A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My life is a mess and i dont know how to carry onI have a lovely little boy, a wife who loves me, a girlfriend who adores me, a great job and a comfortable lifestyle.6 years ago i had an affair and left, i was really in love and realised this was different, or so I thought. it didnt work out and my wife and i tried to make another go of it. throughout this period I have cheated in one way or another and 18 months ago met a wonderful girl. Nearly one year ago i left again and moved in with my girlfriend but despite providing great sex and a wonderful zest for life I was not happy. I asked for some time to get my head straight and was given this.my son has never met my girlfriend and i never really truly jumped in with both feet even though I thought it would give me what i was missing.Both my wife and my girlfriend want me back.I hate myself for being so weak and so confused. i live with uncertainty and confusion 24hrs a day and feel like it would all just go away. I am now living at my parents, whom I have no relationship or friendship with whatsoever. I am paying for two houses for two women who would be far better off without me.I miss my son despererately and feel so alone and sad.why cant i just be happy and why do I feel the need to press the self destruct button ?
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female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (25 March 2007):
 A lot of the experts say that the problems that you don't work out in your first marriage are bound to surface in your second because you never really confronted the problem. You have two households and essentially two marriages and every time something goes wrong, you can leave and go to the other relationship. You essentially pursued your girlfriend because you were unwilling to fix the problems in your marriage, and now you have two problems. You wanted to be happy, which is not necessarily of of life's guarantees. Life is a series of problems and how you handle them is the challenge. You can focus on your purposes or you can focus on your unhappiness. If you chose to focus on being unhappy, all that your life becomes is driven by selfishness and you focus inward and dwell on your problems. Every choice in life requires us to choose one direction instead of the other, so it does require us to leave things behind. The easiest way to feel better is to focus on others. I can think of one person who needs you very much - your son. This is a difficult age for men, you are approaching forty and could be having a mid-life crisis. The fact that you think "they would be better off without me" makes me think that you may be in a mild depression. Feelings of hopelessness are a symptom of depression. I am happy that you are with family and they are supporting you, but you should also consider getting some councelling. It may help you find your path again. Considering that you are still married and are lucky enough to have a son, you might want to consider getting marriage councelling to try see if you and your wife could put your marriage back together. Another important thing to remember is, no matter how bad things may seem in your life, it is important to remember all of the gifts we have been given and be grateful. You are a very lucky man. Many people had not had the opportunities in life that you have experienced, love, children, parents. It's time to start giving back. Please seek some help in sorting it out and Best of Luck to you. God Bless.
A
female
reader, Cateyes  +, writes (25 March 2007):
 In your relationship, I have been the "girlfriend" on the other side of the fence. What I have relized is that he was not "in love" with me, he just had some "issues" at home and really needed a good sit down talk with his wife AND work on what their problems were. He admitted to the affair, came clean and they are working on it. Sure it crushed me, but I was just as wrong and if not more. Now he has to work on trust issues with his wife, and hopefully for his sake, because he has 3 kids, they will be able to. This will take time and in no way an over night success. But he has to really want to and I know he will. I think for you, you should start out talking with your wife and see what is it that lead you astray. Sometimes, it's just not setting time for the both of you. Sometimes, we slack off because we are "married" and we are just suppossed to know that we love you, and are meeting all your needs. But if you don't tell her AND vice versa, how does anyone know? What made you marry her to begin with? Think about that. Something made you want to marry your wife. Getting involved with another person is definatily not the answer...that just hurts someone else and that to is not fair, to no one. And why you want to press the button, is probably because you do not want to get to the root of the problem. That is what you need to figure out....but with your wife. Hopefully, she can and will forgive you, but that won't happen until you REALLY decide to work it out. She may want you back, because you have a child together, but that doesn't mean all is fine and dandy. YOU have to make the effort, RESPECT her and show it. Work out your problems TOGETHER and mean it. Once you two can start to do this, she in time will be able to trust you again, but I don't think this will happen any time soon. You have to prove it to her. As far as the two house payments, that would drive me to push a button! I do wish you luck with your family and I hope it does work out. Good Luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2007): I think what you have to do here is look at your main priority, which is your son. Your wasting your money paying for your girlfriends house when you have a son to be thinking about, your being irisponcible. You have cheated on your wife oblivious to her feelings. Tell your girlfriend you need a break to sort out things with the wife and divorce. Divorce your wife, get your own house, make sure your seeing your son every week. After your secure, you could try things out with the previous girlfriend, if not there are plently more fish in the sea. My main advice is stop juggling, make sure you are single before you start getting involved with other womens lives that you cant keep up with.
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