A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi there,My boyfriend threatened to leave because of several issues, im not sure what to do, i dont want to upset anyone.I was building a relationship with a guy for a little while and then he said that he cheated several times in previous relationships. i decided that i didnt want to date him, because of this, so we became FWB. then i met my BF and he has been great, but i dont feel the same attraction to him as i do with FWB. I dated my boyfriend for about a year before FWB all of a sudden started getting flirty and i didnt know how to deal with it, so i just ignored him and carried on talking to him like normal. he then started asking for naughty pictures and "full body massages" with "happy endings" - I reminded him that i had a boyfriend and told my boyfriend about ths guy asking for pictures. he told me to stop talking to the guy or tell him to stop...i just stopped talking to him (fwb) for a little while.after about 2 weeks i started talking to the former FWB again and he was ok to talk to for about a week, then he started asking me what knickers i had on and what i was thinking about. he kept pestering me so I obliged...i didnt realise it would upset my boyfriend.my boyfriend found out because former FWB told him about us and that i was cheating...i said that fwb was lying when my bf asked about it. BF left it for a little while. when my bf put my phone on charge he saw a message left behind by FWB asking for naughty pictures again (my recent texts come up as a preview on the lockscreen) so my BF told me that i should tell him to stop - i told him to stop by saying he shouldnt say things like that and what if my bf find out, the former fwb just said "then we can share eachother alone" i ignored him for a month after that.after the month i started talking to FWB and he apologised for being the way he was and realised why i stopped talking to him. so i accepted his apology - i missed talking to him. we had a month of normal friendship before he started calling me beautiful and wanting to meet up alone for massages and stuff again. My bf found out (FWB phoned him and said he had sex with me last night, I have never cheated on my BF) and went ballistic saying that he put up with the guy long enough and wrote a lengthy "piss off" message to this guy. he told me off for carrying on talking to him and letting him carry on asking for this stuff, its not what a friend is about. my bf went through my texts and asked me to show me where i told him to stop - he couldnt see what he thought was good enough as a stop message and said MMHMMH is not good enough as a stop.Iv ignored the guy ever since (three months) during that time my BF thinks i have been cutting him off sex because im upset at not talking to the former FWB, iv just been tired and i dont feel as good as when my former FWB compliments me and talks to me. My bf thinks i am in love with FWB but dont want to admit it to myself...i feel terrible about it, and try to pretend everything is ok for my BF. im just confused i love my BF for his personality but the FWB for his ability to make me feel beautiful and wanted by attractive peopleam i a terrible person? :(
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2013): So basically you are cheating on your BF because the other guy is hotter.
Look yourself in the mirror, say that out loud, and see how justifiable it sounds.
I also agree with the other answer that the "I didn't know it would upset my BF" line is pure bullshit. You knew, you just don't want to take any responsibility for knowing it was wrong and doing it anyway.
A
female
reader, scrdofyou  +, writes (4 October 2013):
 You are very selfish. Your BF needs to kick you to the curb, and find a woman who appreciates him even if he isnt as hot as a past fling. You're going to throw your relationship away for selfish, imature reasons. If you dont feel sexy, exercise, buy new clothes, get some makeup-its no excuse to treat your man the way you do.
I dont see your relationship blossoming into anything more than it is now.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (4 October 2013):
You did cheat. And when you cheat, but want to stop and are finding it difficult, you have to fix the problem that caused the cheating.
In your case it's insecurity. Work on that and you'll not be as tempted to stray. In your case I think you need to have an honest talk with your boyfriend about how he doesn't make you feel good about yourself and that this is really important for you to be content in your relationship.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (4 October 2013):
 I don't know if you are a terrible person, but sure you are a lucky one in your choice of boyfriend. You've got a patient one, I don't know many men that would put up with this kind of self entitled crap for the sake of pandering to your vanity and insecurities.
You are totally disrespecting this poor guy- I am sure that if the shoe was on the other foot, and HE was exchanging convos with some hot bodied model about what knickers she is wearing, to have his ego stroked, you would not like it that much. Don't do unto others...
Now, you could either decide to grow up, be loyal to your BF, and work on " feeling beautiful " by other means ( therapy ? a trip to a beauty salon for an image make over ?... whatever works ).
Or you can carry on like now , waiting to be caught for the third or fourt time, at which point it's predictable that your bf's patience will wear thin and he'll decide to give you your walking papers and send you alone on your search for validation.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2013): OP here,
My boyfriend is a wonderful person, he compliments me, cooks for me, takes me out and tries his best to be romantic. He writes me poems and can be very flirty. The last three months i dont feel like being touched by him and i feel sad.
My boyfriend is not as attractive as FWB, FWB is a model for a few clothing magazines and im not a confident person, so the feeling i get when he says he wants me over all the other girls who want him kinda makes me feel more special. My boyfriend does have his fair share of girls trying to get him, but not as much as FWB. I wouldnt be with bf if i didnt find him attractive.
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