A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I told this guy that I had a crush on him. Before I was about to tell him I think he sensed what I was about to say. After I told him he just asked me how long I liked him and I said I don't know. I could not think straight my head was all over the place so I can't remember much that happened. I was expecting him to say he liked me or say he does not but he said nothing.This was very hard for me admitting my feelings. I feel proud of myself for having the guts to be honest with him, but every now and then I forget then all of a sudden I remember then am like "what have I done". I don't regret what I have done because it shows the deep down inside confidence does exist within me.I am not hurt that he said nothing. I am hurt that he lead me on he flirted with me hugged me and offered to take me somewhere when in actual fact he Did not mean anything. What he did was unforgivable and I don't know if I can forgive him. And I have no choice but to carry on my friendship with him because if I don't then other will notice and of course to avoid awkwardness. I don't think I will ever be able to look him the the eye again. He messed with my feelings. He must hav known I likes him it was written all over my face. How could he do this to me?My friend told me to act normal around him and pretend it never happened but how can I do that I always speak to him, I always look him in the eye. Even if I do succeed in concealing my emotions my body Language and face will betray me. I am in the same class as him for everything. Am also scared he will tell others what I told him because if he does then I will be shattered and I won't be able to act normalI promised myself i wont shead a tear for him and so far I have not. How do I act normal round him? I am sat right opposit him or near him all the time, if I move how suspicious will that look. I an so hurt. How can I maintain a friendship with someone who played with my emotions and lead me to believe he liked
View related questions:
confidence, crush, flirt Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (2 October 2013):
 Ahh, I love Jane Austen!
That being said, I love your courage. You should treat yourself to something nice, and find a couple of friends and hit the town, because you took a risk! Good for you, and you should be proud of yourself.
As for him, you don't have to keep up a friendship or anything else with him if you don't want to. So what if others notice? You're strong and courageous, and you can stand strong on your own choices. Awkward only has power over you if you let it, and you made a risk, he didn't bite, and so you need to look at the bright side: Your risk may not have paid off this time, but that courage will get you a higher caliber man who will love that strength in you.
As for maintaining a friendship? Don't! You said he led you on? Then he's not a friend. Just stay civil, albeit distant, and I'm sure you talk to more people than him at that place, right? The beauty of an office is that the antidote for "awkward" is professionalism. Don't talk to him unless your job requires it.
Also, so the hell what if he tells other people? They could only aspire to be brave like you. Why would that humiliate you? You liked someone, they didn't respond? If anything, that would make people look more positively on you. All of us have been rejected at some point in our life. Unrequited love has been one of the greatest subjects of stories, soap operas, romances, etc. Hold your head up, don't worry about keeping friends with the guy, the knowledge of your crush is nothing to be ashamed for, and your prospects are wide open!
Oh, and leave the guy alone. You aren't required to maintain a friendship with him, so don't. Keep friends with your friends, do your work well, and the guy missed out on a huge opportunity. End of story!
A
male
reader, GentleGiant  +, writes (2 October 2013):
You told him your feelings and he could not return the same compliments so take a deep breath and then just move on. Before I was dating my present girlfriend I was told by a woman while I was drinking my favorite latte at Starbucks that she liked me, had been observing me and the compliments went on from there. Of course I was kind of taken back by her statements and then I bought her a latte and we sat there for three hours and just talked. I liked her, she had charm, she had wit and was real intelligent. At that point of time I asked her out on a date and we dated for a year. But low and behold her kind of liking was purely sexual and she couldn't get behind the physical attraction. That set me back especially my ego and I got over it and moved on. You have to do the same. Good-luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (2 October 2013):
 Ah if people would read the classics more often :).
What happened to you is the same that happened to Kitty with Count Vronskij in Anna Karenina ( Tolstoj ). Or to Marianne with Willoughby in Sense and sensibility ( Jane Austen ).
In both cases we have a charming exuberant young man, meets pretty girl, starts giving her attention, flirting, joking, paying compliments to her. Why ? because it feels good, because they actually DO like the girl- at a superficial level, without the intention or the possibility to take it any further- because it's good ,clean fun ( they think ), because ehat's wrong with a little romance with a dear nice girl, that's what young people do.
The girl, though, does not see it this way, she is ready ( in the 19th century same as now ) to take acts and words that
mean " it's pleasant to have you around " to make them mean " I requite your strong feelings , and I want to be with you ".
When the " courtship " amounts to nothing ( Vronskij takes up with Anna Karenina , and Willoughby marries a rich woman ) the girls take seriously ill and risk to die ( please don't do that ) while of course there's an outcry of indignation among their family and friends : how could that scoundrel, that rogue, play like that with the girl's feelings, mess with her head that way ?...
The things is, the guys do not see it that way . Count Vronskj just acted gallant and attentive as any brilliant social young officer would do with a cute young lady. And Willoughby does feel remorse for having hurt Marianne so badly, but hey, everybody, but really everybody knew he was penniless and needed to marry a rich woman, so what's the big fuss about.
I don't think this guy has intentionally misled you and set out to make you fall in love with him. He has not been messing with your feelings- it happened that you had feelings for him which he did not requite , and neither he was obliged to, if you started your acquaintance on an easy companionable mood of friendly/flirry camaraderie, with hugs jokes etc., was he was supposed to do even if he noticed that you were much unto him ? Ignore you ? Be cold,rude and nasty ?
Relax. NOTHING happened, All it happened is that you developped a crush on him and he is not similarly crushing on you. I bet he thinks you are fun, nice, pretty etc.etec- he just does not see you in " that way " , not romantically. Is that so terrble ? ...You don't hit bull's eye every time you shoot. Next please.
Btw, both Kitty and Marianne got over it and proceed to make very happy marriages with gentlemen less glamorous and flirty , maybe, but more reliable and of deeper feelings :)
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2013): From what I read he didn't do much wrong. So he flirted with you.. 90% of the population do but is does not mean they wanna be with everyone that they do it to. Also everyone knows men can be oblivious. You said 'it was written all overyour face' that you liked him . Have you thought that maybe he assumed that you were just playing along.. Just having a bit of fun like he was. My advice is, next time don't be so naive. Move on. Act like nothing has happened (which nothing has happened, not like you thrown youself at him). I think your pride got hurt more then your feelings.
...............................
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (2 October 2013):
Act like nothing happened; no big deal because nothing did.
In the future it may not be the best idea to "confess your feelings" as people put it. I think it can scare the other person... It puts pressure on them to feel the same way. If you had just asked him to hang out with you, he may have realized that he likes you too.
Just my two cents.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 October 2013):
 So your pride got hurt. Get over it.
You did something you were scared to do, you told him how you felt. He didn't reciprocate - it happens.
Being mad at him is illogical - he didn't do anything wrong. Giving you a hug and flirting with you doesn't mean someone is in love with you or "like you like you". It can mean something as simple as they are COMFORTABLE with you, as a FRIEND.
You are lashing out at him because he rejected your advances and that really isn't fair.
If you can't be a friend to him and around him, let it go then. Don't be his friend.
I'm sorry it didn't work out the way you wanted it to, but at least you had the guts to tell him how you felt.
Chin up.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2013): There were several personal triumphs. So few people attempt to overcome their fears. Don't focus on the failure, focus on the success of not allowing fear of rejection to stop you.
This is part of learning how to make connections, building confidence, and building up your immunity to rejection.
Your friend was absolutely correct. You act as if it didn't bother you, and nothing happened. It's fake, but that also builds confidence. You don't give in to failure. You conquer it. You don't let them see you sweat. It's his loss. Guys don't mature as quickly as girls. We're also crummy at expressing our feelings.
You have to accept that he may not like you the same way. Show him no disappointment. So what? I like you anyway, just not as much anymore. He'll show a different attitude when he sees other guys approaching you. It's weird, don't ask me to explain it.
He wasn't leading you on, and he wasn't toying with your affections. You had a crush, and you read too much into his actions around you. He liked you, but he didn't like you the way you thought. So even if he was leading you on; he has to be real from now on. He can cut the crap. You don't have time for boyish games.
You have also learned not to let your feelings get too far ahead of you.
You have to know that the person you're attracted to is on the same page.
You'll only know, if you ask. So you told him how you felt, he let you know he was just being flirty and friendly. Now you just accept the truth. The awkwardness will slowly fade away. You can't take it back, it's out in the open.
Shake it off. You're becoming a strong woman. Don't be ashamed of one mistake. There will be several success stories in the future. More mistakes. You're very young, and this is just the beginning. Continue living and learning!
...............................
A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (2 October 2013):
 What exactly did he do wrong? Flirt with you? People flirt, sweetheart. Doesn't have to mean anything.
Yes, you were brave and bold for telling him how you feel. But that doesn't entitle him to feeling the same way back. What do you mean how could he do this to you? How could he not like you the way you like him? It's nothing he's DONE to you. it just is the way it is. Just because people interact flirtatiously doesn't mean they will be in a relationship or that they have feelings for each other. it's just for fun.
Who says you two have to be friends? If you can't just be his friend, then don't be. No sense in making yourself miserable and uncomfortable by awkwardly insisting on being around him.
I'd give you and him some space. Maybe eventually you can get over his rejection and feel better in time.
...............................
A
female
reader, Questing for Love +, writes (2 October 2013):
 All I can say is that something similar happened to me. Not the same, just similar. We'll call me Sally. I had a crush on someone in my high school class for so long, that I finally decided to buy him a rose for Valentine's Day. However, I put that it was from a secret admirer. My best friend at the time had her last class with him, which is when they handed out the flowers. She told me that when he got he asked her it's from "Sally" isn't it? I don't know if my friend said yes or not, but basically after that, he never said a word to me. I mean he was still the same as usual, but he never had the decency to tell me that he didn't feel the same or anything. So I basically went through the rest of my high school life, embarrassed because I didn't know whether or not he knew I liked him. And since he most likely DID know, I felt awkward in all of my classes with him. Heck, I got partnered up with him for a project and I was just paralyzed with fear that he would laugh at me or be weirded out working with someone he knew clearly had a crush on him. It sucks, it really does. But the problem with the situation is I wasn't friends with him, he was just a boy in my class. But I think if needed you should try distancing yourself from him. I know that may be hard considering you have classes together, but just distract yourself. Hang out with different friends, sit as far away from him in class if you can, maybe join some clubs or something, simply to preoccupy your time. After awhile, the feelings should fade and things may return to normal.Hopefully he's the decent type to keep this kind of information to himself. But even if he does tell his friends, it won't be that bad. So what, they laugh, just defend yourself and say "I'm glad, I now know what a jerk he is for playing with my emotions. I deserve better than him"Even if you just tell yourself that, it could help. Because to be honest you DO deserve someone better. Someone who won't just flirt and then leave you in the dust. Trust me though, the embarrassment WILL go away. Just give it time. :)
...............................
|
