A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I just have a quick question. Am i wrong for feeling a certain way that my husband looks at other women in front of me, he says he dont but I look right at his face and catch his wondering eyes, i take that as disrespect cause i know that men look at other women but to do it in front of me and then lie like i didnt see you really gets me mad so am i wrong or is he wrong Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (14 June 2013):
 Define looking at. Is it just looking, or is it staring, ogling ? Leering at ?
I think that looking at someone - or something - attractive- as in, letting your eyes rest a tiny little more than you would on another unattractive or indifferent object - is normal . I don't know if we are biologically wired, but surely we are psychologically wired to notice beauty. In my city there's one of the most famous and beautiful statues in the world , I pass by it every single day and every single day I have to raise my eyes and look, it's not that I don't know what it looks like by now. Of course this is a MARBLE male, not a live one, - but it's not that different, when I see something , in fact, someone esthetically noticeable, - well, I notice that , although tastefully and discreetly , no catcalls , lol - and I would not know how not to notice. So, if you are calling him out on just glances, - he may be sincere , he may not even realize he is doing it.
You may very well be the only woman he loves, or the only woman he wants to have sex with, or the best looking woman he knows- that does not mean that he won't ever find ANY other woman attractive or worth a look, and I don't think this is something worth pulling your hair off about.
Ogling, staring, openly checking out women head to toe, glueing his eyes on their body parts- well no, that's different, it's not only disrespectful to you , it's also rude to them and rude in general.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2013): Men have eyes and we're visual creatures. It is our nature to stare at an attractive physical image. Even if it's not so attractive. We check out the imperfections as well.Male eyes are not always the mirror to our souls; but hidden cameras sending dirty pictures to parts of our anatomy that often get us into trouble. Allow him at least 30 seconds. If he glances away, and looks at something else. It's all about you, baby. If he glances for as long as a full minute. By-pass the sweets and go to the gym mama.There are guys who are undressing a woman with his gaze, a smart women knows he is being a jerk; because she knows his "sexually aroused" facial expression. He blushes, his nostrils flare, his ears turn red, and his breathing changes. He bumps into things. Pinching a tiny piece of the sensitive flesh inside the upper arm. will cure him of this condition. Prepare to dodge his auto-reflexes, you may end up in another isle or through a wall.You have the guys with insta-matic vision. Able to fully scan and steal a full image in a blink of an eye. They are whipped; and have over-possessive and jealous mates. He has learned to be sneaky in order to appease her, and his own natural instincts. She still notices; because she is insecure and will likely drive him to drink, or cheating, and eventually out of her life. She's a mental-case. She deserves empathy all the same.LoveQuanta has put it in a healthy perspective. The female form will catch his sights and immediately put his primal visual response into action. I am gay, but still stare at nice boobs, legs, and butts on women. It's a natural male response. That's the extent of it. Thought you might want to know.He can't go everywhere he points his eyes. We also stare at the moon, the sun, and stars; and motorcycle crashes. Using my peripheral vision; I even catch straight men peeking at me in the shower at the gym. They don't want anything sexually; they naturally compare "manhood." Betcha didn't know that!I know a lot of women who will visually check out a guy, and will not stop staring until he feels their x-ray vision burning through his undershorts. I'm gay, and I've been a victim of female x-ray-vision. It ain't just a guy thing.You know they're undressing you with their eyes, you feel so violated. You ladies are just slicker about it. You hide behind sunglasses, pretend you're looking in a compact mirror adjusting your hair or makeup...how come there is a male butt in the mirror and not your face? I also notice the eyes of lady patrons staring into the "crotch area" of the male server, while ordering food. Excuse me madam, my eyes are up here! As her unsuspecting male escort/date is totally unaware she is making visual "comparison of packages" while ordering the "most expensive" items on the menu. Is "she" over-compensating?I've also so watched women at the poolside and on the beach.They don't even remember they came with a boyfriend or husband. Until they notice where his eyes have shifted.Those women have scoped out every Speedo within a mile's radius; although they express disgust; and pretend to be indignant. They don't take their eyes off the image.Women who feel totally upset by the male roving eye are usually insecure; because of a poor self-image. They hate their own bodies, and starve for compliments.They always feel they don't live up to the unrealistic commercial portrayals of feminine beauty and form.They have absolutely no understanding of male psychology, and most of their adult life is miserable. Their pain is self-inflicted.They go through a series of failed relationships; it's always his fault, and all men have no control over their primal urges and sexual impulses. Therefore; men should be blinded, shunned, hated, emasculated, and castrated.Who wants a blind eunuch for a boyfriend/husband. How do you know you're hot, if not compared to someone who isn't? He's got to check em out! He has to look and peep out your competition. Get it? "My girl is hotter than that poor guy's wife over by the melons. Hers aren't as perky as my girl's!" "Hey, what's that creep staring at? She's my girl!!! Dude, keep you eyes on your own woman." Perv!!!If you only women knew what is going on in his head when he's staring! I love the new-age woman of the 21st century. She realizes that all those past societal hangups placed on women in the past, were created by a misogynist male-oriented society, comprised of men with too much money, power, and tiny penises. Men created spanx and uncomfortable pushup bras to punish you for nagging us about roving eyes and looking at other women.The new-age woman can now compare the size of his bulge to that of the muscular workman with the jackhammer; his physique to her personal trainer, and his hairline to your favorite male actor. You look at them every day and as much as you can. Women are better at picking a crook out of a lineup than men. Wonder why?I know you're sneakier at checking guys out when you're with your man. You keep him self-conscious and his eyes looking forward; so you can check out the cop in the tight uniform with the bubble-butt. You're busted. I know you're little tricks! Insecure women must think they should disable all of his senses, and make him immune to all other females; because she is his woman. In her mind, if he isn't immune to all other females; he doesn't love her, and he will definitely cheat on her.This is not his problem. It's her's. I am more concerned with what he does with his hands and body. The things he can do with his eyes shut! Looking ain't the same as touching ladies! That's where the real pleasure is.
...............................
A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (14 June 2013):
 I think we try to give men too much leniency in this department. Clearly I am not a man and I have never been one. So I cannot speak from personal experience. But to say it's basic physiology and they cannot help themselves is just bogus. It's called self-control. And even more so, it's called respect. Men are NOT so unevolved that they cannot learn to treat their partner with decency and respect.
I've been with my gf for over a year now. And one thing I never, EVER do, is stare at another woman. I'll see what would be considered an attractive woman coming, and I'll look completely the opposite direction. Like she isn't even there. I want her to know she's the ONLY woman I see and have any interest in. It's very disrespectful to stare at someone and I sure wouldn't want her to stare either. It's a mutual respect thing.
I'm sorry. Self-control is the key here. And respect for your partner. I don't blame you for being frustrated. He's disrespecting you.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2013): Look at another guy and see what his reaction.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2013): Another perspective...I'm NOT saying this is true for your man, just saying that it is a facet of male psychology. Guys look. At everything. Their primal brain, when it sees a nice butt or a pair of legs, goes, "Look, prime reproduction material!" before their higher, evolved, monogamous brain has a chance to kick in. So yes, he looks. Mine is very devoted and looks too. Thankfully, when my honey looks, he turns immediately to me and says, "Hey, look at that lady over there! She has amazing legs, but wait...she's turning around...no. Definitely no." Then I defuse the bomb by rating her too and joking with him about it, lol. He could ADORE you and still look. I honestly think it's a normal part of male psychology, and any guy who doesn't do this has "trained" himself extensively not to do so at the behest of a mate. The part that concerns me is that he doesn't share that normal "dude" part of himself with you. Have you chewed him out enough to make lying the only viable alternative in his mind? He obviously isn't subtle, but then, he shouldn't have to be. My advice is that next time you see him looking, say in a NORMAL, HAPPY, CURIOUS tone, "Hey, what's attractive about her?" He may look at you as though you've sprouted two heads, or he may say that he liked her hair/waist/whatever. Or he found her spray tan so heinous he couldn't stop staring, like a train wreck. Now it's up to you to not get jealous or insecure, and respond with another neutral, normal response. You're just two people learning about each other's likes/dislikes. You do not own him. Remember that.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (14 June 2013):
 Is he looking, glancing, noticing or ogling and drooling over them?
to me there is a huge difference in looking vs ogling.
and looking is fine in my book
ogling is wrong...
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2013): This link on Dear Cupid may help you to understand his behavior and to question why we as women tolerate it at all instead of just leaving for the sake of our own sanity to have peace of mind. It comes down to having self-respect for the spouse you are with.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-boyfriend-is-sweet-and-caring-but-he-really-ogles-other-women.html
...............................
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (14 June 2013):
 It isn't whether or not he is looking, it is whether or not you trust him. Also there is looking and then there is looking again.
So if he is looking and looking twice, there is trouble in the relationship. If he is lying about looking, there is trouble in the relationship. If you are just too jealous, there is trouble in the relationship.
I think you are seeing the connection here. Your ship is headed for the rocks. You need to figure out what the problem is and fix it.
FA
...............................
|
