A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi!!A few days ago my bf asked a girl something about class over twitter, they talked about that for a few posts and then a guy that studies with them said a joke involving both the girl and my bf. The girl answered saying that she loves them, the other guy didn't answered and my bf answered saying he loves himself too in a jokey tone. I find myself a bit uncomfortable with this situation, I believe that my bf shouldn't have answered anything, even as a joke. I personally believe that people shouldn't be saying "I love you" to random classmates. If they were friends this would be a different situation, I know its normal to love your friends, but they barely know each other. When I told this to my bf he said that he couldn't left her like that because then she could interpret anything she wanted, besides it could hurt her. If it was a joke she wouldn't get hurt right? besides, she has a boyfriend. Well in the end he said that I'm too cold to understand why it would hurt her and why she would feel rejected. I know I'm a cold person, and that's why I'm here asking for advice, Is my way of thinking too drastic? Can a person get hurt for something like this? I'm just very confused about this.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (2 October 2013):
 Maybe hurt is not the right word- but she could have beem mortified or offended.
It has got nothing to do with being cold or warm, it has to do with a very basic knowledge and mastery of social skills and normal,usual communication pattern.
Like, when you are, say, at the token booth in a subway, and the guy says " ... and here's your change , ma'm " you say " Thank you ". Technically , maybe you should not even bother, because OF OOURSE he needs to give you back your money, he can't just pocket it himself right ? Plus it's not as if he's making any special effort, it's all in a day's work and the guy is paid for giving you back your change .
So, if you want you can stay stony faced and just turn your back without a word.
The impression , though, you would convey by this behaviour is that you are either awfully rude, or pissed off at the worker for some unknown error he did, or ..just a bizarre,kinda weird type .
So with the jokes :
" I love you " ( said in jest haha, it's a joke , it shows from the context , and from the info that I am not single so I really love someone else )
" I love ME too " - ( I aknowledge it's a joke, and I joke back . I am being pleasant ,as we are mates ).
He could have signed off without a word, but that could very possibly have expressed that he was shocked or annoyed by the joke ( which he was not ) or that he had taken it seriously and literally, and he was taken aback ( which he was not )
Actually, there's not even so much conscious reasoning behind it all , it's just a normal, almost authomatic way of communicating : you joke- I joke back. If I don't, it may mean I did not get the joke, or I got it and I did not like it..
I don't see why you want to give grief to your bf over... what, being a social animal and not having being raised by a pack of wolves ?
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (2 October 2013):
 Way overreacting in my opinion.
And I agree, not a tactful answer from his side either. I think they were just goofing off and therefore it's no big deal.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (2 October 2013):
 You are really taking an inch and running a thousand miles with this one. Your bf did nothing wrong, and neither did that girl. I wouldn't worry about this at all.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2013): You're overreacting and creating unnecessary friction between you and your boyfriend.
You have to know when to back off.
The girl has a boyfriend, and your boyfriend has you. Show some maturity, or you'll be without a boyfriend.
Get a grip. It's all cool.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (1 October 2013):
 It's like when someone says "Thank You" the polite thing to do is to respond with "you're welcome" or something of that nature. It's the that fact you responded and didn't leave them hanging. You are over-reacting. Your boyfriend was just being polite by responding to his classmate. Chill girlfriend.
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A
female
reader, like I see it +, writes (1 October 2013):
 I do think you are overreacting.
She put him in an awkward spot by texting "I love you." She has a partner and so does he. Even though it was a joke, there's really no good way to respond to something like that. In replying that he loved himself too, your boyfriend was trying to deflect her words and make light of them in a way that she (and, heck, probably her boyfriend too) couldn't misinterpret.
Unless you have other reasons you haven't shared to be suspicious of their friendship, I wouldn't worry about this for another minute. She chose an awkward thing to say; he avoided addressing her comment as best he knew how. Nothing underhanded there. Best wishes :)
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