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... Send *irdynumnums a private message | | | *irdynumnums's profile:I am old enough to know Not answer how old I am, wise enough to Not presume that I know all the answers, have lived in enough countries Not to assume any prejudices - and my Husband, Children and my love of Art make me tick. Have recently become a sailor and am swashbuckling on the high seas. Argh! *raising pirate hook*
Be careful what you Think, Thoughts become Words.
Be careful what you Say, Words become Actions.
Be careful what you Do, Actions will Define your Character.
...and Your Character will Determine your Destiny.
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| Latest articles: Tips for New Parents!
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 July 2009: One of our agony aunts is going to have a baby soon, so I thought it might be nice to send her our best wishes and our tips, the practices on parenting that we have learned from our experiences! I'll start the ball rolling - - If you don't want a...
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Why am I so shy all the time ? Surely now Im 20 I should have grown out of it ?
Q. i find it really hard to except compliments as im very self conscious and quite shy. whenever someone says something like (and this doesnt happen very often) u look really nice or ur really pretty, i go red and just mumble "thanks" and end up ...
A. 26 March 2007: I was taught that you should Never take the compliment lightly or disagree, it may seem like a fishing expedition to getting the giver to add more compliments! Therfore, never say - "I got it on sale" - "I've had this for years" - "I'm not happy ... (read in full...)
I am paying for two houses for two women who would be far better off without me.
Q. My life is a mess and i dont know how to carry on I have a lovely little boy, a wife who loves me, a girlfriend who adores me, a great job and a comfortable lifestyle. 6 years ago i had an affair and left, i was really in love and realised this...
A. 25 March 2007: A lot of the experts say that the problems that you don't work out in your first marriage are bound to surface in your second because you never really confronted the problem. You have two households and essentially two marriages and every time ... (read in full...)
How can we find time for sex??
Q. Hi im a 34 yr old male thats married with 2 kids, one is 16 nearly 17 and the other is only 14 months. I have a full time job although i'm lucky enough to be one of the bosses so i get more time off than others and normally only work from ...
A. 24 March 2007: Hi,
First, put a lock on your door, even if it is just a toggle bar lock. Children can learn to knock and you are not being a bad parent by doing this. If the house is yours, make sure there is insulation in the walls (this can be done even afte... (read in full...)
Married with 5 kids! I'm so stressed because I feel trapped in my life. What should I do?
Q. I am looking for some advice I feel so trapped in my life i am married with five children. I love my husband deeply as he does me. I spend all of my life cleaning my house I could spend all week in the house and no one would care. My kids just ...
A. 24 March 2007: Oh Honey,
I really admire you. I wasn't strong enough to have more than two children and I am so impressed with women who raise larger families! You didn't mention how old your kids are. The Moms that I knew with larger families had two diff... (read in full...)
How can I comfort my friend while she's going through a tough time with her bf?
Q. Hi! My best friend is trying to break up with her boyfriend and i dont know what to tell her. She has been going out with this guy for a year and a half, and he is far away in med-school. She has been recently going through some medical procedures ...
A. 24 March 2007: I think Mitch is right. You should be very supportive because she needs you right now. Remain neutral about her boyfriend, it is her decision to make. He may seem callous and unsupportive, but he may not have been learned how to take care of ... (read in full...)
If I believe in something strongly, do I have the right to force it onto others?
Q. If i believe about something very strongly, do i have to force it on to other for it to get really justified as a universal truth? Does it become universal truth if one or two people agree with it or join hands with me in respect to the belief?...
A. 24 March 2007: "also my Car"... (read in full...)
If I believe in something strongly, do I have the right to force it onto others?
Q. If i believe about something very strongly, do i have to force it on to other for it to get really justified as a universal truth? Does it become universal truth if one or two people agree with it or join hands with me in respect to the belief?...
A. 24 March 2007: Lenin, Hitler, Chairman Mao and Mussolini certainly thought so. I am curious about what constitutes a universal truth, other than Hawkings "Big Bang" theory, taxes and death. My belief and universal truth is that "If I Wash My Care Today, It Will ... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to look at a woman's physique with some judgement, if it doesn't really affect the way you behave with them?
Q. Some women in my culture (eastern) consider their body as something to be revered and not looked at with any judgement about it. At the same time, they want to command equal treatment from men at work and in society. I find this to be difficult to ...
A. 24 March 2007: I don't think that it is possible for men to completely stop looking, it simply has to be done with more finesse. It is well known that men are visually driven (which explains the single largest use of the internet). BUT, if the looking turns into ... (read in full...)
I just recently saw my ex after 10 months, we had sex, now he wants friends with benefits!!
Q. I just saw my ex-boyfriend after 10 months today. We haven't talked that much in between, but all of a sudden started talking again and made plans to meet today. We hit off pretty well, and we both were flirting with each other A LOT. And then he ...
A. 23 March 2007: I think he's stringing you along because it sounds like he wants to have the "benefits". He intentionally made you hopeful that they might be a chance to get back together if you go along with this. If You really only wanted someone to have sex ... (read in full...)
My health is at risk! Please help!
Q. http://www.dearcupid.org/question/ive-had-sex-with-a-woman-for-the.html) I wrote a question about my girlfriend who has an off putting fishy smelling vagina. Ok well I asked if it was normal to smell like that and I have done my reasearch an...
A. 23 March 2007: Hi,
There are long term problems with Bacterial Vaginosis, it can cause pregnancy problems, abnormal Pap smears, abnormal vaginal bleeding and urinary tract infections. UTI's can lead to kidney infections. You have been doing a lot of rese... (read in full...)
I keep getting weird feelings of deja vu and not remembering how I got places! Am I going mad?
Q. This probably doesnt sound like much of a problem but it is for me. Every couple of months I will have a week of constantly getting Deja Vu. Today I had it 3 times in a 2 hour lecture. I will look up and its like ive seen that exact image before, ...
A. 23 March 2007: You really need to get a physical from your Doctor. If you haven't seen one lately, there are a number of different things it could be be - so you are not going mad! It could be hypo-glycemia, which means that your food intake affects your blood ... (read in full...)
I want to watch porn with him, but feel like hes oggling them not me!
Q. Recently i watched lesbian porn with my boyfriend of 4 years whilst having sex. I felt uncomfortable, jealous and that he was busy watching the girls. I so want to be able to watch it with him, what can i do? I have tried 'normal' porn but hes not ...
A. 23 March 2007: I have to agree with everyone else, it seems a little unfair that you are only watching girls. Is it a little too homophobic for him to watch males? He Can role play and identify with them without being gay. I can't remember the comedian who said ... (read in full...)
I've had sex with a woman for the first time, but the fishy smell is putting me off... Is this normal?!
Q. QUESTION FOR THE GUYS (and Girls if you can relate): Sorry this might be a bit graphic but here goes...Ok well, I'm 18 and I've had sex with a woman (26 yr-o). So she is the first woman I've ever had sex with. The first time we had sex I enjoyed it ...
A. 23 March 2007: Women are given a gazillion different answers when it comes to douching. Mothers and Doctors will tell them that it's a self-cleaning orafice and to leave it alone. What a load of horse manure. It will not hurt your vagina to rinse it out daily ... (read in full...)
SITE NEWS: Now accepting your articles, tips and stories!
Q. Hi folks, this is Andrew, site guy here. I've added a new link to the main navigation bar called "articles"... I'm looking for anyone who is good with words to share their wisdom :-) All articles will be linked to from your profile page,...
A. 23 March 2007: Hi Andrew,
I'd love to submit part of a pamphlet on abuse. Is there a problem if it is copied directly? I'd be happy to clear it with the local organization and even give them a donation if we could let people access this information on Dear Cupi... (read in full...)
How do you deal with a boyfriend who you adore but who makes no effort with his appearance?
Q. How do you deal with a boyfriend who you adore but who makes no effort with his appearance? I'm seeing someone who is perfect for me in every way, but he doesn't seem to care how he looks and I am finding it difficult to see beyond the bad c...
A. 22 March 2007: Most guys who take little care of their appearance are that way because they don't know how to go about it. The market place is catering to guys now - hair products and face creams, etc. Sayings come about for a reason, "Clothes Make the Man". ... (read in full...)
Because I've never seen a naked girl, worried it will be over before it even starts!
Q. Since i havent seen a girl naked before, im scared that i might ejaculate before anything actually happens. is there anything i can do?...
A. 22 March 2007: If your worst fear should happen and you're with someone who loving and understanding, she won't be offended or put off (and it's actually kind of sweet and flattering in a way!). Relax and cuddle her and she won't even think twice about. It will ... (read in full...)
Any tips for bringing the fun back into a relationship? (without spending too much time on it...)
Q. does anyone ahve any tips for bringing the fun back into a relationship without spending much time on it? my bf and i have both been in really high-stress, intense points in our professional lives for the last couple of years, to the point that we ...
A. 22 March 2007: I still think one of the best things is going out for a meal. There are always little bistros around that won't break the bank to go to (and it's fun exploring new ones). It gets you both out of your elements, away from the house and the office, ... (read in full...)
He doesnt like sun lotion, but I dont want him to get burnt, any suggestions ?
Q. I have been dating my bf for almost 1 ½ years. He’s a great guy and cares for me a lot. However, he is very stubborn at a few things which I sometimes don’t know what to do. He has really fair skin and the sun will easily burn him. He doesn’t like ...
A. 22 March 2007: Hi,
For years we have been using Banana Boat Sports Lotion, but I can't for the life of me remember if there is a strong smell. I know there are a lot of sweat-proof, water-proof Gels that sink into the skin quicker and don't feel as greasy. You ... (read in full...)
He wants to go away fishing, I came up with a compromise, but he wont accept them, any ideas ?
Q. i have been livi8ng with my boyfriend for 1 and 1/2 years. he has always been very kind to me and has always worked out a solution to the problem we are currently having. he loves fishing and has always included me, however a very domeneering ...
A. 22 March 2007: If the other guys are just regular normal guys and all they want to do is go fishing - Why not? I would have a problem if I knew that the guys going were divorced 6 times each, still cheating on their wives, spend nights out at bars and were known ... (read in full...)
What attracts you to a man? What do you look for in a man?
Q. Dear Ladys What attracts you to a man? What do you look for in a man? Thanks...
A. 22 March 2007: Intellengence and compassion. A lust for life that doesn't dimish with age; therefore - a constant thirst for knowledge. A strong sense of values and morals. Regardless of what he does or how successful he is, he has a sense of himself and his ... (read in full...)
Im due to meet my fiance's family, Im American breed, they are British, I want to make a good impression, whats the expected etiquette?
Q. I'm meeting my fiance's family for the first time. They're British and live in London and we'll staying at their house for a week. I know this could sound silly, but I was born and raised in America in a family where "proper" etiquette wasn't ...
A. 21 March 2007: My son's lovely girlfriend came and stayed with us for a weekend. I was absolutely delighted with her manners and thought that her parents did a wonderful job teaching her proper manners. When she arrived, she brought a lovely gift for the house. ... (read in full...)
Can anyone give any insight to this.... Please read this long post
Q. I wrote this quite lengthy letter to an advice column and I have not heard back about it yet. This particular Doc Love had written an article on the phrase "Let's just be friends" and explained that the love usually wasn't there in those cases and ...
A. 21 March 2007: I really don't have much insight into your situation, but I do remember having a friend in my youth that came to mind when I read your letter. We had crushes on each other from time-to-time - but never at the same time. We would probably say to ... (read in full...)
I feel awful but sometimes I don't like my bf's 9 year old daughter! How do I get rid of these feelings?
Q. My boyfriends kid and my feelings! Heartbroken23, posted 21 hours ago I wonder can anybody help me out there. I am 26 years of age and my boyfriend is 33. We have been going out for 2 and a half years. He has a 9 year old daughter with an ex. The...
A. 21 March 2007: "Life is what happens when we are busy making other plans..." and it rarely turns out quite what we would have chosen. I know it must be very hard to have the past brought up continually by his daughter, but he has chosen to be with you and share ... (read in full...)
Its really getting to my that My friend really dislikes my boyfriend!!!
Q. Lately I have been feeling kind of confused because I recently found out that my best friend does not like my boyfriend at all. She has seen me get verbally and physically abused in my last relationship and knows I deserve better. My boyfriend is ...
A. 21 March 2007: Could it be jealousy? It sounds like your guy is a great catch. Not everyone is attracted to the same type of man, so she really shouldn't be concerned if he isn't her type, it's your boyfriend after all! She doesn't have to be His best friend ... (read in full...)
Is a framed picture too 'sappy'??
Q. IS a pic of me and my b/f in a frame too sappy to give a guy for an anniversary??..its a wooden frame engraved with our names and a nice saying. I got a practical gift as well. ...
A. 21 March 2007: I think he'll love it!
Happy Anniversary!... (read in full...)
I lied and said that I hadnt been with anyone when we broke up, should I come clean ?
Q. My girlfriend and i of 6 yrs broke up a couple of months ago. We are now trying to work things out. She recently told me that while we were broken up she messed around with another man and did everything but sex. She asked me if i did anything. My ...
A. 21 March 2007: Under these circumstances, I am behind TasteofIndia 100%. You were not a couple when this happened and she wanted to be honest. The lying is probably worse right now and this will only haunt you in the future. Hope everything works out for you ... (read in full...)
My ex is saying really bad and awful things to our children when he spends time with them should I stop him seeing them ?
Q. I seperated from my ex 2 years ago and he divorced me last year. Shortly after separating, I got together with a, then, friend of his and we are together and very strong. My ex and I have 3 children together, age 10, 7 and 6. He was seeing them ...
A. 21 March 2007: Keep a journal, with dates, of every threat, every incident and every time your ex hits your children. The police have already been involved, so it won't take much to at least get him BACK to supervised visits. At least that would be preferable to ... (read in full...)
My mum forced me into a termintion and has told my bf who I really love never to come near me again! Help!!
Q. i recently feel pregnant with my long term boyfriend. i really love him but my mum made me have a termination. When i was in the hospital they both came with me and all they did was argue my mum wants him to never contact me again but i love him...
A. 20 March 2007: Honey,
I'm sorry that you are hurting, it is a very hard thing to go through. Your Mom is not trying to make your life more difficult, she is trying to help you become a responible young woman. If you "FELL" pregnant, it happened because you and ... (read in full...)
I didnt get anything for my step mum for mothers day, it didnt seem important, now Im the bad guy and things are going to be awkward, any advice ?
Q. Ok, it was mothers day on Sunday and I didn't get anything for my Step-mother. Not because she did something to me but because I just didn't think it was that important. Plus I don't live with my parents anymore and I very rarely talk to them on the ...
A. 20 March 2007: Do you make anything yourself personally? Compose or write? Something that is made by hand is always well-received and appreciated. I still like getting mix CD's from my kids, it keeps me in touch with their musical tastes. You could ask your ... (read in full...)
He wont let me finish with him, would he really end his life, or is this emotional blackmail ?
Q. I tried to break up with my fiance on Friday, and like always he tried to talk me out of it. He said he would call me later in the night and told me to answer my phone. I wanted to end it, so I didn't answer. He called and texted me so many times, ...
A. 20 March 2007: Hi,
It is abuse and emotional blackmail. You need to end this once and for all so that you can get on with your life. Can you imagine an entire lifelime of being manipulated like this? Jumping through hoops and wlking on eggshells cons... (read in full...)
Out of the blue my husband of 12 years has told me hes not sure he wants to be with me!!!
Q. M husband of 12 years has just said out of the blue that her needs some space and he does not know if he wants to be with me anymore, he says he still loves me but not in the same way. He has only had these feelings for a few weeks and yesterday he ...
A. 20 March 2007: Hi,
I just found the book so I though I'd better give you the whole, correct title:
Gail Sheehy
UNDERSTANDING MEN'S PASSAGES
Discovering the New Map Of Men's Lives
You could probably find a used copy on the net,
Best of LucK,
Birdynu... (read in full...)
His drinking is out of control and my child deserves better! What does everyone else think!?
Q. This is a long one. I've been in a realitionship with my bf for going on 4 years, now. I'm 25 he's 30. Age is no problem. We have a 3 year old child, who is prefect. The timing wasn't there. Our worlds are sooo different. We've had so many ups and ...
A. 19 March 2007: You are absolutely right. He is abusive and you need to GET YOUR CHILD OUT OF THERE. Please don't even try to stay and make it work. You have to take care of yourself and your child. Councelling will not help someone who is an unrepentant ... (read in full...)
I have recently become confused about my sexuality even though I'm Married. Please help!
Q. I have been married for 8 years and have recently become confused about my sexuality I have children and don't want to hurt them or my husband but my life is spiraling out of control and I can't cope much longer please help me. ...
A. 19 March 2007: You sound like you have so much more so say and it sounds like the best thing to do right now is get some councelling to help you sort it all out. You need to find out how to determine what you need to do to get on with your life, what ever the ... (read in full...)
I've just found a valentines card to my husband from another women!!!!
Q. I found a valentines card sent to my husband from another woman. hes never mentioned it as a joke.... what should i do?...
A. 19 March 2007: If he's like every husband, he has probably forgotten about it one minute after it happened, didn't bother talking about it because it wasn't important and didn't hide it because he doesn't even remember getting it. You, however, are going to make ... (read in full...)
My best friend has started to make me feel bad all the time, how do I get rid of her!?
Q. I have a friend, who up until now was my best friend. She has become really childish, she makes horrible, nasty comments. And always puts me down. She always wants to be around me, I think she gets some kind of pleasure by making me feel bad. I do...
A. 19 March 2007: I'm afraid that when it comes to confrontation, women really would rather avoid it and most women tend to cut and run when a friendship becomes toxic. If you don't feel that there is going to be any future or improvement in her attitude, don't feel ... (read in full...)
Out of the blue my husband of 12 years has told me hes not sure he wants to be with me!!!
Q. M husband of 12 years has just said out of the blue that her needs some space and he does not know if he wants to be with me anymore, he says he still loves me but not in the same way. He has only had these feelings for a few weeks and yesterday he ...
A. 19 March 2007: It's really hard to know why he has said this, but you need more information. Drag him to a marriage councellor before he has a chance to say no. He could be mildly depressed if he is approaching middle-age, it could be his job or it could even be ... (read in full...)
My best friend keeps flirting with My bf!! How can I make her stop!?
Q. well ive been going out with my boyfriend for nearly two months. My so called best friend keeps flirting with him and its getting on my nerves to say the least!! i comfronted her about it and she said i like flirting with him and im not gonna sto...
A. 19 March 2007: I had a girlfriend like this when I was your age. She was always cornering ever boyfriend I had somewhere and flirting. I knew that I was dating the right guy when, after she cornered him in our swimming pool and asked "Oh - tee hee hee - Is my ... (read in full...)
Shes 19, had at least 15 sexual partners, I think shes easy and this bothers me, is it worth sticking at a relationship ?
Q. hi im 21 and have been going out with my GF(19) for about 4 months now. I really like her personality and i think she is a great person. However she has had sex/"done stuff" with 15 other guys and its really killing me. Most of these were one night ...
A. 19 March 2007: I don't think that you are being fair to her by sitting in judgement on her past. You have called her any number of things and didn't mind being her "fuck buddy" before you were together. You cheated on her and didn't think it was wrong because ... (read in full...)
I’m a guy in a pool of older, success-driven women and romance is far from blossoming. Am I looking in the wrong place?
Q. I feel like a small fish in a big bowl. Category: Age Differences I’m a male university student and I’ve always looked older than my age. Due to advance placement in school I’ve often found myself in an older crowd. Recently, I’ve begun my ...
A. 19 March 2007: Hi,
Until recently, my son always dated women who were 2-4 years older while he was in uni. I don't think there's anything wrong with dating older women and it's a great time of life for you to be trying on new relationships to find out what work... (read in full...)
Why do I always take it to heart when something bad happens to someone?
Q. Why do I take it to my heart when something bad has happened to someone, like say a broken relationship due to sex or some other problem. I feel as if it is also going to happen to me some day and I have to think about it beforehand. So majority of ...
A. 17 March 2007: "Nothing Ventured, Nothing Gained"
"It is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all"
There are lots of other sayings like this as well! Everything in life is a big learning curve, you are bound by human-nature to ... (read in full...)
I'll tell you what I think then you tell me what YOU think!
Q. Well you know my other questions I asked. To add to that. My guy that only shaves once a week and gets the gray out of his goatee came home from work one day and stated he needed to dye it and shave. I didn't think much of it till he got up for work ...
A. 17 March 2007: I think you have excellent radar when it comes to your boyfriends behaviour. You seem to understand the situation from all different angles, including the fact that a 23 year old is probably totally uninterested in a 35 year old (most of them think ... (read in full...)
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