A
male
age
36-40,
*earatts
writes:Hi all, I've been talking to my ex about possibly getting back together. A week ago I wrote her a long letter about how my life has felt empty and how much I sill love her since we broke up almost a year ago. She said she'll think about it, but she said I need to not be pushy. She says it feels like i'm a bit pushy sometimes when I tell her how much I miss her and still love her. She said if I wouldn't be so pushy she probably would come around more often. My question is how do I make her realize that we were meant for each other without being pushy? I guess i'm a little pushy, because I just want my life back to the way it used to be. I just want my girl back. How do I tell her I want her without being pushy? Any and all advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2013): Is getting back with your ex really the best course of action for both of you? Or are you just seeing your ex through rose-tinted spectacles because we always appreciate what we no longer have? Perhaps they were violent or stole or cheated or you behaved in any of these ways (forgive me for suggesting these things, but I don't know you personally). Regardless of how you feel at the moment, now is an opportunity for you to take stock and do some serious thinking, rather than doing a Dustin Hoffman and 'romantically' barging in to demand your ex-partner be with you now and for always.Think as objectively as possible: does your partner really contribute to the quality of your life? And an even harder question to ask yourself: do you make their life better? Do you overvalue your ex-partner because you fear never meeting anyone else? If you answered yes to these questions, then ultimately you may - this might not be easy to hear - be better off without your ex. One woman was convinced she wanted to get her ex-boyfriend back, but as the emotional fallout settled, she found life to be better...without him. Just a thought.But if you really think (not just feel) that it can work then proceed with CAUTION! SERIOUSLY!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2013): "My question is how do I make her realize that we were meant for each other without being pushy?"You can't "make" her do anything she would not be inclined to do otherwise. If you two are meant for each other then she will come to that realization on her own."How do I tell her I want her without being pushy?"You can't. She already knows you want her. "Any and all advice would be greatly appreciated."If you really love her and want her back, then start considering her feelings and respecting her wishes. She said she'd think about getting back together, so back off and let her think.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (2 October 2013):
 That's easy- stop being pushy.
She said you are pushy and she does not appreciate that. She says that IF you weren't so pushy she'd think about coming back in a more favourable light.
You say yourself that you realoze you are being too pushy.
So, two plus two makes four,- stop pushing, it can only backfire and get you the opposite of what you want.
She KNOWS already that you miss her and your life feels empty etc.etc. , didn't you just tell her ? She got it,she does not need to be reminded daily.
Apparently, what she needs is instead the time to think it over and consider if by getting back together she will be making you happy AND herself happy too. Fair enough,isn't it ? It's not all about you.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit  +, writes (2 October 2013):
 You have already told her what you want and how you feel.
I suggest you stop making it all about what you want and start listening to her. Start making this more about her and that means listen more, talk less.
She has asked you to be less pushy, so back off.
Your ex needs time to think about why you guys split in the first place and then decide if she feels it worth giving you guys another go. She can't do this if you constantly bombard her with messages and letters about how much you love her, want her back, were meant to be etc
Let her breathe and think about this. Then she may well come round more and then you need to talk and get to know each other again.
If you keep coming at her like an express train she will just turn and run in the opposite direction.
Listen to her and do as she asks, back off a bit and let her think.
I hope this helps AB x
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