A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Should I leave my boyfriend? I think I deserve better?Well here is our story so you can understand my situation. I met him three years ago. Since day one I knew he had a daughter but he was not with the mother. At the beginning we only talked as friends but then we started flirting. And it got to the point where we "decided" to date. But the truth is that I was more like his lover. He never said to anyone we were together, but I loved him so much that I didn't care.Until I found out from his cousin that he was only playing with me and seen someone else. That broke my heart because I was dumb enough to give him my virginity. And well I got so upset and broke up. At that time I decided to forget him and so I didn't talked to him. But four months later we got back together. But within less than a month we broke up again. This time we separated completely. I even though I was getting over him. But once again 8 months later he appeared again. We started talking and forgave each other and started our relationship again.Now we have been together for a month and It noticed he doesn't love like I do. He always puts me lasts. I understand the fact that he has a daughter but I am his girlfriend too. I want him to show me he cares about us because I feel I am the only one who tries. I am 19 and he is 22. I love him so much but this past month with him have made me realize I deserve better. I deserve someone that can have time for us and will actually include me in his plans. Not just the random girl he calls and will always be there.What should I do? Should I leave him? or I am being to selfish?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2013): Leave him. You do deserve better. Number 1: He has a kid. Number 2: You're a teenager and you have such a life ahead of you and you don't need to worry about kids just yet. Especially ones that aren't your own. Number 3: He cheats. That would be the end of that one for me right there.
A
male
reader, Cuddle_Monkey  +, writes (6 October 2013):
Yes, everyone deserves to be treated with love & respect. If you're not being treated this way then you need to find someone that will :)
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (6 October 2013):
 I don't see what selfishness has got to do with wanting a partner who is able to fulfill our emotional needs and he is compatible with us, our plans, goals and lifestyle. In short, someone whom there's compatibility with. I'd say it's normal, for someone who wants a relationship and not just a playmate to kill some time with occasionally.
I don't think the real problem is his daughter, although dating a single parent is undoubtedly a challenge not all of us are up for. The problem is that you always ahve benn onnn and off- " on and off " is the kiss of death for the chances of a real relationship, it means that there's mutual attraction, even passion- and that's all. Either one, or both, basically aren't emotionally invested in the relationship to make it work and to make it last.
Moral, I think you are wasting your time, You are asking from this guy things that he does not want / can't give you, as you already have had 3 or 4 different occasions to realize. At some point, you've got to say , this can't work, enough is enough.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit +, writes (6 October 2013):
 Firstly please don't stress over the fact you lost your virginity to him.
Your first time should, ideally, be with someone you love and you loved him and thought he felt the same.
Next, his daughter should take priority, every time, but this doesn't mean he should neglect you.
I'm a little annoyed at "we forgave each other". What did you do wrong that required his forgiveness? Nothing! He's a typical player and control freak who treats women like possessions and twists everything around to make them believe that they are the ones with the problem!
AuntyEm and pinktopaz are right, he's treating you like an option not a girlfriend.
I don't think he's in love with you but he knows that you are in love with him and is using that to his own advantage.
He's a player and used you and cheated on you but sadly he managed to reel you back in later as they always do with promises of love and things being different this time.
You can do better. You're not happy, he's hurting you so hold your head up high and tell yourself you deserve better than this and walk away.
Do not look back or go back, despite what he might say. In fact don't speak to him, change your number and then you can start to heal. If he reappears, ignore him, he'll keep trying but you have to be firm and say NO!
How would he feel if someone treated his daughter (when she was grown)the way he treats you? I bet he'd swing for them.
Have some pride sweetheart and leave him, he's no good for you.
I hope this helps AB x
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (6 October 2013):
Yes, you can do better. Sounds like he treats you like an option instead of a priority, and that doesn't feel good. There's a lot of guys that will respect you and not neglect you, regardless if they have a child or not.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (6 October 2013):
 Your history with this guy is not good from the start. You keep believing in him and time and time again he keeps letting you down...let me tell you right now, this pattern will never change.
You are a young woman at the start of your emotional and romantic life with lots of guys around your age who are not in committed relationships. This means the potential of meeting someone much better for you is much much higher than if you were older and yet, you have chosen to tie yourself to a loser who is messing you around and treating you badly. He is a MESS and lives in a messy way and none of that should be burdened on you.
Mens behaviours are a mystery and where there are children involved or ex wives or girlfriends who have hooks in them...things get a LOT more complicated and you get caught up in that because you think it's love...but it's not.
If I was your age again and I knew what I knew now, I'd absolutely not allow anyone to treat me so poorly...and anyone who cheated or fooled around with other women would not see my ass for dust!!!
END IT, shake it off, get over it and then set your bar much much higher. You hear stories from a lot of people who went through hell in their past with messy partners, but they were smart enough and strong enough to get out and find more suitable people who love them properly and treat them with respect...and they find happiness.
You DO deserve better and you can have better, but you have to fix your mind and be determined to end this thing and absolutely STOP paying any mind when he comes around again and again. Ignore him, cut him off, tell him it's OVER...soon enough he will get the message and you can get on with making your life happy again.
Good luck and stay strong!!
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