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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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How do I get this guy back to his warm usual self?
Q. Hi, need help understanding the male psychology a bit please. There is a guy I met at the pub (35), he was going through divorce and my case is the same. We connected, in his words he was very intrigued by my story and he found me very attractive. ...
A. 13 June 2013: You really want to find him redeeming features, uh ?:)
He's not " that bad ", he is just not that INTERESTED. Slave to his phone ? bullshit. It's common courtesy. He does not have to answer right away, to drop everything just to answer you - but ... (read in full...)
My muslim boyfriend's family have picked out a girl for him, they don't know about me. Will he man up?
Q. I am a female British white person i been with my Muslim boyfriend for 3 years. i very friendly with his auntie and uncle who he lives with. He loves me and i love him however things have come ahead and apparently they don't know that we are seeing ...
A. 4 June 2013: What happens, I think, is that your bf has reached or is reaching the age when his family thinks it's time for him to be married and start a family, and they started working to make this happen. If it won't be this girl, it will be another one. ... (read in full...)
I'd rather date an older guy than someone my own age, but do I have no chance?
Q. I'm at university, turned 19 a few months ago, and won't graduate for a few more years but I just find guys like that irresistibly more attractive even though I know most of them will probably be looking for girls around their age. I don't like ...
A. 4 June 2013: I think it will only depends from individual preferences .
Some will prefer a girl who's closer in age to theirs, but some won't mind at all. In other words,it's not a lost battle :)
My son ( 23 ) recently said that he would not consider 18 y.o. ... (read in full...)
She's not talking to me since I called her out for seeing a married man! I did it because it was unfair for her to put me on 'hold'!
Q. A girl that i like and i thought she liked me are not talking right now over a silly argument. It turns out the argument was an excuse to put me on "punishment" because i found out she is seeing a married man with a child. the child and wife don...
A. 4 June 2013: But, the girl he got the " cute " message from, and whom he wants to know he won't leave his wife - could not be another girl ? You say this guy has a lot of female "groupies", probably he gets hit on a lot, why the cute message should necessarily ... (read in full...)
I love my wife but am sexually frustrated!
Q. Been married for 09 years. Living in a conservative society, but independent. Sex doesn't feel great anymore. Used to be crazy like rabbits first year into marriage, but faded with time to the extent now i'm thinking about an extramarital affair ...
A. 3 June 2013: Today another male 36-40 with an Albanian flag posted, he was having problems with interfering in laws. Is that you ?
If yes, I have to answer, yeah sure, go ahead , God forbid that you have to feel sexually frustrated and not have the same... (read in full...)
She's not talking to me since I called her out for seeing a married man! I did it because it was unfair for her to put me on 'hold'!
Q. A girl that i like and i thought she liked me are not talking right now over a silly argument. It turns out the argument was an excuse to put me on "punishment" because i found out she is seeing a married man with a child. the child and wife don...
A. 3 June 2013: Another thing, OP, - where do you fit in all this ?
Suppose that the married / legally separated guy is a double dealer and a liar , who says to wife / ex wife he still loves her , and to your ex friend he loves HER. And , suppose that the mist... (read in full...)
Should I tell him about my older sister? Or is it too soon?
Q. I have been dating my boyfriend for a month now,we are exclusive and it was love for him from the very start and he has expressed quite a number of times both thru words and actions how he feels for me,I haven't told him those three 'magic words' ...
A. 3 June 2013: That's weird. You have been talking since 4 measly weeks to a guy that you haven't even seen yet - and you want to blabber out to him the story of your sister's love life , which is absolutely none of his business anyway at the current stage, and ... (read in full...)
The thought of this man really excites me but I don't want to lose my husband
Q. I am riddled with guilt, anxiety, and excitement. I am married 15 years to a man I have known 20 years. Recently I met a man at a place I usually shop. We struck up a conversation, and met almost every day there. Finally he asked me if I am ...
A. 3 June 2013: Your body is pleading, OK, ...but could you not simply answer to its pleas by masturbating ? Do you really need company to masturbate ? Use your fantasy.. a vibrator... a Brad Pitt's picture... Btw, this is still a shortcut , you should either ... (read in full...)
I'd rather date an older guy than someone my own age, but do I have no chance?
Q. I'm at university, turned 19 a few months ago, and won't graduate for a few more years but I just find guys like that irresistibly more attractive even though I know most of them will probably be looking for girls around their age. I don't like ...
A. 3 June 2013: I think you are way overlooking the stability , seriousness and general adulthood of the 21 to 25 age range, at least for what concerns love matters :). They aren't THAT older than you,particularly at 21 or 22. Of course they may be an improvement ... (read in full...)
How do I get this guy back to his warm usual self?
Q. Hi, need help understanding the male psychology a bit please. There is a guy I met at the pub (35), he was going through divorce and my case is the same. We connected, in his words he was very intrigued by my story and he found me very attractive. ...
A. 3 June 2013: I am afraid you have brought being super gullible from your past into your present.
Not necessarily you can trust that a stranger SAYING things is the same as a stranger MEANING those things.
And it makes sense that , if a person wants somethin... (read in full...)
Am I over reacting, not getting ANYTHING for mother's day?
Q. I am the mother of two small children, four and two and this year for mother's day I didn't get anything from anyone. No one in my family and my bf of four years, the father of my children, didn't get me anything either. No card, no flowers, ...
A. 2 June 2013: Yes you are. The ones you should have got your present from would be your kids and they are too young to go out shopping for Mother's Day supposing they even know what it is . Wait until they are in kindergarten and from then on, you'll be flooded ... (read in full...)
My muslim boyfriend's family have picked out a girl for him, they don't know about me. Will he man up?
Q. I am a female British white person i been with my Muslim boyfriend for 3 years. i very friendly with his auntie and uncle who he lives with. He loves me and i love him however things have come ahead and apparently they don't know that we are seeing ...
A. 2 June 2013: No, he won't marry you . It's not reallly a matter of "manning up " , you man up against things you do not approve and do not accept, - a Bangladesh Muslim will probably think that is right, wise, normal, natural and advisable to marry a ... (read in full...)
Can I live with my BF's selfish streaks?
Q. I need help understanding why all my relationships eventually disappoint me. My current relationship of 5 months was so great in the beginning. My BF was doting and treated me special. Now - it seems his priorities are shifting back - or maybe I'...
A. 2 June 2013: It may be surprising but I am a female, a "girlie " and a bit " princessish " one too ,if you wish, but I relate very well with what the male readers in this thread say.
This guy may not be well suited to your wants and needs, OP, and your want... (read in full...)
Every time I tell him of my feelings for him he stops contacting me
Q. I am 34 year old woman, been single for 5yrs. Mainly it is because of trust issue. Well last year I find my self attractive to a young man at my job (he is 26). We became good friends but I never told him that I had a crush or had feeling for him ...
A. 2 June 2013: Exactly, why waste your time. Actions speak louder than words, and if every time you bring up feelings- he distances himself to the point of cutting communications, well, make two plus two :four ,and draw the evident conclusion, which is : he does ... (read in full...)
Is he counting the cost, despite refusing my offers to go dutch? He now says I order pricey food all the time
Q. Hi all. I've been dating this guy for a couple of months, we both go to graduate school and work at the same time. The other day we were talking during dinner and he said that I always ordered the most expensive thing in the menú and drinks! ...
A. 2 June 2013: I'd be turned off too. Super rude comment and super inappropriate , and I don't care if he is young or if he is a student, he's old enough to know that if you INVITE somebody and you insist for paying then you don't stay there watching how many ... (read in full...)
Fried Chicken was my birthday gift:(
Q. I have been dating this guy for nearly six months. Things have not gone so smoothly, but we worked through our differences and we both like each other a great deal. My birthday was last week and as a gift, he brought me a big bag of fried chicken...
A. 1 June 2013: A bag of fried chicken ? Well- at least it was an original gift,that we cannot deny it.
I think that some of the Aunts here are being too nice and cutting him too much slack: thoughtful... he's just not good with gifts...
Oh please- it could ma... (read in full...)
Will having sex with him prove that I love him? I don't want to lose him. What should I do?
Q. I just had a new boyfriend ane he want me to have sex with him to prove that i love him,i told him that i am a virgin but i am not,i dont want to lose him,what can i do?...
A. 1 June 2013: Tell him that HE needs to prove HIS love to you, by waiting for sex until you are ready on your own, without his pressures. For as long as it takes. If he bolts and you end up losing him- then you know for sure that he did not care about you, but ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend quit his job, I'm the only one working. He's angry because I bought something for myself!
Q. My boyfriend quit his job because he hated it so much. We are in week 7 of him not having a job and I don't feel that he is really making much of an effort to look for one. I am paying his mortgage (my name is not on the house) and the food for the ...
A. 1 June 2013: OP, this loving gentleman quit his job without first having secured himself another one, has been sitting on his butt for the last 7 weeks, makes you pay HIS mortgage on his house that only belongs to him , at 36 wasn't prudent enough to put away a ... (read in full...)
Younger boyfriend isn't sure about us because I have experienced things he hasn't
Q. My boyfriend is eleven years younger than me. Im 37 and he's 26, he's never had kids, had a long term relationship or lived w anyone. I, on the other hand, have been married, have 2 kids from 2 different fathers. He tells me he feels like its ...
A. 1 June 2013: I am afraid that Serpico is right. He is already telling you , in a nice, diplomatic way, that he does not want a ready made family, he wanted , or at least had seen himself, making his own. I am sure it's hard for him too, as what started as maybe ... (read in full...)
I am not sure whether my friend likes me
Q. I have a friend who I am crushing on and I have a feeling she might like me. She always calls me cute and laughs at my jokes, and every time she comes over to look at my work [at uni], she'll either put her hands on my shoulders, play with my hair, ...
A. 1 June 2013: Then the odds are clearly in your favour. Make your move :)- anyway, nothing ventured nothing gained. definitely... (read in full...)
Was I wrong because I asked my g/f to let me know what's going on rather than making me wait for hours to find out?
Q. I had plans with my gf last night, that we had made weeks in advance, to meet up at ten pm as i was winding down from work. I'm a bartender and Thursday nights are crazy. And she was going to come when she knew we were going to exchange shifts and I ...
A. 1 June 2013: No, you are not selfish, you are just dating a very rude and self absorbed person. The only valid reason to not advise timely, or as timely as possible, of a plans cancellation is being physically incapacitated ( car accident or something like ... (read in full...)
I want to leave my boyfriend but feel guilty because he is in such a mess!
Q. Am I a bad person for wanting to leave my current boyfriend? We have been together two years, I care about him deeply and I think he is a great person with a lot of potential. But he is constantly making bad decisions and doing things that end up ...
A. 1 June 2013: If you should feel guilty of something, it is only of not giving enough value and respect to your own life, and to have repeatedly allowed your bf to put you in hot water.
He is not your child or ward, he is an adult and he is responsible for the ... (read in full...)
I couldn't attend a works team building night but didnt tell my boss, help she may hate me now??
Q. I have mild social anxiety, (I am normal and am not intellectually impaired and I DONT have aspergers!!) I am just a little shy and awkward at times, like many people are.. Please no hate. Im worried. Yesterday my work had a "team building" ev...
A. 1 June 2013: I don't think they will hate you and I don't think that you have done anything wrong. Going to social events organized by the workplace is not mandatory, although in some places is encouraged, and, for all they know, you could have had a prior ... (read in full...)
I am not sure whether my friend likes me
Q. I have a friend who I am crushing on and I have a feeling she might like me. She always calls me cute and laughs at my jokes, and every time she comes over to look at my work [at uni], she'll either put her hands on my shoulders, play with my hair, ...
A. 31 May 2013: My gut feeling is that she likes you..but I can't give you a written guarantee :)
Have you ever noticed how she acts around other male friends ? if she is so "sisterly " with everybody, maybe she is just a naturally touchy feely type-or a big flir... (read in full...)
How to cope with moving in with a SO.
Q. Dear aunts and uncles, I made the grave mistake of moving in with my boyfriend. In my defence, he seemed like a solid, responsible guy, and he is! He currently carries most of our financial burden. Since he is working, and I am looking for a job so...
A. 31 May 2013: I am amazed by the 19th century flavour of some answers. So if he pays the bills, he also has the right to be SERVED hands and feet, and to be a pig and a slob ?
So, if you do not split exactly 50% the costs of the household, that entitles the ... (read in full...)
Is cyber sex considered cheating?
Q. Hi all, Just a question I would like to ask other users here. If you are in a loving, committed relationship with your soul mate whom you love dearly but find out they have meaningless cybersex (without masturbating) would you consider it chea...
A. 31 May 2013: YOUR fault ?! What a nerve. Don't buy that for a sec, - the man is a shameless cheater, and all this speech about 2trust " and " truth " are totally pot calls kettle black. - Your indiscretions , if so we want to call them, but you were not with ... (read in full...)
How do I show her that I won't listen to my friend's advice anymore and convince her to give me a second chance?
Q. hi i'm 16 year old boy and I i've been such an idiot..... I liked this girl and when I eventually asked her out she said that she wasn't sure if she liked me. then her mate says to me that she likes someone else and that she doesn't like me. the ...
A. 30 May 2013: Eh yes, I agree with the previous poster. Your mate gave you a good advice and you should follow it , instead. It sounds to me as he saw exacly through her, and she did just what your friend accuses her of. She tried her luck with the other guy, he ... (read in full...)
Is my recent ex dating already?
Q. Dated ex gf for year and half. She broke up with me 5 months ago. A few weeks ago she contacts me and says still in love with me, misses me, and wanted to spend all kinds of time together. It was great because I still loved her. She then says ...
A. 30 May 2013: Sorry to hear the bad news, then again, OP, you had seen the writing on the wall, when she said that she wanted to keep things " open ". Then she confirmed that she wanted to start dating other guys, and then also that she did not want to date you ... (read in full...)
Suspicious email to husband--he denies he's signed up. Can I believe him?
Q. Dear Cupid, I have a problem. I just got married. I h ave been with my man for a long time. I was looking through his emails and came acroos a email from XXXXbook [mod note: actual site name removed, it is not facebook]. I wouldve just deleted ...
A. 30 May 2013: The chances of an icicle in hell, I am afraid. How would they have got his USUAL password ?... (read in full...)
My parents doubt and don't seem to believe in me
Q. Hello everyone, i hope someone out there can give me some help on a pretty personal issue. I am a 22 year old girl who lives with her parents. I attended University for 3 years and lived away for that amount of time and changed into a wonderfu...
A. 30 May 2013: But you can always agree to disagree, can't you.
You don't need a throng of supporters and cheerers ( altough, it would surely be nice to have one :) if you really believe in yourself, your dream, your abilities and your chances of success.
Put ... (read in full...)
My husband always looks at other women and tells me that's normal. I can't bear it! Help?
Q. whenever i am out with my husband, he always look at other womens which i can't bear. its hurting me always. due to which i don't talk to my husband 2-3 days. but still he does the same. i spoke to him about this. he says it's normal. but i can't ...
A. 30 May 2013: @largentsgirl89 : but " noticing " people IS normal - for men and for women. Everybody does it . We are biologically geared to NOTICE what feels attractive to us and gives us positive visual stimulation. From a person to a building or painting ... (read in full...)
The thought of sex with just anyone makes me physically ill. Am I the only one out there like this? Will I ever meet anyone?
Q. I am 21 years old and never had a boyfriend or sexual contact or anything. Yeah, I've had self esteem issues. But realistically, I've never even ever met anyone in real life that I had any feelings for. I never met anyone that I was attracted to. ...
A. 30 May 2013: Of course thinking of having sex with a guy that you feel nothing for and you are not even attracted to physically freaks you out, I think it is very normal for most women. I am a woman of a certain age and so far I have put together sexual ( and ... (read in full...)
Is cyber sex considered cheating?
Q. Hi all, Just a question I would like to ask other users here. If you are in a loving, committed relationship with your soul mate whom you love dearly but find out they have meaningless cybersex (without masturbating) would you consider it chea...
A. 30 May 2013: You've got yourself a slick one ! So now, he is the one cheating... but you are the one that has to " defend " herself ? Don't let him pull the wool over your eyes , this is a ( childish ) deflecting tactic : turning the focus from what he did ... (read in full...)
Huge row and now he isn't talking
Q. HELP me and my bf are 15 and been together for nearly 11 months, its now the half term and me and my bf had a huge row Friday night because I saw him hug one of his female mates, I texted him asking why this happened he told me she hugged him b...
A. 29 May 2013: Define " now and again ". Quantify it.In fact, no, probably no need to define it, now and again already sounds too much for the "honeymoon stage", in which you still are.
It's a myth that people in a relationship NEED to argue and that argu... (read in full...)
Is cyber sex considered cheating?
Q. Hi all, Just a question I would like to ask other users here. If you are in a loving, committed relationship with your soul mate whom you love dearly but find out they have meaningless cybersex (without masturbating) would you consider it chea...
A. 29 May 2013: If he is your soulmate who loves you dearly in a loving committed relationship, what in the world is he doing having meaningless cybersex with strangers ? ( with or without emission of fluids ? ) That does not sound too soulmatish to me...... (read in full...)
The thought of this man really excites me but I don't want to lose my husband
Q. I am riddled with guilt, anxiety, and excitement. I am married 15 years to a man I have known 20 years. Recently I met a man at a place I usually shop. We struck up a conversation, and met almost every day there. Finally he asked me if I am ...
A. 29 May 2013: Ahem... I guess it's a matter of opinions, as for me I believe that you can cheat also without direct physical contact, and to me bringing to orgasm a live person , that you know and lust for,- although from a distance as in phone sex or cybersex- ... (read in full...)
Do girls share everything with their friends?
Q. I like this girl lets call her a. So in school a also responded me well.it was well obvious we both liked each other. We chat on facebook. And now i came 2 know.. Whenevr i used to chat with her,she used to share that with other freinds. Does gir...
A. 29 May 2013: I guess it depends from each girl's personality, so it's not a law- but yeah, in this age range , 13-15, love and romance things are pretty much a group thing and crushes , feelings and bfs are very often analyzed, commented and discussed in depth ... (read in full...)
Do I stay longer to see or do I leave now with my heart still intact relatively??
Q. I have been seeing this guy for a year and a half now and we recently had the talk of where it going. He said he not an emotional guy and doesn't form attachments easily. Has had relationships in the past of few years long and was still not ...
A. 29 May 2013: Leave now, by all means. Why do you want to stay with a guy who basically just told you he could not care less ?
I know, you want to hang in there because nothing, good or bad, lasts forever, and miracles do happen. But you don't need a mira... (read in full...)
Is my recent ex dating already?
Q. Dated ex gf for year and half. She broke up with me 5 months ago. A few weeks ago she contacts me and says still in love with me, misses me, and wanted to spend all kinds of time together. It was great because I still loved her. She then says ...
A. 29 May 2013: I think that your ex is one of those people who does not like to work without a net, and feel funny being officially single. So she reached out to you again... till she works her way upward and onward to someone " better" ( or just, NEW ). If she ... (read in full...)
What does he mean by "ok cool"?
Q. Need some advice have this Guy friend I got my eyes on:)) but confused Idk if he likes me likes me.but we always hangout,play fight,cuddle, ect. okay so I really really like my Guy bestfriend alot so one day I just decided to tell him because ...
A. 28 May 2013: It does not mean, alas, what you'd like it to mean. It means " fine , you told me and I am not freaked out, we can still be FRIENDS ". ... (read in full...)
Should I have phone sex when I don't think we'll ever meet?
Q. I met a guy online who appears to like me, but only wants to have phone sex with me and although we live in different states, I don't think we'll ever meet. What are the chances of our ever getting together?...
A. 28 May 2013: I'd say very few if he has already been so clear about his wants and needs, i.e. all he wants is phone sex .
Have phone sex if it something that you know YOU like, or you know YOU are curious to try . What do you think, that you'll blow his mind... (read in full...)
Should I write to my ex or not?
Q. I left a 5 year on-off relationship about 20 months ago. He was seeing other women. I said I will stay friends but I read few articles about 'no contact rules' to heal myself so I followed it and have been fine. I am fine as I had closure. ...
A. 28 May 2013: No. If you want space from him- take it seriously and this ,unluckily,may mean also taking space from people closely associated to him also if they had nothing to do with your break up. You haven't been in touch with this lady for the past 20 ... (read in full...)
How to deal with disappear reappear guy
Q. Hi I really need an advice. Apparently I'm dealing with a houdini. The old disappear and reappear acts. I've dated this guy for a month. we went on 4 great dates. on our last date he brought me home, we watched movie, we kissed for the first ti...
A. 27 May 2013: Exactly. How to deal with a disappear/reappear guy ? Simple, you do not deal with him at all !, if what you want is a steady committed relationship.
If you want shoes, you go to a shoe store, not to a tobacconist's, right ?
Of course he said ... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to be a serial lunch dater?
Q. I view lunch dates as a fun way to meet new people, as well as a diplomatic alternative to me saying NO DATES FOR YOU. But recently a friend told me: You shouldn't go on dates with men who you aren't attracted to... that is the equivalent of le...
A. 27 May 2013: Uhm...I don't know. You are always paying your way so you are certainly not freeloading, and of course you aren't by any stretch of imagination obliged to have sex with somebody just because you have spent a total of 3 or 4 hours together ... (read in full...)
I had sex with a girl and then had sex with her sister too. Should I try to talk to the one I like, or would that make it worse?
Q. I have a pretty odd situation I'm in right now that I'd like some advice on: Basically, I was friends with a girl for about 2 years, she used to have a boyfriend during this period, so it was always friendly chat, I never tried to flirt with her o...
A. 27 May 2013: I don't think it would be playing games or be seen as such... You have a legitimate reason, you are training and very busy, ( I guess she knows that ) and it's normal if you don't do spectacular extra efforts to stay in touch...with someone who's ... (read in full...)
I had sex with a girl and then had sex with her sister too. Should I try to talk to the one I like, or would that make it worse?
Q. I have a pretty odd situation I'm in right now that I'd like some advice on: Basically, I was friends with a girl for about 2 years, she used to have a boyfriend during this period, so it was always friendly chat, I never tried to flirt with her o...
A. 26 May 2013: Yes, I think too that if it was a flat out, never again NO, she would not stay in touch and would not reply texts.
I guess she is a bit on the fence on this, half interested half weirded out . Not by what her sis did, or by what you did with the ... (read in full...)
I had sex with a girl and then had sex with her sister too. Should I try to talk to the one I like, or would that make it worse?
Q. I have a pretty odd situation I'm in right now that I'd like some advice on: Basically, I was friends with a girl for about 2 years, she used to have a boyfriend during this period, so it was always friendly chat, I never tried to flirt with her o...
A. 26 May 2013: N 91 !! I am speechless . Is this you or your evil twin ? Where's the angelic, romantic,sensitive young Uncle that we all used to know in the past ? This is as if IAmHereToHelpYou announced that she is going to work as a stripper in Las Vegas ... (read in full...)
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