A
female
age
30-35,
*nordinary
writes:I am almost 21 years old and I have the most typical high school kind of crush on this guy. The crush situation is generally simple.. but I want to explain why my situation is a little more complicated and why I need help.I'll try to make this short, but get my point across..I have a really cool car and I have joined a "car club" (a group of people with the same kind of car who hang out and ride out together). My first time meeting everyone, this guy in the group was MILDLY hitting on me.. then the next time I saw them all, he asked me for my number. I denied him.. but not in a mean way. I said "I'm just hanging out", meaning, I didn't want to date anybody out of the group.The reason why I did that is because I thought they all were just player types of guys who weren't looking for anything serious out of a girl and I also didn't want to be labeled as "his girl" if it wasn't worth it because I think every guy in the group finds me attractive.. they all say little slick flirty things that I just blow off. So I didn't want to ruin my status in the group as the girl that they all want but can't have kind of thing LOL.Now, after getting to know him a little more, I see that he's actually a nice guy. He has his head on straight.. from the surface, he seems to be everything I'm looking for in a guy. Here's my dilemma:I was looking at his social media pages and he's dating a girl. She's obviously not his girlfriend, but he seems to really like her from the things he's posted about her. I was going to mildly pursue him, to let him know that I'm interested.. but I'm afraid that I might be wasting my time. If he really likes her and they're working towards a relationship, is it too late to try to pursue him? What kind of situation would I be putting him or myself in?What should I do?**Also, the reason why I just don't want to come out and say "Hey I like you!" is because I don't want to ruin my status in the group if its not worth it. Does that make sense at all? So I'm trying to think of a master plan. Please help!! :(
View related questions:
crush, flirt, player Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (4 October 2013):
 I'd say this boat has pretty much sailed off and it would be classier leaving it at that.
Meaning, that of course if you start hitting on him HEAVILY 8 discreetly won't do ; I think , since he was just mildly pursuing you to begin with, and he seems to like this girl he's dating ) you'd get his attention, but is it worth to come on strong and predatory when you aren't that interested yourself to begin with ?
Let this go and take it as an useful lesson forthe future- no silly games. If you are somewhat interested in a guy , you give him a fair chance, if you aren't you don't, nice and simple. Saying no just because you 'd risk to ruin your status of belle of the ball and unobtainable object of desire... oh please. You can be readily forgiven because of your age range , but I hope that in time you'll realize how eyeroll-worthy is that .
A
male
reader, phoenix444 +, writes (4 October 2013):
As 33 year old male who’s been in some terribly complex relationships I can say that the mature thing to do is to let him go and let them both be happy without someone getting in the middle. Think about it, if you just started seeing someone and another woman was perusing the man you were with – it would be pretty terrible. Although if you do really like him, keep him as a friend and keep tabs on the relationship from a distance. If you both end up single at the same time and still have feelings for each other then you did everything morally fairly. Please don’t try to push him out of a potential girlfriend otherwise if he does do something with you and regrets it, everything will all be for the worse.
...............................
|
