his girlfriend. It's a legal matter and what he says or does has no bearing on it.
For example, in the state I live in, there is no such thing as a legal separation. In my crazy state even if you are not living together (separated) you are legally married and if you date even while not living together you are committing adultery. My first husband and I were living separately for over 5 years before we got around to the divorce. I was told by my attorney that I could NOT date till we were divorced as it could be held against me.
IN some states you can live in the same house and have papers drawn up that have you be legally separated meaning you are not able to be charged with adultery or cheating as you are in that limbo of not married but legally not bound to each others current lives.
I sense that you are really grasping for loopholes to make her the bad guy here...
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo_Very_Confused, can you define what LEGALLY SEPARATED means when the guy tells his wife or legally separated wife that he loves her almost everyday right on the internet for the world to see while telling the "teensy weensy personality flaw" girl he is not leaving his wife for her?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (3 June 2013):
Ok what am I missing here aunties… she’s seeing a man who is separated not living with his wife and child. IF he is legally separated (available in most states) then there is no issue with him dating to be honest…
IF he has been open and honest with her about the fact that she’s fun and games on the side (legally) but he won’t divorce his legal wife then he’s been open and honest with her and her choice is to still see him.
OP said “it LOOKS like this girl was making attempts” but it’s just the OP’s opinion.
What I see is that the OP really likes this girl and wants her and she’s not that into him preferring to be with her “married man” who is NOT living with his wife and may be LEGALLY separated but is being HONEST that he’s not going to divorce her.
OP you were not wrong if you wanted more with her than a casual thing. IF you wanted fun and games with her, then your calling her out on HER fun and games was wrong. You can’t have a double standard.
If it was me, it would not be embarrassment that kept me from contacting you, it would be your double standard.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTisha-1, thank you for reminding me that she isn't interested in me. But sarcasm or not, your empathetic consultation of "it is apparent that you deeply disagree with her choice to become involved with him based on his marital status" makes it sound her choice to screw married men and break up marriages is good ethics and i am the asshole for disagreeing with it.
I appreciate you reminding me 40 times (being sarcastic) that she isn't interested in me, and the next time something like this happens i'll send them all a box of chocolate for the holidays, including the child, who will grow up wanting to know where his father is.
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female
reader, Got Issues  +, writes (3 June 2013):
 Why shouldn't you call a girl out on something if you know or think it's wrong? Are you saying girls should be allowed to get away with lying and cheating and walking all over people? No way. She is a cheat. Even if she is not the married one, she is happy to get involved with a married man with a child. That should be a big red flag waving right in your face. It means she doesn't care who she hurts or whose life she ruins, she is more interested in herself. If you got together with her, she would most likely not think twice about cheating on you. Which brings me to the next point. She doesn't want to get together with you. Putting you "on hold" is her way of not having to tell you directly that she's not interested. She is stringing you along and she doesn't care. Do not feel sorry for her. You make out that she and you are in the same boat. That's not true at all. You need to stop thinking about her, stop empathising with her and stop contacting her.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (3 June 2013):
Sorry, I forgot sarcasm may not come across in posts. I was being sarcastic about her having a 'teensy weensy personality flaw.' You sound very upset and angry for her being involved with an AVAILABLE married man, which to me sounds like an oxymoron, so my question to you, why would you overlook this aspect of her personality and insist you want to be with her?
I am not defending her. I was using sarcasm.
Here's the answer flat out:
She is willing to become involved with a married man, separated or not. She has shown that she is very interested in him and he is interested in her. She is not responding to your messages. You seem upset that she has this moral failing as you see it, you refer to it as 'smut.'
So it seems odd to me that you would continue to interested in a 'smutty' woman who is willing to do these things. It seems far more logical that you would see that she is not interested in you and that you would make the rational choice to stop waiting for a 'smutty' woman to choose you. She had the choice, she is more interested in him than in you.
So it is apparent that you deeply disagree with her choice to become involved with him based on his marital status. You use the word smut to describe it. So it begs the question, why are you interested in this woman to the extent that you still want her, after she's shown she's willing to do these things? Is there something so compelling about her that you suspend your own morality and continue to want to date her?
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTisha-1, i think the real question is why are you besotted with smutty women that you gotta be attorney for the defense and call what she did "a teensy weensy personality flaw" as if going around screwing married men and trying to break up marriages is the happening thing nowadays? is there something i'm not being informed on in society these days?
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (3 June 2013):
I'm just answering your question, will she get back to you? Nowhere did I say the word "smut."
Why are you so besotted with a "smutty" woman? Is your judgment impaired by her in some way?
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questiontisha-1 lol ummm, the word is "married man". he's AVAILABLE because the child and wife don't live with him.
if you're going to defend smut, then that's not really giving advise is it?
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (3 June 2013):
And you want to be with her because….. ????
She's such an awesome person except for this one teensy weensy personality flaw?
She prefers this unavailable man to you. That's a pretty strong message. She's ignoring you. That's another strong message.
The message is "I'm not interested in you. Now leave me alone."
She's not going to get back to you. She's not interested in you.
Sorry.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCerberus, i haven't laughed so hard in forever. thank you!
sometimes a good asskicking brings in some morals.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2013): No, you didn't do anything wrong by calling her out. She's a bitch for doing that and he's not some kind of slick Adonis using her OP, she knows exactly what she's doing. She's not being played by him, she's playing you and him.
Just get rid of her OP, she's no good. And try not to be such a soppy douche worshipping the ground she walks on so much that you've fallen into the trap of thinking she's some kind of victim. She's a woman who is cheating with a married man who doesn't give a fuck about who she hurts. She's not worth your time, stop feeling sorry for her when she knows exactly what she's doing, she's bad news.
Oh and whoever told you not to call girls out on bad behaviour is an idiot, you always call everyone out on bad behaviour.
Stop being a soppy doormat here and get rid of this degenerate cheat.
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